The Way I Am
by miSSmeliSS1324124
Summary: Logan has been in Love with Kendall for a long time so when he makes him an offer to relief some sexual tension Logan can't refuse. When Logan realizes he is in to deep what will he do? rated for later chapters
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I know I said I would have this up yesterday but I still had to do some major editing and I was way too tired. I'm finally going home for break so I'll have plenty of free time to do these chapters.**

I was standing at the brink of everything. It had taken so much to lead to this, so much heart ache and pain. I can't handle it anymore. I looked over the edge and felt nothing. I didn't feel fear or pain or regret for what I was about to do. All of my emotions had rotted away thanks to the pain that was caused by the one I loved so much. I couldn't live without him and now that I couldn't have him… I had to end it. As I stood at the edge of the building I couldn't help but wonder if they were wondering where I was right now. Were my grandparents, my mom, James and Carlos and… Kendall wondering what I was doing. Most importantly, did they even care? I felt tears roll down my face and I hugged myself trying to keep in the pain.

"If no one loves me what am I? I'm nothing…" My tears blocked my vision so I could no longer tell if it was two steps or one that would bring me to my death. In the end it didn't matter. Whether I took two steps or one it would end with the same result. I couldn't believe this had all started on what I had thought was the best day of my life. I had gotten what I wanted that day but I learned later that wasn't the case. It reminded me of all the stories people had told me about their birthday wishes coming true. The funny thing was that they never told you how it ended. When they got their wish was it really what they wanted? I had gotten my wish but it destroyed me.

…

I plopped down on my bed sighing as I stared at my phone. I wanted to call my grandparents and ask if my mom was going to be visiting soon but I was hesitant. I couldn't think of any reason for them to take back their promise but they could always come up with something. They had promised that my mom could come up for my birthday but the day was already over and she still hadn't shown up. I was hoping and praying that she was going to come later but there was so much doubt in my mind.

It wasn't my mom's fault though. When she got pregnant with me she was only 13 years old. My grandparents were the type of people who were extremely strict so you can imagine how much they disapproved of the situation. They kicked my mom out of the house but she wasn't alone. She never told them but the man she had slept with, my dad, was 20 years old. She moved in with him and everything seemed fine but a few months before I was born my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor. My mom was too young to take care of him and me so she begged my grandparents to take her back. They did, on one condition. When I was born they were given sole custody of me. My grandfather had said his reasoning was that he didn't want his grandson to be raised by "a common whore." Because they had sole custody I only got to see my mom when they said I could. I could only have contact with her if I had earned it.

I held my phone to my ear and waited as it rang. I prayed my grandma would pick up but I was never that lucky.

"_Hello?"_ I cursed to myself as my grandfather's booming voice rang through the phone.

"Grandpa, it's me Logan. I-I wanted to know if my mom was still coming to LA… to visit?" My heart sank when he scoffed at me.

"_I don't think so Logan. Did you see the last grade you got on your test? A 95! That's pathetic you should have gotten a 100!" _

"But that's not fair! Y-you said I could see her if I kept my average at 100% and I did!" I could feel tears coming to my eyes. My voice cracked and shook as I talked. I knew he would only get angrier if I cried but I couldn't help it. He wasn't being fair.

"_Life isn't fair Logan and until you get your grades back up you can forget about seeing Jane."_ He hung up without another word. The tears that I had been holding back fell unchecked as his last few words echoed in my head. My missed her so much but he just had to make my life a living hell. I thought that my birthday meant something to my grandparents but I obviously didn't mean anything to them. I closed my phone and placed it softly on my bed next to me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them as I began to sob. How could he do this? It wasn't fair. What's worse, he didn't even realize he'd done anything wrong. I looked up when I heard the door opening. Kendall walked in smiling brightly.

"Hey birthday boy what…" He froze when he noticed my tears. Kendall's face contorted in worry and sat next to me. I immediately hated myself for not trying to hide my pain. I didn't like when Kendall looked so concerned. His beautiful face looked best when he was smiling. He reached out towards me and rubbed my back soothingly. It was something he did all the time and I always cherished the moments he did it. His soft movements felt so nice. It made me wonder what it would be like to be lying in his embrace while he stroked my skin lovingly. "Logie… what's wrong." I wiped my eyes with the heels of my hands and tried to steady my breathing so I could speak. Kendall remained silent as I did this. He was always so patient and caring. It was nice knowing he cared for his friends so much.

"She's not coming… they won't l-let her." I didn't need to clarify anything for Kendall. They had known about my situation for a long time. It took me running to them crying to finally tell them about it and ever since then they hated my grandparents.

(Flashback)

James, Carlos, and Kendall couldn't understand why I was excited to go to our fourth grade parent teacher conferences. It usually meant death for most kids as they sat and watched their teachers tell their parents how poorly they were doing but for me, it was the first time I would get to see my mom in a whole year. My grandparents were going to let her go with me and I was so excited. I wanted to so her everything. All my classes, my favorite places to hang out, I wanted her to be in my life.

When we got out of hockey practice I ran home. My mom was supposed to be there when I got there but when I ran through the door she wasn't there. I walked into the kitchen and noticed my grandfather sitting at the table tensely.

"Grandpa?" He looked up at me not saying a word. I knew that look. When he gestured for me to sit across from him I could feel the tears forming at my eyes.

"I got a call from the school today. You got detention?"

"Yea but it wasn't my fault I…" My grandfather stood up and shook his finger at me.

"I don't want to hear it! You know I won't tolerate any misbehaving!" He pointed towards the stairs leading to my room. "Now I want you to go to your room until your grandmother and I call you down to go to the parent teacher conference!" Tears were already streaming down my face when I stood up and walked over to the stairs. I barely put one foot on the first step when my grandfather shouted at me again. "Boy you better not think about stomping on those stairs cause if you do you can forget about spending the weekend at Kendall's house!" As quietly as I could I walked up the stairs and went straight to my room. I laid down on my bed and started sobbing. I didn't even know anyone had walked into my room until I heard someone call my name.

"Logie?" I turned over to find Kendall, James and Carlos watching me with worried expressions. I sat up and wiped my eyes quickly.

"W-what are you guys doing h-here?" Kendall sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around me. He rubbed my back soothingly as my breath stuttered every now and then.

"We wanted to hang out a little bit before we had to go back to the school. We thought we could somehow figure out how to keep our parents away from the teachers we hate." I chuckled lightly at Kendall. He was always trying to come up with crazy schemes to get what he wants. We all remained silent for a while until James sat next to me and gave me a look clearly showing he wanted to know what was up. I sighed and wiped my nose with my sleeve as my nose started to run.

"It's complicated." Carlos sat Indian style in front of me and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Our parents are busy downstairs gossiping. We have time." After that I told Kendall, James, and Carlos everything. I told them how my father was sick and my mom couldn't take care of me. I told them how my grandparents were super controlling and never let me see my mom. And I told them how she was supposed to come tonight but my grandparents changed their minds when they found out I got detention. When I finished I was sobbing again. James pulled me into a hug and let me cry into his chest while Carlos gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. I looked over at Kendall when I felt the bed move.

"Kendall?" Without a word he left my room. He was gone for only a few minutes and I was surprised when he returned with my grandma. I quickly sat up and cleaned myself up. She had a stern look on her face but there was something else in her eyes. She crossed her arms and let out a sigh before she spoke.

"Kendall explained to me what happened today." I glanced at Kendall who was still standing.

"H-he did?" She nodded.

"I think I can reconsider. I'll go call Jane." She left without another word. Once she was gone I shot up and gave Kendall a tight hug.

"Thank you Kendall!" He just smiled at me and ruffled my hair. Ten minutes later the door bell rang. I ran down the stair and flew open the front door. I gave my mom the biggest hug I had ever given anyone and she hugged me back just as tightly. When I walked inside with her and everyone's jaws dropped I realized I forgot to warn them… she was only 22.

(End Flashback)

Kendall pulled me into a hug and I immediately melted into his embrace. I didn't want to cry now that I was in his safe arms but I still did. It just hurt too much.

"It's ok Logan. Don't let those jerks get to you." I pulled away from Kendall and sighed heavily.

"Maybe take that test again and do better they let her visit." Kendall looked like he wanted to slap me. He always hated when I made excuses for how my grandparents treated me. I recoiled slightly but my actions made Kendall frown deepen. He let out a heavy sigh and stood up quickly. I wanted to ask him what he was doing but I suddenly found myself being pulled up into a standing position. He was gripping my upper arms so tightly and staring at me with angry eyes. I loved Kendall to death but at this moment… I was afraid.

"Why do you always do that? They hurt you Logan and you defend them every time! You're so frustrating! They don't deserve to be defended!" Kendall tightened his grip and I winced from the pain. I could feel my body begin to tremble and more tears fell down my face.

"Kendall you're scaring me." Kendall immediately loosened his grip on my arms and I fell back against the bed. I didn't know what that was all about. He never blew up on me like that before. What was causing this now? I suddenly could care less about my grandparents. Kendall was more important to me than them.

"Kendall… is something wrong?" Kendall sighed and ran his fingers though his hair.

"I'm sorry Logan. You're hurting and you shouldn't be worrying about me. I just had a fight with Jo its nothing. You're more important. I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"It's ok Kendall and your problems are just as important as mine are. You're helping me so let me help you." I didn't think Kendall would bite but he sighed and sat down next to me on my bed.

"Jo thinks we're moving too quickly but we can't be moving any slower. I mean I have needs dude! I know that sounds selfish. I really like Jo but she barely kisses me and won't let me hold her or anything. I just want to be close to someone." Kendall looked up at me and I could tell by the look in his eyes he felt ashamed of his feelings.

"Kendall it's ok. I understand that you need something more. I can agree with you in that department."

"You and Camille are going to slow too?" I quickly nodded at him even though I wasn't even thinking about Camille. I didn't even like Camille but everyone assumed I did. It was a little annoying but it helped hide my feelings for Kendall. I felt bad for Camille but I wasn't even leading her on. I'll probably have to tell her I'm not interested eventually but for now I can just keep quiet about it. I found myself staring into Kendall's eyes and realized he was staring into mine. I didn't think it meant anything but then his lips parted and something in his eyes sparked. He had an idea and he was going to let me know about it. That's how it always was and no matter how foolish it was I was going to go along with it. "Maybe… maybe we could help each other out?"

"What do you mean?" I knew in my mind exactly what he meant. I wasn't stupid but I also couldn't believe it. Kendall was leaning towards me but stopped a few inches away from my lips. I wanted to lean the rest of the way so badly but I was too frightened to.

"We both have needs Logan. We could help each other… if you want." Kendall was offering himself to me. I would be stupid not to jump at the chance. I loved him so much but he loved Jo. If I didn't do this I would always regret it but I could be saving myself from heart break. If I did do it I would be risking everything going wrong but there was also a chance everything could go right. Without a second thought I closed to distance and crashed my lips into Kendall's. It felt so good I almost moaned into the kiss but I didn't want to freak Kendall out. I felt him moving his lips against mine then force his tongue into my mouth. He roughly pushed me onto my back and settled between my legs as we continued to make out. I sucked air through my nose as best as I could as our tongues moved together in the most intimate and erotic of dances. This felt so good and so right I couldn't stop myself from lacing my fingers through his hair and pulling him closer. As our kiss became more desperate I began to lose control. I did the one thing I hoped I wouldn't… I moaned. I pulled back and stared up at Kendall with wide eyes. I let him know I was enjoying it too much. He probably hated me.

"Kendall I'm sorry I didn't mean to it just came out." Kendall stopped me from talking anymore by kissing me deeply one last time. He pulled away panting heavily.

"It's ok Logan. That was great. I feel so much better now that I got that out of my system." I let out a breath and a light laugh with as much fake enthusiasm as I could muster. The slight pain to my heart was just what I was afraid of. He only did that because he couldn't have Jo. I was just a substitute. Even with that fact though I wanted more. My lips were tingling and my heart rate raised at the thought of having Kendall again. I needed him and if this was the only way I could have him I was fine with that.

"Maybe we can do this more often… whenever we need to get rid of some tension I mean. We wouldn't want to take our anger out on each other or anyone else would we?" I usually wasn't the type to use something Kendall had done in my favor but at this moment I felt it was necessary. I needed Kendall to want this. Kendall seemed to contemplate it for a moment and I was sure he would refuse. He wasn't gay after all and I knew that.

"Ok." I kept my face calm refusing to show any happiness that Kendall had agreed. It was a strange thought but from this moment on we were secret lovers you could say. Granted, we weren't having sex but we were sneaking around behind people's back so it worked.

**A/N: and that is the first chapter! This story is definitely a little different then what I have done in the past. For one it's in Logan's point of view and I always do 3****rd**** person. Don't be surprised if I slip up every now and then and write Logan instead of I. I might, in later chapters, switch some of the point of views around but not until much later. The one thing I like about this being in Logan's point of view is you won't know what Kendall is thinking. Well I will but you won't lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter.**

**There is more to come.**

**PS: I didn't really have time to go over this so there might be a lot of grammar mistakes**


	2. ow

Kendall where are we going?" Kendall was holding me by my wrist and dragging me through the halls of the recording studio. It had been two weeks since we made the agreement and he was taking full advantage of it, full advantage of me. The less physical Jo was willing to be with Kendall the more physical Kendall was with me. I should be happy that I was getting Kendall just like I wanted but it still hurt when he whispered Jo's name instead of mine.

Kendall pushed me into an office in a mostly empty portion of the studio. Gustavo had given us an hour break so Kendall wanted to be quick. I leaned against the desk while Kendall closed and locked the door. When he was done he walked over to me and roughly lifted me onto the desk. I couldn't help the squeak of surprise as he forced me onto my back and furiously attached our lips. I could hear random items falling to the floor as he pushed them to the side. Kendall seemed to be especially desperate for physical contact today. It was hard to keep up with his passionate kisses but it was still pleasurable. I felt so vulnerable as he pinned my wrists to the desk and I loved it. I never realized being so submissive could be so arousing but when I really thought about it, it made sense. I didn't have a dominant bone in my body. It's why I gravitated to Kendall; he was all dominance. It was another reason why it made sense for me to be gay. If I was with a girl they would depend on me to be dominant but I just wasn't cut out for that.

"Jo." There it was. He always whispered her name and even with the pleasure of having Kendall I couldn't help but feel a spark of pain. Like every other time I worked through the nausea I felt at the pit of my stomach until it was only pleasure again. What I didn't expect was to feel Kendall's growing erection pressing against my crotch. I gasped when Kendall started to deliver hard deep thrusts. I pulled away from the kiss banging my head against the desk as I let out a small whimper. I wasn't afraid of making noise anymore. After the first time Kendall had told me that he liked the noises I made. I let out another gasp which turned into a long moan as he picked up his thrusting. As tightness formed in the pit of my stomach I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like without all our close on. What it would feel like to have Kendall inside of me and touching me in the most intimate way. That image is what caused me to lose control. Kendall was sucking and licking my neck when all my muscles locked with my release. I was shaking and whimpering and I knew this wasn't something I could hide from him. A few seconds later Kendall tensed. He thrust his hips hard jolting my body as he came. And of course he was moaning her name.

"We better get going." When Kendall moved off of me I jumped off the desk and readjusted my clothes. I grimaced when I felt my cum dripping down my leg and sticking to my junk. I thanked god that I decided to wear black jeans today. Kendall patted my back as he walked past me. Like we always did I waited a few minutes after he left to make my exit. I don't know why Kendall thought it would be better this way. People saw us together all the time but I guess he was just a little paranoid. He didn't want people to know he was sneaking around with his best friend. After the five minutes were up I left and went straight to the bathroom. After I cleaned myself up I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I looked normal but I could see it in my eyes. The emotional turmoil I was going though was dulled now but I knew eventually it would come to a boiling point and I wouldn't have a chance of stopping it. When I thought of what just happened it truly occurred to me what we had just done. Kendall and I have never gone beyond the point of just simply kissing but we obviously just did. He never asked me if I wanted it and I mentally slapped myself for not stopping him. I had let my love for Kendall impair my judgment. I had to make sure I never did anything like that again. I jumped slightly when I heard the door to the men's bathroom open. James poked his head inside and rolled his eyes when he saw me standing there.

"Logan come on Gustavo wants us back in the dance studio now." I nodded and gave James a quick apologetic smile. When I walked past him he grabbed my arm and spun me around. I tried not to tremble as he stared at me so intently but I couldn't help but think he was looking right into me. I ran my hands over my torso to make sure my clothes were still there. I felt so naked under his scrutiny. "Logie… are you ok?"

"Yea, I'm fine James. Nothing to worry about." James didn't look convinced. We always knew when something was wrong with each other. Being friends for so long allowed us to be extremely aware of each other. I could always read what James and Carlos were feeling but for some reason I could never read Kendall. Maybe I was just too afraid to. "James, I'm fine." I gave him one of my famous smiles, which seemed to ease his worry a little bit. We walked back into the studio and like always Kendall and I acted like nothing had changed. I dong know how we managed to keep it from getting awkward. I think it was because of Kendall. If it were left to me it would have gotten awkward a long time ago. When I took my usual spot between Carlos and Kendall I noticed from the corner of my eye that James and Carlos were looking at each other. I turned and cursed to myself when I saw the looks on their faces. They looked so filled with worry and every now and then they would glance at me. The fact that I was an open book to those two was frustrating. But then I thought of Kendall. Sure I could never read him but he could always read me. Maybe he just didn't care or refused to see that there was anything wrong. I let out a sigh happy for once when Mr. X walked in. He would offer a nice distraction from one friend who didn't seem to care about my feelings at all and two friends who cared about my feelings too much.

"Ok boys it's time to," Mr. X struck a pose, "dance!" we all raised our eyebrows at him while smirking. Mr. X had provided just the distraction I needed. He allowed everything to go back to normal again. Mr. X walked over to the stereo and turned it one. The City is ours blasted and we were all allowed a few seconds to get into position before the song started. We were just practicing the dance today so we didn't have to sing which made it rather easy. I usually wasn't good at dancing but considering we had done this dance over a dozen times already I knew what I was doing. When it came time for my round off into a back flip I did it with ease. And like every other time Kendall handed my mic to me but this time my fingers tingled when our hands touched. I always thought it was stupid to practice while holding turned off mics but Gustavo had told us we needed to perfect handling them. When the song was done we gave each other high fives for a job well done. Even Mr. X looked impressed. We were about to go through it again when the door to the studio opened. I wanted to puke when a blonde head poked through from the other side. It was Jo. What was she doing here?

"Jo?" Kendall jogged over to her and gave her a tight hug and a kiss. The love in his eyes was sickening. I wasn't sure if I was holding back puke or a sob as I watched them.

"I wanted to surprise you while you finished up practice." Kendall smiled at her and whispered something to her before coming back over to us. Mr. X seemed slightly annoyed by the interruption but didn't say anything. As long as we did our job he didn't care who was watching. An audience usually meant we did better anyway. This time I couldn't agree with that. As the music started up again I couldn't focus on anything but the looks Kendall and Jo were giving each other. When I stumbled slightly I snapped out of it and was able to play it off as nothing before Kendall, James, and Carlos noticed. Mr. X noticed and he gave me a look that clearly said to focus. When it came time for my trick I handed my mic to Kendall but he didn't smile at me like he usually did. He was too focused on Jo. My eyes blurred with tears and I should have tried to wipe them away before attempting the round off to back flip but I wasn't thinking. I did the round off but then slipped when I went for the back flip. I twisted my ankle and landed hard on my back when I tried to jump into the back flip.

"Ow." I went to hold my leg but the muscles in my back protested. I let out a whimper and fell back against the ground as the tears I had been holding in streamed down my face. At least now everyone thought I was crying because I hurt myself and not because of Kendall.

"Logan!" Carlos, Kendall, and James were at my side in a second. James tried to help me up into a sitting position but I pushed him away. He looked hurt when I did that so I swallowed past the lump in my throat and spoke.

"I-I hurt my back." James gave me a sympathetic look and I noticed for the first time Gustavo and Kelly were standing over me. Kelly was on the phone and I let out a groan knowing she was probably calling an ambulance. Kelly must have mistaken my groan for one of pain because as soon as she hung up she was kneeling beside me with a worried look on her face.

"Logan you're going to be ok. Can you tell me what hurts?" I flinched when a surge of pain ran up my leg and my spin.

"I-I twisted my ankle and hurt my back." Kelly nodded and pet my head trying to offer some comfort. Carlos was gripping my hand looking scared. He was probably thinking all sorts of crazy things. The thought of them made me smirk.

"What are you smirking for?"

"Carlos, I'm not paralyzed, I'm not going to die and my leg isn't broken and about to fall off. I pulled a muscle in my ankle and strained my back. I'll be on bed rest for a week… ow… tops." Carlos sighed in relief chuckling slightly in embarrassment. I smiled at him but then noticed Kendall leaving my side. He was at Jo's side comforting her. What did she need to be comforted for? She wasn't the one in pain. I looked back towards the ceiling as tears welled up in my eyes. James, Carlos, and Kelly mistook them as tears of pain and assured me an ambulance was on the way. Kelly walked over to the door when two EMT's walked in. James and Carlos were forced to leave my side when they brought a gurney over to me. I couldn't help the whimper that escaped from my lips as they lifted me onto it and took me out of the studio. This really sucked.

* * *

My sprained ankle wasn't as bad as I originally thought. The doctor simply wrapped it up and told me to elevate it but I could still walk on it. My back was the problem. I couldn't sleep on my side or stomach for a month which was annoying because I only slept on my side and stomach. I also had to wear those hot cold patches and I couldn't do anything strenuous for two weeks. When we got back to the apartment I slowly walked over to the couch and laid down. The doctor had given me some pain medication and they were starting to kick in.

"Logan?" I opened my eyes and jumped slightly because James and Carlos were standing right over me. I inwardly sighed. Kendall was out with Jo, he was too busy to care about me.

"What is it Carlos?" Carlos knelt down so he wasn't standing over me. He was giving me a look that clearly said he knew something was going on.

"What's going on with you? You wouldn't mess up like that unless you weren't focused." I let out a sigh and turned away from him. I was too tired to have to worry about James and Carlos' questions.

"There is nothing going on. Now can you guys just…" I sat up slowly with the help of James and Carlos. I walked towards my room and glanced back at them. "I'm going to bed." They didn't say anything as I walked over to mine and Kendall's room. I knew they were worried about me but I couldn't let them stop me. As much as what I was doing with Kendall hurt, I still needed him.

**A/N: Done! I felt like this chapter was a lot of nothing. There isn't really any progession. Anyway I hope you still enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	3. he's so clueless sometimes

"Ow… ow… ow!" I stood up straight and huffed as a glared at my cell phone. I dropped it when I was walking through the living room and because my back was still a little sore I couldn't bend to pick it up. I tried bending over once more but when pain shot through my body I cringed.

"What are you doing?" I turned when I heard Kendall's voice. He was staring at me with a raised eyebrow and an amused expression. I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I can't reach my phone." Kendall shook his head and bent down to grab my phone. When he gave it to me I gave him a small smile and thanked him. When he started to walk away again I grabbed his arm. I don't know why I did it but I was suddenly missing him. "Kendall… are you free today?" Kendall gave me a questioning look and nodded. He probably thought I wanted to sneak away with him again.

"Is there something you needed?"

"N-no it's just that… I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out because we haven't hung out in a long time… you know… just the two of us." I swallowed hard and looked down. "I miss hanging out with you Kendall." I wasn't sure what Kendall's reaction would be to that and now I was wishing I could take that back. It was true that me and him hadn't done anything together in a long time. The last time it was just me and him hanging out as friends we had to get jobs to pay back Gustavo. After that it was either all four of us, three of us, or Kendall was with Jo. I risked looking up at Kendall and he was smiling warmly at me. He patted my shoulder and chuckled slightly.

"I miss hanging out with you too Logie." He draped his arm over my shoulder as we started walking out the door of apartment 2J. "What did you want to do today?" I let out a sigh and gave Kendall a genuine smile.

"Whatever you want." Everything was going smoothly. Kendall and I were joking and laughing as we walked over to the elevator. We didn't have a plan yet but it was nice to just be able to hang out with Kendall like old times; before Jo was around to get in the way.

"It sounds like being a deputy doctor was quiet the experience." Kendall chuckled and leaned against the wall of the elevator. I laughed and nodded my head.

"You should have seen Dr. Hollywood. He probably would have chopped someone's arm off if I hadn't been around to stop him." Kendall let out of breath and shook his head.

"Note to self, never go to Dr. Hollywood when sick." I laughed and moved out of the elevator with Kendall when the doors opened. We were almost out of the Palm Woods when someone called Kendall's name. I gritted my teeth and forced myself not to let out an annoyed noise as we both turned around. Jo was smiling at us and waving as she walked over. When I noticed Camille was with her as well I inwardly groaned.

"Hey, what are you boys up to today?" I got myself to calm my anger before answering Jo.

"Kendall and I were just going to hang out today… you know… and do some guy stuff." Kendall nodded seeming to be satisfied with that explanation. Jo's face dropped slightly and I had to bit my cheek in order to hide the grin. Now she knew how I felt whenever Kendall was hanging out with her and not me.

"Oh ok." Jo's face lit up and she glanced at Camille then me.

"_Please god don't punish me like this!" _

"Can Camille and I hang out with you guys too? It can be like a double date."

"_AW! You suck!"_

Camille's face seemed to light up at the prospect of going on a date with me. Camille was nice and all but she seriously couldn't take a hint. When Kendall nodded his head I wanted to cry. What didn't he understand when I told him I missed hanging out with him? Kendall immediately wrapped his arm around Jo and started walking towards the exit of the Palm Woods. I tried to look happy as I followed them but I knew I was far from it. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

After a few hours I thought I was going to die from having to watch Kendall fawn over Jo. We had decided to go to the mall and I was hoping it would provide a nice distraction but it didn't. Kendall and Jo were so obnoxiously loud when they were together. It was hard to concentrate on anything other than them. Camille wasn't helping either. She clearly didn't understand the words personal space. I couldn't go anywhere without her being glued to my hip. I actually chugged an extra large soda knowing I would have to go to the bathroom every thirty minutes. It would allow me to get away from her for a little while.

"Hey Logan look at this." I smiled when I walked over to Kendall. It was nice that he was trying to get my attention. Since we've been here he's barely talked directly to me at all. Kendall was holding the customized hockey WII. I wasn't surprised Kendall was looking at it; I knew he would like it. I hadn't said anything to anyone but I was saving up to buy it for Kendall. Mrs. Knight didn't trust us with all the money we made with the band so we had an allowance. Considering how expensive it was, I had been saving up for it for months.

"Wow that's so cool."

"Yea, Jo just bought it for me so we can hook it up when we get home." Really? I never disliked Jo. I always thought she was a cool girl but now I hated her. She always had to ruin everything. I gave Kendall a small smile but I could tell by the questioning look on his face he could see right through it. He didn't have time to question me though because Camille ran up next to me and attached her hand to mine. I was really too frustrated to deal with her. When I less then discreetly pulled my hand from her grasp I ignored the look Kendall was giving me and the hurt Camille was showing.

"Why don't we go get something to eat." Kendall and Camille both nodded and after calling for Jo we made our way to the food court. I was happy when Jo and Camille split off from Kendall and I but then Kendall started hammering me with questions.

"Dude, what's your problem? Camille's been all over you all day and you haven't done anything." I sighed with frustration, which Kendall didn't miss.

"I wish you guys would stop assuming I like her. She's a nice friend but it would be nice if everyone stopped shoving her down my throat. She's getting led on and you know I don't like doing that." Kendall seemed shocked. I didn't mean to snap at him but I was just so sick and tired of having to deal with Camille and watch him and Jo all day. I can only handle so much.

"I'm sorry Logan but you're not even giving her a chance…"

"Are you serious? If I don't like her I don't like her! There's no in between. Why do you want me to like her so bad huh? Because she's your girlfriends best friend? Well guess what Kendall, maybe I don't want a girlfriend!" The look on Kendall's face, the utter shock made me go over what I had just said in my head. _"Shit!" _I wasn't even trying to out myself but that last sentenced definitely sounded like I was insinuating something. What made it worse was the look on Kendall's face. He looked like he was about to puke. Was the idea of me being gay that sickening? Or maybe it was because he had been sneaking around with his gay best friend. It wouldn't have seemed as bad if we were both straight.

"Logan… what are you saying." Kendall sounded shocked but there was an undertone of anger that made me want to cry.

"I-I mean did you… did you ever think that maybe I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I-I mean we're always so busy with school and recording and concerts. I don't have time to focus on a g-girlfriend." Kendall seemed to relax a whole lot. He sighed and nodded in understanding but of course stubborn Kendall just didn't know when to quit.

"If you did have time, would you go out with Camille? I mean you did date her before the whole thing with James." I sighed at the memory of that. I really didn't care that James kissed Camille. It was the fact that he broke my trust that bothered me. I was actually able to forgive him so easily because it gave me an excuse to break up with Camille.

"Kendall, can we just not talk about this? We were supposed to just hang out today like old times and you just keep bring other people into this."

Is that why you've been in a bad mood all day? Because your mad I invited Camille and my girlfriend?" I could tell Kendall was getting annoyed with me. He was so obvious sometimes. He usually just said Jo's name when he was talking about her but if her was upset he would refer to her as "His girlfriend."

"Well it's not like you asked my opinion about it. Maybe I didn't want to deal with Camille today." Kendall was looking past me with wide eyes. I inwardly groaned and turned around to see just what I didn't want to. Camille was standing next to Jo with tears already falling down her face. If Jo wasn't holding a tray of food she would probably being crossing her arms over her chest. It would be a good combination with the glare she was giving me. There was really nothing I could say. I felt bad but I wasn't going to say it wasn't true. "Camille I'm sorry." I looked away from her and turned back to Kendall. I reached into my pocket and forcefully grabbed his hand and placed my keys in them. "You can drive Jo and Camille home when you're ready. I think I'm going to walk."

"Logan wait I…" I pushed past Kendall without giving him a chance to say anything. Not only didn't I want to hear anything he had to say but I also didn't want him to see me crying. I was so tired of everything in my life just pissing me off. I think I just needed to crawl into a corner and do nothing for a few days.

* * *

About half way to the Palm Woods I realized walking was the dumbest idea I ever thought of. My ankle was throbbing making pain shoot up my leg every time I took a step. After another block I gave up and sat down on the curb. I figured Kendall was still at the mall with Jo and Camille so I reached into my pocket and whipped out my phone. I was planning on calling someone but then I realized there really wasn't anyone I could call. If I called James and Carlos they would become more worried than they already are and would start asking questions again. If I called Mrs. Knight she would jump into mom mode and start hammering me with questions as well. I could always call Kelly but she was busy dealing with Gustavo, I didn't want to bother her. I let out a sigh and was ready to fuck it and call Kelly but then a car pulled up next to me.

"Kendall?" Kendall jumped out of the big time rush mobile and walked over to me. He knelt in front of me then let out a sigh. After the surprise I felt because Kendall came for me I remembered I was mad at him. I crossed my arms over my chest and turned away from him. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be ignoring everyone but your girlfriend?" I heard Kendall let out a sigh but I refused to look at him.

"Logie… you're right I'm sorry." That got my attention. I turned to see the most guilt ridden expression I had ever seen. It almost made me want to forgive him in an instant. I never liked when he was sad. "I've been hanging out with Jo almost every day and I've been neglecting you, James, and Carlos. You just wanted to hang out like we used to and I didn't even consider your feelings. Can you forgive me?" I let out a sigh and smiled at Kendall. I was so happy that he finally understood.

"Don't worry about it Kendall." He smiled at me and stood up. I went to stand up as well but my back protested. Kendall sighed and knelt down next to me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and slowly hoisted me up. It was nice having him hold me like this. I so desperately wanted to close my eyes and just fantasies what it would be like for him to hold me like this all the time but then I remembered how weird that would look. When Kendall stepped away from me I fought the urge to grab him and pull him close again. My disappointment was short lived because as soon as I stepped forward I almost fell from the pain shooting through my leg. Kendall caught me and gave me a disapproving look. He suddenly lifted me up bridal style making me blush a deep shade of red. "K-Kendall! What are you doing?" Kendall chuckled as I looked around to see if anyone was watching us. He ignored my protests and walked over to the passenger side of the car.

"You must have been really upset with me to do something stupid like walk home when you're still recovering from an injury. Gustavo will kill me if you need more recovery time because of this." I cringed slightly when Kendall placed me in the seat. He gave me a sympathetic smile before walking to the other side of the car and jumping in. We rode in silence the entire way to the Palm Woods. Because of it I was sure as soon as we got back to our apartment Kendall was going to go looking for Jo. Sometimes he just didn't learn. When we pulled into the parking lot I went to slowly step out of the car but Kendall stopped me. "No, no, no you need to rest."

"Kendall I'm not going to let you carry me through the lobby!" Kendall turned to me and gave me a smirk. The one he always had when he knew he was going to get his way.

"Yes you are… because you can't run from me. You're injured." I opened my mouth to protest but I knew he was right. All I could do was cross my arms across my chest and pout.

"You suck." Kendall laughed and climbed out of the car. He walked around to my side and slowly picked me up. I was still pouting as he carried me across the parking lot and the closer we got to the lobby the more I blushed. "Walk faster Kendall." He snorted and slowed down as he got to the doors.

"I don't know Logan I'm kind of tired I might need to take my time." Kendall acted like he was in slow motion as he walked through the front door.

"Kendall! I'm going to kill you!" Kendall threw his head back and laughed as he picked up his pace and walked over to the elevators. I pressed the button for him. Fidgeting as we waited for it.

"Will you calm down, there's no one around." I sighed laughing slightly. In less than twenty minutes I had gotten more from Kendall then I've gotten in a whole week. It put a smile on my face. When we got back in the apartment James and Carlos immediately ran over to us.

"Logan? Are you ok?"

"What happened?" I tried to get Kendall to put me down but he just gave me a look and shook his head. He could be so stubborn sometimes.

"Don't worry guys I'm just a little sore from trying to walk home." James's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Why were you walking? You know better then that." I fell silent not wanting to get Kendall in trouble. I knew James and Carlos. They didn't like when people fought.

"It's nothing I…"

"It's my fault." I looked up at Kendall surprised.

"Kendall don't…" He tightened his grip on me affectively telling me to shut up. He sighed before looking at Carlos and James who were majorly confused.

"I owe you guys an apology. I've been a real jerk lately and I've been ignoring you guys. I've been spending all my time with Jo and not paying attention to you guys. Can you forgive me?" James and Carlos both scoffed. They hadn't been as affected by Kendall as I was.

"No worries dude, but what does that have to do with Logan trying to walk home." I sighed heavily.

"It's a long story." By the time I was finished Carlos and James both felt the need to apologize and the need to slap Kendall upside the head. They felt bad for assuming I liked Camille. Speaking of Camille I still needed to apologize to her. When we were done talking James and Carlos left mine and Kendall's room. Before I explained everything to them I told Kendall to bring me to our room. If I hadn't said anything we probably would still be standing in the living room. I wouldn't have minded Kendall holding me but I would have felt bad for his arms.

"Man they hit hard." Kendall was rubbing his head as he closed our bedroom door. When I laughed at him he grabbed a pillow from his bed and chucked it at me. When our laughing died we both fell silent. I could tell from him awkwardly shifting on his feet he wanted something.

"Jo holding out on you again?" Kendall took that as an invitation and moved to my bed. He sat down and let out a heavy sigh before nodding.

"I tried to kiss her when I dropped her and Camille off but she wouldn't let me." I nodded and went to sit up but Kendall pushed my shoulder back against the bed. "I don't want to hurt you." I nodded and lay completely on my back as Kendall leaned forward. He cupped my face and attached our lips together. I ran my fingers through his hair feeling sparks move through my body. I always loved kissing him. We were barely getting into it when someone knocked on our bedroom door. Kendall jumped away from me so fast you would have thought his pants were on fire.

"Come in." Mrs. Knight poked her head through the door and smiled at us.

"I just wanted to say good night boys." After we said our good nights Mrs. Knight closed the door. I got up slowly and limped over to my dresser and quickly changed before going to bed. As soon as the lights were off I let my tears fall. Was he really that repulsed with the idea of people finding out about us? We may have made some progress but I can't help but feel like we just took a great big step back.

**A/N: done! So while I was writing this I felt like Kendall was too much of a douche so then I added all the stuff with him apologizing and stuff. I don't want Kendall to seem like a total ass whole I just want him to be clueless. Lol. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	4. i love you

I let out a sigh as I peeked through the doors leading to the pool. Camille was sitting at a table practicing some lines and I knew I had to go apologize to her. It had already been a week since I last talked to her and I knew I couldn't stale anymore. I just hoped she wouldn't slap me to hard. I let out a breath and walked through the doors. She didn't notice me until I was standing right in front of her and once she saw me she put her script on the table and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What do you want?" Her tone was harsh but her voice shook slightly like she was on the verge of tears. She always did cry easily. I sighed and sat across from her looking down. There really was no excuse for what I said but I was hoping she would forgive me… if I told her the truth.

"Camille… I'm sorry I was a jerk. It's just…" I looked at the people around us suddenly afraid of someone over hearing. "Can we go somewhere more private?" Camille gave me a look that clearly said she wasn't moving. "Please Camille…" She sighed and stood up making me sigh with relief. She let me walk past her and followed me to a more abandoned hallway of the Palm Woods. When I stopped she had her arms crossed over her chest again.

"Well?"

"Camille… I shouldn't have said what I said. I was just mad and I acted like a jerk. I wasn't mad at you though. I was frustrated with Kendall because…" Camille's expression softened. I didn't know why until I felt tears on my cheeks. Great, I was crying. I quickly wiped my face and leaned against the wall looking away from Camille. "I… I'm in love with Kendall." I shut my eyes tightly just waiting for Camille's harsh words or a slap. Just like I thought. She smacked me hard across the face. Her slaps usually weren't that bad but the emotional pain I felt because of it made me whimper and made more tears fall down my face. What I didn't expect was for her to pull me into a tight embrace. When she pulled away she rubbed her hand over my cheek soothing the stinging skin. "Camille?"

"You should have just told me. But I understand why you were upset. It must hurt having to watch Kendall with Jo." I nodded my head and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. "Does he know?"

"No… and please Camille you can't tell him y-you can't tell anyone please don't…" She covered my mouth with her hand and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"It's ok… your secret is safe with me." I let out a breath of relief and pulled Camille into a tight embrace. I must have thanked her a dozen times.

"I see you two made up." Camille and I both turned and found Jo staring at us with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. A second later Kendall walked around the corner. Camille squeezed my arm reassuringly when Kendall kissed Jo's temple. Now that she knew, the heartbreak I went through every time they were together was more obvious. Jo was her best friend and she was happy she was happy but she still didn't like seeing me so depressed.

"Yep." Camille turned my face and attached her lips to mine. When she pulled away I simply stared at her in shock. Jo chuckled and pulled Kendall who was giving me a questioning look away.

"Camille! What was that?"

"Don't worry Logan I understand now. I just wouldn't want anyone to get suspicious of you. You may not have realized but people talk and some have been making, apparently accurate, assumptions about you." I raised my eyebrow at her.

"What? Why haven't I heard anything about that?" Camille shrugged her shoulders.

"Well I don't want to sound conceded but I'm not horrible looking and I throw myself at you all the time. People were starting to think you swung the other way because you never really reciprocated."

"O…key, but Camille I couldn't ask you to be a cover for me." Camille put her hand over my mouth again. When she was sure I wasn't going to protest anymore she gave me a smile and kissed my cheek.

"Don't worry about it Logan. I just want to help you." I smiled at her and thanked her before we went our separate ways. It was nice to know that I had someone who understood what I was going through. She still didn't know what me and Kendall were doing when no one was around but I probably would never tell her. She was Jo's best friend and if she knew she would be obligated to let her know about it. If that happened Kendall would never forgive me. He loved Jo. I let out a sigh as that sentence repeated in my head. That fact was so depressing. I walked over to the elevator and pressed the button. I noticed it was going up so it would probably take a minute before it came back down again. I let out a sigh and glanced at the stairs contemplating taking them instead of waiting for the elevator. I really wanted to get back to 2J so I could just relax.

"Logan!" I turned to find Kendall running towards me. I was surprised that he wasn't with Jo.

"Kendall… why aren't you with Jo?" Kendall sighed and gave me an apologetic smile, which confused me slightly.

"Well if I was with Jo right now that apology I gave you yesterday wouldn't have meant anything." I nodded in understanding and we both stepped into the elevator when it opened for us. We were silent for a moment but as soon as the doors opened for our floor I spoke up.

"What did Jo think about you ditching her to hang out with me today?" Kendall let out an annoyed sigh and I could immediately tell she hadn't liked the idea that much. What did she have to complain about though? She got him twenty four seven. Let someone else spend time with Kendall for a change. The more time that went on the more I hated Jo.

"She was a little annoyed but she'll get over it." I made a noise in understanding as we walked into 2J. Carlos and James were both in there watching TV when we walked in. They looked up and seemed to sigh in relief.

"Kendall, Logan entertain us we're bored." I rolled my eyes at Carlos and chuckled.

"And you can't entertain yourself because…" Carlos simply shrugged making me roll my eyes at him again. I don't know what him and James would do if they didn't have me and Kendall around.

"Why don't we go to that ice rink we're always talking about? We promised ourselves we would go but we haven't yet." It was just like Kendall to think up anything to do with hockey. I wasn't opposed to it or anything it was just nice to see Kendall thinking of something that was just so… Kendall. James and Carlos both jumped up with huge smiles on their faces. I was smiling to but then I remembered something.

"But Kendall, I still can't do anything strenuous for another three days." Kendall's smile immediately disappeared. I didn't want to just be sitting on the sidelines watching my three friends have fun but I didn't want to be a buzz kill. "It's ok, I can just watch you guys can…" Kendall threw his hand over my mouth and shook his head.

"No way Logie, I'm not going to do anything without you." I cursed myself as I felt my face heating up. Why did Kendall always have to make me blush? Kendall chuckled and shook his head at me. He was so clueless he probably assumed I blushed from embarrassment. I never liked being the center of attention.

"Well, I guess if I'm careful I can play." Kendall smiled and ruffled my hair before moving past me to go to our room. I knew this was probably I bad idea but I couldn't help but make him happy.

* * *

I was afraid James, Kendall, and Carlos would want to get a game going and I would be left out but to my luck the ice rink was rather crowded. It wasn't to the point where it would become annoying but there were a good number of people there. James and Carlos were on the ice first. They didn't expect to be so rusty so when they shot onto the ice and landed splat on their faces Kendall and I couldn't help but laugh at them. I was a lot more careful about getting onto the ice. It had been a few months since I last ice skated and adding my still healing injuries into the mix I wasn't doing so good. My ankle was basically fully healed and I was able to have full movement again but every now and then I would get little pains. After a good half hour all four of us were back to our normal skating level. Carlos was doing laps around everyone and was laughing as he showed off. He was the fastest but I gave him a run for his money by being only milliseconds slower. Kendall had always been the power house of our hockey team. He wasn't heavy but the weight that he did have he knew how to throw around. If it was me vs. Kendall I usually just ran. What I always found surprising was that James was best with the puck. If he had it, it was almost impossible to get it away from him. But of course Kendall being Kendall he always managed to do it.

"Hey Logie watch me!" Carlos jumped and turned so he was skating backwards. He weaved through the cones going through the center of the rink. He was looking good until he almost ran into an older couple (older as in older than us. Not elderly). I was cringing the whole time Carlos was apologizing to them. The guy looked like he was about to punch him in the face. Kendall and James found it hilarious. After Carlos dodged getting his ass kicked we all went back to skating. We were laughing and doing tricks while trying to outdo each other. When it came to showing off, I usually just watched and laughed along with the others.

"How you doing Logie?" Kendall came up beside me and threw his arm over my shoulder. I swallowed hard and gave him a small smile to assure him I was fine.

"I'm fine Kendall." Kendall smiled and ruffled my hair again. He really liked to do that.

"Ok, but if you start to get tired tell me. I don't want you getting hurt again." I nodded and smiled at Kendall as he skated off. I always liked Kendall when Jo wasn't around. He always gave me so much attention and I could tell he really cared about me. When she was around it was like I didn't exist. After another ten minutes Kendall whipped out his phone as it started ringing. His face light up and I could immediately tell who it was. I wish his face looked like that when he thought of me."

"Hey Jo!" I sighed and skated away from Kendall not wanting to hear his conversation with her. I was in such a good mood I didn't want it to be ruined.

"Logie?" I stopped and turned to find James giving me a concerned look. "You ok?" I nodded and tried to hide my heartbreak. I wasn't far enough I could still hear Kendall talking to Jo.

"We're just hanging out at the ice rink. What are you up to?"

"I'm fine James. Nothing to worry about." James didn't look convinced. It was just like last time.

"Logan, the last time I asked you if you were ok you said the same thing but I'm not buying it this time. What's going on with you? You've been in and out of a bad mood for a little more than a month." Carlos came skating around us.

"Yea, you got your period or something?" I made an annoyed noise and punch Carlos in the arm.

"Oh shut up." He chuckled and stopped next to James.

"But seriously dude. If there's something wrong we want to help you." I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh. I knew they meant well but everything was fine. Kendall was finally spending time with me. Just because he took a second to talk to Jo on the phone didn't mean I was going to break down and cry.

"James, Carlos don't worry about it I'm…"

"Ok bye Jo I love you." My words caught in my throat and I coughed slightly to cover it up. I knew how much he cared about her but I never realized actually hearing him say those three words would hurt so much. I swallowed the lump in my throat and took in a deep breath trying to stop myself from crying. I had to get away for a little while. I couldn't cry in front of them.

"Y-you know what… m-my stomach hurts a little so… I'm going to run to the bathroom." I skated past James and Carlos without letting them say anything. When I skated passed Kendall I gave him my best fake smile and told him where I was going. As soon as I was inside I made sure I was the only person there before locking the door. The minute I did that I slide down to the floor and buried my face in my knees. That was the first time I've ever heard Kendall say I love you to Jo and it hurt so bad. Every fiber of my being was wishing it were me.

After a good ten minutes of crying I was surprised no one had tried to get into this bathroom. Thinking my luck was just about to run out I stood up and made my way over to the sink. I cleaned off my face to try and make myself look more presentable before going back out. Once I was back on the ice I wanted to leave again. In the 15 minutes I was gone Jo had decided to show up. She was skating hand in hand with Kendall and I just wanted to cry again.

"Hey Logan." I turned away from the couple and found Camille giving me a sympathetic look. She frowned even more when she noticed my red eyes.

"You've been crying." I sighed and nodded. "Why?" I looked towards the others and noticed they were skating rather far away not really paying attention to me and Camille. Just to be safe I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the side.

"When Jo called… I heard Kendall tell her he loves her. I always knew he did but hearing him say it… it just really hurt you know? I just wish…" I trailed off and glanced towards Jo and Kendall. They were laughing as they tripped and fell over. I could tell Kendall didn't actually lose his balance. He fell over on purpose so Jo wouldn't be embarrassed. He was always doing nice things like that. Camille pulled me into a hug and rubbed my cheek in a caring way. Carlos mistook it as a romantic gesture because he skated by whistling and making kissy faces. I rolled my eyes at him wishing I had something to throw at him. Camille rolled her eyes as well and I could tell by the look on her face she wanted to slap him.

"Look Logan, Jo is my best friend but I honestly don't see her relationship with Kendall lasting. She's too much of a prude and he'll get tired of her eventually."

"_Not when he has someone else to get rid of his sexual frustration." _

There won't stay together forever." I sighed and nodded.

"I know but that just means that Kendall will find another girlfriend and if she doesn't stick there will be another and another and another. He will never love me the way I love him and I'll just have to go through my life watching him go through each relationship. What am I going to do Camille?" She gave me another quick hug and rubbed my arm.

"I wish I knew Logan but I don't. When we made our way back over to the others Kendall and Jo were making out. I noticed Kendall's hands were trying to move to her chest but she grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away. She whispered something to him and I could see the disappointment on his face. I knew what that meant. As soon as we got home it was going to be me and Kendall again.

* * *

We left the ice rink after an hour. Like I predicted as soon as I shut the door to me and Kendall's room I was pinned against the door as he attached his lips to mine. I was still really upset about what happened earlier but I wasn't about to stop him. I needed Kendall even if it was fake, even if it was just for a second and then he would go back to being just my friend again I didn't care. I needed to know I could have him; I needed to be a part of his life. I moaned into his mouth when he reached around and grabbed my ass. He lifted me up so I was straddling his waist and brought me over to his bed. Once we were lying down he moved from my lips to my neck and started sucking. I was moaning as he licked my skin and moved down. He grabbed my shirts collar and tugged it down so he could get to the skin just under it. Instead of licking and sucking like he usually did he bit down hard.

"a… ow…" I tugged on his hair as he started sucking on the area. It was so painful at first but after a second it felt good. When he was done he kissed the area one last time and moved to my lips. We kissed passionately for a long time but then he suddenly pulled away. I opened my eyes and found Kendall was no longer on top of me but on the other side of the room. He was just opening his dresser and was starting to change his clothes. I watched him for a second not sure what was going on. He never just stopped suddenly like that. I usually had a little more warning or at least a thank you. I guess this had become so routine he figured he didn't need to say anything anymore.

"So what's up with you and Camille?" I snapped out of it and jumped off his bed. I moved to my dresser and started changing before I answered him.

"What do you mean?" I was so surprised by how normal he was acting. It was like he had amnesia and what we were just doing never happened. He had always been able to do that before but he had to at least leave the room for a few seconds.

"Well, you said you didn't like her." Kendall gave me a look that clearly said he wanted an explanation.

"I apologized to her and we started talking. I'm not sure if I want to… be in a relationship right now but she's… nice."

"So you guys are just talking?"

"I guess." Kendall chuckled and walked over to his bed. He climbed in and let out a sigh before smiling at me.

"See, I was right about giving her a chance." I just wanted to smack him. I forced myself not to roll my eyes and walked over to the light switch and turned off the lights. As soon as I was in bed I let out a sigh and stared up at the ceiling.

"Kendall?"

"Hmm…"

"I heard you on the phone with Jo before… how long have you guys been saying… I l-love you?" Kendall seemed to contemplate it for a second.

"About a week. Why?"

"J-just curious." We fell into a silence again. "H-how do you know you love her?" I could hear Kendall shifting in his bed so he was looking towards my side of the room.

"What do you mean?"

"How do you know that you're ready to tell her you love her?" Kendall moved around again and I could tell he was thinking about it. He liked to be comfortable when he was trying to explain something.

"Well, she's all I think about. She's beautiful and smart and funny. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. No one is more important than her."

"No one?"

"Yep." Kendall said a quick good night before he shifted in his bed again. After a few minutes the soft snores that usually lulled me to sleep could be heard throughout the room.

"_No one is more important than her."_ I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I thought about what Kendall said. After all the years we've known each other, after all the things I've done for him I thought I would be important in his life. I always hoped that even if Kendall never loved me he would cherish our friendship more than any relationship but I guess that was just wishful thinking. I shouldn't be surprised though, everyone is more important than me.

**A/N: DONE! Well I'm back at school and I have finals coming up. I don't know what that's going to do to my updating schedule. I guess we will find out when the time comes. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	5. can't even try

I groaned as I woke to the sound of my phone vibrating. I patted my nightstand a few times until I finally came in contact with my phone. I didn't bother to look at the caller ID as I let out a groggy hello.

"Logan? I'm sorry were you asleep? I can call back later."

"Mom?" I sat up in bed suddenly feeling fully awake. "No no no, its fine, it's fine." I glanced towards Kendall's bed to see if he was still sleeping there but he was gone.

"Oh ok. How have you been?" I let out a breath as a smile came across my face. It was so good to hear her voice. She always made me feel better.

"Pretty good, I've been busy… How come you're calling? I mean I'm so happy to hear from you but I'm surprised grandma and grandpa let you call." I could hear her let out an annoyed sigh.

"It wasn't easy. I heard from them that you got hurt. I convinced them that I should be able to make sure my son is ok." She paused for a minute before continuing. "I hear you took a pretty nasty fall." Her voice shook with worry making me chuckle slightly.

"Don't worry mom. I'm all better now. I can even start practicing our dances again."

"Ok, be careful."

"I know mom." We both laughed at our typical mother son conversation. Even though I didn't see her as often as I would like I could always talk to her so easily.

"So how are your friends doing? I hope the California life style hasn't changed them too much." I snorted and rolled my eyes as I thought about James, Carlos and Kendall."

"They've done a lot of stupid things but there still the guys I've been friends with for forever."

"Oh boy, I don't even want to think of the trouble you guys have gotten yourselves into."

"I don't know if you'd believe some of the stuff we've done."

"Try me." I laughed and told my mom everything that had gone down from the minute we got to LA to now. She usually laughed at some of the stuff we did but she would occasionally go into mom mode and say "I hope you learned your lesson." When I finished telling her about what was going on with me she told me about her life. She was a physical therapist and it was so interesting to hear all the stories about the people she had met. When she was finished we fell into a short silence. "So Logan, is there a girl in the picture?" A frown came to my face and I realized that I never told her. In fact, Camille was the first person I ever told. I sighed heavily knowing she had to know.

"Mom… I have to tell you something."

"Oh god did you get a girl pregnant?" I blinked a few times going over what she said in my head.

"What? No!" I heard her sigh with relief before giving me the go ahead to continue. I took in a deep breath before speaking. "Mom… I'm gay." It was silent for a moment before she spoke.

"Well you definitely didn't get a girl pregnant."

"Why do you assume I knocked someone up?" My mom laughed and I couldn't help but chuckle also.

"Well you're a handsome boy I wouldn't be surprised if you had girls and now guys chasing after you. So, who's the lucky guy?" I felt a frown come to my face as everything that's been going on ran through my head. I glanced at Kendall's side of the bed sighing heavily. He was probably with Jo. I felt tears forming at my eyes as I thought of Kendall and Jo.

"It's um… it's complicated." I felt a few tears roll down my cheeks. I wiped them away quickly even if I knew no one could see me.

"You can tell me."

"It's one of those I love him but he doesn't love me situations."

"Oh I'm sorry Logan. What's his name?"

"That's where it gets more complicated… it's Kendall." She was quiet for a long moment probably trying to figure out the right words to say.

"Wow… that is complicated." I don't know why but I laughed at that. It was probably because she was agreeing that my life was truly fucked up. My soft chuckles turned into quiet whimpers as tears streamed down my face. "Logan honey don't cry it's going to be ok." I covered my mouth trying to keep myself quiet. I didn't know where everyone was so I didn't want anyone to be alerted by my loud sobbing. After a minute I took my hand away from my mouth so I could speak.

"B-but it's not ok-ey. I really love h-him and it just hurts so bad know t-that he'll ne-ver feel the s-same."

"Oh Logan… I'm sorry. One day you'll be able to find someone who loves you as much as you love them. Moving on may seem hard now but just give it some time."

"Ok." After we talked a little more we finally said our goodbyes. I knew she was right. I should move on but that seemed impossible. I needed Kendall. I couldn't live without Kendall. The very thought of not having Kendall around chilled me to my bones. After I collected myself I glanced at the clock finally deciding I should get up. I moved to the bathroom and took a quick shower hoping when I got out it wouldn't be that obvious that I was crying. As soon as I was dressed I walked into the kitchen to get something to eat. Mrs. Knight had already left and I assumed Katie had left for the day as well. Kendall was probably out with Jo and I would have expected James and Carlos to be down by the pool but they were both in the living room watching TV. As soon as I finished eating I made my way over to them and sat down. As I glanced from them to the TV I noticed that they both seemed deep in thought. The fact that they were watching the teletubbies also led me to believe that they weren't really paying attention.

"So, are you going to tell us why you were crying?" I turned to Carlos but he wasn't looking at me. He just continued to stare into space.

"Are you going to tell me why we're watching the teletubbies?" They both seemed to snap out of their trances and grimaced when they realized what they had been staring at. James was the first to pick up the remote and shut off the TV. As soon as the screen went black both their eyes were on me.

"Well?" I let out a sigh and leaned back against the couch. James and Carlos were starting to get on my nerves. I assumed they meant well but they didn't need to know everything. James sighed annoyed and sat up. "Logan!"

"What!" I really didn't mean to snap at James and the surprise on his face made me feel really guilty. I let out a sigh and started playing with the hem of my shirt. "My mom called."

"That doesn't explain why you were crying."

"I miss her ok." It wasn't a complete lie. I did miss my mom a lot. James sighed and placed his hand on my shoulder. When I looked up at him he was giving me a sympathetic smile. Before either of them could say anything more the front door open. My mind immediately started hoping it was Kendall so I was a little disappointed when Mrs. Knight walked through the front door. She was caring a bunch of grocery bags so I got up and took them from her. She gave me an appreciative smile and patted my shoulder as we both moved to the kitchen.

"Logan, Carlos and I are going down to the pool you in?" James was standing by the door with his towel in hand. It seemed he wanted to get out of the apartment before Mrs. Knight had a chance to ask him to help put the groceries away.

"Yea, I'll meet you guys down there." James nodded quickly shut the door behind them. I could see Mrs. Knight shaking her head she obviously was thinking the same thing I was about James. I helped her put all of the food away. Make sure they went in the right spot. Even though James and Carlos thought they were being smart Mrs. Knight would probably never ask them to help. Half the food would get eaten by Carlos before it even got put away and James would do something stupid like put hotdogs in the bread box. Once we were finished I excused myself and grabbed all my pool stuff. I knew that there was a good chance I would see Kendall and Jo but I didn't want my feelings for Kendall to stop me from having a life. When I got down to the pool I was relieved to find that Kendall wasn't there. I took my usually spot next to James and Carlos and after a while some of our other friends joined us.

"If Katie hadn't gotten us I totally would have gotten you." James sat up slightly in his seat and wagged his finger at Carlos.

"I don't think so my friend. It is I who would have gotten you."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Ya-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Ya-huh!" I rolled my eyes at them and decided to hit them with a pool noodle to shut them up.

"You guys both lost deal with it." James and Carlos looked at each other smirking then back to me.

"Well at least we didn't prank ourselves." I narrowed my eyes and shook my head at James. That only made him laugh harder. After a few seconds I started laughing as well. It was nice for things to seem normal. I was having fun just hanging out with friends and I could just relax. I started thinking that maybe it wouldn't be so hard to move on from Kendall.

Just like magic Kendall seemed to pop out of nowhere. All my feelings towards him seemed to come flooding back and it was almost to over whelming. I couldn't help but watch him as he walked. He searched for a second with a concentrated look on his face then a smile broke out when he spotted us. I don't know why he bothered searching the pool; we were always in the same spot. I guess it was just something he always did. The thought that I had before that I could get over Kendall was gone. There was no way I could get over him. I needed him. It was like how that character from that stupid book put it, calling his love interest his own personal heroine. That's what Kendall was to me.

"Hey guys."

"Hey"

"Sup Kendall"

"How come you're not with Jo?" I don't know why I blurted that out. It was like I always needed to know why Kendall would hang out with me. It seemed like he never did it because he wanted to. Jo was just busy.

"She's working today." I nodded my head in understanding. But then a thought occurred to me.

"Where have you been all day?" Kendall gave me a questioning look like he was wondering why I was asking him all of these questions. I don't know if I sounded like a nosey parent, jealous boyfriend, or just curious. I was hoping for the last one.

"I was with Katie doing some stuff." I actually wasn't expecting that which made me feel guilty. I wasn't the only one Kendall was neglecting. It was nice to know that he was spending time with his family. We all fell silent for a short time just enjoying the warm weather and each other's presence until James spoke up.

"So Kendall how are things going on the Jo front. Get past first base yet?" Carlos scoffed.

"Yea right, he's still up at bat." James and Carlos laughed and gave each other high fives. I tried to make it look like I found the joke funny but I wasn't really liking the direction the conversation was going. When I turned to Kendall he was shaking his head at James and Carlos with an annoyed look on his face. That fact that he was getting ticked off clearly showed Carlos was right. Was I wrong to be happy about that?

"Jo isn't the type of girl who likes a lot of physical contact. I accidentally touched her boob the other day and she flipped out." James raised his eyebrow with a smirk.

"How did you "accidentally" touch her boob?" Kendall was silent for a moment.

"Ok maybe it wasn't accidental but she doesn't need to know that." Both Carlos and James laughed at Kendall making him even more annoyed.

"If you're not getting any why don't you just end the relationship?" Kendall shook his head at James and let out a sigh.

"Because I'm not in this relationship just to get some I wouldn't do that to someone."

"_You sure about that?"_

"I respect Jo… even if I want a blowjob. James and Carlos both punched Kendall in the arm while thanking him for the unneeded information. I couldn't help but feel that he was sending me a silent message and I knew what we would be doing later. I wasn't sure if it worked both ways though. I figured that giving me head would fuck up his fantasy. I hoped the conversation would end there but then they started talking about what girls they were interested in and what girls they wanted to have sex with. I wasn't sure what was going on with them. They were never this horny. After a while I got tired of it and excused myself. I just needed to get away from the conversation. Hearing Kendall talk about how much he wanted to have sex with Jo was just too much. As soon as I got to mine and Kendall's room I plopped down on my bed and just stared at the ceiling. I wanted time to wallow in my self pity but when Kendall said he really wanted a blow job he meant it. I heard the door click shut and turned my head to see Kendall standing by the door silent. He moved over to my bed and sat down eyeing me wearily. He was waiting for an invitation. Without thinking a surged up and crashed our lips together. It was like an animalistic desire that ran through me making me kiss him with passion and lust. As our lips moved together I pushed him onto his back and straddled his waist. I couldn't tell if he was surprised by my actions but he wasn't fighting them. Kendall forced his tongue into my mouth and moved over my teeth before sliding his tongue against mine. I moaned into his mouth as a taste that was just pure Kendall overloaded my senses. I broke away from the kiss and began to suck and lick his neck. His fingers latched into my hair painfully tight but I ignored it. I so desperately wanted to mark him for everyone to see but Kendall wouldn't want that. He wasn't mine to mark.

"Kendall do you want…" I reached for his pants and tugged on them. I trailed off when Kendall vigorously nodded his head. I moved down Kendall's body tugging down his pants and boxers in one swift motion. He gasped when the cool air hit his flesh but then moaned as I immediately put my mouth on the head of his erection. I sucked and swirled my tongue around the head making Kendall let out a guttural moan. When I began to take more of him into my mouth he thrust up forcing his entire erection into my mouth. I coughed around him and felt my saliva dripping out of my mouth but I didn't pull away. I allowed him to grasp onto my hair tightly and thrust up into my mouth continuously. I tried my best to relax my throat but it was still difficult as he began to pick up his pace. I sucked and moved my tongue around the underside of his dick as he moaned her name. After a minute he let out a moan and came forcefully into my mouth. I chocked slightly on his cum but I managed to swallow most of it down. When his orgasm died down I pulled off of him and wiped my mouth. He laid there with his eyes closed still trying to catch his breath. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do next. Was he just going to leave or was he going to reciprocate. I glanced to the side when I felt movement on the bed. Kendall had sat up and was giving me a determined look.

"Let me help you." Kendall pushed me back against the bed and attacked my neck. I felt my eyes flutter closed and my hips thrust as he sucked on my pulse point. Like I had done moments ago he moved down my body and pulled down my pants. As he took me into his mouth every part of me wanted to moan his name but I couldn't. Kendall started bobbing his head up and down obviously wanting to get this over quickly. I laced my fingers through his hair and let out a long moan as he sucked and ran his tongue over my member. When he moved to the head of my dick and began to suck hard I began to feel tightness in my lower stomach. He took me completely into his mouth again and I lost control. My muscles stiffened and my hips withered as I came into his mouth. It was one of the most amazing feelings I have ever had. When my orgasm was over I felt Kendall pull off and the bed shift. I gave myself a chance to catch my breath before I opened my eyes. I frowned when I realized he was already gone.

"Of course." I stood up quickly and pulled my pants back on. I let out a long sigh while I made my way out of the room expecting to find Kendall acting like that didn't just happen. Instead I was met with no one. I moved over to the window and glanced down at the pool frowning even more when I realized he was just greeting Jo. "He didn't even stay to brush his teeth." I moved away from the window and plopped down on the couch. I turned on the TV hoping it would provide a nice distraction but it didn't. My mind kept going back to Kendall, who had left the apartment like his ass was on fire. The only thought that brought me any satisfaction was that Jo was going to make out with Kendall after he gave me head. "Enjoy my cum bitch."

**A/N: And Done. I like the last line in this chapter lol. You know I have a plan for when everything major is going to happen in this story (like what chapters) but I'm finding it difficult to think of stuff to put in between those major events. DAMB YOU WRITERS BLOCK! Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**There is more to come.**


	6. anger

I wasn't sure if that old saying "Waking up on the wrong side of the bed" was true but I couldn't help but believe it was when I woke up this morning. I was in a major uncharacteristically bad mood as soon as I rolled out of bed. Not only was it way too early for me to be functioning but Kendall decided to talk to Jo on the phone obnoxiously loud. When I walked out of the bathroom after taking a long shower my mood wasn't any better. Kendall was just getting off the phone with Jo so the usual "I Love you's" were exchanged. I don't know why but hearing that made me angry instead of sad.

"_If only she knew what you did with me. But knowing you Kendall you would deny, deny, deny. Ugh! You are such a mother-"_

"Logan you ok?"

"Yea fine." It took me a second to register my annoyed tone. I turned immediately to see who I had been talking to and I was relieved it was Carlos. Not saying he deserved it I was just glad it wasn't Katie or Mrs. Knight. Carlos looked taken aback by my tone but decided that it was best to leave me to brood in my corner. Carlos left me at the kitchen counter and walked towards the table. As he passed James he whispered something to him. James glanced at me for a split second and nodded. I imagine Carlos had said something along the lines of,

"Logan's ticked about something so leave him alone so he can cool off." I ate my breakfast silently while James, Carlos, and Kendall ate their breakfast at the table. They were talking but I could tell from their glances they were concerned about me. Even Kendall was watching me with worry. When we were finished eating we made our way out of the apartment to meet Kelly down in the lobby. I must have been giving off crazy negative vibes because James, Kendall, and Carlos were completely silent. Probably afraid they could say something that would set me off.

When we got into the limo my three friends seemed to get more comfortable with talking as long as they gave me my space. I still didn't know why I was so angry but the first thing that came to mind was Kendall. I wanted to be furious with him. After all he was being a giant dick but when you love someone that much feeling any other emotion towards them gets difficult. When I really focused my mind on Kendall I realized how pissed off I was at him. Yesterday just didn't sit right with me. He had left so fast, it was definitely a hit it and quiet it moment. There was no "hey thanks for blowing me Logan now I'm going to go hang out with my girlfriend." The only indication that he cared about me at all was the fact that he reciprocated but I could tell he didn't want to.

When we reached the recording studio we all filed out of the limo and headed straight for the sound booth. I wasn't sure how spending hours upon hours of recording and harmonies would affect my mood but I could only hope for the best.

* * *

"_I fucking hate this fucking small fucking booth!"_ We had gone though "Till I Forget About You" about six times already but for some reason Gustavo was not satisfied. I wanted to smack him across the face.

"What's the matter with you dogs? That was terrible.

"_That's not what your mom said when I banged her… douche."_

"Gustavo! We've gone over this song a billion times!" James voice was an octave higher as he complained. Kendall and Carlos both sighed heavily and nodded in agreement. They wanted a break badly. I also couldn't help but notice they were standing as far as they could from me. There must have been smoke coming out of my ears or something.

"Can we please get a break?" Carlos held his hands out in front of himself and shut his eyes tightly. He was mouthing the word please over and over again just begging to get out of this tiny room.

"A break? HA!" James, Kendall, and Carlos groaned while hanging their heads. I let out an annoyed huffed and clenched my teeth.

"Jesus fucking Christ this is such fucking bullshit." I never realized the strength of the microphone in the booth until now. My three friends hadn't heard me and they were standing right next to me. Kelly's jaw dropped and Gustavo's eyebrows rose up. I was obviously the least likely to have an outburst like that. I never really noticed the worried looks Kelly had been given me until she gave me the most concerned expression. She had noticed my bad mood too. She reached over Gustavo and switched off the mic so we couldn't hear them. I imagined the conversation went something along the lines of,

"I don't know if you noticed but something is up with Logan."

"…" Gustavo was giving Kelly a blank stare and a "Your point being" look. She rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. Gustavo seemed slightly distressed by whatever Kelly was saying. He was probably fighting between the side of him that wanted to get work done and the side that was afraid of the wraith of Kelly. Kelly bent down slightly really getting into Gustavo's face and when I glanced over toward James, Kendall, and Carlos they were looking at each other wonder what the hell was going on. After another minute or so Gustavo's chest expanded indicating he was taking in a deep breath. He turned on the mic and let out a sigh.

"Logan, can you step out for a second."

"_Fuck."_ The last thing I needed was to get yelled at by Gustavo. I let out an annoyed huff, which didn't go unnoticed by my three friends and stepped out of the booth. Gustavo was rubbing his temples as Kelly stepped forward to speak.

"Logan, what's going on with you?" I let out a sigh and ran my hands through my hair.

"I don't know. I just woke up pissed for some reason and I'm just getting more pissed as the day goes on." Kelly gave me a sympathetic look but Gustavo just rolled his eyes. When she noticed she stepped on his foot making him yelp in pain. That brought the first smile I've had all day to my face. Kelly shook her head and patted my shoulder.

"Why don't you go take a walk and clear your head? When you get back you and the guys can start dance rehearsal and if the walk didn't help I'm sure exercise will help." I nodded and walked away from Kelly. As I exited the office James, Kendall, and Carlos were looking at each other with furrowed eyebrows. They hadn't heard any of the conversation so they probably had no idea what was going on.

* * *

I don't know how but after I left Rocque Records I ended up in a small park jogging along a bike path. It was only a block away from the recording studio but it was definitely a good place where I could just think.

The situation with Kendall was getting any better. Some naive part of me was hoping that he would come around if we just kept sneaking around but there were so many factors that went against that. For one Kendall was completely head over heels for Jo. It was truly sickening how much he cared for this girl. Two, even if for some reason things didn't work out with Jo Kendall would end up with some other girl. It was just like that conversation I had with Camille. No matter what I wouldn't even register on Kendall's radar.

Even with these thoughts in mind, there was always something that contradicted what I knew to be true. If Kendall loved Jo so much why was it so easy for him to cheat on her? If Kendall was so straight why was it so easy for him to sneak around with a guy? I stopped running and let out a sigh. Everything was just so complicated and confusing. I wasn't sure what to think. I knew I should believe the obvious but my heart just ached for the obvious not to be true. I let out a huff and decided it was about time for me to return to the recording studio. I couldn't say my head was any clearer but at least I wasn't about to bit someone's head off. I walked through the doors of the studio and started heading towards where I had last seen everyone. As I made my way past the boys bathroom I felt someone grab me roughly and pull me inside. As soon as there were lips over mine I knew who it was.

"_Really?"_ I couldn't believe that after everything that had gone on today Kendall still thought he could do this. He still thought he could just pull me aside and have his way with me. He still thought that he could just walk away afterwards and pretend like nothing happened. Before it could become too heated I broke the kiss and pushed Kendall back slightly. It wasn't rough, but enough for him to come back to reality.

"Why'd you stop?"

"Kendall, if you haven't noticed I'm not in the best of moods. I would appreciate it if you didn't pull me into a bathroom and attack my face!" Kendall blinked a couple of times and stepped back.

"But I thought we agreed we would help each other out?" I sighed heavily and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Yes we did but really the only one getting help is you!"

"You don't expect me to believe you haven't been enjoying it."

"I didn't say that!" I let out an annoyed sound and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Kendall… just give me some space for a while alright?" He nodded and without another word I stepped out of the bathroom. We walked back to the dance room in silence and as soon as we walked through the doors Kendall got as far as he could away from me. He was taking this "give me some space" thing seriously.

It must have been pretty obvious when Mr. X walked in that I was distracted because the first think he did was put away the songs that required me to do back flips. He obviously didn't want a repeat of what happened last time. We went through each dance fully and really didn't have to fix anything. I made sure I focused on getting the moves right and not Kendall who was avoiding me like the plague. I didn't want to nag him but when I said I needed space I didn't mean for him to ignore me. When Mr. X was satisfied he let us out for the day. Considering the fact that it was a few hours earlier then usually my spirits were lifted just a little bit.

* * *

As soon as we walked into apartment 2J I decided to go to mine and Kendall's room for a nap. I wasn't sure what Carlos and James had planned on doing but I already knew Kendall was with Jo. They met up the minute we stepped foot in the lobby… of course. I plopped down on my bed and let out a sigh as I sunk into the soft material. I let my eyes shut and could feel I was moments from sleep until the door creaked open. James was standing at the entrance to my room awkwardly. It's like he was waiting for me to yell at him to go away or something. I let out a sigh and sat up giving James a tired smile. He seemed to relax a great deal and moved to my bed.

"I guess you're better now?" James sat down and gave me a questioning look. It was clear he wanted an explanation.

"Yea… and sorry about that. I don't know what was going on with me. I guess I just needed to work off some steam." James nodded in understanding but I could tell by the look in his eyes he wasn't completely satisfied. I knew he wasn't going to pressure me though. He didn't want me to go back into a sour mood.

"So, me and Carlos are going to head to the pool. You in?" I shook my head, punctuating my exaction with a yawn.

"Na, I'm going to take a nap. I'll probably meet you guys down there later." James nodded and got up to leave. He grabbed the handle to the door and begun to close it before turning back to me.

"Logan, if there is ever anything bothering you; you know you can talk to me."

"Yea I know James." He nodded once and left. I laid back against the bed and let out a long sigh. What I had felt all day was so weird. The anger, it just wouldn't go away. It had to be because of Kendall but I've never been angry at him before. I usually would just be really depressed. I couldn't help but think I was going through a depression. And that thought scared me. One day I'll be fine, then the next I feel like I'm going to kill someone, then the next I just want to die. I've already been upset enough to cry myself to sleep and I've been angry enough to want to punch someone. It was a scary thought but it was only a matter of time before I believed suicide was the only way out.

**A/N: Done! Sorry for this crappy chapter. I'll probably try and upload another chapter later tonight because of that fact and also because I'll be busy all day tomorrow because it's my birthday yeh! Lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**There is more to come.**

**PS: if you haven't yet you should check out "Head on Collision" by Miss Fenway and "Making Things Right" by surfergal23. They are both great stories that I'm sure will have you reaching for your tissue box. **


	7. good day

"What is wrong with me?" Ever since my episode the other day Kendall hadn't spoken to me. He was spending all of his time with Jo and was giving me more space then I actually needed. After a week of this I was getting so frustrated. I missed Kendall so much.

That didn't make any sense though. I saw him every morning when I woke up, every day at the recording studio, and every night when we went to bed. But that just wasn't enough. He didn't talk to me, he didn't hang out with me, and most importantly he wasn't sneaking around with me. I was so annoyed at Kendall for doing all those things with me but now I was more annoyed at myself for thinking it was a good idea to stop. It wasn't like I was horny or anything, I just couldn't live without having Kendall. It was unhealthy but it was still the truth.

It was the first day off we've had in a long time and I was spending it sulking in my room. I shouldn't feel weird about asking Kendall to hang out with me but with all that was going on… it was difficult. Like I had said before, Kendall was the one making things normal not me. I couldn't really approach him now that he was doing all he could to avoid me. After a few more minutes of silently laying on my bed the bedroom door swung open making me jump. I sat up quickly to find Kendall just making his way into our room. He had an annoyed look on his face as he plopped face down onto his bed and let out a sigh.

"What's wrong Kendall?" I guess talking to him wasn't as weird as I thought. Sometimes it just came naturally to me. He turned his head and stared at me. He just kept looking at me for a long time before he shut his eyes.

"I got in a fight with Jo?" I raised my eyebrows suddenly intrigued.

"About what?" Kendall shook his head and sat up.

"Don't worry about it. It was stupid." I was a little disappointed that Kendall didn't want to tell me but I wasn't going to pressure him. We sat silently for a moment before I took in a breath and managed to speak up again.

"Do… do you wanna hang out today?" Kendall gave me a questioning look and my heart immediately dropped. _"He didn't want to spend time with me."_

"I thought you wanted some space." I shut my eyes and let out a long sigh.

"Yea from sneaking around but I still want to hang out with you Kendall. You're my best friend." I must have sounded majorly depressed because Kendall's face softened and he gave me a sad look. After a second he stood up brushing off any previous emotions and gave me the trade mark Kendall smirk I know and love.

"Alright Logie, what do you want to do then." I couldn't help the bright smile that came to my face as I stood up. I didn't know what I wanted to do but as long as I was with Kendall I didn't care.

* * *

"Sports World?" I tilted my head to the side as I read the large sign hanging off the white concrete building. This place didn't look like much, but Kendall swore it was the most amazing experience in a young teen's life.

"Don't just stand there Logie!" Kendall grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. I couldn't help the butterflies that flew wildly around my stomach as his skin came in contact with mine. It was so loud as we entered the building. Sounds of games and children yelling and screaming their little heads off could be heard from every corner. It was a big place that had held a plethora of opportunities.

"What are we going to do first?" I didn't know what it was but something about the huge smile on Kendall's face just got me super excited. Kendall smirked and grabbed my hand again as he pulled me towards the back. When we stopped walking we were standing in front of a huge platform in front of a giant air bag. At first I wasn't sure what this was until I looked up and was shocked to find someone jumping from the top of the platform. They let out a scream as they fell only to land safely in the airbag below. It would have looked like fun… but that platform was fucking high. "K-Kendall… I don't know about this." Kendall threw his arm around my shoulder and gave me a huge smile. _"Fuck it I'll do anything just don't take your arm off me." _

"Don't worry Logie it will be fun." I took in a breath and nodded as the line moved forward. It didn't take us long to get to the front and while we waited to walk up the platform there was an instructor who told us the "Proper falling method." I was so relief when they let both me and Kendall go up at the same time. I wasn't sure if I would have been able to do it if Kendall wasn't by my side cheering me on. I walked to the edge of the platform and looked down.

Did you ever look at something and think that's not so high. What happens when you get to the top? You take back that statement. I swallowed hard and bit my lip glancing back at Kendall. He immediately saw the uncertainty in my face and gave me a reassuring smile. I took in a breath and looked back towards what I felt was sure to be my doom. I turned and faced Kendall before whimpering slightly and letting myself fall back. More people say when they first do something scary they always want to do it again. I did not. The minute I hit the air bag I jumped off and collapsed on the floor. I would have kissed it if it didn't look so dirty.

"Oh my god LAND! I will never leave you again!" I heard snickering behind me and glanced back. Kendall had already jumped and was watching me with amusement. I blushed and stood up quickly before dusting myself off. "Ok Kendall, now can we do something that won't make me wet my pants."

"Sure Logie." Kendall chuckled and took me by the hand again. The way he led me around made me think he had been here a bunch of times. The fleeting thought that he had taken Jo here went through my mind but I immediately got rid of it. I wasn't going to let myself ruin the day. We walked over to a line that was coming out of black double doors. It must not have been one of this place's least busy days because there weren't that many people here. When we finally got through the double doors Kendall and I were consumed by a bluish light. We laughed at each other as our eyes and teeth came out as a weird bluish color.

"Laser tag?" Kendall nodded and I could see the competitive spark in his eye. I smirked at him and playfully punched his shoulder. "You best be ready for a fight Knight." Kendall smirked and raised one eyebrow at me in a challenging way. He looked so fine…"

"Is that so… well then it's on!" We both laughed as we walked over to the workers who handed us our gear; a simple vest with a target on the back and front, goggles, and a toy gun. We each went to separate entranced and we playfully glared at each other before moving inside. I'm sure there were other kids around but I didn't care about them. The only person I was looking for was Kendall. I held the gun up Charlie Angles style as I made my way through the maze. I peered around every corner looking for my target. I stopped short when I heard something.

"Dun dun dundun dun dun dundun dun dun dundun dun dun dundun dunna! Dunna!" I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Kendall was doing the mission impossible theme song.

"You know Kendall singing isn't going to help when you're trying to sneak up on me!"

"Announcing your presence doesn't help either little Logie!" I would have taken a second to blush but Kendall popped out from around the corner only giving me a second to dodge. I tried to peer around to shot at him but he was already gone. I sighed and turned around letting out a girl scream because Kendall was right there behind me. A beeping noise went off indicating he had hit the target on my chest. "Got you!" I huffed and raised my gun instantly aiming for him. He went to run away but then another alarm went off. He forgot there was a target on the back of the vest too.

"And I got you!" My smirk immediately went away when Kendall turned around. He had this look in his eyes.

"Well then… ITS ON!" He ran at me so I screamed and ran away. I had heard once that if someone was shooting at you, you were supposed to run in a zig -zag. It was working out well until I rounded a corner and ran smack into a wall. I fell back and landed right on my back. I groaned in pain but then opened my eyes when I felt another presence. "Niiiice." I pouted at Kendall as I went to stand up.

"Oh shut up." Kendall took that opportunity to shoot my target again. I turned around and was ready to retaliate when the lights turned on indicating our session was over. "Aw!" Kendall smiled triumphantly as we walked towards the exit.

"you didn't hurt yourself back there did you?" When we exited the room Kendall's smug look switched to one of concern. I chuckled slightly while rubbing the back of my neck.

"No I'm fine." Kendall sighed with relief. He probably would have felt like a real asshole if I had hurt myself and he didn't make sure I was ok. Like the last couple of times Kendall grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the next area. I was really loving the contact. Kissing and making out with Kendall was pleasurable but hand holding and soft touches. I craved those the most. I was ripped out of my thoughts when I heard the multiple screams of teenage girls. I was usually used to it but these screams were not the "OMG ITS BTR" these were the "OMG I'M GOING TO DIE!" I looked up and gulped when I saw two girls strapped together flying through the air. They were in large harnesses attached to a thick cable that ran all the way up to the ceiling. Apparently the point of this was they strapped you in, in a lying down position. Then they pulled you up to the ceiling at an angle. And finally, they released you so you went flying down until you swung back and forth to a stop.

"Looks like so much fun right Logan!"

"_Oh hell no."_

"Kendall that's way higher than that other one!" My voice cracked from anxiety and I could already feel my body trembling.

"Don't worry. We'll be strapped together this time so you won't have to do it alone.

"_Wait… strapped… meaning connected… to Kendall. I'm in!"_ I swallowed hard and nodded once again letting my feelings for Kendall cloud my judgment. When we finally made our way to the platform in the center of the floor two works put us tightly in our harnesses then moved us together so we could be connect. Kendall's side was pressed against mine as they instructed us to lean forward so we could be lifted up. As the ground got farther and farther away I started to think the chance to be this close to Kendall so wasn't worth it. "Oh my god we're gunna die!" I suddenly felt pressure on my hand and everything was forgotten. Kendall was holding my hand. I looked into his eyes and felt my fear go away. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze then looked back down. I suddenly registered someone was counting down and when they hit 0 we were plummeting towards the ground.

"YEE HAAA!"

"AHHHH!" As we slowed down I was panting and shaking while Kendall was laughing hysterically. He had gotten such a high from that. As soon as the harnesses were off I stumbled to the exit and leaned against a wall. I shut my eyes tightly just waiting for my heart to stop beating out of my chest. Kendall stopped next to me and draped his arm over my shoulder. He patted my chest and let out a chuckle.

"You ok Logie?" I swallowed and nodded before opening my eyes to look at Kendall seriously.

"Please tell me our feet will be firmly planted on the ground for the rest of this trip." Kendall smile formed into a disappointed frown and I immediately started shaking at the prospect of doing something more extreme. _"First the high jump then a plummet. What could be next indoor blindfolded bungee jumping?"_

"Don't worry Logan I won't make you do anymore extreme jumps." I let out a sigh but I was still shaking and jumpy. It would probably take a few minutes for that to wear off. "Why don't we get something to eat?"

"Yea… food is safe… that's on the ground." Kendall stopped walking for a minute and looked at me like I had five heads. He soon began busting out laughing, enough so that he clutched his stomach from the pain.

"You're so funny Logan." I chuckled and smiled glad Kendall was in such a good mood. After we ate we played a few games and did some more activities. My favorite thing we did the whole day had to be the photo booth. We made funny faces and crawled around like idiots. In one picture we were propping ourselves up trying to be like Spiderman and in the picture right after we weren't there because we fell to the ground and out of the camera's view. We took a few minutes to look at the pictures deciding we would hang them up in our room. I put them in my pocket and after a silent moment Kendall let out a sigh. "We should probably start heading home. I nodded sadly and made my way to the exit with Kendall. We had such a good day together; I didn't want it to end. I never like being the center of attention but it felt so nice being the center of Kendall's attention. We didn't talk about Jo or Camille or work or anything else. It was just me and him and that's the kind of stuff I had been craving.

The ride back to the Palm Woods was silent but it was a comfortable one. I made sure I kept my face turned towards the window so Kendall couldn't see my big goofy grin. I felt like a love sick school girl who finally got her crushes attention. I felt like the comic book nerd who just saw the green lantern trailer for the first time. I felt like the anime fan who got to give Vic Mignogna a big hug. Any emotion that was associated with absolute bliss I was feeling.

When we walked through the lobby I was happy we didn't run into Jo. I didn't want my day to be ruined in anyway. We were still silent as we walked to apartment 2J and I still couldn't get rid of the huge grin on my face. Kendall opened the door and we walked into 2J. Mrs. Knight was just starting to put dinner out and smiled at us as we walked in.

"There you too are. Where have you been all day?" Kendall smiled and sat down at his usual spot at the table. I sat right next to him and let out a content sigh.

"We went to sports world." Kendall glanced towards me and I had to stop myself from smiling. It had been such a good day!"

"What!" We both glanced at James and Carlos who were looking at us shocked.

"And you didn't invite us!"

"That is just cruel!"

"You stink!" Kendall rolled his eyes at our two friends and smirked at me.

"Calm down if we go again you guys are definitely invited." They both seemed satisfied enough to drop the subject. As we ate our dinner I was lost in my memories. The reassuring looks, the way he draped his arm over my shoulder… I couldn't help but let out a dreamy sigh. Even though it was the scariest moment of my life the one time that I would never forget was when Kendall grabbed my hand right before we fell. It was different than any other time he grabbed my hand. It was like he was reassuring me he was there and it was nice to know.

"Oh Kendall Jo was looking for you earlier." I snapped out of it when Jo was mentioned. Kendall gave James a questioning look as he finished his food.

"What about?"

"She didn't say." Kendall nodded and excused himself from the table. I watched him as he walked towards our room. He was probably going to call Jo. It was a matter of time before he would talk to her again. When I finished eating I excused myself and walked to Kendall and my room. He was sitting on his bed smiling as he talked on the phone with Jo. There was a spark in his eye that wasn't there when he had been with me. I could tell that spark was love.

"Goodnight Kendall." Kendall waved me goodnight as he continued to talk on the phone. I let out a sigh and changed before plopping down on my bed. I focused on the day's events feeling that goofy grin on my face. As I listened to Kendall talk to Jo I couldn't help the tears that came to my eyes. If someone were to see me right now they would probably be so confused. I was confused to. I didn't think it was possible to be smile so brightly as tears streamed down your face.

**A/N: aw… that ending made me sad. At least Logan had a good day. Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter**

**There is more to come.**


	8. dreams really don't come true

The last thing I expected to wake up to was a screaming match. When I rolled out of bed and snuck myself to the hall my curiosity was peaked when I realized the ones fighting were Kendall and Jo. I was surprised no one else was here watching like I was. I was probably the only one left in the apartment, except for Kendall and Jo obviously.

"You're being ridiculous!" Kendall wasn't facing me but I could tell by the way he frantically moved his hand around that he wasn't happy. "I spend every day with you! Why do you care if I hang out with my best friend for one day?"

"_There fighting about me?" _Jo made a shocked face and put her hands on her hips. I don't know what she was shocked for. She did get Kendall every day.

"But you live with Logan! You see him all the time!"

"Seeing him and spending time with him are two different things!" I never liked hearing people screaming but I got a sick satisfaction from the fact that Jo was angry Kendall was spending time with me.

"But you've been spending all your time lately with Logan and Carlos and James! What about me! I'm your girlfriend!" I fought the urge not to scoff at her. Everything always had to be about Jo. I was starting to wonder what Kendall saw in her.

"I'm allowed to hang out with my friends!"

"Not when you have a girlfriend!"

"Excuse me!"

"_Excuse me!" _Who the hell did Jo think she was? I couldn't believe she just told Kendall that he wasn't allowed to hang out with me. I was starting to think that Jo somehow knew I was in love with Kendall. Camille would never tell her, I know that but girls always seem to be more observant then guys. If that was the case she was desperate to sever the relationship I had been building with Kendall maybe even the relationship I've had with Kendall since we were three. They were both silent just glaring at each other. I felt like if I made any sudden movement they would instantly know I was there.

"I can't believe you would even say something like that. I suggest you leave before I really say something I regret." Kendall turned abruptly and I gasped and hid behind the corner. I could hear Jo let out a huff and stomp her way to the door. It opened smoothly but then it was slammed shut. I stood there quietly wondering how long I should wait to walk out there. If I went now it would be obvious that I was listening. I decided that the best move was to go back to my room for a while. I turned to tip toe back to my room when I heard Kendall's voice. "I know your there."

"Shit!" I whispered. I turned a shuffled towards the kitchen slowly afraid Kendall would scream at me. I hated when people yelled but I hated when people yelled at me even more. When I finally reached the kitchen Kendall was sitting at the counter with his hands folded in front of his face. He was glaring and I prayed that glare wasn't directed towards me. "K-Kendall I'm sorry I didn't mean to ease drop p-please don't be mad." Kendall remained silent for a moment before he let out a sigh allowing his forearms to drop and lay flat against the counter top.

"I'm not mad at you." I let out a sigh and moved towards Kendall so I was facing him on the opposite side of the counter.

"What was that fight about anyway? _It couldn't have just been about me." _Kendall let out another sigh and glanced at the door like he was expecting Jo to walk right back in. I really hated how she walked in without knocking. She didn't live here. Girlfriend or not she should respect our privacy.

"Jo thinks I've been spending too much time with You, Carlos and James. I told her I spend more time with her and that I've been neglecting you guys and have been trying to make up for that but she thinks that's stupid. She thinks ever second of my free time should be with her." I really wanted to let loose and tell Kendall how much of a bitch Jo was and that he should cut her loose but I knew Kendall wouldn't like that. Fighting or not he still cared a great deal for her.

"I don't know what to tell you man." I have always been great at giving people advice. In fact if it was any other couple I would know what to say but this was Kendall I wanted him to be with Jo less not more. Kendall sighed and covered his face with his hands. He looked like he was really conflicted and I felt bad for him. I inwardly sighed and looked away from Kendall. "M-maybe you should just spend the day with her. Make her feel like you still care then try to explain to her that you need to be able to have time for your friends too. You guys can probably work out a schedule or something." I could hear Kendall stand up and walk around the table. When he was standing in front of me I looked up and was saddened by his bright smile. Usually his face always made me happy but knowing that he was thinking about Jo… made my heart sink.

"Thanks Logie you're the best." Kendall pulled me into a tight embrace. I was able to enjoy his warmth for a few short moments before he was gone; and I felt empty inside. Kendall shouted a goodbye before leaving the apartment.

"Bye Kendall… I love you." I leaned my head against the counter and let out a sad sigh. He was my friend and he was suffering… I needed to give him good advice no matter how much it broke my heart. I had been working so hard to get Kendall away from Jo and I had just given him the ticket to get her back into his life. I couldn't believe how much of an idiot I was.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" I let out a gasp and quickly turned around. Someone else had been in the apartment this whole time?

"K-Katie, how long have you been there?" She rolled her eyes and walked passed me so she could hop up onto the counter.

"Long enough but I didn't need to hear your small confession to know. I've always known." What is with girls and always knowing everything? I bet even Mrs. Knight knew.

"Does your mom know?" I grimaced when she nodded her head.

"We like to discuss you, Kendall, James and Carlos whenever we go out. You're always the hot topic." I raised my eyebrow at Katie. I never realized mama Knight and Katie talked about us all the time.

"Why am I the hot topic?" She rolled her eyes like it should be obvious to me.

"Well you are in love with my brother and…" Katie paused as he features softened. Like Kendall, I didn't like when she was sad. "I can tell how hard all this is for you. My mom and I are worried about you." I gave Katie a small sad smile which she returned.

"Don't worry about me. I should be… fine." Katie let out a long sigh before speaking again.

"Logan I'm going to tell you something that you'll need to hear. The men of the Knight family are cursed at being the most clueless people on the planet when it comes to love. If you don't say anything… he will never see it."

"I -I can't tell him!" I stood up straight and gave Katie a horrified look. How could I tell Kendall? I was never good at telling anyone how I felt. I was always too afraid of rejection especially when I know I'll be rejected. "He loves Jo… telling him how I feel won't make me feel any better. The only difference there would be that he would know about it." Katie sighed and hopped off the counter. Before she left she stood in front of me with a serious look.

"Ok Logan but I know better than anyone how much of a dunder head Kendall can be so… take care of yourself." When Katie finally left it occurred to me who I had just been speaking to. It was so strange that she knew so much at her age. After I finally decided that the apartment was indeed completely empty now I figured I'd go to the pool. James and Carlos were probably down there so it would be nice to hang out with them. I haven't done that in a while. I went back to mine and Kendall's room and quickly changed into swim trunks and t-shirt. The weather had been beautiful lately so I wouldn't be surprised if there were a lot of people at the pool. I was surprised however when I got to the lobby and found almost know one. I walked towards the pool and there were a good number of people there but it wasn't what I was expecting.

"Hey James, Carlos." They both looked towards me and gave me big smiles. James was wearing his favorite black tank and board shorts and Carlos was wearing a blue tank with swim trunks. (1) "Where is everyone?" I plopped down in my usual seat and gave James and Carlos a questioning look. They both sat up and looked around like they were noticing for the first time how un-crowded the pool was.

"I hear there's something going on at the park." Carlos shrugged his shoulders not really sure what other reason there could be for the lack of a big crowd. I didn't really care either way so I just shrugged my shoulders as well and laid back.

* * *

"Go away Kendall!" I run through the lobby and burst through the doors leading to the stair case. I could already feel tears streaming down my face as I made my way down the second floor to apartment 2J. Kendall was such a jerk. I couldn't believe he came to the pool and rubbed his relationship with Jo in my face. I didn't care if he didn't know why I stormed off, I didn't care that he looked completely confused when I yelled in his face. He was such a… I don't know what he was but my heart hurt so badly because of him. It took me a few tries to get the key into the lock because I couldn't see past the tears but I eventually managed. I went straight to my room ignoring Mrs. Knight as she stopped cooking to ask me what was wrong. I walked straight into my room and threw the door shut. When it didn't slam closed I turned around. Kendall had just managed to catch it. He was huffing and puffing as he stood staring at me.

"Logan…" I made an annoyed noise and walked towards our bathroom. I didn't want to deal with him right now. "Logan wait!" Kendall grabbed my arm and spun me around. Tears were still streaming down my face but I didn't bother to wipe them away. I didn't care if he saw me crying. He crossed the line. "Talk to me. What did I do?" Kendall was giving me a pleading look. He looked so sad and vulnerable. Normally I would have broken and forgave him but not this time.

"Why?" Kendall lessoned his grip on my arm slightly because he was confused by the question.

"Wha..."

"Why did you insist on coming to the pool and showing off that you made up with Jo? Why did you rub your relationship in my face?"

""I'm sorry Logan I didn't know you would get mad. Do you like Jo or…"

"I like you Kendall!" Kendall completely let go of my arm and just stared at me. I didn't know what his shocked expression meant but I couldn't help but back away from him. I started shaking and crying harder as I moved towards the bathroom. I couldn't believe I just did that. He loved Jo WHY DID I TELL HIM! Kendall moved over to me swiftly making me scream slightly. It almost seemed like he was going to hit me until I could feel his lips on mine. He pulled away a second later and I couldn't believe that just happened. In fact, the kiss was so fast I was starting to think I imagined it. "Did you…"

"Yes."

"But I don't…" Kendall crashed his lips to mine again like he was trying to make a point. When I felt his tongue lick my bottom lip I happily granted him access. We kissed passionately and deeply for a long time before Kendall pulled away again. I was so shocked by this I couldn't help but blurt out the one thing I've been wanting to say for forever. "Kendall I love you." When he smiled at me and pecked my lips everything with the world seemed right. He leaned his forehead against mine and smiled as he looked deeply into my eyes.

"Logan I…"

"LOGAN!" I awoke with a start falling completely off the lounge chair and landing face down on the ground. I could hear a few people snickering as I sat up. The sun was in its highest point in the sky meaning that it was about noon. I didn't remember falling asleep or even feeling tired but apparently I had. The dream flashed through my mind again. It had felt so real. I thought it was real. He was finally going to say it, but of course it wasn't real.

"Logan you alright?" I didn't realize it at first but a few tears had managed to fall down my face. James and Carlos had been smiling before but now they felt bad.

"You didn't hurt yourself did you? Aw man Logan I'm so sorry." Carlos looked completely wrecked. He probably thought it would be funny to scare me awake. I normally would have just laughed it off but that dream. I managed a small chuckle and wiped my eyes.

"No, no Carlos I just got some dust in my eyes." To emphasize my point a blinked rapidly and rubbed my eyes. I was happy when both Carlos and James seemed to relax a great deal.

I waited ten minutes before I left the pool. I didn't want to leave to quickly and raise suspicion so I waited ten agonizing minutes. Once I was out of Carlos and James' view I bolted up the stairs to apartment 2J. It was just like the dream but I knew Kendall wasn't going to come to my rescue and make everything ok. That fact alone made my heart hurt so badly. I made my way to mine and Kendall's room and collapsed on my bed. I couldn't help but thinking if the pain could get any worse than this.

After a long time of sulking there was a rather loud knock on the door. I let out a long annoyed sigh and rolled out of bed. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone right now and I was ready to shoo whoever it was away. I didn't bother to look through the peep hole because I really didn't care who it was. When I flung open the door my mouth was ready to start letting out an annoyed "What" but the word caught in my throat.

"MOM!"

**A/N: DONE! You know I usually don't listen or watch BTR while I'm writing. I always feel a little creeped out and start thinking of what they would think if they ever found this fanfic lol. But I made an exception for this chapter. My roommate was watching some creepy medical show that was just freaking me out. I solved this problem by putting on head phones and blasting BTR. No nightmares for me! =]**

**Although I'll probably go death with how high the music was on…**

**I originally wasn't going to have a dream here but I was like what the heck! Why not? Lol. I wasn't going to say anything but something significant is going to be coming up soon… hmmm…. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**

**(1): are swim trunks and board shorts the same thing? idk I'm not a guy.**

**PS: did you guys see that video titled James blow drying his hair. AHAHAHA! I was dying of laughter the whole time. It really is just James blow drying his hair! I felt like such a creeper watching it but it was so funny. **


	9. mom

When I said before that I didn't care who was at the door I was totally lying. My mother smiled and opened her arms. I immediately embraced her in a tight hug. I was so surprised and confused by her sudden appearance but at that moment I didn't care. It was nice to have something good after such a bad day. After a few minutes I reluctantly pulled away and allowed her to step into the apartment.

"What are you doing here mom." She looked around for a second before turning back to me with a smile.

"What I can't visit my favorite son?"

"I'm your only son."

"…"

"Mom?" She let out a laugh and pinched my cheek lovingly.

"Oh Calm down Logan I'm only kidding. But in all seriousness your grandparents don't know I'm here. I ran into Mrs. Garcia at the supermarket the other day. She called Mrs. Knight and made sure it was ok for me to come by." I smiled and walked toward the kitchen. I grabbed cups and other things while still talking to my mom.

"Do you want coffee or something… something to eat?" She sat down at the table and nodded as she watched me work. We were silent until I finished making the coffee and some sandwiches. When everything was finished I walked over to the table and sat down across from her. "So how long are you going to be around if grandma and grandpa don't know you're here?" She sighed and my heart sank slight. She probably couldn't stay long but I was still happy that I got to see her at all.

"Not long. I have to go back to Minnesota tomorrow night." I let out a sigh of relief. She was staying a lot longer than I thought. We fell silent for a moment. She took a sip from her cup and placed it back down on the table. When she let out a sigh I could tell the conversation was going to get serious. "How have you been… since we last talked." I let out a long sigh and rubbed my face with my hands. After a second I dropped my hands back to the table and stared at the cup in front of me.

"It hasn't gotten any easier but Kendall is spending more time with me…"

"Well that's good…" I could tell by her tone that she wasn't completely convinced my situation had improved and honestly it hasn't. The only difference between now and a few weeks ago is Jo isn't everywhere I looked. We were silent for a while. I could tell she was trying to find something to say about what was going on but there wasn't much she could do about it. "Does anyone else know?" I scoffed and nodded my head.

"Apparently Mrs. Knight and Katie knew all along. They like to gossip about it." She furrowed her eyebrows and chuckled.

"I don't find that surprising at all." Before we could fall into another silence the front door opened. When I heard a high pitched squeal I knew it was Mrs. Knight.

"Jane you're here!" My mother smiled and stood up so she could give Mrs. Knight a hug. When Mrs. Knight pulled away she gripped my mom's shoulders and smiled at her. "You're looking well… how's work? I hope your still finding time to take care of yourself."

"Don't worry things have been uninteresting." I wasn't surprised that Mrs. Knight was so concerned for her well being. Considering how young she was and that her parents basically disowned her Mrs. Knight really helped her out. When my mom wanted to attend college Mrs. Knight helped her get a job so she could pay and whenever she needed advice for anything having to do with me she always went to Mrs. Knight. James and Carlos' parents also helped my mom out a lot. At first my mom felt like a burden by accepting all of their help. Especially when my mom and my three friend's parents had just met. They finally convinced her otherwise when I was ten.

(Flashback)

I felt like such a horrible person as my grandparents prepared to leave. My grandfather's brother was very sick so they were flying halfway across the world to spend what could be his last few moments walking this earth with him. The reason why I felt so horrible was because I was thrilled they were leaving. They were going to be gone for 6 months and my mom was going to be taking care of me. As I brought my grandparents bags to the car I tried to hide the smile on my face. The last time I had seen my mom in person was at the parent teacher conference a year ago.

"Ok I guess that's it. You be a good boy Logan." My grandmother cupped my face and smiled at me. She kissed my forehead before moving to the front seat of the car. My grandfather ruffled my hair and pat me on the back hard before he moved to the driver's seat. I watched from the door as they pulled out of the driveway. When they were out of site I jumped for joy and ran back inside. My mom was just finishing making dinner and when she saw my bright smile she gave me a smile of her own.

"I'm going to assume the two over lords are gone." I giggled slightly and nodded vigorously as I sat down at the table. My mom moved to me and kissed the top of my head before moving back to the dinner she was making.

"What are you making mom?"

"Spaghetti… that sound good?"

"Yea that sounds great." She smiled and set a plate of food in front of me. I didn't know why my grandparents were so hard on her. She obviously knew how to take care of me.

* * *

After three months of perfect grandparent-less bliss I was almost thinking it wouldn't be that bad for them to come back. A stomach virus was going around and of course I got it. Even though I was sick I could tell my mom was freaking out. She was running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to figure out how to handle this. She made me soup I threw it up, she gave me medicine I still threw up, she called a doctor who told her to give me a different medicine and then again, I threw up.

I was sitting in the living room watching TV as my mom came in with a glass of water. She sat down next to me and rubbed my side as she gave me a concerned look.

"Logan do you want to try and drink some water?" I nodded and adjusted myself so I could take the glass from her. My throat had been rather dry so it was nice to feel the cool wet liquid moving down my throat. When I was satisfied I set aside the glass and laid back down. My mom ran her fingers threw my hair soothingly for a few minutes before getting up to move back over to the kitchen. Not even a minute later I felt churning in my stomach. I threw my hand over my and ran towards the bathroom. I barely had enough time to lift the lid before I was emptying my stomach. After a good minute of retching I leaned my head against the toilet and let out a pained whimper. I felt so horrible. I didn't even notice that my mom was there until I felt her rubbing circles in my back.

"Mom my stomach hurts."

"I know baby, I know." She helped me back over to the couch and wiped my face with a washcloth before moving back over to the kitchen. After another minute the door bell rang. My mom ran her fingers through her dark curly hair and let out a tired sigh as she answered the door. I was surprised when Kendall and Mrs. Knight walked in. I went to sit up but my mom immediately made me lay back down.

"What are you doing here?" Kendall held up a container in his hands and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"We thought you could use some soup." My mom smiled and took the container from Kendall. She placed it on the counter before walking back over to us.

"You really didn't need to do that but thank you." Mrs. Knight smiled and moved to the kitchen with my mom.

"You need anything Logie."

"A blanket is fine." Kendall nodded and moved to the hall. It wasn't surprising that he knew where everything was. While I waited for Kendall to return I listened to the conversation going on in the kitchen.

"You look tired Jane." My mom sighed and ran her fingers through her hair again.

"I've taken care of myself when I was sick but I've never been as sick as Logan. I'm not that good at this."

"Well most 23 year olds can't even take care of themselves. It's amazing that you're doing this well. Do you need any help?" My mother shook her head.

"I couldn't ask you… I don't want to be a bother." Mrs. Knight scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"You're no bother. You can't be expected to know everything about taking care of kid. I'll be around whenever you need me."

(End Flashback)

After that my mom felt better about asking for help when she truly needed it.

Mrs. Knight and my mom talked for a little longer until Mrs. Knight decided she should start making dinner. My mom and I talked for a little while longer before she decided she should head back to her hotel.

"I'll come by tomorrow and we can spend more time together ok Logan." She smiled at me and cupped my face. I nodded in understanding and she left the apartment. When I closed the front door I let out a sigh and went back to mine and Kendall's room to lie down for a while. It had been nice seeing my mom. It definitely was a better moment on such a sucky day. After a few minutes a started to feel myself fall asleep but then the door to my room opened. Kendall walked in with a huff and plopped down on my bed next to me. I was definitely surprised by this.

"You ok Kendall?" He turned his head and stared at me for a moment before letting out an annoyed sigh.

"Your plan didn't work?"

"Huh?" Kendall lifted himself up and sat on my bed with his legs crossed.

"I spent the whole day with her, doing everything she wanted and when I finally decided to talk to her about hanging out with you, James, and Carlos she freaked out. I don't know what her problem is." Kendall let out another sigh and looked away from me. He mumbled something under his breath. Normally I wouldn't have heard it but it was just too important not to hear. "Sometimes I wonder why I don't break up with her." I swallowed hard trying not to so my sense of hope.

"I-I thought you loved her."

"I do but… I don't know… every time we fight I wonder why I'm with her but then the next time I see her I remember why I fell in love with her in the first place." I wish I knew what Kendall was thinking. I wish I knew if he really did love Jo or if he just cared for her deeply. I honestly am starting to think that he doesn't even know and the more time that goes on, the more he is starting to wonder. We stayed silent for a moment before Kendall finally decided to get up. He started to leave the room but then turned to look at me. "Do you want to do something tomorrow?" My heart fluttered at the thought but then I remembered my mom.

"I can't my mom came to visit and tomorrow is the only time I'll get to spend time with her." Kendall nodded in understanding.

"How about right now… you wanna go to the movies?" My heart fluttered again and I smiled warmly.

"Sure." Kendall smiled brightly before walking towards the bathroom to most likely take a shower. I don't know what it was but something about this felt different. For one Kendall asked me to hang out with him instead of me asking him. He was talking about how he wondered why he was still with Jo and he seemed pretty happy that I agreed to go to the movies with him. I hope it wasn't just my heart hoping for the best but I think I had a real chance and I guess it was coming close to the time were I would figure everything out.

**A/N: can you say filler. This chapter kind of sucked. I planned on having more but once I got all the stuff with Logan's mom I was kind of like… now what. Sure I could have written in Kendall and Logan's da… *ahem*… guy time but I didn't feel like it. And I wanted to end the chapter with something more… idk not happy but at least Logan isn't crying. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter **

**There is more to come.**


	10. is it love or not

**A/N: so I felt the need to update with two chapters in one day. One, because I didn't update yesterday because I was lazy and two, the last chapter was really just like a filler. Anyway, on to the chapter.**

It had been so nice spending time with my mom again. After not seeing her for so long it brought me some comfort knowing that there was someone I could depend on that still cared about me. It was sad when she had to leave but it was a lot better than not seeing her at all. What was also nice was the time I've spent with Kendall. The trip to the movies was like when we went to sports world. All his attention was on me and I almost felt something between us. It felt like I wasn't the only one who was feeling something for the other.

Kendall's relationship with Jo was becoming more strained as the days went on. They were still spending a lot of time together but it seemed they would always have one or two arguments. It was really stressing Kendall out and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was looking for something. He needed something maybe someone to fulfill something for him. I didn't want to get my hopes up but the more his and Jo's relationship became strained and the more time he spent with me led me to believe that even with all the facts there was something more than just friendship between us.

Today wasn't different than any of the other days. Kendall went to spend the day with Jo and I was sure, like every other day, it wouldn't end well. James and Carlos were going on a double date with two other girls and Mrs. Knight and Katie had just left for the day. I was the only one left in the apartment and it was really giving me time to think about what was going on between me and Kendall. Before I had lost all hope for Kendall ever sharing my feelings but lately it's been like there could be a chance. I smiled at that thought. If Kendall ever said those three words I think I would sob from pure joy.

I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed medical book I had been reading recently. Reading was always a good way for me to pass the time whenever I was sitting in my room by myself. Usually I would be able to get through a few chapter before someone would come home but I barely got through three pages when I could hear the front door open. I expected it to be James or Carlos. The girls they had asked out didn't seem to in to them so I wouldn't have been surprised if they both came into my room so they could tell me how horrible the date went. What I didn't expect was for it to be Kendall. He walked into the room slowly and closed the door behind him. He was probably upset about something that happened with him and Jo. He walked straight over to me, took my book from me and the next thing I knew his lips were on mine.

"_Is this really happening?" _I suddenly felt warmth all around me and realized Kendall had crawled on top of me and situated himself between my legs. I wasn't sure what was going on so I pulled away and stared at him breathless. "Kendall?"

"I can't do this anymore. I need you Logan. I want you." My heart fluttered. I couldn't believe those words were coming out of his mouth. He wanted me, he finally wanted me. I pulled Kendall into a deep kiss and licked his bottom lip. As soon as I felt his lips part I inserted my tongue into his mouth and made sure I memorized ever spot. This kiss was more desperate then any of the others we've had and because we haven't kissed in a while it felt so good to have his lips connected to mine again. I let out a soft moan as Kendall moved his tongue against mine. Our tongues wrestled for a moment but then he forced my tongue back into my mouth so he could run his tongue over all my most sensitive areas. I was getting so much pleasure from kissing I couldn't believe the pleasure I got when Kendall began to move his lower half against mine. I could feel his hardening erection rubbing against me and I knew where this was going. This time I was ok with it though. I was ready for this.

When we broke apart Kendall moved to sucking at my neck and I moved my hands to the hem of his shirt. I tugged it up and over his head and when it was finally off he pulled off my shirt. As I reached down to undo his belt Kendall attacked my neck again and I had to stop for a second as he bit down hard. I never thought I would be the type to enjoy pain but there was just something about Kendall. He made it hurt so good. As he moved to my chest and collarbone I was finally able to get his belt off. My hands grazed his erection when I pulled open his pants and I was surprised by the growl he let out. It was such a turn on I couldn't help but whine in submission. Kendall pulled off his pants and nearly ripped off mine before he moved to mouthing at my nipples. My hips involuntarily thrust upward and I let out a deep moan at the two sensations. As he sucked and nipped my hands immediately went to thread through his hair but he took my wrists and pinned them to the bed. I could only moan and whine as he tortured me with pleasure. When he finished with the first nipple he moved on to the other giving it the same treatment. He let go of my wrists for a second and I immediately reached out for the hem of his boxers.

"Do it." His eyes were clouded with so much lust as I pulled off his boxers. I don't know why but I just kind of stared for a moment. It was the first time I had ever seen Kendall like this. I snapped back to reality when Kendall took a hold of my boxers. My breathing picked up and he connected our lips as he pulled my boxers down and off. I could feel pre cum on my member as he rubbed against me. I couldn't help the moan that came out of me as I moved my hips against his. Kendall still rubbed himself against me as he pulled away to suck on his fingers. I barely had the sense to spread my legs wider for him as he moved his hand to poke at my entrance.

It stung at first. I shut my eyes tightly as Kendall slowly moved his finger in and out of me. My body eventually become accustomed to the intrusion so Kendall pulled all the way out and plunged in with a second finger. I couldn't help the small whimper that came from me as Kendall scissored his fingers and pumped in and out at a rapid pace. Once again when I became used to it he added a third finger.

"Ow." Kendall pressed his lips to mine as he moved his fingers inside me rapidly. When I became used to it he started putting more force with each thrust of his fingers. I broke away from Kendall and let out a moan which turned into a small yelp. He was being rough so the sensations were standing on a line of extreme pleasure and pain. Kendall brushed against my prostate one last time before taking away his fingers. My breathing began to pick up and I could feel my hips shaking in anticipation. Kendall spit on his hand and rubbed his member with it before he placed his erection at my entrance. I spread my legs wider and let out a needy whine as he poked and teased my entrance. I just wanted him in me already. I didn't expect Kendall to shove in forcefully but that was exactly what he did. I let out a loud scream as pain shot through me. Kendall was so much bigger than his fingers so he stayed completely still while I adjusted. Eventually my entranced surrounded him with a soothing liquid and I felt nothing but unbelievable pleasure. When I let out a long moan Kendall seemed to figure out he could move. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head as he pulled out almost all the way and plunged back in.

Kendall's pace was fast and rough as he thrust in and out of me. I could hear the headboard hitting the wall and the bed springs squeaking underneath us as Kendall thrust in and out of me at a rapid pace. The pleasure was so unimaginable it was hard for me to keep my focus on reality. Kendall tightened his hold on my wrists and pounded into me harder than before. My body jolted and my head smacked against the headboard slightly as I shifted upwards on the bed. Kendall groaned and threw his head back as he slowed down his pace and rolled his hips. Eventually he picked up his pace again and he was pounding into me faster than before. Tightness began to form in my lower stomach and I knew I was close. By Kendall's groaning I could tell he was close to. We were both panting and moving rapidly against each other ready for the coming climax. When it finally hit me my body stiffened and the most amazing feeling in the world moved throughout my body. Kendall continued to hit my prostate extending my orgasm as rope after rope of cum spurt out of my member. With one more jolt of his hips and a loud groan Kendall came forcefully inside.

That was a whole pleasure in itself. My hips trembled and I whimpered at the feel of Kendall's cum filling me to the brim. When we both finished Kendall dropped on top of me and I let my legs slump at his sides. We were both trying to get our breathing back to normally and I knew once I could speak again I was going to tell him. It was finally time for him to know how I've felt about him and I couldn't believe I could finally say the words. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes to look at Kendall.

"I-"

"Oh god Jo." My words caught in my throat and my smile was immediately wiped off my face.

"_J…Jo? The whole time… he was thinking… of Jo?" _I watched Kendall wide eyed as he pulled out of me and stood up. He didn't lie down next to me like I thought he was going to. He didn't wrap his arms around me like I thought he was going to. No, he got dressed and plopped down in his own bed. I stayed unmoving until I could hear soft snores indicating Kendall was asleep. After another second I ran to our bathroom and shut the door quietly behind me. I climbed into the shower, turned on the water, and slide down until my butt hit the floor. I didn't care that the water was ice cold as I let the tears I had been holding in fall. The true reality of the situation came full force as I sat in the shower silently crying my eyes out. Kendall didn't mean he needed me like I thought. He didn't want me like I thought. It was just another way for him to get out his frustrations about Jo. I couldn't believe I was stupid enough to think that Kendall felt anything towards me. I gave my virginity to the guy that I love more than anything in this world and it was just a fuck for him.

"Wh-hy." I laid fully on the shower floor and curled into myself. I felt so disgust… so used. Everything that I had thought was right was completely and utterly wrong and that lie allowed me to make the biggest mistake of my life. How was I going to face Kendall knowing he was ok with this? How was I going to face seeing him with Jo and knowing he was never going to care about me the way he cared about her? How was I going to face myself?

When I no longer had any tears to shed I just laid on the floor numb. I wasn't sure if it was the cold water but I couldn't feel anything anymore. It almost felt like I was floating and everything that had just happened was a dream… or a nightmare. After a while a knock came to the bathroom door. I didn't know how long I had been in the bathroom but it didn't feel long enough. I really didn't feel anything.

"Logie you ok in there?" It was James. I must have been in here longer then I thought if both James and Carlos were home. I stood up slowly and turned off the freezing water. As I wrapped a towel around myself my body was shivering slightly. I opened the door and James' face morphed into one of concern.

"I'm fine James."

"But you've been in there for hours. I don't even spend that long in the shower." I let out a sigh and walked passed him. Kendall wasn't in his bed anymore so I assumed he was out in the living room or… with Jo. That thought made fresh tears come to my eyes. It was so easy for Kendall to have sex with me then run to his girlfriend Jo. I hated myself so much right now.

"I'm just not feeling that great." I heard James sigh from behind me and I could imagine him running his hands through his hair. I felt slightly guilty. My actions recently were probably putting James and Carlos through hell.

"Ok well… dinner is going to be ready soon."

"I'm not that hungry… I'm just going to go to bed." When I faced James there was so much concern on his face. It looked like he was actually afraid for me.

"Ok." As James moved to leave I moved to my dresser to change. Before he was completely out of the room I turned to him.

"James."

"Hmm"

"Where's… Kendall."

"With Jo." I nodded in understanding and watched him leave. Once he was gone I quickly changed, not bothering to dry myself off and moved to my bed. I pulled the covers back and laid down suddenly feeling extremely tired. Of course he was with Jo. He's always with Jo. That was never going to change. I rolled over in my bed so I was facing the wall and cried myself to sleep.

**A/N: Done! I finally got this chapter done yey! I've been waiting forever to get this up. I was so tempted to push this to an earlier chapter but I was like no! I must stay on schedule! **

**So Kendall is looking like a complete douche bag right about now and what's worse he doesn't even know it! Poor Logan. He is suffering so much. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come (maybe not soon I have finals lol)**


	11. decisions decisions

**A/N: sorry this took so long to upload I had a lot of important stuff to do. Like playing unicorn robot attack and watching Britain's got talent on YouTube and watching big time Christmas over and over and over again… still not convinced? Well I also had my art history final paper to write… there we go. **

**PS: I usually don't care for Christmas songs but I absolute love Beautiful Christmas. And is it just me or was Kendall looking especially cute this episode (mostly when they were singing beautiful Christmas). I'm an all out Logan fan but for some reason I found myself staring at Kendall. I think it the beanie and the jacket/pjs combo. They look adorable on him**

When my alarm started going of it was like someone was taking an axe to my head. I reached out and literally ripped it off the nightstand and pulling the cord from the wall. I didn't think I could feel any worse but I guess I had to physically feel like crap too. My head was pounding and my throat felt like I had swallowed a box of needles. I've never gotten this sick this quickly before but I could imagine that spending hours in the freezing shower wasn't such a smart idea.

I heard movement next to me and knew Kendall was going to wake me up. There was no way I was going to get out of bed any time soon. When he shook my shoulder I groaned and pulled my blanket over my head. I was freezing so it provided a nice warmth.

"Logan come on we need to go to the studio today.

"ughhhh… go *cough* away." I heard Kendall let out a sigh and I thought he might try and get me up again but then I heard more footsteps walking into the room. Someone put their hand on my shoulder and I was planning to tell them to go away again.

"Logan sweetheart can you turn over for me." When I pulled the blanket down and turned Mrs. Knight, James, Carlos, and Kendall were in the room. As soon as they saw my face they grimaced.

"Wow Logan you look horrible." I sniffed and let out a small cough.

"Thanks James that's so nice to know." Mrs. Knight placed s thermometer in my mouth and took it out the moment it beeped. Her eyebrows furrowed in concern as she looked at it.

"101… that's not good." I coughed a few more times and pulled my blanket closer to my. I didn't know why I was so cold considering I had a fever. Mrs. Knight noticed I was shivering and ran out quickly. When she came back she was caring at least five thick fluffy blankets. I must have looked like an idiot with all those blankets wrapped around me but I didn't care as long as I was warm. "There's no way you can go to the studio today. Just stay in bed and get some sleep." Mrs. Knight pet my head and gave me a warm smile. I definitely wasn't about to protest so I laid my head back against the bed and shut my eyes. I could hear everyone leaving as they each offered their own version of "get well soon." I knew that James, Carlos, and Kendall were going to get yelled at as soon as they showed up at Rocque Records without me but I didn't care. I wanted Kendall to suffer just like I was. As the sounds of my three friends dissipated signaling they had left, I fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

When I woke up hours later I didn't feel any better. My head ache had dulled slightly but my throat still felt horrible. I didn't even want to imagine what I would sound like if I tried to talk to anyone. I slowly got out of bed groaning slightly and still feeling unusually cold. I moved to the kitchen and got myself a cold glass of water so I could chug it down. It didn't help with my body temperature issues but it definitely offered relief for my aching throat.

"Oh you're away." Mrs. Knight walked from her room and moved straight over to the kitchen. "Why don't you go lay down on the couch and I'll make you something to eat."

"Ok." I coughed and grimaced at how horrible my voice sounded. Mrs. Knight offered me a sympathetic smile and ruffled my hair. I went to my room quickly and grabbed all the blankets before moving over to the couch. For once I wasn't in the mood to read so I turned on the TV so I could think without looking suspicious. I wasn't really paying attention to what was playing on the TV in front of me. The only thing that was on my mind was Kendall. I was getting so frustrated with all this false hope. I wish everything was obvious instead of having all this fine print. He seems to care about me, then he doesn't, then I think he loves me then he doesn't. I was really getting tired of all this uncertainty and every time I put my heart out it would break even worse than the time before.

"Here you go sweetheart." Mrs. Knight brought over a tray of food. She placed it on the table in front of me and when I finally saw the spread my mouth started to water. If my nose wasn't so stuffed up I would have bet that it smelt amazing. Mrs. Knight had made a large bowl of chicken noodle soup, a bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich, along with a cold glass of water. "Make sure you eat everything and drink all the broth, it will help your throat." I nodded and gave her a weak thank you. She walked away and I was once again left to pretend to watch TV as I thought. I took a sip of the cold water appreciating how it soothed my throat before starting to eat. It was nice to finally have something in my stomach and it offered some comfort. Between me, James, and Carlos I tried to stay away from sweats the most considering I was the type who ate comfort food.

After the initial enjoyment was over, it was time to go back to my thoughts. I could feel my chewing slowing down slightly but I was way too hungry to allow my emotional state to make my lose my appetite.

I really wasn't sure how much more of all of this I could take. I gave Kendall my virginity thinking Kendall finally loved me but that wasn't the reality of the situation. The fact of the matter was that Kendall was stressed out from always fighting with Jo, he was sexually frustrated because he hadn't been doing anything with me or Jo and when he finally came to his breaking point he came running to me; there was no love involved. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. I checked to make sure that Mrs. Knight wasn't around and I was realized she wasn't even in the room. Once I finished the sandwich I moved on to the delicious soap. I've always heard that drinking warm things is better for a sore throat but that never really made sense to me.

Even though Kendall wasn't trying to do it, I felt like are relationship was slowly falling apart. A year ago he would have insisted to stay and help take care of me but now he was out the door without a second thought. We did have more important things to do now with Gustavo and the record company but I still felt like we were slowly slipping away from each other and I didn't like it. I didn't want me and Kendall to be those people who were the best of friends and then end up never talking to each other anymore. The problem was I wasn't sure if it was just this situation that was making things difficult. Kendall and I had only been sneaking around for a couple of months but the drifting started over a year ago. When that thought crossed my mind I knew what it was. It was me. More than a year ago I fell in love with Kendall. Instead of gravitating towards him I was unconsciously pulling away like I was afraid everything I did was telling him how I felt.

I was always saying how much I wanted Kendall around but I was pushing him away. I've tried to do everything in my power to keep him close to me and when I really thought about it I should be happy about what happened with me and Kendall. I had gotten as close to Kendall as I possibly could but the reason why I was so heartbroken about it was because it was just in the physical sense. Kendall cared for me but he only saw me as his best friend. He would never want anything more than that from me.

So this was my dilemma. I craved to be closer to Kendall but at the same time I was unconsciously pushing him away. The reality of the night before had hit me like a ton of bricks and I don't think I can ever truly recover from that. But at the same time I had been closer to Kendall then anyone ever has been. I had gotten closer to Kendall then even Jo. Now that was a good thing. Jo had so much of Kendall. It was nice to know that there was a part of Kendall that, judging by her beliefs about pre-marital sex, would never have. Jo and Kendall would probably not last forever and they probably won't ever have sex. So until Kendall falls in love with another girl who does have sex with him, I'm really the closest to him.

I let out a sigh and placed the bowl back down on the tray. I laid back down on the couch and shut my eyes as the room began to spin slightly. Everything was just so confusing. Everything contradicted each other. I realizing I'm pushing Kendall away then I realized I'm closest to him? This doesn't make any sense. With all this thinking I never even put into account what I was trying to accomplish. I guess I could say that I was trying to figure out if it was wrong to continue with the relationship I was having now with Kendall. The plus side to this would be being with Kendall in a way no one else was. Also, the sex was amazing. I shivered slightly at the thought and realized I had become rock hard in an instant. It was clear what my body wanted and in the back of my mind I craved to have Kendall in that way again.

Everything from the four play to the actual sex had been so magical. I had thought about fingering myself on several occasions and I will admit I tried once. Doing it to myself didn't work but Kendall… If I could I would give that boy's fingers an award.

The more I thought about it the more I realized the hard on I had wasn't going to go away. I let out a sigh and walked straight to my bathroom to take care of it. After a while and another (more successful) attempt at fingering myself I made my way back to the couch. As I walked past the window I spotted Camille and Jo talking by the pool. I couldn't help the glare I shot at Jo as so talked very animatedly to Camille and I realized one thing. If the only reason I were to continue having sex with Kendall was because I knew Jo never would I would be fine with that. I broke my glare away from Jo and laid back on the couch. I felt my eyes drifting shut and after a few minutes I was once again asleep.

* * *

"Be quiet you'll wake him." As my mind moved back to consciousness I gradually began to notice the voices of people talking around me. That first voice had been James. They must have just gotten back from Rocque Records and I was actually surprised. Had I been out that long?

"How long has he been sleeping?"

"A few hours. He was really tired." I wasn't sure were Mrs. Knight was in the apartment but by the smell I was guessing she was in the kitchen. I can smell? To my relief I noticed my nose had cleared up and my throat was less sore. Out of the four of us I was the most likely to get sick but I took the least amount of time to recover, thank god. I heard the floor creaking near me and I couldn't help the feeling that someone was inches away from me. It took all my power not to gasp when I felt a hand on my face. I didn't even need to hear a voice to know it was Kendall. He pressed his hand to my forehead softly then did the same things to my cheeks. The touches were so soft and gently I wished he would do that more often.

"He doesn't feel that hot and he's looking a lot better." I heard Kendall let out a relieved sigh and I noticed his hand was still on my cheek stroking it soothingly. I knew in the back of my mind it was a bad idea to "wake up" right now but I needed to see his face as he was doing this. I needed to see the face that matched the soothing and caring caress. I shifted slightly in an attempt to give Kendall some warning that I was going to open my eyes. I allowed them to flutter open and when I saw his face I wasn't regretting waking up. He moved his hand to playing with my hair as he gave me a caring smile. Kendall had always been more touchy feely whenever I was sick so it was nice to know that the old (before Jo) Kendall wasn't completely gone.

"What time is it?" I blinked a few times and rubbed the sand out of my eyes. I was glad that my voice didn't sound as horrible but I was more glad that Kendall hadn't stopped rubbing my head.

"Almost six. You've been out since lunch apparently." I closed my eyes again and snuggled more into the couch.

"Wow, that's a long time." Kendall chuckled slightly. It was a nice sound to hear.

"How you feeling?"

"My throat doesn't hurt as much and I can actually breathe out of my nose. I still have a slight head ache but what you're doing is helping." I let out a content sigh as Kendall began to rub my head more. I actually didn't have a head ache anymore; I just didn't want him to stop touching me.

After a few minutes of allowing Kendall to rub my head James, Carlos, and Kendall must have assumed I was sleeping.

"He's out again?" James and Kendall sh'd Carlos for his rather loud statement. Kendall pulled his hand away and it took all my will power not to pout or whine.

"He's sick. You know Logan he sleeps a lot when he's sick."

"That's probably his secret to getting better so quickly." Kendall and Carlos chuckled at James' statement. They always teased me about my sick habits saying I acted more like a baby but I didn't care. Secretly it was my attempt at getting more attention. I didn't like attention from strangers but I always liked attention from my friends when I was sick. It was always nice when they took care of me. They thought I hated it.

After a while of listening to their conversation I really did drift off into sleep only to be awoken again by an annoying voice.

"_You have got to be kidding me."_ The first thing I noticed was obnoxious laughter coming from the vicinity of the kitchen. I wanted to smack who ever let Jo into the apartment. My throat had gotten better again but I could feel a migraine coming as I listened to the bitches voice. She was being so fucking loud. I let my eyes open and I groaned slightly because I was looking right at a lamp. Someone had taken a desk lamp and turned it on with the bulb facing me… nice.

"Oh my god Kendall you are so funny!" Having enough of her I sat up and glared in their direction. Jo was sitting next to Kendall at the table and Carlos and James were sitting across from them.

"Do you have to be so fucking loud?" Everyone's eyes were on me and I inwardly grinned at Jo's expression. I plopped back down on the couch and covered my eyes with my arm. They were whispering now and I quickly registered the sound of movement and the front door opening and closing. When I heard footsteps approaching me I should have noticed they were slightly louder than normal footsteps.

"What the hell was that?" I flinched slightly at Kendall's volume and tone. I didn't think he would get mad at me for that but when I thought about it I did just basically curse out his girlfriend. It was probably what made her leave. As I uncovered my eyes Kendall was glaring at me. I inwardly groaned and could feel my migraine getting worse because of the situation.

"Kendall please not now." I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands as my head ache became unbearable.

"No Logan you can't just yell at my girlfriend and expect me to forget about it!" When I didn't respond I heard Kendall let out an annoyed sigh before He grabbed my arm and yanked me into a sitting position. The sudden jolt of my head made me slightly dizzy.

"Kendall stop!" James grabbed Kendall's arm and forced him to let me go. It was like I couldn't control my body as I rolled off the couch and onto the floor. I whimpered slightly and with the assistance of Carlos was able to sit up.

"Logan you ok?" Carlos sounded really worried and the fact that I was gripping my pounding head wasn't helping his situation.

"Can you get me Advil or something? I feel like my head is going to explode." Carlos nodded and helped me lie back on the couch before running to the kitchen. It took me a second to realize James and Kendall were staring at me.

"Well!" Kendall was watching me expecting an explanation.

"My head hurts and your loud talking wasn't helping the situation. I was yelling at all of you. It's not my fault Jo was the last one to talk before I said anything." Even though I had directed most of my anger at Jo that was true Kendall, James, and Carlos had been loud as well. Kendall relaxed and seemed to be ok with that explanation. When Carlos came back over with a glass of water and a bottle of pills Kendall sighed and took them from him. He sat down on the couch and pulled me into a sitting position. He was gentler then before so my head wasn't spinning when he did this. He handed me the glass and opened the bottle handing me two pills. I downed them in two seconds not wanting to wait for the effects. After a few minutes Carlos and James decided to go to bed. I wasn't sure what time it was but I realized I must have been asleep for a while considering how dark it was.

"You should probably move to you bed Logie." Kendall crouched down next to me and started rubbing my head again. I knew he was right but I was way too tired to get up.

"I'm fine here. I don't feel like getting up." I closed my eyes and heard Kendall chuckle. Before I knew it I was being lifted off the couch bridal style. My eyes shot open and I unconsciously wrapped my arms around Kendall's neck. "Why do you always do this?" Kendall chuckled as we walked to our room. He laid me down on my bed not needing to pull back my comforter considering I was already wrapped in it.

"Oh you know you love it." I was so glad the room was to dark for Kendall to see my blush. He may have only been teasing but I couldn't deny that I did love the contact. I loved being that close to Kendall and in that instant I came to the decision I had been fighting all day. I had to be able to be close to Kendall. I had to be able to feel him in a way no one else could (especially Jo). Even if I wasn't sure if I could emotionally handle it, I wasn't going to deny Kendall if he tried to have sex with me again. In fact, I was looking forward to it. After Kendall moved away from me and to his own bed he offered a good night before we both drifted to sleep.

**A/N: there we go. Now when I started writing this I was afraid I would run out of ideas before I even got to thousand words but I obviously was able to beat that. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	12. back at Rocque Records

It didn't take me that long to recover from my cold. After two weeks I was back to my full health and I could start going back to the recording studio with James, Carlos, and Kendall again. I knew I had to be careful because if for any reason I couldn't work Gustavo would probably have my throat.

The situation with Kendall hadn't changed. We were still sneaking around and we were still having sex. I wasn't really sure how I was feeling about it. It was the definition of pleasure but I couldn't really tell how I was emotionally dealing with it. My feelings were so mixed it was only a matter of time before I snapped. I'm actually surprised I haven't done that already. All I knew was that my demeanor had changed. Carlos and James were becoming more concerned and I could tell they had been watching me. Everything I did was now monitored and I felt like I couldn't take a breath without them being there to study it. I remember one day I stubbed my toe and James acted like I was going to burst into tears.

The first morning I was going to be back at the recording studio I woke up early so I could make breakfast for everyone. It had been a long time since I had done that and I thought the gesture would relax James and Carlos. They had been so tense lately I figured a good breakfast before I long day would be a good start. I didn't make anything fancy. Just pancakes, waffles, bacon and eggs. Breakfast food was some of our favorites so I knew everyone would definitely enjoy it. As soon as I had everything set on the table my three friends, Katie and Mrs. Knight emerged out of their rooms with perfect timing. As soon as they smelled the delicious foods they all seemed to wake up and were more than happy to dig in to the small feast.

"Wow Logan you didn't have to do all this." Mrs. Knight ruffled my hair and gave me a warm smile as she sat down at the table.

"It was nothing." I couldn't help but blush. I always saw Mrs. Knight as a second mother but it was still sometimes strange when she acted so lovingly towards me. Kendall, James, Katie, and Carlos offered their own version of thanks before sitting down at the table and digging in. I was happy to see that James and Carlos were visibly more relaxed then they've been in a long time.

The twenty minutes that we all sat together was the best I felt in a few days. We were all laughing and talking like there was no problems between any of us. It was so much like old times again. For a second I would have thought we were back in Minnesota before Gustavo and before anything had happened. The nice family like moment was cut short when we realized we had to start heading to the recording studio. I quickly helped Mrs. Knight put all of the dishes in the sink before running out the door with James, Kendall and Carlos. I was happy when the tension didn't pick up again once we were out of the apartment. I didn't know what Gustavo had in store for us once we got to the recording studio but it seemed to me like it was going to be a pretty normal day.

* * *

"There you dogs are!" Gustavo turned in his chair as soon as we walked into the recording room. Without another word he pointed to the booth and we each walked in ready to record. "Let's start with Oh Yeah." As the music started to play in my head phones I took in a deep breath. This was usually a difficult song for me and I knew it was going to be even worse on my first day back. I just hoped I wouldn't sound too bad. James was the first one to sing right on cue. It had been a few days since I last heard him sing it and he was sounding better than ever. When it came time for Kendall, Carlos, and I to sing back with James I was surprised that we were actually sounding great. I still made sure though that I didn't look at Gustavo. When my part came around I took a big breath and just let loose. I wasn't sure how I was doing but that last note was torture for me. When the music suddenly cut I cringed knowing I was going to get yelled at.

"Sorry Gustavo I know it wasn't that good but it's only my first day back and I…"

"DOG!" Gustavo's loud voice made all four of us jump back. The only think that stopped him from nearly blowing us off our feet like that one time was the glass between us. "You four actually did way better than I thought."

"Yes!" Kendall, James, Carlos and I each cheered to ourselves for a job well done. It was really turning out to be a good day until…

"That doesn't mean you didn't suck! You just sucked less than I thought you would." All our faces immediately dropped. Only Gustavo would give you a back handed complement like that. After a few minutes of James and Kendall arguing with Gustavo about our suck level he finally got them to shut up so we could start with a different song. This time he made us do Nothing Even Matters, which made me grimace slightly. It wasn't a hard song for me to sing but I was the lead. I was hoping that I would be able to ease back into singing with the others but I guess Gustavo wasn't going to let me do that.

After Nothing Even Matters we went through each of the songs at least once and throwing in some harmonies in between. I think I can say I was filled with joy when Gustavo let us out of the recording booth and gave us a two hour break.

"Hey James lets go to the dinner across the street they have the best hamburgers." Carlos didn't even wait for James to reply before he was out the door. He probably didn't care if James followed him or not he just rather have company then eat by himself. James shook his head chuckling at our overly energetic friend. Even if he wasn't hungry he would go with Carlos anyway. He was just a good friend like that. As James sped walked towards the door he stopped and turned to Kendall and I who were still going through our duffle bags. We knew we were going to be dancing next so the four of us usually changed at the start of our break so we wouldn't have to worry about doing it later.

"You coming?" Kendall shook his head and sat on the bench his bag was on.

"Nah, I'm not in the mood for diner food." James then turned to me and I was about to say yes until I felt an intense gaze on me. I knew it was Kendall and it almost seemed like he was willing me to say no. Without even realizing I was doing it I shook my head at James. He didn't question me any further and left quickly. The next thing I knew there was a tight grip on my wrist and Kendall was pulling me down the hallway. We went down until he pulled me into a rather unused office and immediately closed the door. Before I could say anything Kendall lunged at me and immediately attached his lips to mine. I could tell by his roughness and speed that he wanted it bad and he wanted to get it over with quickly. He pushed me over to the desk and started untie my pants as he continued to move his lips against mine.

"Slow down a little." Like the other times before my voice went unheard. It almost seemed like Kendall was trapped in a fantasy whenever he was with me. He was only seeing Jo, only hearing Jo so anything I said was heard on deaf ears. When he got my pants undone Kendall turned me around and pushed me forward so I laid flat against the desk. I Knew there was going to be some bruises on my chest and stomach considering he pushed me down pretty hard and didn't bother to clear the desk of all its items. When Kendall let go of me to most likely open his own pants I sat up slightly to get rid of the pens and other office items under me. When I finally had them cleared away I felt a hand on my back and I was forcefully pushed into the desk. I let out a small squeak as some pain went through me from the impact. I could hear Kendall's heavy breathing as he pulled my pants down enough for me to be exposed to him but my erection was still trapped in my boxers.

In one swift movement Kendall grabbed my hips and forcefully shoved into me. I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from screaming because of the pain. It only took a few deep thrusts for the pain to subside and once it did I was moaning for every hit to my prostate. I can't say this is my favorite way to be getting it on with Kendall but it was still pleasurable. Kendall leaned forward and put his body weight completely on me as he picked up his pace. I could feel his breath on my neck as he was gasping and panting but what I think I enjoyed most was feeling his warmth around me. He was thinking of Jo but all I could think about was what it would be like if we did this more often in a loving way. Not sex necessarily but just hugging and cuddling. I don't know what I would give to be able to curl up next to him and fall asleep with his arms wrapped around me. I don't know what I would give to wake up in his warm embrace.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when Kendall gave a rough thrust making me yelp. I could feel my body tingling and his more erratic thrusts indicated that he was going to cum soon. I arched my back allowing Kendall to plunge deeper as I came. He was still thrusting in and out of me at a rapid pace allowing my orgasm to last longer. When I was finally done I laid my head against the desk trying to catch my breath and waited for Kendall to finish. He was still thrusting into me erratically and because I had already came my entrance was more sensitive making it slightly uncomfortable. It was still pleasurable though and I could imagine I probably would have gotten hard again but after a few more fast thrust he gave one powerful thrust and slowed dramatically. I could feel his cum filling me as his hips moved in a circular motion bucking and jerking every so often. When he was done he pulled out and quickly pulled his pants back on. I stood up and pulled on my own pants grimacing at the feel of all the cum in my boxers. Not only was Kendall's cum sliding down my leg but because my dick had been trapped in my pants I came in my boxers. If I didn't clean this up it was going to be a very uncomfortable day. I glanced at the clock and realized we had been in here for about 40 minutes. It felt like less time than that but I wasn't going to spend any more time thinking about it. When I turned around Kendall was lying on a couch near the door. I guess he wanted to take a nap because of his previous exertion. I let out a sigh and walked over to the door. When I turned the knob I paused for a moment. Normally I would hear a click indicating the door was unlocking. This wasn't the first time we had done it in this office so I knew for a fact if the door was locked it would click when you turned the knob from the inside.

"_He didn't lock the door?" _I would have questioned Kendall but when I turned to look at him he was fast asleep. I let out a sigh and left the room. We were so lucky that no one walked in on us. Kendall was the one who wanted to hide this the most so I would have thought he would lock the door but I guess that was too much to ask for. In the heat of the moment Kendall didn't really think. As I walked into the bathroom I made a mental note to myself to make sure the door was locked the next time we did that. We may have been lucky this time but that doesn't mean we'll be lucky again. I grabbed a few paper towels and walked into the handicapped stall. I had to clean my boxers off and pray they wouldn't be stiff when they dried. When I cleaned myself off I put my boxers back on and waited for them to dry a little before I put my pants back on.

When I was satisfied I put my pants back on and went back to the dance studio. It had taken me a while to clean off my boxers and make sure my sweatpants didn't have any stains on them. When I walked into the studio James, Carlos, and Kendall were already there. They were basically dying of laughter so I couldn't help but be a little curious.

"What are you guys talking about?" Carlos was the first to sober up. He wiped his eyes and let out a sigh.

"When we were at the dinner our waitress was a total bitch so James blew his nose with one of the dollars we gave her. You should have seen her face!" James and Carlos high fived each other and started cracking up again. I couldn't help but chuckle; even if it was gross it was pretty awesome.

"Alright lets Xstart!" Mr. X burst into the room and struck a pose in front of us. I don't think I will ever get over how strange he is. We went straight to our positions and it was nice to no for once I wasn't distracted. Mr. X put in the CD and Big Night started blasting throughout the studio. I didn't have any flips in this one and I was actually happy about that. My backside was a little sore because of earlier so it was nice to know I wouldn't have to strain myself.

As soon as it came time we all started to get into the dance. This dance was more fast pace than the others but I still managed to stay in step with the others. Mr. X cut the music suddenly I was surprised that it wasn't me who had messed up but James. He had made a wrong step and fell backwards. The only thing that kept him up was Carlos who grabbed his arm before he could fall to the ground.

"What was that?" James cleared his throat and fixed his hair.

"Sorry won't happen again." Mr. X huffed and turned the music back on.

"_That was weird. James never messes up."_ I watched James as we went through the dance and we managed to do it without anyone messing up. I decided then that it was probably a onetime thing. I doubted there was anything wrong with James.

**A/N: done! Sorry this took so long to get up. I had my math finally from 8 to 11pm last night so now I finally have a little free time before my last two finals. After that I'm done with school for a month. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	13. a diamond side of things

**A/N: I think it's time to flip things around a bit. =]**

No matter how many times I have to listen to it I will never get used to the annoying beeping of my alarm. It was obnoxiously loud and at this time in the morning it definitely wasn't a good wakeup call but I reminded myself that I had to deal with it if I wanted to look good. James Diamond always has to look good. Carlos didn't even stir as my alarm went off. That fact was the reason for our sleeping arrangements at the current moment. When we first moved into the Palm Woods it was me and Kendall but the first time my alarm went off at five in the morning he grabbed his stuff and moved out. Oh how I suffer for beauty.

I trudged over to the bathroom and went through my usual routine; washing my hair twice, washing my face three times, brushing my teeth twice, and last drying my hair. I always did that part last because by then Carlos was moving from a deep sleep into a light sleep and the noise would wake him so I wouldn't have to. It became so usual to us that my hair dryer became his alarm clock. As I was finishing I could hear Carlos moving throughout our room but more importantly I could smell something beyond our room. It had been so long since someone woke up early to cook us breakfast that I almost didn't recognize it. Mrs. Knight always made us dinner but because we had to get up so early so usually just let us fend for ourselves when it came to eating in the morning. She needed her eight hours of sleep; she wasn't getting up early for anybody.

When I was finally pretty enough I gave myself a smile through the mirror and two thumbs up. I went back to mine and Carlos' room passing him as he took my place in the bathroom. I moved over to my closet and took a hard look through everything before I finally settled on an outfit and threw it on. As I was just finishing tying my shoes Carlos was just walking out of the bathroom fully dressed. I could never get how he did everything so fast. When we left our room the smell was stronger and it woke me up more than I was before. Everyone seemed to be thinking the same thing as Carlos and I were joined by Kendall, Katie, and Mrs. Knight in the kitchen. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was Logan who had made the wonderfully smelling breakfast. Carlos and I had been so worried about him lately. I didn't know what was going on with him but something was definitely up. He seemed depressed lately and I don't even think he realized how much his mood had been changing. The fact that he wasn't aware of his emotions scared me. I felt like he was going to break and really hurt himself if he didn't get himself together soon. Even simple things could set him off so I was happy that he was in a better mood today.

* * *

I was sounding so awesome right now it wasn't even funny. We had already gone through a couple of songs and I was doing wonderfully. I felt bad for Logan though. He just got over being sick and Gustavo wasn't going easy on him. We were singing pretty hard songs and his voice was having trouble dealing with it because it was still a little weak. When Gustavo cut the music after Logan barely made it through his big note I gave him a sympathetic look. He was trying so I didn't want him to get yelled at.

"Sorry Gustavo I know it wasn't that good but it's only my first day back and I…"

"DOG!" Gustavo's voice made us jump back and I couldn't help but chuckle as Carlos hid behind me."You four actually did way better than I thought."

"Yes!" I knew we were doing great. It's about time Gustavo let us know how awesome we are.

"That doesn't mean you didn't suck! You just sucked less than I thought you would."

"_Really?" _I rolled my eyes at Gustavo and tried to ignore his comments. When we finished the last few songs Gustavo gave us a well deserved break.

"Hey James lets go to the diner across the street they have the best hamburgers." Carlos didn't even wait for me to answer. He knew me too well and knew I would never say no. I made sure I asked Kendall and Logan if they wanted to join us but they both said no. Something seemed off with Logan though. He seemed almost robotic in his motions like something else was causing him to make that decision. I really thought he would have joined us considering he loved that diner but right before he was going to answer something in him changed. He tensed and shook his head while staring at me. Well, looking through me. He didn't seem too focused on me at that moment but on something else. I really wanted to talk to Carlos about what was going on with Logan so I left quickly. When I finally caught up to him he was just sitting down at a table.

"Logan's acting strange again." Carlos blinked a few times before letting out a long sigh.

"What do you mean?" I leaned forward slightly so I could speak more quietly. You never know who was listening in, especially since we were more well known these days.

"I don't know what it is but when I asked him to come with us I thought he was totally going to come but then he suddenly said no. It was like something was forcing him to. I think it's about time we talk to him and I don't just mean ask him if he's ok then drop the subject when he says yes." Carlos set his lips in a line and nodded. We weren't sure what was going on but we didn't want to wait until things got out of hand.

"What about Kendall?"

"Huh?"

"He hasn't been saying anything about Logan. Do you think he's even noticed anything?" I shrugged my shoulders and allowed us to fall into silence. I honestly haven't even thought of that. Kendall always knows when something is up, he always know everything. Whenever one of us has a problem he is always the first one to step up and fix it. Even if it was something stupid and simple he always wanted to help. Maybe there was something going on with Kendall too. He's better at hiding things from the rest of us.

"Uh hello!" I was shaken out of my thoughts by an annoyed voice. A waitress was standing in front of us with an expression that clearly said she did not want to be here.

"Oh sorry what?" She rolled her eyes at me and shifted on her feet. I would be attracted to her nice curves if she wasn't giving me such a glare.

"Are you ready to order or what? Carlos and I gave each other looks before I cleared my throat.

"Uh yeah I'll get a well done burger with a side salad and some water." As she wrote down my order she let out a snort and shook her head. Once she finished she turned to Carlos expectantly.

"Burger with fries and a coke." As soon as she was out of sight Carlos shook his head and huffed. "What a bitch."

"I know right… she's still hot though." We were both laughing but had to stop as soon as our waitress came with our drinks. I shouldn't have been surprised when she rolled her eyes at us, but I couldn't help but stick my tongue out at her when she turned around. It was childish but still affective. As soon as we got our food I made sure to check it for spit or something. I don't know what was up with this waitress but I wouldn't have been surprised if I did find something in my food.

As soon as I was satisfied with the state of everything I dug in. Carlos and I didn't really talk much as we ate. I was too busy thinking about what I was going to say to Logan while Carlos was too busy stuffing his face. Whenever I saw him eat it always made me wonder how he wasn't fat. He probably had a fast metabolism or something.

"Why do you always get a falad?"

"A what?" I chuckled at Carlos as he tried to swallow his food so he could speak more clearly.

"A salad."

"What's wrong with me eating a salad?"

"Nothing man it's just kind of girly." I made an annoyed noise and gestured to myself with my hands.

"For your information this salad allows me to keep all this! And a six pack is not girly!" Carlos chuckled and rolled his eyes dropping the subject. As soon as we were both done that bitchy waitress came back over and slapped the check onto the table. When she walked away I let out a sigh and put my money into the folder. Carlos put some money in as well and when I took out a few ones I thought of something. "Hey Carlos I have the perfect way to tip our bitchy waitress." He smiled deviously and leaned in so he could better hear my plan.

"Let's hear it." I looked around and took one of my ones and brought it to my face. Like you would use a tissue I blew my nose and placed the dollar on the table. Carlos made a disgusted face but was still laughing and smiling. Before the waitress could get back we innocently left then ran to the window so we could watch.

"Here she comes!"

"Shh!" The waitress gathered the check then spotted her tip. She looked annoyed that it was only a dollar but picked it up anyway. I almost thought she wasn't going to notice but then she looked at the dollar with furrowed eyebrows when it stuck to her fingers. She unfolded it then let out a disgusted noise when she realized what was sticking to her fingers. Carlos and I ran away from the window almost falling over from our laughter. "Oh my god! I'm dying!" I wrapped my arms around my stomach as my laughing was making my sides hurt. What made the situation even funnier was the fact that Carlos was laid out on the ground kicking his leg around while laughing. "Carlos stop rofling nobody rofl's in real life!" When he finally got control of himself I stuck a hand out and helped Carlos up. He fixed his clothes before chuckling some more as we walked back to Rocque Records.

"More people should do it in real life its fun." I chuckled again and rolled my eyes.

"Ok Carlos." As soon as we were inside I realized it had only been 30 minutes since we left for our break. We had plenty of time so I might as well find something else to occupy my time for a while.

"I'm going to head to the dance studio and see if Kendall and Logan are there." Carlos was running down the hall before I could even answer. That kid really had a problem with patience.

I decided to take a walk around the studio to see if I could find something interesting. I highly doubted Logan was in the dance studio because he always liked to find a quiet place so I imagined I would probably find him hiding around here sooner or later.

My leisurely walk brought me to a hallway some ways away from everything. I was just passing by a closed door when I heard a voice. I couldn't exactly describe what it was like. It was like a small scream but not really of fear or of pain. Even with that in mind though it was still alarming because it was Logan so I moved to the door and turned the handle.

"Logan are you…" I closed the door quickly and stood there for a moment. I knew I must have been imagining it so I cracked open the door again. _"Oh… my… god."_ I definitely wasn't seeing things and I didn't know what to think of it. What are you supposed to do when you see two of your best friends getting it on? More specifically Logan bent over a desk while Kendall is fucking him. After a second I closed the door realizing I had still been watching. I felt like a total creeper for seeing that and I still didn't know how I to react. I didn't know how to think. _"Is this what's being going on with Logan? And what about Kendall... he's been cheating on Jo… with Logan?"_ How do you wrap your head around something like that? Kendall who was supposedly completely head over heels in love with Jo was sneaking around with Logan who was supposedly dating Camille (on and off anyway). So many questions were racing through my mind now. How long had this been going on? Did this mean that Kendall and Logan liked each other? Did this mean they were gay? Were they hiding it because they thought we wouldn't approve?

When it came down to it I was a little angry. How could they hide something like this from me and Carlos? How could they think they couldn't trust us? I thought Logan would know me well enough to know that I support him no matter what. What I don't support is that there cheating on their girlfriends. Jo doesn't deserve to be lead on like that so I knew I had to let Kendall know how I felt. I needed to let Logan know that it was ok to be attracted to the same sex. I wasn't going to punish him for this but something wasn't right. If Kendall wasn't attracted to Jo anymore wouldn't that be obvious. Maybe he still likes girls… maybe's he's bi?

Maybe Kendall wants to be with Logan but won't break up with Jo so Logan feels depressed because of it! That makes sense. Logan's distracted he's suffering from mood swings… whatever is going on between the two of them is hurting Logan so I have to do something about it.

When I glanced at the clock I realized it was about time for me to get back. I didn't even realize I had been wondering around for that long so I made my way over to the dance studio. Kendall and Carlos were already in there but Logan was nowhere to be seen. I wasn't sure how I should bring up what I saw but I had to do it somehow.

"_Should I say something now? Should I wait to get Kendall alone? Should I tell Carlos about it?" _My mind was reeling from the severity of the situation and I barely noticed Carlos was trying to get my attention until he was waving his hand in front of my face.

"James you in there?" Carlos dropped his hand and gave me a questioning look.

"Huh? Oh uh sorry I was just thinking." Kendall chuckled and shook his head and for some reason I wanted to smack him.

"Careful James wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

"Oh ha ha very funny." Carlos and Kendall both laughed and I could feel myself relaxing slightly. I shouldn't think about what I saw right now. I could always talk to Logan and Kendall about it later so for now I just want to enjoy the company of my friends.

"So anyway Kendall you should have been there it was so funny. The lady was being such a bitch so James just took his dollar and let loose on it. The thing was covered in snot. When she picked it up it actually stuck to her hand! She was so grossed out!" Kendall made a grossed our face but was still smiling and laughing just like Carlos when I actually did it.

"That is gross but I have to say that was pretty devious of you James."

"Hey what can I say I'm _snot_ that bad."Kendall and Carlos looked at each other before bursting out laughing.

"Oh my god you're so stupid." I playfully shoved Kendall and started laughing right along with him. I didn't even notice Logan walked in until he was talking to us.

"What are you guys talking about?" As Carlos told Logan what I did I tried looking at Logan with a new knowing mind. Now that I had an idea what was going on I could see it in him. The slight sadness in his eyes and the small limp in his walk, now that I knew it wasn't hard to miss.

While we were practicing my mind was reeling again. I was trying to look for longing glances and "accidental" touches that would further show that Kendall and Logan had something going on but there was none. They were acting like they always did and it worried me. If they were in love there was no way they would be able to hide it like this. Logan is a touchy feely kind of person so when he cares about someone it takes all of his will power not to constantly touch them. Kendall is almost the same. He can't help but wrap a protective arm around the person he cares about.

Knowing this made everything confusing again. If they didn't like each other what were they doing? Before I could try and answer my own question I found myself tripping over my own feet and almost falling backwards. The only thing that kept me up was Carlos, who had caught me at the last second.

"What was that?" Mr. X had his arms crossed over his chest and was tapping his foot rapidly. I could tell from his expression that he didn't expect that from me and he was not pleased. He wasn't that only one who was surprised by my mess up. Kendall and Carlos were glancing at each other with furrowed eyebrows and Logan looked completely confused. I could tell by the way that his eyes dance around that the wheels in his head were turning. I wouldn't be surprised if he figured out I knew before I even got a chance to talk to him. Logan was a smart guy so that would make things easier.

**A/N: can you imagine how awkward that must be. To walk into a room and your best friends are getting it on. Ironically I have had this conversation with my friends before, **

"**Honestly I would have sex in front of you we've known each other long enough." It's nice to know that she is comfortable enough with herself to scar me for life. Lol. Lucky for me though the situation has not and hopefully never will happen. Anyway, sorry this took a while to get up. It was actually because of pure laziness rather than actually being busy. I never realized how hard it would be to write in James point of view. I am not a boy so I'm not attracted to women. I wasn't sure how a straight man would react to his two friends doing it but I tried my best. Also, when I right in Logan's POV I tend to make him all sensitive and girly. I didn't want to do that for James. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come. **

**PS: A james chapter needs a fun fact: my moms last name is diamond so i always joke around with my friends that James is like a long lost cousin or something lol =]**


	14. long day

Have you ever had those moments were you just felt like something bad was going to happen? Well that's how I've been feeling lately. Ever since that day at the recording studio with James I felt like something was up. It was a simple mess up and I shouldn't even be thinking about it but that fact of the matter is James _never_ messes up. If that's true then there has to be something to it. My anxiety about this is even worse with how James has been acting the last few days. Every second it seems like there's something on the tip of his tongue or words caught at the back of his mouth that are dying to get out and make themselves heard. I don't know why but I felt like I had to avoid James. For all I know it could be completely unrelated but something was still bothering me.

Even with what was going on with James I still managed to do other things. Work, school, sleep with Kendall, sulk around afterwards. My routine was starting to get on my nerves. Today was a little different though. We had a day off so I decided to spend today relaxing by the pool. I was left basically undisturbed as my friends moved about their business. Kendall was on the other side of the pool with Jo (of course). Carlos was hanging out with a bunch of people (he was a people person after all) and James was… somewhere. With the time that I had to myself I spent it reading or taking small naps every now and then. It was definitely a nice relaxing day and I was happy that I was able to avoid watching Kendall with Jo. I didn't want to hurt myself that way.

About half way through reading my second book I noticed someone walk past me. It was James and I couldn't help a wave of anxiety that hit me when I noticed he was making his way over to Kendall. When he reached Kendall and Jo my nerves grew as Kendall's smile faded and he became serious. I could imagine that James was telling Kendall he needed to talk to him about something important because after a few words they were both up and walking towards the lobby. I don't know what possessed me but I shot up and followed them. The lobby was basically empty so I was able to stand by the door and listen in.

"So James what's up?" James ran a shaking hand through his hair and let out a long sigh. He was nervous.

"I don't know how to put this but I can't keep this to myself I have to know something…" James trailed off and I was searching my brain for what was going on. What did James have to know? "The other day… at the recording studio…" James trailed off again and I could imagine Kendall was looking extremely confused. But Kendall wasn't as smart as me. He couldn't think ahead like I could.

"He didn't lock the door." I whispered to myself as I thought back to that day. I could feel my stomach churn and I was sure at any moment I was going to puke. James was going to tell Kendall that he saw us. He was confronting Kendall right now and everything would be ruined. Kendall would either freak out or deny it but in both situations I would be thrown to the background. Kendall would never come near me again and everything would be ruined. I couldn't let that happen, I couldn't lose Kendall. I searched around for something and spotted the Jennifers making their way towards the lobby in their usual Jennifer fashion. I suddenly got an idea that would make Kendall proud and ran right over to them. "Ladies…" Their eyebrows furrowed and they looked at each other before looking back towards me. The expected this kind of thing from Carlos.

"What." They said in unison.

"James wanted me to let you know those dresses make you look fat." I wasn't the type to be so cruel. My mom always taught me to respect all women but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Excuse me!" The blonde Jennifer was clearly not pleased and I needed to act before they shot the messenger.

"He's in the lobby if you feel the need to talk to him." Without a second thought the three girls were stomping towards the lobby. I hid in my previous spot relieved that James was still trying to get his words out.

"JAMES!" James and Kendall turned around to be faced with three very angry girls. If the situation wasn't so horrible I would find this amusing. The blond Jennifer was the first to act. She walked over to James and slapped him right across the face. I could tell he was surprised by this and he was even more surprised when he was slapped twice more.

"You have some nerve!" The brunette Jennifer stomped her foot like a small child and let out a huff.

"I don't know what you're talking about there has to be some mistake!" James was taking cautious steps away from the three girls and to my relief, away from Kendall. After he realized they were not going to back off James let out a scream and took off running with the three Jennifers right behind him. Those girls were fast. When I realized Kendall was making his way back I quickly left my hiding spot and went back over to my lounge chair. Once Kendall was back with Jo I shot up and started running back towards 2J. I wanted to spend the day relaxing but now I have to spend it keeping Kendall away from James.

As soon as I was in 2J I went straight to Katie's room and knocked on the door. I was afraid after a minute she wasn't there and I was going to have to go looking for her but after another few seconds her door opened. She looked me over for a second then rolled her eyes with a sigh.

"What?"

"Katie I need you to do something for me. I'll give you 30 dollars to do anything you can to keep James away from Kendall. They can't talk at all." She furrowed her eyes and set her lips in a fine line. I could tell she had questions buzzing in her head and if I were her I would find the situation strange too.

"Why do you need me to do that?"

"…"

"Well?"

"Ok how about 50 dollars and you do it without asking questions."

"Deal." I took out my wallet sighing as I handed her fifty dollars. I was hoping to use that to buy a new camera but this was more important. She gave me a big smile and walked right past me and out of the apartment. I could only imagine what she had in store for James considering she was just as devious as Kendall.

* * *

If I were James Diamond I could imagine I was having a very bad day. He's been chased by the Jennifers… twice, pushed into the pool, covered in honey, gotten stuck in the elevator, and locked in three closets. Katie was really working her magic making every dollar I gave her totally worth it. I think James was starting to suspect that someone was out to get him but as long as he didn't know who was doing it and why they were doing it I didn't care. I felt bad for James but this had to be done.

At the current moment James was trying to get himself out of a tree after lightning chased him around Palm Woods Park. I wasn't sure how Katie managed that one but it was definitely fun to watch. When he was finally down he let out a frustrated huff and stalked back towards the lobby. All eyes were on him even Kendall who took his eyes away from Jo for a few seconds to shoot James a concerned look. After a few minutes both Kendall and Jo stood up from the blanket they were sitting on and began to leave the Palm Woods. I remembered Kendall mentioning something about going to see a movie so I figured it was safe for me to head back to 2J to take a nap.

* * *

James POV:

I don't know what's going on today but I feel like I'm suddenly bad luck again. Everything was going wrong and I'm surprised I'm not dead yet. I was starting to think this was the universes way of telling me that what was going on between Kendall and Logan was none of my business and I should just stay out of it. Every time I even tried to get close to Kendall something was stopping my… or chasing me up a tree.

I sat down on a couch in the lobby and ran my hand through my hair. I really shouldn't be giving up this easily. Kendall and Logan could be hurting and I couldn't just sit by and watch. They were my friends and I had to help them no matter what. I stood up and headed back to the park hoping to find Kendall again. I remember him saying something about taking Jo to the movies I just hoped he hadn't left yet. As soon as I got to the door I found myself falling to the ground. Now I knew someone was out to get me considering their was string running across the floor. I let out an annoyed noise and stood up but I spotted something out of the corner of my eye. Katie was trying to sneak away and what was she holding? String!

"Katie!" She gasped and tried to run but I caught up to her quickly. I grabbed her arm and turned her around giving her an annoyed look. "You want to tell me what's going on?" When she avoided looking me in the eyes I crossed my arms and gave her a look. I was getting tired of this and I wanted answers now. She let out a sigh and dropped her hands to her sides.

"Ok… ok. Logan came to my room earlier today and paid me 50 bucks to keep you away from Kendall."

"Did he tell you why?"

"No… he was going to pay me 30 but then gave me 50 if I didn't ask any questions."

"Smart bastard…" Katie rolled her eyes at me and took this as an opportunity to leave. So this was all Logan's doing? He must have figured out that I knew and was trying to keep me from talking to Kendall. But why? After I let out a huff I made my way straight to the elevator. If I wasn't going to get anything out of Kendall I was going to get the answers out of Logan… now!

**A/N: sorry this chapter is short and suckish. I didn't have a lot of time to do this but I still wanted to get something up because I might not be able to get anything up for a few days. I have two exams tomorrow and then I'm going back home the day after that. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter**

**There is more to come. **


	15. confrontation

**A/N: so I got up at 7 this morning to take my 8 o'clock exam thinking I would be there for a few hours. 9 o'clock comes around and I'm back in my dorm with nothing to do before my second exam starts at 4. So what do I do… write chapter 15 of course!**

I didn't know how long I had been out but I was suddenly awakened by a hand shaking my shoulder. Rather than deal with this person I slapped the hand away and made an annoyed noise. They didn't seem to want to give up though because a few seconds later that hand was shaking my shoulder again.

"Logan wake up!" Now I really didn't want to wake up. It was James and he sounded pissed. When he delivered another hard shake I rolled onto my back so I could look up at him. As soon as my eyes were open he stood to his full height and crossed his arms over his chest. I figured this situation could only mean that Katie had been found out and outed me. I should have given her an extra 20 to keep her mouth shut. I sat up slowly and kept my eyes on anything but James. I knew were this was going to go and I didn't want any part of this.

"_I wonder how far I could get if I just ran." _Even if I wanted to though I knew it wouldn't work. I couldn't run from James forever and Katie couldn't keep him away from Kendall forever. Because I was still looking away James let out a sigh and sat down on my bed. I couldn't help but bring my knees to my chest from the anxiety moving through my body.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" I always hated questions like this. No I do not want to tell you. But even if a said no you would make me tell you everything. The question should be "tell me everything now." Despite that fact I shook my head in a desperate attempt to end this before it started. I still wasn't looking at James but I could tell by the air he let out he was starting to get annoyed. "Ok, let me rephrase that… tell me what is going on Logan. I saw you and Kendall the other day. What's going on with you two? Is this what you've been hiding? How could you let Kendall cheat on Jo? And aren't you going out with Camille? What's going on Logan and why have you been trying so hard to keep me away from Kendall?" I spared a glance at James and wished I didn't. He was fuming. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around my legs and pull them closer to my chest.

"Are you mad at me?" I almost grimaced at the sound of my voice. It was so small and distraught but it made sense though because that's exactly how I felt.

"No Logan I'm not mad at you. I'm annoyed that you've been lying to me and for all that's happened today but you're my friend and I want to help you so… start talking." I let out a sigh before beginning to speak.

"The thing with Kendall… as been going on for a few months. We were in here talking about Jo and Camille and Kendall said he wanted a physical relationship so he suggested we… help each other." When I looked up James looked completely confused. He obviously had been expecting something else.

"What do you mean help each other? Like use each other for sexual frustration?" I nodded my head and I could see the disapproval in James eyes.

"After the first time Kendall and I snuck around a lot. We weren't… you know… until just recently." James was silently contemplating all this for a moment until he looked up at me.

"Ok so that explains what's going on but why are you doing this? Why are you so against me talking to Kendall about this?" I swallowed hard as my throat tightened. I could feel my eyes stinging with tears.

"Kendall doesn't want anyone to know. He's only doing this because he isn't getting anything from Jo. He l-loves her and wants to stay with her so what me and him are doing is just so he can be closer to someone."

"Logan… why are you doing it?" I was silent for a long time trying to figure out how to say this. It wasn't necessarily the fact that I thought James would hate me. I just knew he would disapprove of the situation and would want to stop it.

"I just… I want… I need to be closer to Kendall. I love him." I could feel a few tears make their way down my face but I didn't wipe them away. I was fisting the material of my jeans to tightly.

"Logan… how could you put yourself through that?" James' voice suddenly rose making me jump. "No wonder you've been so depressed lately! Do you realize how much you're hurting yourself by doing this? If you don't stop you can become really depressed Logan. I' m afraid of what you'll do if that happens. You have to stop."

"I can't. I need him." James suddenly fell silent. He looked so sad I can only imagine how pathetic I looked.

"No you..."

"Yes I do!" I was becoming so desperate my eyes were blurring from all the tears. I could feel them dripping on my chin and running down my neck but I didn't care. James had to understand. "It kills me every day he's with her. If this is the only way I can be close to him then so be it! If you tell Kendall I'll be nothing and I don't want to be nothing!" James was furious now and for the first time in my life I was afraid of him. He stood up and paced once before walking back over to me and grabbing me by my shoulders. He lifted me up so I was kneeling on my bed and was more eye level with him.

"How can you be this stupid? If Kendall doesn't care about you that way you have to except it! You can't go around like this expecting it to turn out ok! Eventually Kendall is going to move on and you'll be left a heartbroken mess! You have to see Logan this isn't right!"

"You don't know that! He could care about me!" I don't know why I said that. I think I was just trying to find anything to convince James not to step in but it back fired. He released my shoulders allowing me to sit back down on the bed. I watched him cautiously as he pinched the bridge of his nose. The only sounds in the room were my stuttering breaths as I continued to cry. When he opened his eyes and looked at me his expression was more sullen then before. He felt pity.

"Logie, You and I both know Kendall loves Jo. Yes he does care about you but not the way you want. You need to stop this before it gets any worse. It's not going to get better." I wanted to fight him more, fight him until I couldn't stand it but suddenly the silence between us was broken by the front door closing and opening.

"Is anyone here?" My voice caught in my throat when I realized it was Kendall. James and I were just staring at each other and I was silently begging, pleading for him to stay silent. When he let out a sigh and broke eye contact my heart dropped. James stepped towards the door and without a second thought I jumped off my bed and grabbed his arm.

"Please James you can't tell him anything! Please!" The tears that had begin to slow were falling again faster then before. Every time James tried to step towards the door I pulled him back and begged him more. I needed to stay close to Kendall. After a few tugs James finally broke from my grasp and gave me a sad look.

"I'm sorry Logan but I have to do this."

"No… please don't tell him please!" I tried to pull James back in the room but it was too late. He closed the door behind him as he left and my whole world began to fall apart. I wanted so badly to follow James and stop him but I couldn't go out there when Kendall was out there. I couldn't see Kendall's expression if I failed. Everything was ruined. Any chance I had of Kendall ever wanting me slipped through my fingers and I couldn't stop it. I could only imagine how he would feel when he found out what everything meant to me; betrayed maybe… because I told James and left out that I was in love with Kendall, angry because there was now a greater chance of Jo finding out. Whatever the outcome was it wouldn't go back to the way it was. Kendall would act differently around me. Not only would the intimate touches be gone but all the short hugs, arm over the shoulder, and other soft touches I cherished would be gone as well and I would be left with nothing. I would be left alone to watch Kendall do all of those things with Jo.

I let out a sob and moved away from the door. I didn't care if there was a chance Kendall could hear me. He was about to find out everything so nothing mattered. I barely made it to the bed before I collapsed onto it. I curled in on myself as my body was racked with heart wrenching sobs. I don't even remember the last time I cried this hard and it sucked that I ever had to feel this way. My throat was starting to become raw from the strain of my crying. I didn't think I would be able to stop but fear forced me to silence as I heard the bed room door open and close. I was shaking uncontrollably as the footsteps came closer and closer. Kendall was probably going to tell me how angry he was with me. I didn't want him to hate me.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I hugged my head with my hands as I rapidly apologized. I wasn't sure if it would do anything but I was praying Kendall would somehow understand.

"Logie stop." I gasped and shot up into a sitting position when I realized it was James. Did he tell him? Could Kendall not even face me and James was here to tell me what Kendall said? Or maybe he decided not to say anything. My heart begged for the last one as I crawled closer to James and began begging again. I still didn't know what I was pleading for but considering the situation I didn't care. When James didn't say anything I cried harder thinking the worst had happened. He quickly grabbed me by my arm and pulled me into a tight hug. I could feel him rubbing my back trying in any way he could to comfort me.

"Please." I buried my face in James' shoulder and tightened my grip around his neck. He still wasn't saying anything so I figured he wanted me calm before he started talking. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know what he had to say but I still calmed myself down. When I was less of a sobbing mess James pulled away and gave me a serious look. After another moment of silence he let out a long tired sigh.

"I really hate making people cry." James reached over to my nightstand and grabbed a box of tissues that was still there from the days I was sick. I took it from him slowly still keeping eye contact with him. "I didn't say anything." I took a deep breath feeling like I could cry from joy now.

"W-why." I don't know what possessed me to ask him that. It would be smarter for me to be happy and not ask any questions but I needed to know.

"I honestly don't know. I should talk to Kendall because it would be the right thing to do but I can't stand the thought of hurting you. Kendall has the excuse of being to clueless to realize what he's doing but if I hurt you it would just be because I'm a jerk."

"James…" I wanted to let him know how much this meant to me but he held up his hand to stop me from talking.

"The only thing that would put my mind at ease is if you talked to someone Logan. This is tearing you apart, I can tell, and you don't even realize it." I should have known there was going to be a cost for James' silence. Why couldn't he just take a bribe?

"I can't James."

"Why not?"

"Because no one was supposed to know and if Kendal found out I was telling people he would hate me forever and he would never talk to me again and I can't do it James I can't risk it I need mffmf." James threw his hand over my mouth to stop my rant. I would have protested more but James had a look that clearly said he wasn't going to take no for an answer. He was so stubborn sometimes it was infuriating.

"What Kendall doesn't know won't hurt him… and think of it this way. Two people know about it or Kendall knows about it."

"_You are such an asshole James." _I hugged my knees and looked away from James. This wasn't fair. If I went to a therapist I couldn't hide that from Kendall. He would start asking questions. Not to mention I would have to get the money from Gustavo to pay for the sessions. James was such an idiot sometimes. He made it seem like only he would know but it was so much more complicated than that. I guess I could figure out some way to trick Gustavo and not tell him the whole truth but how can I trust this to a stranger. I can barely trust this to James. When I didn't say anything to James and continued to glare at the wall he knew I didn't want to talk to him anymore. He let out a sigh and stood up from my bed ready to leave.

"We'll talk more when you're in a better mood. Why don't you take a shower or something you look like a mess."

"Thanks for the update ass." He rolled his eyes at me and left. Normally James would have fired right back but I think he was emotionally drained just like I was. When he was finally gone I got up from my bed and walked to the bathroom. He wasn't kidding when he said I looked like a mess. As I looked at myself in the mirror I realized the extent of what happened had done to me. I had tear stains on my face and neck, the collar of my shirt was damp from sweat and my face was pale. It was probably a bad idea for me to go out in public for a little while so I might as well spend the rest of the day in the apartment. After I looked myself over for another minute I stepped away from the mirror and started to remove my clothes. Once the temperature or the water was set just the way I wanted it I stepped into the shower loving how the warm water washed over my body. I definitely planned on spending a long time in here.

* * *

When I walked of my room aver an hour later Carlos, Kendall and James were sitting in the living room playing video games. They were screaming and smack talking making me chuckle as I sat down on the couch next to James. It was nice to see something more normal around here. As soon as James registered I was next to him he glanced at me wearily before returning his attention back to the game. Unfortunately for him his attention was on me to long because he let out a whine and threw down his control the same time Carlos jumped up and cheered.

"Yea! Bow to the king baby WOOO!" James and Kendall both groaned and shoved Carlos so he fell back down on the couch.

"We're not done yet Carlos so don't count you chickens just yet."

"I don't have any chickens." Kendall gave Carlos a WTF face before turning his attention back to the game.

"You gunna play Logie?" Kendall gave me a wide smile making me smile just as widely as I nodded. He handed me a controller and I didn't miss how our fingers brushed each other slightly. Kendall didn't notice the sudden intake of breath but James did. As we waited for the game to load James leaned over towards me so Kendall and Carlos couldn't hear.

"I told Gustavo you wanted to talk to him tomorrow." My eyes widened and my head snapped in James direction. "Don't worry I didn't tell him."

"That doesn't mean I'm not pissed! You didn't give me any time James!" I always thought it was impossible to whisper yell but I guess it was more possible then I thought. Before James could say anything else I scouted far away from him making him let out a sigh. James may be trying to do what's best for me but I didn't care, it's not what I wanted.

**A/N: OMG I AM FINALLY DONE WITH SCHOOL! Thank god. Now I have a month to do absolutely nothing! Jk I'm sure I'll have plenty to do which includes writing this. Also I've been thinking of my story abduction lately. I want to continue it but I just can't get myself motivated. I'm still going to try and get a chapter up for that so I can finally put an end to the hiatus. I'm also working on the next chapter of June 10****th**** which is Kendall and Logan's wedding and honey moon so if you're in need for some smut there will be plenty there *wink* =] **

**If you have no idea what I'm talking about what are you doing reading a stupid A/N! Go read abduction and the Silent Crys series! And then June 10****th**** after that. =]**

**I was planning on adding more to this chapter but meh… I didn't feel like it so this seemed like a good place to stop. I rather end the chapter here and be finished with it then try and add more and have to wait longer to put it up. Anyway I hope you enjoyed the chapter**

**There is more to come.**


	16. what now

**A/N: I hope you guys are ready for some major drama because these next few chapters are going to be overflowing with it. =]**

James had said that what Kendall doesn't know won't hurt him; well what James doesn't know won't hurt him either. I met with Gustavo but I chickened out. I couldn't ask him for something like that. If I asked him for a therapist he would start asking questions and if I didn't answer he would ask James, Kendall, and Carlos questions. If that happened everything would fall apart and I couldn't have that.

It hadn't been that hard to trick James. I met with Gustavo and just made something up on the spot. I told him I've been stressed lately and that he shouldn't be surprised if I mess up often. He didn't like this but Kelly was happy that I talked to them. When I went back to 2J James hammered me with questions. I told him that I was going to see a therapist but he couldn't talk to anyone about it. I told him not even to talk to me about it because honestly it wasn't his business. I was surprised he was ok with this but it made things easier. If James didn't talk to anyone that meant he wouldn't talk to Gustavo and catch me in my lie. The only hard part about this was now I had to pretend I was going to therapy. Every Thursday I had to leave the apartment for a few hours so James would think I'm going. It's been a few weeks since I first started and it seemed to be working pretty well. I usually go to a park across town so I know no one will see me and just walk or jog the bike path. It gives me time to think so that's enough therapy for me.

I've noticed lately that Kendall and Jo have been spending more time together. Considering that they already spent so much time together it was now to the point where it was obnoxious. I don't know how Kendall could deal with Jo following him around all the time. If Camille followed me around that much I would jump off a building or something.

Today happened to be one of those Kendall and Jo days. They were at the pool together, in the park together; I wouldn't be surprised if they used the bathroom together. What seemed to be more frustrating is for once I couldn't seem to get away from them. I went to the pool they were there, I took a walk in the park they were there, and now I'm sitting in the living room trying to read and who walks through the door? Kendall and Jo of course. They were giggling and whispering and I couldn't help the insane jealously and annoyance I felt. It was like someone out there was trying to piss me off. Well guess what whoever you are, it's working! When Kendall noticed me on the couch his smile faded. I guess they were hoping to have the apartment to themselves. Before I could take the opportunity to get up and leave Kendall whispered something to Jo. She nodded her head in understanding and quickly walked to mine and Kendall's room closing the door. I would prefer for that creature not to be anywhere near my stuff but I wasn't really concerned with that as Kendall slowly walked over to me.

"Hey Logie… can we talk?" I suddenly found myself not able to speak and simply nodded my head. What did Kendall want to talk about? Does he know? Did James tell him? Before I could begin to internally freak out Kendall let out a sigh grasping my attention. "I haven't really been paying attention to you lately and I wanted to make sure you were ok. You, James, and Carlos seemed to be so stressed lately I feel like I'm not paying enough attention to you." The fact that Kendall was trying to show that he cared meant a lot to me. I should really hate him for the situation that he put me in but I have to remind myself that he doesn't know. He doesn't know how I feel about him and I can only blame myself for not backing out of this before it became too much. Kendall does care about me it's just not as much as I would want.

"I'm fine Kendall."He set his lips in a line and stared at me for a long time. His staring eyes were so intense I couldn't help but look away. I could feel my face heating up and tried to will the blush to go away but it didn't work to well.

"Do you need more space… because if you do that's fine."

"No… no I'm fine." I paused for a moment trying to figure out how to get some of my feelings out without sounding weird. "I actually… um… we haven't hung out in a while… maybe we can go back to sports world again… with James and Carlos? We did promise them that we would bring them." Kendall smiled and nodded.

"Yea how about on Saturday?" I smiled and nodded. It will be nice to hang out just the four of us again. I wish all the time that Kendall would spend more time with me but I also want to spend more time with James and Carlos too. It doesn't make sense that I miss my friends because I live with them but I do. I don't remember the last time the four of us went out and did something crazy and fun. It was so easy to hang out before but now with all this drama… it's been hard. "Well I better get back to Jo." I couldn't help the frown that came to my face when I remembered Jo was in the other room. He was going to go back to her again but I have to remember that in a few days Kendall and I were going to hang out again just like old times.

Kendall stood and I thought he was going to leave but my breath hitched when I was suddenly pulled into a tight embrace. Kendall had his arms wrapped around my torso and after the shock wore off I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck. I imagined that this is what a loving embrace felt like. All those times Kendall hugged Jo in the same manor I always wanted to know what it was like. Now, with Kendall's arms around me I truly realized how good it felt. His body was so warm I couldn't help but move closer to it. He felt so safe all the pain I had been feeling melted away. That always happened when I was with Kendall and it was another reason why I needed to be with him. He took my pain away.

Kendall pulled away and I felt so cold. I tried to return the smile he was giving me but it was difficult. He patted my shoulder once before he walked towards our room. When he disappeared inside I let out a sigh suddenly feeling so alone. It felt so good for Kendall to hug me but it was like he took apart of me when he pulled away and I felt worse after. I didn't want to risk seeing Kendall and Jo again so I decided to leave the apartment. I hadn't hung out with Carlos in a while so I figured I might as well go to the pool and see if he was there. He could always make me feel better when I was down. When I got down to the pool Carlos was lying in one of the lounge chairs and I could help but smile because I could tell he was bored. As soon as he spotted me walking over he sat up and let a big smile come to his face.

"Hey Logie!"

"Hey Carlos what's up?" Carlos dropped his smile and let out a sigh.

"I'm so bored! James didn't want to play with me; he's too busy hitting on those girls." Carlos pouted and pointed to the other side of the pool. It was hard but I could see James who was surrounded by a group of girls. He was probably showing off and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the thought of all the stupid things he was saying. "Will you hang out with me Logan?"

"Of course want to go in the pool?" Carlos nodded and shed his shirt before jumping into the pool. I couldn't help but chuckle as I removed my own shirt and jumped into the pool as well. I was in the pool for less than a few seconds when Carlos jumped on my back and pushed me under the water. I let out a yelp before I was under and was only able to get away from Carlos by tickling his sides. When I broke the surface Carlos had a glint in his eyes that clearly said this was war. He jumped toward me and a wrestling match ensued. We were laughing as we splashed each other with water and tried to get advantage over the other. Carlos dunked me under the water so I got him into a headlock. He flipped me so I jumped on his back. It went on like this for a while until I took a splash of water to the face and had to stop because of a coughing fit.

"You ok Logie?" When I was finally done coughing I chuckled and gave Carlos a reassuring smile.

"Yea I'm fine no worries." We were both breathing heavy from swimming around so much so we decided it was about time to get out. We had been in the pool for a while so I decided to go back to apartment 2J to change. After I climbed out of the pool I grabbed a towel and dried myself off so Bitters wouldn't yell at me for dripping water in the lobby. Once I was dry enough I told Carlos I was leaving and made my way toward the elevator.

Once I was in the apartment I noticed no one was around. James was still at the pool, Mrs. Knight was probably running errands, Katie was probably hanging out with Tyler, and Kendall and Jo probably left already. I moved towards mine and Kendall's room but stopped right before going in when I heard a voice. It sounded like Kendall, which was surprising. I thought he would still be with Jo. The door was open slight so I peered in to see what Kendall was doing. I was confused at first but when I opened the door a little more so I could see better I finally realized what I was looking at. I couldn't see their faces but what I could see was miles and miles of bare skin. They were…

"_They're having sex?"_ I was snapped out of my thoughts by a deep guttural moan. I could hear Kendall and Jo whispering how much they loved each other and he was being so gentle with her. He was never that way with me. I can't imagine how many times I wished for him to love me and be gentle with me but he never will. He saves all that for Jo. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I didn't want to see it any more. I ran away from the door and decided to hide out in the Kitchen bathroom. As soon as the door was closed I slid down it and buried my face in my knees. Kendall was having sex with Jo. What happened to prude Jo? The one that didn't want to do anything with Kendall. I never thought they would actually do that and now that they were what did it mean for me? Kendall didn't need me anymore and that thought tortured me. I went through so much to make sure what Kendall and I were doing didn't end but now I had no control over it. Kendall had Jo so he didn't need me. I felt tears slide down my face and I had to bit my lip to prevent sobs from coming out of me.

I've always had to deal with Kendall and Jo being all over each other but this was different. It showed me how different my relationship with Kendall was from his relationship with Jo. He loved her… he didn't love me. He cared but that was nothing special. It had felt so good when Kendall showed concern for me but he was just doing it because he was a good friend nothing more.

I held my breath when I heard voices. I didn't know how long I had been in there crying and wallowing in my own self pity but obviously it was long enough for Kendall and Jo to finish.

"You don't have to leave yet." Kendall's voice was sickeningly sweet and I wanted to shove nails in my ears to block it out. I just wanted him to sound like that for me so bad. I heard Jo let out a giggle and when neither of them spoke I knew they were kissing again.

"I really can't but I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok." I heard the front door open and close and footsteps retreat back towards the bedrooms. Kendall was probably going to take a nap or something because it's not like he would want to find his friends and be with them. He would never want to be with me.

"_It's over."_ Kendall had all of Jo so he didn't need me anymore. The only thing that ever made me ok was knowing that I had Kendall in a way that Jo wouldn't but now… I let out a small sob and buried my face in my hands. This sucked so much I didn't know how much more of this I could handle.

"Logan?" I let out a gasp thinking it was Kendall but then I quickly realized it was James. "Are you ok?"

"I-I'm fine James." It was silent for a moment and I thought James left but then I heard the door knob jiggling until the door opened. I guess I didn't think to lock it.

"No you're not you're crying." I let out a sigh and crawled away from the door so James could get all the way in. I wiped my eyes quickly but I knew James could still tell. "What happened?"

"You got what you wanted." His eyebrows furrowed but before he could respond I spoke up again. "When I got home Kendall and Jo were… he's not going to need me anymore." James let out a sigh and sat down across from me.

"You know it's for the best Logan but I'm sorry. This hurts now I'm sure but you'll move on eventually."

"But I don't want to I just want Kendall." James didn't say anything and just draped his arms over my shoulders. There probably wasn't anything he could really say so he tried to offer me as much comfort as he could.

"I'm not sure there is anything I can say that will help you Logan but I'm sure you can talk about it when you go to therapy tomorrow."

"Yea… sure."

* * *

That night I laid in my bed awake. I couldn't get any sleep and I knew I wasn't going to get any, any time soon. I could hear Kendall's soft breaths as he slept peacefully on the other side of the room and I just wished that I could be closer to him. After a while of listening to Kendall breathing I noticed his breathing started to pick up. He flipped over in his bed and mumbled something under his breath and once he let out a moan I knew what kind of dream he was having.

"_Great, getting turned on is the last thing I want right now." _He continued to moan in his sleep and when he suddenly stopped I figured he had either finished or was awake.

"Logie you awake?" I knew I shouldn't have answered him but I couldn't help it.

"Yes." I rolled over to face him in enough time to see him climb out of bed and walk over to mine. He sat down and placed his hand on my chest before leaning down and connecting his lips with mine. Apparently we weren't as done as I thought and I was happy about that.

**A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hoped you enjoy the present of a double update. =]**

**There is more to come.**


	17. I'm done

**A/N: I hope ur enjoying the double update. It was a lot harder getting these two chapters out then I thought it would be. I constantly had my mom on my back, "What are you typing? Are you on Facebook? What are you doing?" I just wanted to be like, "I'm trying to write angsty fanfiction god!" lol but I can't do that. I don't tell anyone I know that I write this they would think it was weird. Anyway, on to the chapter!**

When I walked into the kitchen this morning I could tell by the look on James' face that he knew what had gone on last night with me and Kendall. He disapproved of it so much but I knew he wouldn't say anything. I ate breakfast quickly ready to get out of the apartment as soon as possible. I didn't want to be hammered with questions by Mrs. Knight, Kendall or Carlos. I may not actually be going to therapy but if I told them the truth then James would know that I lied. As soon as I was done I made my way to the door relieved that the others weren't up yet.

"Logan wait." I stopped and cursed to myself as I turned to face James. "I need the big time rush mobile so can I drop you off then pick you up."

"_Fuck!"_ how was I going to manage this? I never even considered this happening and now I was at a loss for words. _"Ok calm down Logan you can make this work." _Down the street from the park I went to there happened to actually be a building where a therapist worked. I could pretend to go in when James dropped me off then be waiting outside when he came back.

"Yea… sure." James nodded and took my keys from me. We were silent as we made our way to the parking lot once we were leaving the Palm Woods we were still silent. The only time I talked was when I was directing James but I could tell he wanted to say more. He probably wanted to ask me about what was going on between me and Kendall but he didn't say anything. He parked in front of the building and let out a sigh.

"I'll be back at 12?"

"Yea." I stepped out of the car and walked toward the building. When James finally pulled away and was out of sight I walked away from the building and to the park. It was empty just like every other time I've come but it's to be expected considering how early it was.

I walked straight over to the bike path and broke into a jog. I was really conflicted today so I needed to run off some steam.

Kendall and Jo had sex. He didn't say anything to anyone about it and if I didn't see them I wouldn't have even known. I thought this meant that Kendall wasn't going to want to have sex with me anymore but last night's activities proved the opposite.

(Flashback)

Kendall moved his lips against mine as he moved his hand down my body to the hem of my shirt. He stuck his hand under it making me flinch as his cold fingers touched my skin. When his fingers finally absorbed my body heat each of his touches sent sparks straight to my groin. He lifted my shirt up until I had to sit up so he could lift it over my head. Once my shirt was gone I pulled on Kendall's shirt lifting it off of him as well. Kendall parted from my lips so he could stand up and take off his sweatpants and boxers. He waited until I was done doing the same before moving to lie between my legs. I couldn't help but let out a moan as he attached his lips to my neck and thrust his hips into mine. I let out a soft noise as his finger circled around my entrance and after a few more seconds of teasing he finally pushed in. It stung at first since we haven't done this in a while but eventually it was nothing but pleasure. I let out a long moan as Kendall added another finger and began to thrust in harder hitting my prostate. It felt so good I wasn't sure how long I could last.

Kendall pulled his fingers out and groaned as he rubbed himself against me once to give himself some relief. I watched with half lidded eyes as he held the base of his erection and aligned himself with my entrance. I could feel him poking and prodding at the sensitive skin and I just wanted to tell him to get on with it already. Without any warning Kendall delivered a hard thrust filling my up completely. While I threw my head back from the slight pain Kendall's eyes fluttered as he let out a long groan. After a few seconds Kendall placed his hands on either side of my head for leverage and began to hammer into me. He was thrusting fast, hard and deep and I couldn't help but fist the sheets with my hands and let out a long broken moan. As we got closer to climaxing Kendall moved his hands and placed them behind my knees. He pushed my legs up to my chest and apart before he pounded into me harder than before.

"God!" The pleasure I was feeling was so overwhelming and even more so since we haven't done this recently. Kendall's thrust became erratic and he was moaning loudly showing that he was close to coming apart. When Kendall gave one more deep thrust hitting my prostate dead on my body jolted and stiffened as I came hard. My body was shaking and I was letting out quiet whispers with each rope of cum that spilt out of me. When I finally came down from my orgasm I registered Kendall's jerking hips and his cum that was filling my insides. As Kendall came down from his orgasm he thrust in and out lazily a few times before letting out a satisfied groan and pulling out.

"Thanks Logie." Kendall gave me a smile and I was surprised by that. It was strange for him to acknowledge me afterwards and I felt like because he finally did it we were growing closer together. As I rolled over onto my side with a smile on my face I was able to fall into a content sleep.

(End flashback)

It was so weird when Kendall thanked me. He usually didn't say anything and I couldn't help but notice that he was less rough than usual. Maybe he was growing more of an emotional attachment to me. Maybe he didn't stop having sex with me because he still wanted me not that he still needed me. A new hope was renewed in me once again and I couldn't help but feel like if I really tried I would get a good ending. Deep down Kendall loved me… he had to.

I glanced down at my phone and noticed it was 11:50. James was going to be back at the building soon so I had to get going. I walked with a quick pace not wanting to risk James getting there before me. It only took me a few minutes but I never considered that James would get there early. I spotted the big time rush mobile in front of the building and hid myself so James wouldn't see me. I wasn't sure how I was going to get out of this but I figured if I could get James distracted for a moment I could run out and make it look like I was coming out of the building. I glanced out from where I was hiding to try and find something distracting but then I noticed something strange. James wasn't even in the car.

"_This is easier than I thought. He must have been tired of waiting and went to get food or something." _I stepped away from my hiding spot and started to walk towards the car. It was only by chance that I glanced towards the building but when I looked inside and spotted James my heart nearly stopped. He was making his way over to the front desk and I couldn't imagine what would happen if he found out I've been lying for weeks. Without another thought I ran inside but it appears I was too late.

"I don't understand he should be here."

"James!" When James turned around his face was a mixture of confusion, hurt, and anger. He apologized to the receptionist for bothering her then walked over to me. I didn't know what I was supposed to say to him. There was no way I could lie about this. If I tried that I would only be digging myself deeper into my own grave. "James I can explain…"

"You lied to me." I thought James was going to yell at me but he sounded more hurt than anything else. "You're my friend Logan and I did something that I didn't think was right because I trusted you but you lied to me."

"I'm sorry James but I couldn't… I just… I was so afraid he would find out…"

"I'm sorry too Logan and if you're not going to take care of yourself I'm putting an end to it." James walked passed me and after taking a second to absorb what he was saying I ran after him. He was just getting into the car when I ran outside so I climbed into the passenger seat and sat facing him.

"No, no, no, no please James! Give me another chance! I'll go I promise I'll go every day if you want just please don't say anything!" My heart was hammering in my chest every second that went by. James refused to look at me and concentrated solely on driving. His jaw was clenched and his knuckles were white from holding onto the steering wheel so hard but I could see in his eyes that he felt guilty for what he was about to do.

"I'm sorry Logan but I have to do this." I didn't even notice we pulled into the parking lot until James was turning off the car and climbing out. I was one step behind him the whole time tugging on his shirt, his arm; trying to get his attention in any way but he just kept ignoring me. We walked past the pool and found that Kendall wasn't there. We glanced at the park and again Kendall wasn't there. The last place he could possibly be was the apartment and I was praying that he wasn't there so I could have more time to convince James not to say anything.

"Please James… just d-don't." As we approached the apartment I was becoming hysterical. I was probably on the verge of a panic attack and I could feel my eyes stinging with tears. I only had one more chance to get James to back down and I knew I had to take it. I quickly stepped in front of him and stuck my hands out. I was the only thing between him and the door and I planned on keeping it that way as long as I could. I couldn't let him do this to me.

"Logan move."

"No James! Will you please just listen to me for a second! You can't do this I'll do anything! Just please don't you'll ruin everything! Please don't!" The tears I felt before were now falling down my checks unchecked. James faltered for a second but then his face became hard. He wasn't going to back down but neither was I and if I had to get physical I would. James reached for the door but I grabbed his wrist and held it tightly in my grasp. Our eyes remained locked for a long time. Mine were pleading and his were hard and emotionless. I knew that there was guilt and sadness under all his other emotions but he was doing a good job of hiding it.

"Logan… don't make this harder than it has to be."

"It doesn't have to be hard if you just stop this!"

"I am going to stop this so get out of the way!"

"No! I'm not going to let you ruin my life!"

"Logan move out of…" The door was suddenly opened causing me to fall back onto the floor. I moaned in pain for a second then opened my eyes to see what had happened. My breath caught in my throat and my heart seemed to stop. Kendall was still holding onto the door knob while he looked at us with confusion and worry.

"What's going on? Why are you guys screaming at each other? Logan… why are you crying?" I was still frozen in my place on the floor. I turned my attention to James and was silently begging for him not to say anything but he wasn't looking at me.

"Kendall we need to talk. I saw…" I let out a sob and scrambled up from the floor and ran as fast as I could. I couldn't be there when James told him. I didn't want to see his reaction when he found out everything. My life was about to fall to pieces and I didn't want to be there to see it. I thought I heard Kendall call my name but when I spared a glance behind me he wasn't following. James probably stopped them so they could talk. When I finally reached the lobby I couldn't be happier that it wasn't busy. People walked through every now and then but it wasn't busy like it usually was.

I took a shaky breath and walked over to the couches in the lounge. I had to put my head in my knees to stop myself from throwing up. When the wave of nausea finally went away I sat with my head in hands and cried silently. I didn't want to alert anyone that happened to walk through but it was difficult.

"Logie…" I was afraid. I didn't even hear Kendall approaching but if I had I would have run away. I had no idea what James and Kendall talked about but when I finally looked up I knew. James told him everything. Kendall moved forward causing me to flinch away from him. "Logie I'm not going to hurt you. If I had known…"

"Kendall I'm sorry just please don't hate me." Kendall's face saddened and he sat down next to me. He wrapped his arm around me but I could tell he hesitated.

"I could never hate you Logan. I love you." My eyes widened and my head snapped up in Kendall's direction.

"You…"

"I mean come on Logan you're my brother, you're family." Again… my hopes were lifted again just so they could be smashed and stepped on. Tears streamed down my face and I didn't stop them. I was so done with this. Kendall looked so confused but I didn't give him the chance. I shook out of his grip and suddenly stood.

"I'm done."

"Logan what are you talking about?" Kendall grabbed my arm but I pulled away. I couldn't take this anymore. There was only one thing left for me. I slowly backed away from Kendall and walked towards the elevator he was calling my name and I thought once I stopped to get into the elevator he would try to stop me again but while I waited for the doors to open he never did. As soon as I stepped inside I turned and let out a sob when I realized Jo was with him. He wasn't coming after me because of her.

When I pressed the button for the roof I knew one thing was certain. No one needed me around anymore. I was nothing.

**A/N: it looks like Logan finally reached his breaking point. He was driven to far and now he believes there is only one way away from the pain. We are going to finally see it he is able to go through with it or not but you'll have to wait until the next chapter to see! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	18. did he do it

James POV:

I waited in the apartment as long as I possibly could so Logan and Kendall would have time to talk. I figured that they needed to get things settled and I also doubted Logan wanted to talk to me. I knew he would forgive me eventually because Logan can't hold a grudge for the life of him but this time it might take a lot longer.

After a few minutes I just couldn't wait anymore. There was a chance that Logan needed me so I quickly left the apartment. I took the stairs so I would get to the lobby faster and I was surprised to not find Kendall and Logan talking but Kendall and Jo. Well actually they were arguing.

"Jo I can't talk to you right now Logan needs me!"

"I'm sure it can wait! You promised we would go to the movies!" Jo was hanging onto Kendall's arm and he clearly did not appreciate that. He ripped his arm from Jo's grasp and stepped away from her.

"My best friend is hurt it can't wait! You've already wasted enough of my time and I can't waste anymore so will you please just go!" Jo hesitated for a minute before stomping off in the opposite direction. When she was gone Kendall huffed and turned ready to start running. As soon as he saw me he suddenly stopped in front of me. "Where's Logan?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Kendall's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"He didn't go back to the apartment?" I shook my head slowly. What happened between them that made Logan run away? And if he wasn't back at the apartment where was he?

"What happened Kendall?" Kendall sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I was talking to Logan and I told him I wasn't mad at him because he was like family so I loved him."

"Wait, wait, wait! Did you say it in that order?"

"Huh?"

"The 'we're family so I love you' part."

"No I told him I loved him and then said he was like family."

"_Dumb ass!" _I cursed loudly and started to pace maybe I really should have told Kendall everything.

"Kendall! I can't believe you did that!" He looked more confused than ever so I had to tell him. "Logan is in love with you!"

"You just said he was afraid to tell me he was gay."

"I know! I just thought it was something I didn't need to say!"

"Well obviously that wasn't true I just broke his heart and I didn't even know it! God damn it!" Kendall ran past me and was obviously upset with himself. He may be clueless and he may sometimes do stupid things but when it came down to it he was a leader and did everything for his friends. I should have known that it would have been the right thing to tell him everything but I let my guilt cloud my judgment. Kendall was standing in front of the elevator trying to think of where Logan might go. When he finally seemed to figure it out he frantically pressed the elevator button and jumped in. Before the doors closed Kendall and I made eye contact and I could see from the fear on his face where Logan was. My heart nearly stopped and I knew we had to stop him but it was going to take all of us so I had to find Carlos first. I just hope I could explain everything on the way.

* * *

Logan's POV:

I was standing at the brink of everything. It had taken so much to lead to this, so much heart ache and pain. I can't handle it anymore. I looked over the edge and felt nothing. I didn't feel fear or pain or regret for what I was about to do. All of my emotions had rotted away thanks to the pain that was caused by the one I loved so much. I couldn't live without him and now that I couldn't have him… I had to end it. As I stood at the edge of the building I couldn't help but wonder if they were wondering where I was right now. Were my grandparents, my mom, James and Carlos and… Kendall wondering what I was doing. Most importantly, did they even care? I felt tears roll down my face and I hugged myself trying to keep in the pain.

"If no one loves me what am I? I'm nothing…" My tears blocked my vision so I could no longer tell if it was two steps or one that would bring me to my death. In the end it didn't matter. Whether I took two steps or one it would end with the same result. I couldn't believe this had all started on what I had thought was the best day of my life. I had gotten what I wanted that day but I learned later that wasn't the case. It reminded me of all the stories people had told me about their birthday wishes coming true. The funny thing was that they never told you how it ended. When they got their wish was it really what they wanted? I had gotten my wish but it destroyed me.

The one thing that everyone fears is dying alone and that's what I was about to do. I knew no one could hear me but I just had to say my goodbyes before I finished it all.

"Grandma… Grandpa… I should be saying something good about you but I really can't. You were so hard on me and I bet you would say it was because you loved me but was that true? I can't help but think you were only trying to teach mom a lesson. I was just a burden to you but I still love you and I'll miss you both."

"Mom… you were probably one of the only people who could say they loved me and I could believe it. It's a shame that we could never see each other. I love you and I'll miss you so much."

"Mrs. Knight and Katie… what can I say, you were like a second family. You were both a second mother and the sister I always wanted. You don't deserve to suffer so please don't cry for me."

"Gustavo and Kelly… even now and I can't help but smile at the thought of you. You've always believed in us even when things looked rough. Even though you told us you didn't care, Gustavo, I knew that a large part of you loved us like your own sons. I could see it in your eyes. Kelly, you were always our rock and kept us together. Don't let the others fall apart. Keep everyone together. I'll miss you both."

"Camille… you understood me when no one else did. You were the first person I told and I could trust you. If things were different you and I could have been good together but I love Kendall too much. You are one of my greatest friends. I'll miss you."

"Jo… burn in hell bitch."

"Carlos" I let out a sob at the thought of what this would do to him. I didn't want to take away his joy… his innocence but he would have to realize sooner or later that the world isn't a bright and beautiful place. "Carlos… you were always my brother and even though this seems to be the only thing left it scares me to know that I won't see you anymore. You could always bring up my mood and I could always count on you to have my back. I'm going to miss you so, so much. You're the best friend I could ever have Carlos and I could never love a brother more."

"James… I'm so sorry. I know you'll blame yourself but it's not your fault. It's not your fault I wasn't strong enough. You were only doing what you thought was right. You were only doing it because you're my family. Don't ever give up on your dream. Big time rush may not be able to stay but you'll become what you've always wanted… I know it. Just know that I love you like a brother and I'm going to miss you."

"Kendall… I love you so much. You were always the perfect person for me but I was never the person for you. James and Carlos are going to need you so please help them and don't blame yourself. You had no way of knowing and I should have stopped it but I didn't. We've known each other for so long it's going to be rough knowing I won't see you anymore. I just hope that if there is a heaven, I'll see you Carlos and James there, but not too soon. You guys still have lives to live and you need to live those lives to the fullest. I love you Kendall… goodbye." I was sobbing as I stepped up to the ledge. The wind was so powerful up here it was nearly pushing me over. As I looked up to the sky one last time I couldn't help but realize how beautiful it was.

Birds were flying through a clear blue sky without a care in the world. I could see, even in the dense city, hills and trees in the distance. It was such a nice thing to see in my final moments and I was content with its beauty. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath before falling forward.

I imagined what it would feel like to be falling. The wind whooshing by me at speeds that were unheard of but I didn't feel any of that. The only thing I felt was the sudden tightness of my shirt on my chest. I opened my eyes and was able to see the ground but I wasn't falling forward. When I was jerked back into a standing position I finally registered the hand griping the back of my shirt. I went to struggle but they wrapped their arms around me and pulled me away from the edge. I was still struggling so we both fell backwards.

"Let me go!"

"No Logan I can't let you do this!" I stopped struggling for a moment when I realized it was Kendall. I was surprised that he came for me but it also killed me inside. Didn't he see that this was only killing me inside? I began to struggle again while my body was wracked with horrible sobs.

"Let me go!" Kendall wrapped his arms tighter around my torso and brought me closer to his chest. I could feel the warmth that was normally so soothing but now it was only a reminder of what I wanted so dearly but couldn't have. I've dreamed so many times of Kendall holding me like this but now, in this situation I didn't want anything else but to get away from him.

"Logan please stop you can't do this. I need you, James, needs you, Carlos needs you, everyone needs you! You're one of the most important people in my life. I can't just let you throw your life away!" When Kendall tightened his hold on me again I gave up on struggling and simply laid in his arms and sobbed. He may tell me I was important but in the end I would just float to the background.

"Just let me die!" I could hear Kendall let out a small gasp before he buried his face in my shoulder. I faintly registered a small damp spot on my shirt but I didn't care. Kendall was crying but he could never understand the pain I was feeling. The pain that was causing me to sob and shake in his hold. The pain that was literally making my head spin and making it harder for me to breathe. He would never understand that I was dying inside.

"Logan! Kendall!"

"Where are you?" I could hear James and Carlos approaching and it didn't take them long to find us. I heard them sigh with relief that I was ok and it only made me sob harder. I wasn't ok and I never would be ok. "Logie please calm down. Let us help you." Carlos knelt down next to me and gripped his hand with mine. He was afraid for me and the sound of his voice only heightened the guilt I had felt before.

With one particularly violent sob I broke into a coughing fit. I suddenly found it hard to breath as my heart raced and my mind blurred. I could hear James, Kendall and Carlos yelling my name but they sounded so far away. I was so confused and scared; I didn't know what was going on. After a few agonizing moments of disorientation everything went black.

**A/N: DUN DUN DUN! Well it finally happened. We finally reached the point of the preface. I bet you all actually thought he jumped didn't you. Well actually he did… it was just unsuccessful. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**There is more to come.**


	19. think

Carlos POV:

"Your friend suffered from a severe panic attack. He's fine now and I gave him some medicine to keep him calm." We all let out sighs of relief. When Logan had begun coughing and hyperventilating we weren't sure what was going on and it nearly scared me to death. To find out all this was going on and to realize how unaware and blind I was, I felt so guilty for not trying to help Logan sooner. He seemed so normal when we hung out but he was hiding everything. I'm just glad he's safe. I'm just glad he's alive.

"Can we see him?" The doctor nodded but stopped us before we could run to Logan.

"He'll probably be asleep for a long time because of the medicine. Let him rest and do not upset him." The doctor gave us a look that showed he meant business. We didn't tell him what exactly happened but he obviously knew we had something to do with it.

As we walked over to Logan's room James and I were in the front while Kendall was trailing behind. I could tell he was deep in thought about something and it scared me to see such confusion in his expression. He was normally so strong. I could always rely on him when I was confused or scared but now he was too caught up in his own thoughts to help anyone else. I just wish I knew what he was thinking. When we reached Logan's room we all hesitated for a moment before James grabbed the door handle.

"Wait." James let go of the door knob and turned to Kendall who was looking everywhere but at us.

"What?" James sounded annoyed and I didn't like it. He was blaming Kendall for this but he didn't know. I didn't want them to fight.

"If he's awake he won't want to see me… maybe I should wait out here."

"Kendall… Logan needs all of us." He shook his head at me and leaned against the wall. "I don't want to upset him so just… make sure he wants to see me first."

"Ok." I patted Kendall's shoulder and walked into the room behind James. Logan was fast asleep and his peaceful expression brought a smile to my face. I walked to the side of the bed and immediately gripped his hand in mine. "He's going to be ok right James?" James let out a sigh and placed his hand on my shoulder. He could tell from my voice how worried I was and he was worried too.

"I don't know Carlos."

"I should have seen it. I could have helped him. I always make Logan feel better." James chuckled and sat down in a chair by the bed.

"Yea you and your thoughts of kittens." I smiled and laughed lightly before we both fell silent. It wasn't awkward though; we were both content in watching Logan as his chest moved up and down. It reminded us that he was alive but it also showed us what was almost taken from us. "You better get Kendall. Logan's asleep so he can be in here." James had a small scowl on his face as he spoke about Kendall.

"Don't do that." He furrowed his eyebrows and stared at me like I had five heads. He could sense the annoyance in my tone and he knew I never got like this unless it was really important.

"Don't do what?"

"Don't blame Kendall for something that none of us knew about."

"I knew… is it my fault then."

"James…" I pulled up a chair next to James and pulled him into a sideways hug. I should have known that his anger was really directed at himself but then again I haven't really been aware of anything lately.

"You tried to help him. I know you did. Logan was in so much pain. If you didn't step in it would have gotten worse and we would have lost him. There is no one to blame… ok." James let out a long sigh and nodded his head. I wasn't sure if he completely believed me yet but I could see in his eyes that he was starting to forgive himself. That brought me relief. I didn't need to have two depressed friends.

I stood up and glanced at Logan for a second before walking out of the room. Kendall wasn't standing by the door like he was before so I assumed he thought Logan was awake and didn't want to see him. I took out my phone and texted him asking where he was. Within seconds I received a text back saying he was in the cafeteria down the hall. I let out a sigh and looked in the room again before walking away. I couldn't help but check on Logan every few seconds. I didn't want him to disappear.

When I reached the cafeteria Kendall was sitting in the far corner by himself. His hands were laced in front of his face and his eyes were narrowed showing he was deep in thought. He had been like that since before we arrived at the hospital and I could only guess at what he was thinking about. What was clear was that he was confused. He was confused about everything that was going on and most importantly he was confused about himself. I slowly walked over to him and sat down across from him. We didn't talk for a long time and at first I thought he didn't notice me until he suddenly sighed and faced me.

"What do you think about all this?" To say I was surprised was an understatement. Kendall never asked me what I thought. I never needed to. He always had a plan but now he didn't know what to do. I never thought he would have to count on me but now that he was I had to try my best.

"I don't know Kendall. I'm confused that's for sure. I'm used to being someone who is out of the loop because let's face it I'm not the smartest of the four of us but this… I should have known this was going on." Kendall let out a sigh and covered his face with his hands.

"That's my fault. Logan knew I didn't want people to know." Kendall let out another sigh and dropped his forearms to the table. "If anyone should have know what was going on with Logan it should be me. I know Logan. I can read him inside and out. Why didn't I know?" Kendall was looking at me and I could tell he was searching for an answer but I wasn't sure if he was really asking me.

"Kendall… maybe you just didn't want to see it. Maybe you were blocking out that anything was wrong. Maybe you were in denial?" Kendall looked at me weirdly for a moment then returned to an emotionless expression. I could tell that he wasn't going to say anymore so I let out a sigh and stood to get something to eat. Most people loose there apatite when they were worried or nervous but not me. I just get hungrier.

By the time I returned to Kendall with a drink and a sandwich he wasn't alone. I couldn't help but feel a little surprised by who was here and I couldn't help but want her gone.

"Jo?" She turned to me and gave me a sad smile before standing up and offering me a short hug. I actually liked Jo but Logan was my best friend and she was the reason for his pain. "What are you doing here?" She sat back down and let out a sigh. When she gripped Kendall's hand I didn't miss the way he tensed. It only lasted a second but after that he was relaxed again while looking down at his hand with furrowed eyebrows.

"I wanted to be here for Kendall. I…"

"Logan not me." Jo turned to Kendall with furrowed eyebrows.

"Huh?"

"I'm not the one whose hurt Logan is. I'm not confused I don't need you here." Kendall suddenly stood and pulled away from Jo. I knew how stubborn he could be when he was upset so I didn't say anything. Kendall had a lot of soul searching to do.

"Kendall wait."

"No I… I need to think." Kendall walked backwards a few steps before he turned around and quickly walked away. I could see that Jo was hurt by Kendall's actions and she was also confused. It wouldn't be long before she figured out what was going on but for now, it was better that she didn't know.

Not wanting to be the one to have to tell her I silently left Jo to contemplate Kendall's actions. When I got back to the room James was standing outside with an emotionless expression. As soon as I was close he motioned inside so I peeked in. Kendall was standing by Logan's bed but I couldn't see his expression because he was facing away from me. His fingers were twitching and James and I looked at each other as Kendall slowly lifted his hand and took a hold of Logan's. I could hear him let out a shaky sigh as he rubbed his thumb over Logan's knuckles.

"I'm glad you're ok." Kendall pulled his hand away quickly then walked passed me and James. I could tell that he still needed to do a lot of thinking so I didn't stop him. I just wished I knew what this meant for all of us.

James and I walked back into Logan's room and sat down in the two chairs by the bed. We were both silently thinking until Logan stirred. He was waking up.

**A/N: sorry for this sucky tiny chapter. I thought I would have more to put but what I wanted to do didn't come out as well as I hoped. Anyway, I hope you still enjoyed the chapter**

**There is more to come.**


	20. let it out

Have you ever had those moments where you wake up and are completely disoriented? You don't know where you are, what time it is, or even what day it is. I could hear people walking around me and silently whispering. As I listened even more to my surroundings I could hear even more footsteps and voice in the distance and a small beeping noise. When I took another few seconds to figure out where I was it became clear to me.

"_Great a hospital."_ I finally decided to open my eyes and wanted to close them again. James and Carlos were in the room and they were both just staring at me. The sadness on their face was obvious and I felt bad for causing it. I wasn't supposed to see what this would do to them. I looked away from them but didn't roll over. I didn't want them to think I was completely shutting them out. I should be angry at Kendall for stopping me but I really wasn't. I was embarrassed more than anything.

I looked up and looked around the room when I realized something. Where was Kendall? I guess the fact that he wasn't here proved he didn't want anything to do with me. I could feel tears come to my eyes and I tried my best to hide it from James and Carlos but it didn't take that long for them to notice. Carlos tried to reach for my hand but I pulled away from him. I expected him to be hurt by that but he wasn't.

"What happened?" I kept my vision away from James and Carlos but I saw them look at each other before James let out a sigh.

"When Kendall stopped you from… you had a panic attack."

"Oh."

"Why Logan?" When I didn't answer Carlos reached for my hand again and gripped it before I could pull away. I still didn't look at them though. I didn't know what I could say that could explain my actions. It seemed like a good idea at the time but the longer I sat in the hospital the more I realize how stupid I was acting.

"I don't know I just couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle that Kendall didn't want anything to do with me."

"Why would you think that?" When I looked up at James he had a shocked confused look on his face that made me confused. I gestured to the empty space next to them causing them to make "oh" faces.

"Logan he was afraid you didn't want to see him. He's here… do you want me to go get him?"

"_He's here?" _Before I was so upset that he wasn't here but now I wasn't sure if I could face him. "You don't have to I mean it's ok…" Carlos rolled his eyes and stood up from his seat. Before I could say anything to stop him he was out the door. I took a deep breath and let it out as I sat back against the hospital bed. I felt anxious and scared and I wasn't sure why. I already knew Kendall knew everything but I guess I was afraid to face him after I tried to… I didn't even want to think about that. I didn't want to live without Kendall but I don't think I could try that again. It would probably be better for me to leave. To go back to Minnesota and forget all that's happened here. But what about Big Time Rush? It would kill James' dream if I left and everyone would miss me too much and honestly I would miss them too.

Before I could think any longer the door to the hospital room was opening and Carlos was walking in with Kendall right behind him. Kendall closed the door behind him and when he looked up at me our eyes locked. I don't know what it was but there was something different about him. I could see it in his eyes. I thought I wouldn't be able to look at him but right now I couldn't turn away.

"We'll give you guys a minute." James got up from his seat next to me and pat me on the shoulder reassuringly. Carlos gave me a reassuring smile before James grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the room. When the door closed Kendall and I turned back to each other and locked eyes again. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to him or what he was supposed to say to me so we were silent for a long time. Eventually the silence became too much for me.

"hi." It was a truly pathetic attempt at conversation so I wasn't surprised when Kendall smiled and let out a chuckle. I should have been embarrassed but I was able to lighten the mood just a little bit. It was enough for Kendall to come sit next to me.

"Logan I'm so sorry."

"Kendall no you didn't…"

"No let me finish… while I still have the courage to do this." I let my mouth shut and nodded. I wasn't sure what Kendall was getting the courage to do. He was probably trying to tell me how he didn't want to be my friend anymore.

"Ok go ahead." Kendall nodded and let out a breath before speaking.

"Ok Logan listen I didn't know how you felt when I talked to you. James didn't tell me so I wouldn't have said what I said. I didn't mean to hurt you." Kendall took in a deep breath before continuing. I wanted to say something but he stopped me again. "You really scared me Logan. I don't know how I figured out where you were going but once I did… I'm just glad I was able to stop you."

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I was horrible to you and when I saw you on the roof…" Kendall paused for a second and ran his fingers through his hair. "It's hard to explain. When I was running towards you I didn't think I was going to make it. It was like my life flashed before my eyes but it was different. It was my life without you in it and it killed me. After that I started thinking about what my life would be like with you and I realized which life I really wanted. This may sound horrible but if something were to happen to Jo I would get better eventually but if something happened to you… I can't live without you Logan. There can't be a Kendall without a Logan. I care about Jo a lot but it took me almost losing you to realize that I care about you more. It may not be exactly what you want but I think we have something… and I want to figure out what it is. Do you think you'd be willing?"

"Kendall what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I like you… a lot more than I ever realized." I still wasn't completely sure what Kendall meant. All I knew was that he cared for me and that was a step in the right direction. "I know that it doesn't seem like much because I know your feelings for me…" I reached for Kendall's hand and laced our fingers together. I honestly did that just to shut him up so I could absorb the information he was giving me for just a moment longer. He was telling me that he wanted to be with me. He was telling me that I was more important to him then Jo. He was telling me that he couldn't live without him. He may not be telling me he loves me but to know that I'm an important part is enough.

"Just hearing you say that you feel anything towards me is good enough." I don't know if I was extremely happy or if I was just letting out all the pent up emotion but I suddenly found myself sobbing. Kendall got up from his spot and sat on the bed pulling me into a tight embrace. I could feel his arms wrapped tightly around my torso and it felt so wonderful knowing that for once these tight embraces meant something. I could hold onto him as tight as I could and I didn't have to worry about Kendall pulling away.

I buried my face in Kendall's neck and continued to let out every emotion I ever felt. Without even thinking I just started ranting and venting about everything that had ever happened and Kendall didn't say a thing. He rubbed my back and listened to every word. Even when I found it impossible to get words out Kendall didn't say anything. When I finally let out everything and I was calm again I felt so much better. I never realized what holding in all my emotions could do to me but when I finally let them out I felt lighter. I could feel Kendall's arms loosening around me so I tightened my grip around his neck. He let out a chuckle and tightened his grip again allowing me to relax.

"You never answered my question." I looked up at Kendall with furrowed eyebrows and just stared at him.

"What question?" Kendall chuckled again and brought one of his hands up to cup my face.

"I told you that I wanted to try and have a relationship with you but only if you were willing. Are you?"

"Yes." Kendall smiled at the fact that I didn't hesitate. As we stared into each other's eyes I noticed Kendall's smile fade as he leaned in. I wanted this more than anything but I found myself frozen in place. I don't know what I was afraid of but the closer he got the faster my heart rate was. I could feel it pulsing in my chest but I could also hear the fast beeping of the machine. When our lips finally met my eyes closed and I let out a small gasp. It was the most amazing feeling in the world and it was better than any kiss we've ever had before. There was emotion behind it. It wasn't just a way to get off but a way to show the most intimate and pure feelings that have been trapped inside.

Kendall's lips were soft and tender not harsh and rough. It was slow and showed exactly what I've been trying to hide, love. When Kendall pulled away he was only inches from my face. He took a few seconds to catch his breath before leaning in and kissing me once more. It probably would have lasted longer but we had to pull away when someone cleared there throat.

James and Carlos were standing by the door with amused and shocked expressions.

"H-how long have you been standing there?" My voice was still a little horse from crying so much so they almost had to strain to hear me.

"Well we took a walk to give you guys time to talk and when we came back we heard you crying." Carlos sat down in a chair on the opposite side of Kendall and continued where James left off.

"We thought Kendall said something mean to you so we were going to come in here and beat him up but obviously we don't need to do that." Carlos and James looked at us with raised eyebrows and I noticed for the first time that Kendall and I were still pressed together. My hands were still fisting his shirt and his arms were still wrapped around my waist. We both blushed deep shades of red before pulling apart. After a second I couldn't help but want to be in his embrace again.

"So… are you guys boyfriends?" James looked at both of us expectantly but I honestly wasn't sure. I knew we were together but I didn't think Kendall was ready for that yet.

"We're… in a relationship." Kendall was looking at me for approval and I could sense he was afraid he would upset me. I didn't want him to think that so I took his hand in mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

James and Carlos looked at each other with confused expressions. I could imagine they were thinking it meant the same thing but they didn't say anything because they knew it was more complicated than that.

"So… when do I go home?"

* * *

"That took forever!" As soon as we were back in the apartment I plopped down on the couch and let out a long sigh.

"Well they had to make sure you were ok to leave before you could go anywhere." Mrs. Knight walked over to the couch and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Now that we're home though we're going to have to have a talk."

"Can we do this another time?" Mrs. Knight let out a sigh but nodded. She wanted to give me as much space and time that I needed given the situation. Out of everyone I think she was the most surprised. She was worried and also guilty. She felt like a bad guardian for missing the signs but that's really how everyone had been feeling lately. I wasn't too happy that James and Carlos had told her everything (it was super embarrassing) but it's not like they could lie. Once Gustavo saw the hospital bill I was going to have to tell him too.

When I felt I couldn't take everyone's attention anymore I got up from the couch and moved to my room to go to sleep. Kendall had gone in there about 15 minutes before me so I was surprised he wasn't asleep yet. He was reading (surprisingly) so I silently walked over to my dresser and changed my clothes. Kendall had obviously seen me naked before but for some reason I felt self conscious. I couldn't tell if it was because now Kendall looked at me differently or if it was just that fact that Kendall was watching me.

As soon as I was done I hesitated for a moment before going to my bed. What our relationship was going to entail was still a little fuzzy so I wasn't really comfortable with initiating anything yet. I didn't want to push him away. After I crawled into bed I let out a sigh and closed my eyes. I felt unusually cold and realized it was because my blanket was being pulled off of me. When I turned over Kendall was climbing into my bed.

"Kendall?"

"Shh." Once he was comfortable he pulled me close to him when he realized I wasn't going to move. "Now that I know you're transparent. You can cuddle with me if you want to." Kendall had a knowing smirk on his face making me blush. I moved closer to him and buried my face in his chest. I could feel his hand gingerly rubbing my side and the feeling of warmth surrounding me was amazing. I dreamt about doing this and now that I finally was I couldn't believe it.

"I love you Kendall." I buried my face further in Kendall's chest not wanting to see his reaction. I knew he couldn't say it back but I wanted to say it anyway. He knew my feelings but he hadn't heard it from me yet. Kendall used his hand to pull my face away from his chest and lifted my chin to look at him. He gave me a soft kiss on the lips then placed my head back where it was. He may not be in love with me but he isn't pushing me away so that's a good thing.

**A/N: DONE! I have finally come to the point in this story were I have no idea what is going to happen next! Just kidding! I have some ideas. Anyway, YEY! Finally Kogan love… sort of… Kendall isn't exactly in love with Logan but at least he finally admit he does feel something for him. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	21. WHAT

The past week has been the best days I've had in a long time. Every day I found myself getting closer and closer to Kendall. At first I was a little skittish around him. I was afraid to try and show any affection because I didn't know how he would react. Of course Kendall saw this and reassured me every chance he could that he really did want a relationship. I believed him but there is still one loose end, Jo. Kendall isn't spending a lot of time with her. Not even half the amount of time they were spending before but they're still together. I didn't want to ask Kendall about it because I knew he still loved her and he wasn't sure about his feelings for me yet. If I pressured him I would probably push him away.

I wasn't the only one who wanted answers though. James and Carlos were still afraid for my well being so they were watching me like two hawks. I didn't really mind that much but I was afraid that the situation would be a strain on Kendall, Carlos, James, and my friendship. Everything was ok right now so I wasn't too worried about that.

"Ok boys Katie and I are going to be leaving soon you know the drill right?" We all let out a simultaneous yes. When Mr. Knight still didn't look satisfied Kendall rolled his eyes.

"Don't break anything."

"Don't do anything that will require a hospital visit." Carlos continued."

"Go to bed on time." I added.

"And Logan is the only one allowed anywhere near the stove, microwave, and oven." James spoke in a teasing manner as he ruffled my hair. I couldn't help but blush at his teasing. It wasn't my fault that I was the only responsible one when it came to cooking. We didn't need Carlos to burn his crotch again. I never asked how he did that because I didn't want to know. When Mrs. Knight was satisfied she looked at her watch and let out a sigh.

"Before I go Logan can you come with me for a minute?"

"_Fuck." _I'd been trying to avoid this all week but I guess I had to face it eventually. As I got up from my spot on the couch next to Kendall I could feel my three friend's eyes watching me as I left the living room and walked into Mrs. Knight's room right behind her.

I almost never went into Mrs. Knight's room so I couldn't help but feel more vulnerable and uncomfortable. I had a great relationship with Mrs. Knight but there were just some things I wasn't sure if I could talk about. Especially if it had to deal with her son. Mrs. Knight sat down on her bed and patted the purple comforter to get me to sit down as well. I hesitated for a moment before walking across the room and quickly sat down. It was silent for a long time until Mrs. Knight let out a sigh.

"I know the situation thanks to James and Carlos but I need to hear it from you."

"You know about me and…" I trailed off as Mrs. Knight nodded her head. She wanted to know what had gone on but where do I begin and how do I tell her what Kendall and I were doing. I didn't even think of that.

"You don't have to worry about me disapproving of your relationship with Kendall. What I do know though is that Kendall is still with Jo." Mrs. Knight was watching me expectantly waiting for me to start talking. I let out a sigh and shut my eyes tightly as I began.

"Kendall does love Jo. What Kendall and I had at first wasn't a relationship but I wanted it to be."

"What exactly where you and Kendall doing?"

"Uh…" I could feel my face heating up and I could only imagine how badly I was blushing right now but I could tell by Mrs. Knight's knowing expression that I was blushing a lot. "We didn't… it wasn't… uh… this is where it gets weird right?" Mrs. Knight smiled and nodded her head.

"Now I know neither of you can get pregnant but I hope your being careful. I have a friend with a gay son so I know a lot more about homosexual intercourse…"

"_Oh god."_

"Then you think. I'm going to assume you're the bottom."

"Mrs. Knight!"

"You have to make sure to use proper lubrication or the penis will rip the anal wall.

"Please stop now."

"Logan, you need to know this."

"I promise I'll do the proper research can we just move on!" Mrs. Knight sighed but nodded."

"Let's go back to what we were talking about before." As soon as she mentioned that I almost wanted her to talk about sex again. I would have died of embarrassment but at least I wouldn't have to talk about what caused me to try and kill myself.

"Well Kendall and I weren't in a relationship it was just… physical."

"And you weren't happy with that." I let out a sigh and looked down at my lap.

"Yea. I guess it just became too much." Mrs. Knight sighed and rubbed my back in a soothing motherly fashion.

"You're a smart boy Logan. You shouldn't have put yourself in that situation."

"I know."

"And I think I'm going to have to talk to Kendall about this too." I nodded my head before Mrs. Knight pulled me into a hug. She looked at her watch and let out a gasp. "Oh no I'm going to be late." Mrs. Knight stood up and turned to me. "Take care of yourself ok Logan. We'll talk more when I get back tomorrow night."

"Ok." Mrs. Knight ruffled my hair and quickly left her room. When I walked out after her she was already at the door with Katie by her side. After a short goodbye both Katie and Mrs. Knight were gone.

I noticed right away that the apartment was dead silent. I knew James, Carlos, and Kendall were playing video games so I thought it was strange when I turned to the TV and the game was paused. They were staring at me intently and I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable under their scrutiny.

"What?"

"What did you talk about with my mom?" I let out a sigh and plopped down next to Kendall on the couch. I was still a little stressed out but I couldn't help but smile when Kendall wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

"Trust me you don't want to know."

"I wanna know! Was it super embarrassing?" I shouldn't be surprised that Carlos wanted to know that. Things were always funnier when I was embarrassed. I think he just liked how I reacted.

"Yes." Carlos and James looked at each other before they both snickered.

"Did she give you the talk?" I let out a groan and buried my face in Kendall's chest. I could hear James and Carlos laughing at me but I didn't care. The only thing that mattered right now was the fact that Kendall was tightening his grip on my waist and soothingly rubbing my side. It was one of those moments that made me think everything horrible that I felt in the past was well worth it.

The relaxing moment was broken by the sound of a cell phone ringing. You could feel the atmosphere of the room changing as soon as the song started playing. We all knew it was Kendall's phone and we also knew it was his ringtone for Jo. I wasn't sure how I felt about the fact that it was still worldwide but it definitely didn't feel good. Kendall took his phone out of his pocket and quickly answered it. I couldn't help but feel horrible because of the fact that Kendall was still holding me while he talked to his girlfriend on the phone. The soft touches that I loved so much now felt so wrong.

When Kendall hung up the phone I noticed he did it quickly. He was probably trying to avoid the usually goodbye which consisted of an I love you. At least he was still paying attention to my feelings. We were silent for a long time before Kendall unwrapped his arm from around me.

"I have to meet Jo downstairs. I'll see you later?" I forced a smile and stood up stretching my muscles.

"Yea… I was just gunna go read anyway." Kendall nodded but I knew he could see how much this hurt. This had been one of the greatest weeks but there were always moments that made all the pain return. I wasn't going to force Kendall to break up with Jo but a huge part of me wished he would. Then I wouldn't have to be so afraid anymore. Before it could get to awkward I quickly left to go to mine and Kendall's room. I planned to go straight there without looking back but I froze as soon as I heard James' voice.

"Kendall…"

"I know." I stopped and hid so I could listen to the conversation.

"If you know why aren't you doing anything about it?" I could hear Kendall let out a sigh and I imagined he was running his fingers through his hair.

"It's more complicated then you think. I…"

"What's complicated about it? You can't honestly say that this week hasn't proven you have feelings for Logan." I was worried this would happen. James sounded calm but Carlos sounded annoyed. It was only a matter of time before it turned into a fight.

"I know but Jo is important to me too. I don't want to hurt her."

"By not saying anything you're hurting her more." James was right and Kendall knew it. The more he dragged this out the worse it was going to end. Whether he wanted to be with Jo or with me he couldn't keep this secret forever.

"Your right. She has to talk to me so I might as well talk to her too." I could hear Kendall leave and as soon as he was gone I went to our room. I wasn't sure if this meant he was going to break off with Jo but I hope it did. I felt like such a horrible person because I knew how much this would hurt Jo but it was the only way I could have all of Kendall. If Kendall wasn't with Jo anymore I wouldn't have to worry about her calling him. I wouldn't have to worry about hiding how I feel about Kendall from our friends. I wouldn't have to worry about the fact that Kendall might love her more than me. All I could do was wait for Kendall to come back and hope for the best.

* * *

Kendall POV:

The trip from the apartment to the lobby was a blur. I wasn't surprised though because I was about to tell the girl that I was in love with that there was someone else. It didn't make sense to me that I was breaking up with Jo. I cared about her so much but then I realized that I cared about Logan too. I still wasn't sure how much but the closer I got to Logan the farther I got from Jo. If I wanted to pursue a relationship with Logan I had to end it with Jo. I wasn't hurting her and that wasn't right. I always tried my best to do the right thing and to take risks so that's what I was doing.

When I reached the lobby Jo was sitting by herself. She smiled at me and there was something about her smile that changed something in me. She was beautiful and I was saddened by the fact that I was letting her go. I had to remind myself though that we were drifting apart. It would only be a matter of time before we despised each other and I rather have our relationship end with love then hate. When I reached her she stood allowing me to wrap my arms around her. She was so small and fragile but the funny thing was Logan was small and fragile too.

"Jo we need to talk."

"Yea we do." I couldn't read Jo like I could Logan but it looked like she had seen this coming. We walked to a more deserted area of the lobby. Jo wanted to speak first but I held up my hand to stop her. I needed to get this out before I lost my nerve.

"Jo… there's someone else."

"What?" She stepped away from me and I could see the disbelief in her eyes. I almost wanted to back out and say I was joking but then I remembered the look on Logan's every time I got a call from Jo. I couldn't do that to him.

"I know by staying with you I'm only stringing you along and I can't hurt you like that. I'm sorry Jo." Tears began to stream down Jo's face and I had to look away to stop myself from hugging her. I had to keep reminding myself that in the end this was best for everyone.

"Kendall I called you because I needed to tell you something." She took in a breath before continuing. "I'm pregnant."

**A/N: **

**You: What!**

**Some guy: What!**

**Me: What! I mean yea she's prego. Lol**

**Dun dun dun! I wasn't originally going to have Kendall's point of view but I just felt it was right to add it. It seemed to work out pretty well and I thought it was better because then you're like Oh no! What is Logan going to do when he finds out about this! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	22. do you mean it

**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in so long I've defiantly been busy… short of. Lol well anyway on to the chapter.**

Kendall must have been gone longer than I anticipated because I fell asleep while I was waiting for him. I don't know when he got back all I knew was that as soon as I woke up I realized he was laying in bed with me. When I turned over in bed to face him I realized he wasn't asleep like I had been.

"You're awake."

"No I just love to sleep with my eyes open." Kendall chuckled and rolled his eyes. Even though he was smiling I could tell that there was something bothering him. I really wanted to know how it went with Jo but I didn't want to ask if he didn't want to talk about it.

"Alright smarty pants the sarcasm wasn't necessary." I let out a small laugh and moved closer to Kendall. I couldn't help but think it was a good sign when he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"How long was I out?"

"I'm not sure maybe 30 minutes."

"And you just laid here and watched me sleep?" Kendall sat up and laughed nervously.

"What! No I would never…" I couldn't help but laugh at him. It was strange seeing him act this way. He was blushing and he looked embarrassed. He was usually all confidence even in front of Jo. I sat up and leaned against him. Kendall wrapped his arm around me and began to rub my side. His blush began to fade and was replaced with something more concerning, guilt. "Logan I have to tell you something."

"Ok." I looked down towards our laps and waited for Kendall to continue. I was afraid that this might be the last time I would get to be with Kendall like this so I leaned closer to him. I wanted to enjoy being in Kendall's arms as long as I could before it was over. There was no way he broke up with Jo so I just had to except that.

"I broke up with Jo." I let out a gasp and looked up at Kendall.

"You… you did?" He nodded his head and I had to stop myself from smiling because I could tell by the look in his eyes what this did to him. He still loved her. He only broke up with her because he knew it was the right thing to do. There wasn't any other reason.

"I told her there was someone else. Unsurprisingly she wasn't too happy about that."

"Did you tell her…?"

"No." I nodded again as we both fell silent. That I didn't find surprising. I doubted he wanted people to know about me and him. Considering that we have more of a chance now we could probably tell everyone in the future.

"There's something else you need to know."

"What is it?" Kendall removed his arm from around me and I couldn't help but notice how cold I suddenly became. I wasn't sure if it was because of the sudden lack of body heat or because I was suddenly afraid of what Kendall was about to tell me but I was hoping for that first one. Kendall leaned his elbows against his knees and put his face in his hands. He let out a long sigh and I could tell that something was troubling him.

I was scared but I had to hide it. Kendall was having enough trouble telling me whatever it was so I didn't want to make it harder for him. I placed my hand on Kendall's back and started rubbing soothing circles. He was so tense I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I've never seen him this freaked out before.

"Whatever it is… I'm sure it will be ok." Kendall let out another sigh and glanced at me. My lame attempt at helping him didn't do much but it did convince him to start talking again. Kendall sat up and took my hand in his.

"After I told Jo I wanted to break up with her she told me…" Kendall let out another sigh. "She told me she was pregnant Logan." My thought processes stopped dead in their tracks. It almost seemed like something in my brain was connecting the information correctly. I actually thought for a second that this meant she had been sneaking around too but then I remembered what I had seen not too long ago.

"Huh?" My expression must have looked pretty funny for Kendall to manage a little smile in this situation. When my brain finally started working again I was freaking out._ "JO IS PREGNANT!"_

"Are you ok?" I swallowed past the rising bile and nodded my head. I was internally freaking out but I couldn't let Kendall see that. Kendall was already upset enough about the situation so if I made it worse he wouldn't want to be with me. I took in a breath to calm myself and continued rubbing Kendall's back to comfort him.

"Is she sure? I mean how does she know so soon?" Kendall stared at me for a moment with furrowed eyebrows.

"So soon? What do you mean so soon?" I mentally cursed myself for saying that. I forgot that Kendall didn't know I caught him having sex with Jo.

"Well… I sort of saw you and Jo having sex."

"Oh."

"Yea… but if that was your first time she shouldn't know yet. That was your first time with her right?" Kendall shook his head and I couldn't hide my annoyance. If he was having sex with her why was he having sex with me? "How long have you been sleeping with her?" I moved over a little so I could get a better look at Kendall. He looked so guilty I wasn't sure if I wanted to know that answer.

"The first time Jo and I slept together was about a week before the first time we slept together."

"_Fan-fucking- tastic!" _The longer this conversation was the harder it was to hide how upset I was. This whole time I thought I had Kendall in a way Jo never would. It was the only thing that made me feel special. I thought this whole time I had been Kendall's first.

"Logan?" Kendall gripped my hand making me snap out of my thoughts. He let out a sigh. "You're upset with me now."

"No… no I'm not. So what are you going to do?" Kendall noticed my attempt to quickly change the subject but he didn't say anything about it.

"I don't know. I'll probably have to talk to Jo again and figure things out." I nodded my head and quickly stood up. Kendall tried to pull me back down but I pulled my hand out of his grip. "Logan let's talk…"

"I'm not mad. I'm going to go take a shower." Before he could say anything I left the room and walked over to the bathroom. I really couldn't talk to Kendall right now.

* * *

James POV:

Kendall had only been gone for about 15 minutes when he walked back into the apartment. He walked over to us in a complete daze before plopping down on the couch between me and Carlos.

"You ok?" When he didn't answer Carlos and I looked at each other with worried expressions. This was one of the only times I was actually willing to put down my mirror and pay attention to someone other than myself.

"Kendall?" Carlos waved his hand in front of Kendall's face a few times but was still met with silence. I was about to start shaking Kendall's shoulders but Carlos let out a huff and slapped Kendall across the face.

"OW!" Kendall held his cheek and gave Carlos WTF look. I actually couldn't help but give him the look as well.

"What it worked!" Kendall sighed and leaned back against the back of the couch. Carlos and I looked at each other again before I spoke.

"You want to tell us what's up now." Kendall swallowed past a lump in his throat and let out a shaky sigh. He was about to speak but then his eyes suddenly went wide and he was looking around.

"Where's Logan?"

"He's asleep. Please tell me you broke up with Jo."

"I did." I let out a breath and placed my hand on Kendall's shoulder.

"It's ok man…"

"She's pregnant."

"WHAT!" Carlos and I were both standing in seconds. Kendall kept his eyes on his lap and nodded his head. He was obviously in shock.

"How could you let something like this happen Kendall? You're supposed to be the responsible one! I mean I could see this happening to me or maybe even Carlos but not you!"

"I know! I don't know how it happened." Carlos and I gave him a look.

"Ok, I know how."

"How are you going to tell Logan?" Carlos looked towards Kendall and Logan's room with sad eyes. We all knew what this could do to him and I was more worried than ever. Kendall let out a sigh and stood up. He shrugged his shoulders and walked past us. This was going to be tough.

* * *

James POV continued:

Carlos and I decided to stay in the living room and give Kendall and Logan some space. A few minutes after Kendall walked in we could hear their muffled voices. I wasn't sure if I should be relieved or worried that the voices never grew in volume but after another few minutes I heard the bathroom door connected to their room close. I glanced at Carlos for a second before standing up and walking over to their room. When I glanced inside Kendall was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.

"I'm guessing it didn't go well." I could hear the shower in the bathroom and knew Logan was going to be in there for a long time. He always took long showers when he's upset.

"Actually it went to well." I furrowed my eyebrows and crossed my arms over my chest. I heard footsteps behind me and knew Carlos was just walking in.

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't yell or get upset." Kendall stood up and crossed his arms as he stared at the bathroom door. "He was way to calm. I expected him to get all freaked out and yelly." Kendall was right. Out of all the things I expected a calm Logan was not one of them. I wasn't sure exactly what was going on but I wasn't about to stand back and let things escalate again.

"I think I know why." Kendall and I turned to Carlos who had remained quiet this whole time. He was staring into space and for once in his life he actually looked like he was deep in thought.

"Well don't leave us hanging." Carlos snapped out of it and let out a breath.

"I think Logan is worried that you'll get back with Jo so he's trying to be the perfect boyfriend. He must be afraid that if he gets upset or yells at you you'll get annoyed with him and go back to Jo." Kendall and I stared at each other then looked back at Carlos. It was so unnatural for him to say something smart.

"Carlos… I think your right." We all turned when the bathroom door opened. Logan walked into the room with a towel around his waist and another towel over his head. When he finished rubbing his head dry he moved the towel and stopped once he saw all of us.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Logan looked at us with furrowed eyebrows before shrugging it off and walking over to his dresser. Kendall, Carlos, and I took that opportunity to leave the room.

"I think I'm going to go to the pool." Carlos grabbed his pool gear and walked towards the door.

"And I'm going to go find Jo and talk to her." Kendall let out a sigh and walked out the door right behind Carlos. Normally I would have gone with him but not this time. I waited patiently until Logan left his room. He walked over to the kitchen and started rummaging through the frig.

"So how are you?" Logan glanced towards me as I walked over to the counter and leaned against it. He turned back around and went back to taking things out of the frig before he spoke.

"I'm fine."

"How can you be fine? You talked to Kendall about what Jo told him right? If I were you I wouldn't be fine."

"Well you're not me ok!" I raised my eyebrows at Logan's sudden outburst. I wasn't really that surprised by it I just figured he should be directing his anger at someone else. "Sorry." Logan turned around again and started making a pb and j sandwich. I couldn't help but notice he was slapping it together a little… angrily.

"It's fine Logan. You're allowed to be upset but you need to direct that at Kendall. Not me or your sandwich." Logan stopped and finally noticed he was stabbing the bread. He let out a sigh and cleaned up before throwing the remnants of a sandwich out. I guess he wasn't hungry anymore.

"I really am fine James." Logan could really be stubborn sometimes. I let out a sigh and watched Logan retreat back to his room. If he wasn't going to tell me what was on his mind there wasn't much I could do about it.

* * *

Logan's POV:

When I finally got away from James I went to my room to read. It would definitely be a nice way to get my mind off of the current situation. I moved over to my desk and grabbed one of my favorite books. I plopped down on my bed and leaned back against the head board as I began to read.

For the most part I was able to focus on the book but every now and then I would lose focus. I couldn't believe it. How could Kendall be so stupid! How could I be so stupid? This whole time I thought the time I caught them had been the only time. In reality they had been having sex even before the first time I had sex with Kendall. I thought I had Kendall in a way Jo didn't but the whole time I was wrong. I'm so sick and tired of Jo winning. Every time she finds a way to ruin everything. Even though my first time with Kendall didn't really mean anything to him I still thought it was his first time to but it wasn't. And now Jo was pregnant making them connected forever and I could never do anything about it. Kendall would eventually get back together with Jo and I'll just be thrown to the background because stupid Jo ruins everything.

I didn't notice I was angrily flipping the pages of my book until I completely ripped a page out. "Damn it." I made an annoyed sound and placed my book upside on my bed. The only thing I could really do was tape up the page and buy a new book later. "tape… tape… tape…" I searched through my desk but came up empty. I knew it was there before but now I couldn't find it.

"What are you doing?" I jumped and turned around swiftly to find Kendall watching me with furrowed eyebrows.

"I'm just looking for some tape." Kendall made and oh face and moved over to his dresser. He opened one of the draws before he threw me the scotch tape. "Thanks." When I sat back down on my bed and taped the page back in Kendall sat next to me. I stayed quiet and just focused on taping my book perfectly.

"I talked to Jo again."

"Ok."

"She… she said she's keeping the baby."

"Good for her." Kendall sighed and took the book away from me. I tried to protest but Kendall stopped me.

"You're allowed to be upset with me. I'm not going to leave you just because you yell at me. I deserve it."

"Kendall…"

"Come on Logan let me have it. You know you want to." Kendall tilted his head from side to side while talking with a sing song tone. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I stood up to look down at him.

"How am I supposed to yell at you when you're not even taking this seriously." Kendall stood up and let out a sigh. I went to step back to give him some room but he grabbed my shoulders to keep me close.

"I am taking this seriously." I shook out of Kendall's grip and walked a few steps away before turning back towards him.

"No you're not! Don't you realize what this means! You can kiss your freedom goodbye because now you have a baby to worry about! I mean come on Kendall haven't you heard of a condom!" Kendall stepped forward and tried to grip my hand but I pushed him harshly. "How could you be so stupid!" Kendall watched me as I paced back and forth. "How could I be so stupid to think that you weren't having sex with Jo!"

"Logan I'm sorry…"

"Whatever! It doesn't matter because now you can get back with Jo!" I moved past Kendall and into the bathroom. Before he could stop me I slammed the door and locked it. Before I was just angry but now I could feel tears welling in my eyes. I leaned against the door and slid to the floor. I could hear Kendall knocking on the door but I ignored it and buried my face in my knees and cried.

* * *

James POV:

A few minutes after Kendall came back to the apartment the screaming started. It wasn't that loud and it was one sided considering it was all Logan. If it were any other time I would have ran over to break up the fight but I wasn't going to this time. Logan needed to do this. Kendall was being a jerk and Logan needed to let him know it. It was a horrible thing to say but Kendall deserved whatever Logan did to him.

The apartment fell silent right after a door was loudly slammed. I figured Logan had locked himself in the bathroom so I walked over to Logan and Kendall's bedroom to assess the situation. I poked my head inside and found Kendall not surprisingly standing in front of the closed bathroom door.

"Logie please let me in." I stepped into the room and stained for a moment so I could hear what Logan was doing. After a few seconds I stared to hear small whimpers and sniffles from inside the bathroom.

"I guess its not going so well in here." Kendall sighed and leaned his head against the door.

"Go away James." I raised my hands defensively and stepped towards the door. I guess he didn't want my help.

* * *

Logan's POV:

I faintly heard Kendall and James talking but I didn't know what they were saying. Before I could attempt to try and hear Kendall was knocking again.

"Logie please open the door. I'm not going to get back together with Jo ok. I left her for you! I love you more than her!" I let out a gasp and scrambled to my feet. Without a second thought I opened the door and waited for Kendall to regain his balance after he almost fell over.

"Did you mean that?" Kendall blinked a few times not sure what I was talking about.

"Huh?"

"You said you love me more than Jo… did you mean it? Do you love me?"Kendall's eyes widened as he registered what he said. His face was full of regret and that was answer enough. I felt more tears slide down my cheeks as I pushed past Kendall. "Of course you didn't mean it."

"Logan wait!" Kendall grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. Without thinking I threw a punch and hit him in the shoulder. He fell backwards knocking over my desk chair. I felt guilty for a second… just a second. I turned around and walked out of the room. I walked passed James who was making his way toward my room. He must have heard Kendall falling over. "Logan hold on!" Before I could leave Kendall caught up to me and grabbed me from around my waist. He dragged me over to the couch and sat me down before kneeling in front of me.

"What the hell do you want! Do you want to take back every other nice thing you've said to me too!"

"I meant it!"

"What…?" Kendall took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles.

"I meant what I said. I don't want to break up with you. I want to be with you because I love you. I know this sucks and I am scared but we can get through this. I promise."

"Say it again." Kendall smiled and moved from kneeling on the floor to sitting next to me. He wiped the tears off my face before leaning forward and locking our lips in a soft kiss. When he pulled away he leaned his forehead against mine and just stared into my eyes.

"I love you." I felt my lip quiver and more tears slid down my cheeks. I wrapped my arms around Kendall's torso and pulled him into a tight embrace. I could feel him rubbing my back while he kissed the side of my head. "I love you." I felt a smile come to my face as Kendall spoke the three words I've dreamt of hearing again. I never realized how good it would feel to finally know that he felt the same. It was so overwhelming. I didn't know how to react but I did know just what to say.

"I love you too."

**A/N: Yey! Kendall told Logan he loves him! Once again sorry for the lack of update. I'm going to try and go back to my normal schedule. I hope you enjoyed the chapter**

**There is more to come.**


	23. wear your running shoes

**A/N: 200 reviews WOOH! You guys are awesome and your reviews have been great. The positive feedback has been great and I'm just happy you guys like this story. If you haven't checked it out yet I have a new story up called I'm Coming Home. Don't worry it's only a one-shot so it's not going to affect this story. It's long so give yourself time to read it lol. Anyway on to the chapter!**

James POV:

Yesturday had definitely been a tough one. Not only had I never seen Logan yell that much but I have never before been afraid of him physically hurting anyone. That was just so unlike him. When I heard a crash coming from Kendall and Logan's room I was afraid that someone was hurt but luckily that wasn't the case. There was still something that I was worried about though and right now was the perfect time to bring it up.

I got up early like I usually did but I soon realized that I wasn't the only one awake. When I walked into the kitchen fully dressed and ready I found Kendall sitting at the table staring into space.

"Hey." Kendall jumped slightly. He must not have heard me come in. I sat down across from him and took in his appearance. He didn't look like he had gotten much sleep by the look of the bags under his eyes. He definitely had to do something about that. The other thing I noticed was the large bruise forming on his shoulder. "Did Logan do that to you!" I reached across the table and poked Kendall's shoulder.

"Ow!" Kendall slapped my hand away making me chuckle. "Stop that! And yes... he has a pretty good right hook." Kendall and I both laughed then fell silent.

"I hope you know what you're doing Kendall."

"What do you mean?"

"How do you expect to handle this thing with Jo? Not to mention you still have to tell your mom and Gustavo. Your mom won't kill you but Gustavo will." Kendall let out a sigh and sat back in the chair.

"I know that's why I couldn't sleep. Logan told me I should tell Gustavo as soon as possible but I'm not so sure about that."

"Speaking of Logan… You didn't mean it did you?" Kendall dropped eye contact and started playing with the placemat. "You have to tell him Kendall. You have to take it back."

"I don't want to take it back."

"Huh?"

"I liked saying it. Even if I'm not completely sure that I should be saying it I don't want to take it back."

"Doesn't that mean you actually do love Logan than?"

"I don't know. It doesn't make sense for me to be in love with him already. But I feel right around him and I get nervous around him. The more I say it the more I believe it. I think I may be falling in love with him." I stared at Kendall for a moment before shaking my head and standing up.

"Now you're just confusing me." Kendall laughed and shook his head.

"I'm confusing myself."

"So how do you plan on telling Gustavo?" Kendall put his hand to his chin and looked up in deep contemplation. He tapped his foot a few times before shrugging.

"I don't know. I was thinking of wearing my hockey gear but that would only weigh me down when I tried to run." I let out a snort making us both laugh.

"What are you two laughing about?" Logan was rubbing his eyes as he walked into the kitchen. I couldn't help but notice the smile that came to Kendall's face as soon as he saw him. Maybe he was in love with him.

"James and I were talking about how I was going to tell Gustavo about Jo." Logan mouthed the word "oh" before sitting down next to Kendall. Logan hesitantly took Kendall's hand in his and relaxed when Kendall smiled at him and began to rub his knuckles with his thumb. It was so strange seeing them like this. They were interacting so differently than they used to and they were becoming more intimate as time went on. I was worried about Logan before but I no longer thought that I had to be. Kendall might be crazy but he does love Logan. I know it.

"I don't think you have to worry about Gustavo. He might yell but he wouldn't kill you."

* * *

Logan's POV:

"RUN!" I jumped out of my skin when I heard Kendall screaming from down the hall. I ran to the entrance of the dance studio and moved out of the way just in time to let Kendall through. He ran to his bag and started throwing his stuff in it before grabbing my bag and throwing my stuff in as well.

"Kendall what are you doing?" He ignored me and grabbed my hand while caring both of our bags. Before he could pull me out the door James stopped him.

"Kendall what are you so freaked out about?"

"Gustavo is going to kill me!" Kendall gestured to me with his head. "And him too!" I let out a squeak and moved so I was standing in front of Kendall. Why did Gustavo want to kill me! I didn't knock anyone up.

"Why me!"

"When I told him about Jo I had to tell him I broke up with her and then I had to tell him I broke up with her for you. Not only isn't he happy that I knocked Jo up he's not happy I broke up with her for you." We both turned when we heard Gustavo's loud voice through Rocque Records. I wasn't sure what exactly he was saying but from what I could tell he had one colorful vocabulary.

"We should probably go." Kendall nodded with wide eyes and dragged me towards the exit. I felt bad leaving James and Carlos to deal with Gustavo but I didn't want to face his wrath. He was scary! I almost tripped when we got outside but Kendall grabbed me from around the waist and threw me over his shoulder. "Kendall I think you're over reacting!"

"No you're under reacting!" Before I could say anything else Gustavo bust through the entrance to the recording studio with a bat in hand. I let out a girlish scream and started to smack Kendall's ass to make him run faster.

"Oh my god we're gunna die!" Kendall through me into the passenger seat of the Big Time Rush Mobile and drove off as soon as he got the car running. Normally I would have reprimanded him for driving without a learner's permit but I could care less right now. I was way too freaked out. When we were far enough that we were safe from Gustavo Kendall slowed down to the speed limit and loosened his grip on the steering wheel. When we finally reached the parking lot of the Palm Woods we both let out sighs of relief and sat back in our seats. We turned slowly to look at each other before breaking out into fits of laughter.

"I've never seen him that angry before." I nodded and shook my head. When we both stopped laughing I leaned my head against the seat and just stared at Kendall. When he finally noticed my staring his smile disappeared and he began to stare at me as well.

I wasn't sure exactly what I was searching for but I couldn't tear my eyes away from his. I wanted to lean over and kiss him but something was holding me back. Something was always holding me back. I looked away from him and quickly stepped out of the car. Kendall climbed out a few seconds later and we both walked into the Palm Woods together. As we walked over towards the elevator I spotted Jo walking toward us.

She was wearing a loose fitting top and even with make up on I could see that she hasn't been sleeping. I usually hated her guts but right now I kind of felt bad for her. I could never imagine what it would be like to be pregnant. This is definitely one of those times I'm thanking god I'm a guy.

"Kendall." Jo stopped in front of Kendall and placed her hand on his arm. Her face wasn't flirtatious in any way but the intimate contact was driving me insane. It made me want to reach over and rip her arm off. "Do you want to go get something to eat? So we can talk." Kendall glanced at me but I looked away before our eyes locked. I didn't want to see his apologetic expression. I knew he was going to go with her and it didn't matter. It wasn't like I wanted to spend time with him or anything.

"I'm sorry Jo but I can't. We'll talk tomorrow." Kendall grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into the elevator. It closed before I got a chance to see Jo's face but it didn't matter because I was too busy staring at Kendall in shock. When the elevator got to our floor Kendall stepped out but I hesitated. He turned around and gave me a worried look. "What?"

"Why didn't you go with her?" Kendall smiled and took my hand in his. He pulled me close to his side so he could wrap his arm around me.

"I wanted to spend time with you. Plus I can tell there's something on your mind." I let a small smile come to my face as we walked towards apartment 2J. Lately Kendall has just been full of surprises. Every time I think he is going to do one thing he does something completely different. I keep doubting his feelings and doubting that I mean anything and I'm starting to feel bad. I guess I should trust him more but I don't even believe in myself.

Why would Kendall ever want me? It really doesn't make any sense. I'm not anything special. I am a genius and I guess a pretty good singer but what else am I? I'm not very confident and I'm indecisive. Not to mention I'm too afraid to take risks and I'm too afraid to take chances. Jo and Kendall were so alike. They seemed perfect for each other. Kendall may be perfect for me but I doubt I'm perfect for him.

"Logie?" I snapped out of my thoughts to find Kendall watching me with worry. He took my hand and brought us over to the couch. Kendall sat down before he pulled me down next to him and wrapped his arms around my waist. "What's wrong?" I laid my head down on Kendall's chest and ran my fingers over his shirt. I could feel him watching me as I traced the design of his shirt.

"You can take it back if you want. I'll understand." I wanted to be accepting and understanding if Kendall made a mistake by saying he loved me but I still couldn't stop my eyes from clouding with tears. I took in a deep breath and looked up toward the ceiling in an attempt to keep the tears at bay.

"What do you mean?" Kendall started running his fingers over my side in a soothing manner. His intimate touches felt so nice I felt like falling asleep in his arms.

"When you said you loved me. If you didn't mean to say it you can take it back. Don't say it just to spare my feelings." Kendall stopped rubbing my side and I felt his hands fall away from my body. I thought he was angry with me so I tightened my grip on him to get him to stay.

Without any warning Kendall took a hold of my shoulders and sat me up straight so he could get a better look at my face. The sudden movement caused me to lose concentration on stopping my tears so a few slipped down my cheeks. Kendall's eyebrows were furrowed and a deep frown was on his face. He reached his hand up and used his thumb to wipe my tears away.

"Oh Logie." Kendall placed his hand behind my neck and pulled me forward so our foreheads were touching. I couldn't help but watch him as he closed his eyes tightly and let out a sigh before opening them again. "Every time I look at you I get this indescribable feeling. I can't help but smile whenever you walk into a room and I always have to fight the urge to hold you in my arms. My feelings are still confusing me a little but I want to tell you I love you. I like the feeling of the words coming out of my mouth and more importantly I love how your eyes shine when you hear the words. I don't want to take it back I want to keep saying it. Not because I feel bad for you but because every time I say it I believe it."

"That's a little confusing." Kendall smiled and nodded his head.

"James said the same thing." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"You talked to James about this…? When?"

"This morning. Before we talked about Gustavo and after James poked my bruise."

"What bruise?" Kendall pulled back slightly and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt so I could see the large bruise on his shoulder. I let out a small gasp and before Kendall could protest I pulled his shirt up and over his head. I traced my fingers over the area with wide eyes. "Oh my god did I do this to you!" Kendall chuckled slightly and nodded.

"Yea. You punch pretty hard Logan." When Kendall chuckled some more I lightly slapped his chest.

"Me punching you is not funny! Oh I'm so sorry Kendall! I should be arrested for domestic violence or something!" Kendall shook his head and rolled his eyes at me.

"Logan its fine I deserved it anyway." I let out a sigh and nodded my head.

"Maybe a little but it looks like it hurts." I hesitated for a moment before slowly leaning forward. I lightly pressed my lips to Kendall's shoulder and let them linger there. I started pressing butterfly kisses all over Kendall's shoulder will I moved my hands over his arms and chest. When I glanced at him he was watching me intently. I placed my hand at the back of his neck as I moved to his jaw. When I reached his pulse point I stuck my tongue out and licked the area before sucking it. Kendall tilted his head back and let out a long moan as I grazed my teeth over his skin. When I finally got to his face I paused while our lips were inches apart. "I love you."

"I love you too." Kendall surged forward and forced our lips together. The initial force died done to the point that we were kissing each other slowly and softly. Kendall ran his tongue along my bottom lip begging for entrance. With a moan I parted my lips and allowed him to map out the contours of my mouth. When Kendall ran his tongue over mine I could feel the kiss becoming more heated again. He pushed me onto my back then settled between my legs. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let out a moan as the kiss deepened. My hips involuntarily thrust causing us to break apart and moan at the contact. We locked eyes for a second before Kendall attacked my neck. He began thrusting his hips into mine causing waves of pure pleasure to hit my body. It didn't take long for me to become fully erect and I could feel Kendall's hard on rubbing against me. I threw my head back and let out a moan as I fisted the couch cushions above my head. I wrapped my legs around Kendall's waist and began vigorously thrusting upwards.

We probably would have gone father but the front door opened. The smart thing would have been to push Kendall off of me but we both froze. We were staring at each other wide eyed before we slowly turned our heads towards the door. I was praying that it was James and Carlos heck even Gustavo here to kill us but we weren't so lucky.

Mrs. Knight and Katie were both staring at us wide eyed. When she finally registered what was going on she quickly covered Katie's eyes.

"Boys we need to have a talk." I let out a groan and leaned my head against the couch. Kendall crawled off of me and quickly grabbed his shirt to throw back on. Once we were both more decent Mrs. Knight uncovered Katie's eyes and sent her to her room.

"This is going to suck." Kendall whispered to me. I nodded my head then swallowed.

"Plus you still have to tell your mom about Jo." Kendall swallowed hard and his face went a little pale.

"This is really going to suck."

**A/N: Done! Haha I like how Logan was convinced Gustavo wasn't going to hurt them. You'd think he'd know better by now. I guess not. Well anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm back at school and I started classes so I might be busy a lot lately. Especially since I get to raise a pig lol. Taking animal science classes is fun. But I'm sure you could already tell by my horrible grammar that I wasn't an English major. Lol.**

**There is more to come. **


	24. this isn't going to end well is it

Mrs. Knight waited for Katie's door to close before letting out a sigh and walked over to the couch. Kendall and I glanced at each other nervously as Mrs. Knight sat on the coffee table so she could get a good look at both of us. I hated that Mrs. Knight was going to give us the talk but I think Kendall was more worried about telling Mrs. Knight about Jo. I mean how is he even going to do that? Mrs. Knight tells us to be careful then Kendall says 'oh yea by the way my ex girlfriend is pregnant.' Mrs. Knight gave us a warm smile and let out a sigh. I bet it was her way of staying positive.

"When I talked to you about this Logan I guess I should have mentioned that whatever you too like to do together needs to stay in the bedroom."

"Mom…"

"I mean kissing and cuddling is fine but anything else is not approapriate especially with Katie walking around. If you want to dry hump each other that's ok but not in the family room."

"Oh my god mom!" Kendall leaned back against the couch and let out a groan while I lifted the collar of my shirt to cover my burning face.

"You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. You two are growing boys with raging hormones. It's ok to take part in sexual acts that bring you any form of pleasure." Mrs. Knight tugged on my shirt to uncover my face and patted on Kendall's knee to get his attention. "There is a time and a place for everything and that includes when you two want to pleasure each other."

"I think we get it no sex in the living room." Mrs. Knight let out a sigh and gave me a sympathetic smile. I thought it was all over but then Mrs. Knight snapped her fingers like she remembered something.

"Oh that's right I almost forgot!" Mrs. Knight stood up and walked to her room. When she came back she had a bag in her hand. "Now that we're talking about this…" She handed me the bag and sat back down. I reached in slowly and pulled out its contents. When I realized what it was I let out a squeak.

"Mom! Are you serious!"

"Kendall calm down its just lubricant. After I talked to Logan about using proper lubrication I decided I needed to buy it."

"Oh my god…"

"Now when I talked to the guy at the store…"

"You what!"

"He told me this was the best kind. It's supposed to make sex easier and it heats up so it feels better."

"Kill me now." Mrs. Knight rolled her eyes at me and directed her attention at Kendall.

"Ok I talked to Logan some so now it's your turn. Your top right?"

"MOM!"

"Just answer the question." Kendall pressed his hands into his eyes and reluctantly nodded his head. "Thank you. Now I read online about the complications with anal sex and the good thing is they are rare but things do happen so you need to be careful. I understand that when you're in the moment you don't want to go easy on Logan…

"_Dear god!"_

"But if you're not careful you could cause hemorrhoids or tearing." Mrs. Knight directed her attention towards me. "Now Logan if you ever feel pain or see blood it's important you tell me so we can see a doctor. We don't want you to get any infections and cuts down there take a long time to heal."

"I think that's enough mom."

"Oh! The article said the best way is face down or doggy style as you kids say it."

"MOM!" Kendall's face was burning and so was mine. I just wanted this conversation to end. I thought last time was uncomfortable but this was hell. I was going to faint from embarrassment soon I just knew it. Mrs. Knight gave me a worried expression before standing up.

"Logan honey you look like your head is about to explode. Why don't you lay back and I'll get you some water." I nodded and sighed with relief because even if it was for a short time the conversation was over. I went to lean against the headrest but Kendall pulled on my arm so I could lay my head against his lap. I was surprised he was so willing to do something like this in front of Mrs., Knight after what just happened.

I took in a deep breath and released it as I shut my eyes. I felt Kendall leisurely run his fingers through my hair and I couldn't help but lean into the touch. I opened my eyes when I felt completely calm and drew a circular pattern on Kendall's knee. When Mrs. Knight came back she placed her hand on her chest.

"Aw, you two look so cute. See this is fine." When Kendall and I both groaned Mrs. Knight put up a hand in surrender and handed me the glass of water. I thanked her as I sat up and took a large sip. "Ok now that we've gotten that over with…"

"M-mom." Mrs. Knight furrowed her eyebrows when she noticed the scared tone in Kendall's voice. I moved closer to him and took his hand in mine to give him as much reassurance as I could.

"What is it sweetheart?" Kendall swallowed hard and squeezed my hand.

"You know how I was with Jo before right?" Mrs. Knight nodded her head.

"W-well we… kind of… in a way… did… stuff and um…" Kendall let out a sigh. "Mom Jo is pregnant." Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. Kendall and I both shut our eyes waiting for her to explode but after a few seconds nothing happened. When we opened our eyes I immediately noticed the pale color to Mrs. Knight's face.

"uh oh!" I shot up just in time to run behind Mrs. Knight and catch her when she fainted. Kendall immediately jumped up and kneeled next to his mom.

"Mom! Mom are you ok!"

"Kendall it's ok she's ok just get the smelling salt from the bathroom." Kendall nodded and helped me get his mom onto the couch before running to the bathroom. When he came back he was hovering with worried all over his face. Normally Kendall was strong enough to stay calm but even the strongest person would get scared with anything involving their parents. It was a simple fact that kids didn't like seeing their parents get hurt.

When I put the salt under Mrs. Knight's nose she immediately woke up. She looked around confused for a second but when she looked at Kendall her expression became serious. Kendall and I both stood up straight as Mrs. Knight sat up. She put her hand to her head and let out a sigh.

"I guess I should have given you the talk sooner." Kendall's face fell when he noticed the disappointment in his mom's voice. I took Kendall's hand in mine again and gave it a hard squeeze. Even with that though I wasn't sure I could comfort Kendall all that well.

"I'm sorry mom." Mrs. Knight stood up and pulled Kendall into a hug.

"Kendall I'm not disappointed in you and I'm not going to yell at you. You made a huge mistake but I'm still going to help you and be here for you as much as I can ok." Kendall nodded and let out a sigh of relief. Mrs. Knight gave him a warm smile before giving him a loving kiss on the cheek. "Is there anything you need sweetheart?" Mrs. Knight nodded when Kendall shook her head. When she started walking towards the kitchen Kendall and I sighed with relief. "Logan come here for a moment." I cursed to myself and walked past Kendall to the kitchen.

"Yes." Mrs. Knight glanced at Kendall for a moment then turned to me.

"Are you doing ok Logan? Do you need to talk about anything? I know Kendall is having a hard time but I don't want to forget about you."

"I'm fine Mrs. Knight. I talked to Kendall already and I feel a lot better about everything." Mrs. Knight nodded and gave me a smile.

"Ok but remember you can talk to me if you want to. My door is always open." I nodded and went back to the living room as Mrs. Knight started making dinner. I plopped down next to Kendall and leaned against him. I couldn't help but let out a content sigh when he threw his hand around me.

"So that went better than expected." Kendall nodded and smirked slightly.

"I thought telling my mom about Jo was going to be the easy part but I guess not." Kendall shuddered slightly. "I never want to have to talk to my mom about sex ever again."

"Agreed." I should have known that the calm wasn't going to last forever because I few seconds later James and Carlos came bursting through the door.

"Kendall! Logan! Gustavo is on his way up!" With both looked wide eyed at Carlos before we scrambled off the couch and ran towards the swirly slide. Kendall jumped inside while I climbed up from the outside. The height advantage worked once before so it should work again. When we finally got to the top Gustavo came running in with Kelly right behind him.

"Kendall! Logan! Where are you!" When he spotted us he let out a sigh and rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to kill you so will you get down here…! Now!" When Kendall looked at me I rapidly shook my head. I wasn't going down there.

"It's ok Logan we just need to talk." Kelly was a lot more convincing then Gustavo so I walked towards the swirly slide and slide down it with Kendall right behind me. When we were standing in front of Gustavo he let out a sigh and began pacing as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"This whole thing is a disaster!" I inched closer to Kendall when Gustavo's voice continued to rise. "The press is going to have a field day when they find out that a member of the hottest band in the world got someone pregnant then left them for another member of the same band!"

"There's nothing wrong with me and Logan being together." Gustavo let out a sigh and stopped pacing.

"I don't care if you and Logan are together. What I do know is what this would do to not only the band but you two." Kelly stepped forward to take over where Gustavo left off.

"He's right you guys. When Jo has no choose but to make a statement about the pregnancy people are going to start asking questions about why you're not with Jo. People will assume you didn't want to have to take care of the child."

"That's why we need to handle this now." Kendall and I looked at each other with furrowed eyebrows before we turned back to Gustavo.

"Huh?"

"We wait until the press knows that Jo is pregnant with Kendall's baby." Gustavo pointed to Kendall as he continued. "Then you have to make a statement about why you broke up with Jo."

"Are you saying we have to come out?"

"Yes." I swallowed hard and tried to fight off the growing nausea. It didn't take a genius to realize how horribly wrong this could go. There were a lot of hateful people out there. If Kendall and I came out we would probably be attacked relentlessly and I wasn't strong enough for that.

"I-I don't know if that's such a good idea. Isn't there anything else we can do?" When Kelly shook her head my heart dropped.

"No matter how we approach this situation the image of the band will be changed. It would be better for people to know that Kendall left Jo for you and not because he doesn't want to take responsibility for a child." I nodded but I didn't feel any better about it. I didn't want to come out but I knew I had to do this for Kendall. I didn't want people to hate him.

"When would they have to do this?"

"We don't know Carlos but we should have some time.

"I wouldn't say that." We all turned to James who was standing by the TV. He lifted the remote and raised the volume. He was watching one of those celebrity news shows. He always watched it because he loved when they talked about us.

"_Get your strollers and your diapers ready because it looks like there is going to be the pitter patter of little feet on the popular show New Town High."_ The young blonde announcer was smiling at the camera as a picture of Jo appeared behind her. _"Rumors are that the young star of New Town High Jo Taylor is unexpectantly pregnant. At first we weren't sure how true this was until the producers of the show decided to use this as the storyline for upcoming episodes. I guess it's their way of turning a bad situation into ratings gold. _

"You've got to be kidding me." Kendall shook his head in disbelief."

"You have to admit it's a good idea. If they make Jo's character pregnant too she can keep her job. I wonder how she managed to get them to agree with that." Kendall nodded and we both went back to watching.

_Now the question is who is the father? We can only assume it is the young star's boyfriend or rather ex boyfriend Kendall Knight. That's right folks one of the hottest young couples broke up! When we asked Jo about this she stated, _

"_There is no bad blood between Kendall and I it just wasn't working out."_

"_Is that true? Or does the farther to be not want to be a father at all."_ James turned off the TV and tossed it onto the couch. He turned to face us and let out a sigh.

"Now what are you guys going to do?" Kendall and I looked at each other but I could tell he was just as clueless as I was. I was book smart not gossip smart. I didn't know how to handle something like this. I shrugged my shoulders and turned to Gustavo who surprisingly had remained quiet this entire time.

"What we need to do is exactly what I said. You make a statement about why you broke up with Jo." Kelly whipped out her phone and began typing quickly.

"I'll contact pop tiger and get an interview as soon as possible." Kelly stopped for a moment and looked toward me and Kendall. She let out a sigh and looked towards us with sympathy. "You need to prepare yourselves." She gestured to James and Carlos. "You guys also. By the end of the week Big Time Rush is going to be a hot topic and it may not be positive." Kelly said goodbye as she walked out behind Gustavo. As soon as the sound of the door shutting was gone the apartment was completely silent.

I watched Kendall carefully and tried to read his reaction. Was he afraid like I was? Or was he angry that he had to tell everyone about us? My stomach twisted at the thought that Kendall might be ashamed to be with me. I didn't want to tell me either but I was afraid not ashamed. Did Kendall feel the same?

"I need to think." Kendall let out a sigh and walked towards our room. James, Carlos, and I glanced at each other worriedly as we watched him.

"I'll make sure he's ok." Carlos and James nodded.

"Call us if you need us." I nodded at James and walked to mine and Kendall's room. When I peered in he was lying on his bed with his arms folded behind his head. He was staring at the ceiling with a concentrated look on his face. I slowly walked over to his bed and sat down. I placed my hand on his chest and began to trace the design on his shirt again.

"I'm sorry Logan." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I'm sorry I put you in this situation. I'm sorry I got Jo pregnant. I'm sorry about everything. You deserve so much better." I moved to lie down next to Kendall and rested my chin against his chest.

"Please stop apologizing Kendall." Kendall let out a sigh and nodded. We fell silent for a few minutes. "I'm scared Kendall." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled my close to him. "What if everyone hates us?"

"It doesn't matter what strangers think. What matters is what our friends and family think and they support us 100%." I nodded but I was still a little nervous.

"K-Kendall?"

"Yea?"

"If you don't care what people think… then you're not ashamed of me?" Kendall lifted his head to look at me.

"What? Logan why would you ever think that?"

"I don't know I'm sorry." Kendall sighed and tightened his grip on me.

"Don't apologize. I'm not ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you. Don't you ever think otherwise ok and don't blame yourself for anything that happens. I know a part of you is." I nodded and laid my head against Kendall's chest. I could feel Kendall's hand moving up and down my back and I just wanted to stay in this moment. I wanted to forget what could happen or what will happen and stay in Kendall's safe embrace.

**A/N: Finally done! I've been so busy lately I thought I would never get this out. I had to make a payment. God that was annoying. I stood on a line for like 20 minutes then relized I was on the wrong line! Then I had to buy my books and write an essay only to find out it was due later then I thought. I'm so glad I have the weekend off. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come. **


	25. out

**A/N: wow, today was just a mega ultra update day! I updated this, abduction (finally), and two chapters of June 10****th****. I've actually been working on everything for a few days but ya know… TVs can be very distracting lol. Anyway, on to the chapter! And I hope you go and check my other updates. **

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my phone ringing. I didn't know what time it was but I knew it was way too early for me to be functioning. I sat up in bed and leaned over Kendall so I could reach my phone. He let out a grunt and rolled over onto his back almost making me fall. When I finally got my phone I laid my head against Kendall's chest and put it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"_Hey Logan it's Kelly. Sorry for waking you but Gustavo needs all of you at the studio so be ready in an hour."_

"Ok." I hung up the phone and couldn't help but lay unmoving. I knew I would have to get out of bed but frankly I didn't want to. It was obvious that Gustavo wanted to talk to us about Kendall and I coming out but I didn't know if I could do it. How am I going to face Kendall knowing that everyone hates him because of me? How am I going to face the media and fans knowing that there are some people out there that will hate us? I tried to stay positive and remind myself that not everyone is hateful but the good can't usually out shine the bad. The cloud may have a silver lining but the damn thing is hard to find.

With a long sigh I sat up in bed and stretched my muscles. Kendall hadn't moved again since he first woke up and I could tell that he had already fallen back to sleep. I placed my hand on his shoulder and shook him gently. When he didn't stir I put a little more force behind it.

"Kendall wake up we have to be at the studio in an hour." After another firm shaking Kendall groaned and opened his eyes. He blinked a few times before he sat up and let out a loud yawn.

"Ugh why do we have to be up so early?"

"Kelly didn't say she just said that Gustavo wanted us." Kendall nodded and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before climbing out of bed. I wasn't sure if he was trying to reassure me that everything would be ok or if he just wanted to kiss me but it definitely calmed me down. I still wasn't completely sure how Kendall was reacting to everything but I was freaking out. When Kendall walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him I climbed out of bed and walked towards James and Carlos' room. I still needed to wake them up and I knew if I waited too long James would complain that he didn't have enough time to get ready. I knocked on their door loudly before opening it and turning on the light. They both let out groans of annoyance before sitting up in bed.

"What the heck Logan you know I need my beauty sleep."

"You can sleep more later Gustavo wants us at the studio in an hour." James nodded before lazily climbing out of bed. When I started walking back towards mine and Kendall's room I heard a thump.

"When he said we have to get up that doesn't mean go back to sleep." I shook my head and chuckled slightly. It was one of the things I came to expect from those two. When I got back into my room I picked out my clothes while I waited for Kendall to get out of the shower. I could always use the kitchen bathroom shower but that was the one that Mrs. Knight and Katie always used. James and Carlos' room had a bathroom, mine and Kendall's room had a bathroom but Katie's room and Mrs. Knight's room didn't.

When Kendall walked out of the bathroom his skin was damp and he was wearing nothing but a towel. It was a painful reminder that we haven't done anything in a while but honestly I don't think I could have sex with Kendall again just yet. Before it was just for him to get a release so when we finally do, do it as a couple I want it to be special. I've always wanted it to be special.

I walked into the bathroom with my change of clothes and quickly stripped. As soon as the water temperature was at a level I wanted I climbed into the shower. The cool water felt so soothing compared to the hot LA heat. It washed away all the sweat and dirt that made me feel gross and disgusting. I let out a sigh as I ran my fingers through my hair. I didn't know what to expect when I got to Rocque records but I was hoping he was just going to tell us what we were going to do. I didn't want to walk in there and find reporters or anyone else there. I was finally just starting to get used to Kendall actually loving me and I didn't want everything to be ruined.

When I was finished shower I quickly climbed out and got dressed. James, Carlos, and Kendall were already sitting in the kitchen when I finally got out there so I grabbed a quick snack and sat down at the table with them.

"What do you think Gustavo has planned?" Carlos looked at me and Kendall but we both shrugged.

"I honestly don't know but I'm sure he has something that will work in our favor." Kendall sounded sure of himself but there was something off. There was something in his eyes that said something else and I wasn't quite sure of it yet.

When it was time for us to leave when went down to the lobby and found Kelly waiting for us. I didn't mean us everyone we passed was looking and whispering to the person next to them. They had obviously seen the celebrity gossip about Jo. When we climbed into the limo we remained quiet the whole way to the recording studio. I was kind of hoping Kelly would give us a heads up about what to expect but she just played with her phone the whole way there.

When we got inside Gustavo was waiting for us with the executive team standing behind him. I inwardly groaned. I didn't want to think of what kind of stuff they would come up with.

"Dogs." When we were standing in a line in front of Gustavo he paced back in front of us like he usually did. "Because of recent events I've set up an interview with Pop Tiger. We have an hour before the interview starts so let's go over what's going to go down."

"_Crap! That's soon!"_ I bit my lip and glanced at Kendall but he didn't look at me.

"Kendall! Because the gossip is mostly about you, you are going to do most or all of the talking. Just tell them about the break up and how you didn't know about the baby until afterwards." Kendall let out a sigh and nodded his head. He was being uncharacteristically quiet. "Then when they ask you why you broke up with Jo, which they will! You will tell them about your relationship with Logan." Gustavo stopped pacing and gestured to all of us. "This last part is for all of you. We might lose fans because Kendall and Logan are dating but we'll gain back all the fans who thought Kendall broke up with Jo because she was pregnant. It's not going to be easy but any fan that won't stick by you in times like these weren't real fans in the first place."

"Do we really have to do it today?"

"Yes! We have to do it as soon as possible." I let out a sigh and nodded my head. I could see Kelly giving me a sympathetic look from behind Gustavo.

"What do James and I have to do?"

"You two have to show your support for your friends. The last thing we need is rumors spreading that the band is breaking up because the members aren't getting along anymore." James and Carlos both nodded before Gustavo sent us off to do whatever before the interview started.

For a good thirty minutes I just laid on a couch in the lounge thinking about what was about to happen. I thought about the different scenarios in my head. Some of them were good but most of them ended up horribly. When I finally got enough of scaring the crap out of myself I got up and decided to go find Kendall. He had wondered off at some point so I wanted to make sure he was ok. I checked the dance studio, Gustavo's office, the sound booth, that abandoned office we did it in, even some of the supply closets but I couldn't find Kendall anywhere. Eventually I ended up outside and found Kendall in the back alley shooting hockey pucks into a garbage pan.

This was something that Kendall did often but there was something different about it. He was furiously hitting the puck and if he missed he would get a lot angrier then he normally would.

"Kendall?" He jumped not expecting me to find him. I walked down the steps that lead to the door and walked over to him. "Are you ok?" Kendall let out a sigh and nodded his head.

"I'm fine."

"If there's something wrong you can tell me. Please talk to me." Kendall seemed to grow more visibly calm as he walked over to the steps and sat down.

"It's just… I'm nervous about what's going to happen to us. I don't want to admit that I care about what other people think but I honestly do and I can't stand the fact that people think badly of me." Kendall let out a heavy sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm freaking out a little bit." I slowly walked over to Kendall and sat next to him. I leaned against him as I wrapped my arms around his arm.

"Why didn't you tell me you were scared?"

"Well, you were already freaking out and I didn't want to scare you even more. I'm supposed to take charge and handle everything with a level head. If I'm freaking out I thought you would freak out even more."

"Kendall I am really scared but I want to be there for you just as much as you want to protect me." Kendall nodded and leaned his head against mine. We sat silently for a few minutes before I broke the silence. "I'm sorry Kendall."

"What are you sorry for?" Kendall pulled back so he could look at me. I bit my lip and looked away.

"Whatever happens from this point will be my fault." Kendall remained silent for a long time before he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.

"Don't you say that. I'm the one who was stupid and got Jo pregnant. None of this is your fault."

"But you're gay because of me." Kendall rolled his eyes.

"You didn't make me gay Logan. I would have figured out my feelings for you eventually I'm sure of it. No matter what happens I don't want you to blame yourself." I let out a breath and nodded before I glanced at me phone and realized we had to go back inside. I stood up and took Kendall's hand. When we got back inside Gustavo was talking to a woman with a pin on her shirt that said Pop Tiger. Across from them James and Carlos were already sitting on a couch waiting for us.

I felt my pace slowly as we approached the room and when I was right in front of the doors my body froze. When Kendall realized I wasn't walking with him any more he stopped and looked back at me.

"I-I can't do this." I was scared before but now when it was finally time; I was terrified. Kendall came back over to me and cupped my face. I could feel his hands shaking but after a second I realized his hands were shaking because I was shaking.

"It's going to be ok. We can do this." Kendall pulled me into a gentle kiss. When he pulled back he gave me a reassuring look before taking my hand and leading me into the room. I didn't acknowledge the woman who was now seated in front of the couch I was supposed to be sitting on. I sat down with Carlos on one side of me and Kendall on the other. The woman took a minute to ready herself before she lifted a recorder to her face and began talking into it.

"Hi boys my name is Crystal from Pop Tiger Magazine. I'm so happy you four could talk to me today." We all said hi before continuing. "So you boys are big stars now which means big rumors. Why don't you tell me a little about what's going on. Kendall you and Jo are broken up correct?"

"Yea, I didn't feel like are relationship was working out anymore. I still care for her and I want good things for her but I needed to end it." She nodded her head in understanding.

"Well I'm glad it wasn't a messy break up. There are rumors that Jo is pregnant with your child. Is this true?" Kendall swallowed and nodded his head.

"It's true."

"Just for clarification the pregnancy isn't the reason for the break up."

"No, we broke up before Jo told me she was pregnant. I fully support her and I'm ready to do whatever see needs me to do." She nodded again.

"That's good to hear. Now, can you tell me why you thought the relationship wasn't working out. Did you not have the same feelings? Is there someone else?" Kendall glanced at me for a moment and took in a breath.

"There is someone else." She nodded for Kendall to continue. He took my hand and laced our fingers together. As he took in another breath he squeezed my hand. "I'm dating Logan… Logan is my boyfriend. I discovered my feelings for him recently and I realized I truly care about him." Crystal's eyebrows rose in shock but she didn't say anything. After a minute she sat back and let out a breath.

"Wow that's big news." When she turned to me I tensed. "I can imagine Logan this is a difficult time for you." I nodded my head.

"Yea but Kendall and I are working through it together." She smiled and nodded.

"That's good to hear. How about you two?" She turned towards James and Carlos who had remained silent up until now. "How do you feel about what's going on?"

"Well Kendall and Logan are my best friends. I think Carlos will agree with me when I say that we just want to support them as much as we can. None of this changes who they are they are still the brothers that I've come to love." Carlos nodded his head in agreement and I couldn't help but smile at James' words. When he looked at me I mouthed the word 'thank you' which he just replied with a smile.

When Crystal had gotten all she needed she thanked us and left. I let out a sigh of relief and sank into the couch. I was so happy it was over.

"Dogs!" Gustavo walked into the room with Kelly right behind him. "That went well. I'm surprised there weren't any mishaps. I don't need you anymore so you can go home. As soon as the words left his mouth we left the recording studio. When we got back to the Palm Woods everyone was looking at us even more as we walked through the lobby.

"How is the interview out already?"James turned to me with a sympathetic expression.

"Pop Tiger as a website. She probably posted it right after she left." As soon as we got back to the apartment I grabbed my laptop and went to the Pop Tiger website. Just like James thought the front page had a picture of us with a headline that read, "A big time secret you'll never believe." I let out a sigh and didn't bother to open it. I already knew what happened… I was there.

I walked over to the couch and plopped down next to Kendall. No one really wanted to say anything so we just sat silently and watched TV. After an hour or so I felt my phone vibrate. When I pulled it out my heart stopped. I thought that nothing could get worse. I thought that there wasn't anything else that could possibly happen. But right now as I stared at the caller ID of my phone I remembered one detail.

I never did tell my grandparents I was gay.

**A/N: There you have it another chapter. You know I was actually going to end it right when Kendall says he's dating Logan but then a thought suddenly occurred to me. Whatever happened to Logan's strict and hateful grandparents? Well now there back in the picture and I can only imagine what's going to go done now. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	26. Minnesota

**A/N: ok I'm still having issues with the internet connection in my dorm if you saw the authors note. I took it down because I discovered I could get wireless in my room. They told us at the beginning of the year there wasn't wireless in the rooms but those were LIES! Anyway, on to the chapter!**

"Shit!" I shot up from the couch and started pacing. I was staring at my phone while it vibrated in my hand. Even if I didn't answer now I was going to have to talk to them eventually and I didn't know what I was going to say. I thought I was scared before but now I was horrified.

"Logie?" Kendall stepped in front of me and grabbed my shoulders. His expression was full of concern but it wasn't stopping the rising panic. "What's wrong?" I held up my phone so he could see the caller ID.

"I forgot about my grandparents! What the hell am I supposed to tell them!"

"I'm sure they didn't see it. Why would they go on a teen magazine website?"

"It doesn't matter! You know what the people in our town are like! If everyone around here knows by now they all know too! Someone must have called them!" I could feel the sting of tears as I started pacing again. I was finding it hard to breath and I could feel a panic attack coming on.

"Logan calm down."

"How am I supposed to calm down! They'll probably send me to boarding school or military school or send me to the country side to live on some farm where I'll never be heard from again or send me back to Minnesota and lock me in my room for the rest of my life or…" I was growing more hysterical the more I rambled on. Tears were now streaming down my face and my heart felt like it was jumping out of my chest. I felt like I was slowly losing grip on everything. I went through so much to get to this point. I gained so much and I knew that my grandparents could take it away in an instant. The band would be ruined, my relationship with Kendall would be ruined, my friendship with James and Carlos would be ruined, and I would never see my mom ever again.

"Logan!" Kendall gripped my shoulders to stop me then moved one hand to cup my face as the other rubbed my arm. "Logie listen to me calm down."

"But Kendall I…"

"Shh shh shh." Kendall leaned his forehead against mine and continued to make "sh" noises as he rubbed my arms and face. My breath was stuttering wildly but I tried breathing deeply in order to calm myself. When I was breathing easier and my tears were dry Kendall kissed me softly before pulling away. "You ok?" I swallowed hard and nodded my head. When I looked down at my phone which was held in my trembling hand I noticed I had a voice message. I let out a trembling sigh and looked up at Kendall who was also staring at my phone.

"I don't know if I can listen to it." Kendall placed his hand over my phone.

"I'll do it if you want." I thought about it for a minute but in the end I shook my head and brought my phone up to my ear. Whether I listened to it or if Kendall listened to it I was going to find out what my grandmother had to say eventually.

_You have one new message… first new message._

It paused for a moment before playing the message.

"_Logan this is your grandmother. If you get this message after 6 we are already on a plane heading to California. Your grandfather has a lot to say to you."_

_End of messages… would you like to delete this message… are you still there? You have one message…_

Before my phone could play the message again I closed my phone and shoved it into my pocket. Kendall was watching me cautiously as I continued to remain silent. I glanced over at the clock and realized it was 5:30. It made me wonder if they were already on the plane. She said if I got the message after six they were already on the plane but that didn't necessarily mean the flight was at six. They are already on their way. They wouldn't be coming if they didn't know. Nothing else is important enough for them to fly out here. Not BTR's first concert, not my birthday. The only times they ever paid attention to me is when I fucked up.

"There're coming here."

"When."

"They'll be here by morning." Kendall let out a breath and rubbed my arms.

"Don't worry Logan. It'll be fine."

* * *

James POV:

Carlos and I got bored of watching TV after about 5 minutes so we decided to go down to the pool. It was a little strange to see everyone watching us but I was used to people watching me. Carlos on the other hand grew more and more uncomfortable as time went on. After about 20 minutes he was begging me to go back to the apartment with him.

"Come on James it's getting late anyway." When Carlos gave me puppy dog eyes I let out a sigh and stood up.

"Alright let's go." Carlos let out a sigh of relief and was running toward the lobby before I could even take a breath. As soon as we got to 2J we both heard Logan's voice.

"OK! It's not going to be ok!" Carlos and I looked at each other with concerned expressions. We thought that Logan and Kendall were fighting so we quickened our pace in order to intervene. Considering what happened last time I wasn't sure Kendall could handle Logan freaking out.

When we both got into the apartment no one was in the living room. We could hear loud movement from Kendall and Logan's room so we ran over there. When I ran inside I almost ran into Kendall and Carlos almost ran into me. He was standing by the door and when I peered past him Logan was frantically searching through his closet. I could see his eyes welling with tears and he was hyperventilating.

"Logan what are you doing?" Kendall jumped as soon as I spoke. He didn't even notice Carlos and I walk in. When Logan didn't answer me I walked more into the room. "Logan?"

"My grandparents are coming here and everything is a mess!" Logan put a navy blue sweater vest and a light blue button down shirt on his bed. "Not only do I have to find something respectable to wear but I have to clean my room… the house! What are they going to think when they see toys and crap all over the place!" Logan was digging through his dresser while he threw anything he didn't need behind him. Carlos, Kendall, and I had to duck every time a pair of jeans almost hit us. When he finally got to the bottom of his dresser he pulled out a pair of kakis I hadn't seen him wear in months. He used to wear them all the time in Minnesota but once Gustavo started buying our clothes it was jeans all the time.

"Logan please calm down. You don't need to worry about all this." Logan stopped picking up the jeans he had thrown on the floor so he could look at Kendall with wide eyes.

"Of course I do! I don't need to give them more reasons to think I've been turning into some… some washed up druggy!"

"You're being ridiculous. They're not going to think that just because he wear a pair of jeans!"

"Yes they will! Did you forget what they said when I wore that graphic t-shirt you got me for my birthday? They thought I was turning into a drug runner just because my stupid shirt had a picture of Jay Z on it!" Logan was now sitting on the floor as he folded and refolded his jeans. If it wasn't perfect he would unfold them and try again.

It never really occurred to me until now but Logan's grandparents had damaged him so much. Logan was always the type of person who liked things to go perfectly but he knew that no one was perfect. Every time something went wrong for us Logan didn't freak out this much. And if he did get upset we were always able to comfort him and get him to calm down. This time wasn't the case.

We followed Logan around the apartment for hours but he just would not give in. At one point he was actually down on his hands and knees scrubbing the floors because he thought his grandparents would yell at him if the floors weren't clean enough. When Mrs. Knight and Katie came home Logan was sitting on the counter while he rearranged the contents of the cabinet according to calorie amount and expiration date. She went straight into parent mode thinking that Kendall, Carlos, and I had done something to upset him considering he was now crying. When Kendall told her what was going on it was actually the first time I heard too. The only information I had gotten was that Logan's grandparents were coming. I was too preoccupied with trying to help Kendall calm Logan down to figure out the when and why's.

When Logan jumped off the counter Kendall grabbed his hand and stopped him. Every other time Kendall tried this Logan would pull out of his grasp and continue with his freak out but this time Kendall wouldn't let him. He pinned Logan against the counter and held his face in his hands. Logan was pushing against Kendall's chest to get him to go away but Kendall wouldn't budge.

"Logie listen to me. Stop doing this."

"B-but."

"No buts." When Logan stopped trying to push Kendall away and just fisted the front of his shirt I could see Kendall let out a sigh. He then turned towards me and gave me a look that clearly said he could handle the rest. I didn't think there was much I could do so I nodded and headed towards my room. It was late and I should probably be going to bed. I could tell I was going to need all the energy I could get.

* * *

Logan's POV:

I watched as James, Carlos, Mrs. Knight and Katie each left to go to their own rooms. When they were finally gone Kendall turned back to me and lifted my chin so he could see my face. After he stared at me intently for about a minute he leaned forward and connected our lips together. He kept it simply and didn't try to part my lips or get his tongue into my mouth. When he finally pulled away I couldn't help but lean forward and try to attach are lips again. If this was going to be the last time I would get to be with Kendall like this I wanted to get as much of Kendall as I could. Instead of kissing me again Kendall leaned his forehead against mine.

"Why are you doing all of this?"

"If everything isn't how they want it they'll want to take me home." I felt my bottom lip quivering and more tears come to my eyes at that prospect. I didn't have any other friends back home. I didn't have anyone I could talk to or depend on. I did have my mom but with everything I doubt I would ever get to see her again. I didn't want to lose everyone I had here in LA. Kendall, James, and Carlos were here, Mrs. Knight, Katie, and Camille were here, and even Gustavo and Kelly were here for me.

Before I was with Kendall I felt so alone. Every time I had seen him with Jo I thought there wasn't anyone I could count on. Now, if I was forced to leave I would be alone and that scared me.

"I won't let them take you Logan. You know I would never give up on you."

"But there isn't anything you can do Kendall. If they want me home you can't stop them. Even if I beg they won't change their minds." I laid my head against Kendall's shoulder and shut my eyes tightly. "I want to stay here Kendall. I don't want to be alone." Kendall wrapped his arms tightly around me and kissed the side of my head.

"We'll figure something out Logan. I promise." After another few minutes Kendall pulled away from me and took my hand. He led me back to our room before pulling me into bed with him and wrapping his arms around me. I couldn't help but hold on to him as tightly as I could. I felt like he was going to be ripped away from me at any moment and it scared me. I didn't go through so much just to have Kendall taken away.

Kendall squeezed me tightly and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you Logan."

"I love you too."

* * *

I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating. When I glanced at the caller ID and swallowed. It was my grandmother again. I didn't want to pick up but I knew I was going to have to face them eventually.

"H-hello?"

"_Logan its grandma. We're staying at a hotel not too far from where you are and we are on our way over. I'll expect you to be presentable in 20 minutes."_

"Yes ma'am." She hung up without another word and as soon as I placed my phone on the nightstand I scrambled out of bed. Kendall wasn't too happy that I had to climb over him but I ignored him as I frantically ripped off my clothes and ran towards the bathroom.

When I was out of the shower Kendall was just walking back into our room. His hair was wet so I figured he didn't want to wait and used the kitchen bathroom. We both got dressed in silence and as soon as I was dressed I sat in the edge of my bed and placed my head in my hands. I could feel panic rising in me again so I took deep calming breaths. When I felt the bed dip next to me I turned and wrapped my arms around Kendall's torso just begging for physical contact.

"I'm not ready for this."

"Don't worry Logan I'll be here for you." The sound of knocking moved through the apartment almost a second later. I could feel my body tense and I couldn't get myself to move. As Kendall and I listen to the sound of Mrs. Knight greeting my grandparents at the door Kendall rubbed my sides trying to calm me down.

"Kendall, Logan, James, Carlos, Katie!" I stood on shaky legs when I heard Mrs. Knight call all our names. I gripped Kendall's hand tightly as I slowly made my way towards the living room. James, Carlos, and Katie were already sitting on the couch when we came in and as soon as I spotted my grandparents I noticed their stern disapproving faces. My grandmother was looking around the apartment in absolute disgust while my grandfather's gaze was fixed on mine and Kendall's hands. As soon as I was close enough my grandfather stood up.

"Let's skip all the pleasantries and get right to business. Care to explain to me why I received thirty nine calls about a statement Kendall made to some magazine called Pop Tiger?" My mouth seemed to dry and I didn't think I could say anything even if I wanted to. My grandfather let out a sigh at my silence and began to leisurely pace. "When I first heard what was going on I couldn't believe it. So I went online only to find that the rumors were true!"

"Mr. Mitchell…" Mrs. Knight trailed off when my grandfather didn't even acknowledge her.

"Not only did Kendall get someone pregnant but even worse he tells the world that he's gay and he's dating you!" When my grandfather pointed at me I flinched and moved closer to Kendall. The look in his eyes clearly said he didn't like that I did that. "Excuse me everyone but I think my wife and I would like to talk to our grandson in private." Before I could even react he grabbed my arm and yanked me away from Kendall. Kendall tried to follow but my grandfather gave him a look that stopped him in his tracks. "Where's your room."

"Over there." When we reached the room my grandmother shut the door as soon as we were all in.

"I cannot believe this." My grandfather's tone shook me to the bone. I recoiled and kept my eyes fixed on the ground. "I knew we shouldn't have let you come here! Look what this place has done to you!"

"You were a good boy Logan how could you do this to us?" My grandmother's words cut through me like a knife.

"I didn't do anything wrong." My grandfather scoffed.

"You did everything wrong! Look at this place! It screams of misguidance and lack of discipline! I didn't raise a fag this place turned you into one!"

"T-there's nothing wrong with being gay!"

"There is everything wrong with it and I'm not going to sit by and let a delinquent ruin your innocent mind!" It didn't take a genius to know he was talking about Kendall and I wasn't about to let him say things like that about him.

"Kendall isn't a delinquent! He cares about me and I love him!" Their faces were a mix of utter disbelief and shock.

"You what?"

"I said I love Kendall and he loves me too." My grandfather stepped away from me and rubbed his temples with his fingers. He was visibly shaking and it was scaring me. I needed Kendall but there wasn't any way I could get to him. Without another word my grandfather grabbed my upper arm harshly and started dragging me out of the room.

"What are you doing you're hurting me!"

"We're going back to Minnesota right now! Don't worry about whatever you have here you don't need it." After the initial shock set in I started struggling.

"Let go I don't want to go!" When he didn't release his hold I started sobbing uncontrollable. I knew this was going to happen. When we got to the living room Mrs. Knight stopped us and pulled me from my grandfather's grasp.

"Mr. Mitchell wait just one minute!" When I felt a hand touch mine I tightly gripped it knowing it was Kendall. Mrs. Knight and my grandfather were glaring daggers at each other and I was so afraid for her. He could be a cruel man and I didn't want him to say anything bad about her. Mrs. Knight was my mom when my actual mom couldn't be. I cared and had so much respect for her I didn't want her to think badly of me because of my grandfather.

"Stay out of this it doesn't concern you."

"It does concern me! I've been taking care of Logan since he's been in LA and I can assure you he hasn't given me any reason to think he isn't a good kid! You have no right to control who he decides to be with! And you have no right to take him back to Minnesota when he hasn't done anything wrong!" My grandmother who had remained quiet stepped forward and glared at Mrs. Knight.

"I think you should focus on how you raise your own children and not how we choose to handle Logan." I inwardly grimaced and watched as Mrs. Knight expression turned to complete and utter shock.

"Excuse me?"

"We raised Logan to be a good responsible young man! I think we all know when the trouble started." My grandmother pointed an accusing finger at Kendall. "As soon as he met him!"

"Don't say that!" I couldn't take my grandmother saying bad things about Kendall because he never did anything wrong. If I didn't have Kendall's support I don't know where I would be now; probably sitting alone in my room with no one to talk to, no one who cared. "Kendall is a good person and has done nothing but support me and be a good friend to me. Yes he has helped me become who I am but I like who I am. I like that I not afraid to be different and I like that I can take risks. If I'm going to be a good doctor someday I have to be different and I have to take risks." I thought for sure something in there would get through to them but their expressions never changed.

"We're not discussing this anymore! We're leaving now!" My grandfather grabbed my arm again but I pulled away and stepped a few feet away from everyone.

"No! I don't want to go!"

"Logan stop acting like a child! Let's go!"

"Will you just leave him alone! He doesn't want to go with you he wants to stay here where people actually care about him!" Kendall wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close to him in order to further make his point.

"How dare you! We care about Logan very much!" Kendall scoffed making my grandmother glare at him.

"If you cared you wouldn't treat him like a soldier! If you cared he wouldn't be afraid of you! If you cared you would treat him like family not a mistake! If you cared you wouldn't force his mother out of his life! If you cared you would visit on his birthday and you would call every now and then to make sure he was ok! You wouldn't just show up when he was doing something you didn't like and most importantly you would accept him for who he is!"

"We were hard on Logan because we wanted him to be the best he could be. You would never understand that." She turned toward the door and glanced back at me. "Let's go Logan." I wanted to fight more but my grandfather grabbed me again and pulled me towards the door.

I felt so defeated. There was nothing I could do to stop this. They weren't going to change their minds no matter what anyone said. All I could do was look back at everyone as I was dragged out the door. When we were out of the apartment my eyes blurred with tears and I was sobbing again.

They didn't even let me say goodbye.

**A/N: DONE! I've been so busy lately. I had a test to study for and I finally got that done! I feel so much better now that I don't have that hanging over my head. That doesn't mean I don't have stuff to do but it's not anything I have to do at this moment so I have more free time. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	27. My Knight

**A/N: so I finally fixed the internet problem in my dorm room. It turns out I accidentally disabled it. Whoops… anyway now that that is over with I can finally use the internet freely again. YEY! U cannot imagine how happy I was when the little symbol at the bottom of my computer screen changed to connected. I actually jumped up and did a little dance. Lol this really just shows me how much I rely on the internet. Anyway, on to the chapter!**

As soon as I had gotten home I went straight to my room without a word. The familiar surroundings that should have been a comfort did nothing but remind me of how depressed I was. My grandparents had taken away my phone, computer, and television privileges. After a few days I felt so detached from the outside world. I didn't know what was going on with anyone back in LA and I never left the house because I was too afraid of what people would say to me. I couldn't face the ridicule without Kendall. I was too afraid to.

After a week I couldn't take the lack of contact. When my grandparents both left the house I ran to the house phone and called Kendall.

"_Hello?"_

"K-Kendall."

"_Logan! Oh my god Logan! I thought I would never hear from you. I've been texting you but you never answered me!"_

"I'm sorry. My grandparents took away my phone." We were both silent for a moment.

"_How are you?"_ I paused for a second when my eyes clouded with tears. I could feel my face tightening from the strain of trying to hold myself together but it eventually became too much. I let out a small whimper before I was sobbing into the phone.

"I-I m-iss you s-so m-uch. I don't want to b-be here any-more. I want to go h-home." It was strange to talk about LA like my home but when it came down to it, it was. I was happy there and I had friends there. Most importantly anywhere Kendall was, was home to me. I heard Kendall let out a heavy sigh.

"I know Logie. I'll fix this… I promise." Before Kendall and I could say anything else I heard footsteps behind me. I let out a gasp and turned around quickly to find my grandparents both standing at the entrance to the kitchen. Before I could react my grandfather snatched the phone out of my hand.

"Who are you talking to!" When he checked the caller ID and saw the LA area code he hung up the phone and angrily slammed it on the table. "I told you that you weren't allowed to associate with Kendall anymore!"

"But Kendall hasn't done anything wrong and neither have I!" When my grandfather stepped forward I couldn't help but step back.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that! You see what he's done to you! You would never act like this if it wasn't for him!"

"You don't know anything about Kendall! You don't know him! He hasn't done anything but good things for me!" My grandfather stepped toward me again but I didn't back down this time. His muscles were tense and his face was getting red as he pointed his finger at me.

"You better watch it boy because you're crossing the line!"

"I haven't done anything wrong! Why won't you just accept that! Why won't you let me go home!"

"This is your home Logan and I'm not going to let you damage yourself anymore!"

"I'm not damaged!"

"Yes you…"

"Shut up! You don't know anything!" Before I could react my head was jerked sideways as I was back handed across the face. It wasn't strong enough to knock me over but the sound of it and the sudden stinging pain let me know that he didn't hold back. I lifted my hand to my face and gingerly placed it over the burning stinging skin. My grandfather had done some pretty shity things but he never hit me, not once.

It was silent until my grandmother moved between us. I could tell by the shock on her face that she didn't expect him to hit my either.

"That's enough. Logan go to your room. I'll be up in a minute." I nodded and walked backwards a few steps before turning around and walking to the stairs. I still held my hand to my face as I walked into my room and as soon as I sat down on my bed my eyes stung with tears.

I didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't feel loved anymore. I was just a problem that they were trying to fix. I wasn't family, I wasn't there grandson. I was just a mistake. How long would it be before the emotional abuse got worse? How long would it take for the surprise to go away when he hit me again? I wiped my eyes and winced as I touched my cheek. When I walked into the bathroom and took a look in the mirror the right side of my face was a violent red color. I've been slapped by Camille many times but this takes the cake.

When I heard someone walk into my room I left the bathroom to find my grandmother standing there with an ice pack. She gestured to my bed so I silently walked over and sat down. She took my desk chair and pulled it over before sitting down in front of me. She didn't say a word as she took a hold of my face and placed the ice pack on my cheek. I flinched away from the cold touch but she didn't react.

"I'm sorry he hit you Logan but you have to understand."

"I don't." She let out a sigh and examined my cheek before placing the ice pack back on my face.

"Your grandfather and I failed when it came to your mother and we promised ourselves we wouldn't fail for you."

"There's nothing wrong with me." When she didn't answer I pulled away from her. I didn't want someone who didn't care touching me anymore.

"Logan you may hate us now but you'll thank us one day." She placed the ice pack on my bed and walked out of my room. For a second I thought she had actually cared. But her silence was answer enough. She thought I was a freak; a piece of trash that needed to be dealt with. She didn't care about my feelings. I was just another stain on the family cloth and she wanted to make me disappear. She didn't want me around because she cared she wanted me here to hide the problem. She didn't bring me an ice pack because she felt bad she just didn't want the evidence of abuse on my face.

I threw the ice pack across the room and laid down on my bed. My face was still stinging but I didn't care. If a bruise formed I wouldn't care. I wanted everyone to see what they were doing to me because I wasn't sure I could take it anymore.

"I'll never thank you."

* * *

James POV:

Everything changed as soon as Logan left. Kendall was depressed and the more unanswered texts and missed calls the worse he got. I could tell he felt helpless. He was the one who was supposed to solve all our problems but so far I didn't think there was anything he could do. After a week Kendall had gotten a call from Logan. The spark in his eyes returned but it immediately faded when the call suddenly ended. We all knew that was probably the last time we would ever hear from Logan again.

Halfway into the second week Gustavo called us into the studio. He gave us time off to try and fix the problem but I guess he could see we weren't getting anywhere.

"I think it's time for us to except that Logan isn't coming back." Carlos and I glanced at each other before worriedly looking at Kendall. His was emotionless. He just stared at Gustavo blankly.

"Gustavo we can't just give up."

"Carlos there isn't anything I can do and Griffin is starting to get on my back about the lack of a fourth BTR member." Gustavo let out a sigh before continuing. "We have to start looking for a replacement for Logan."

"What!" Carlos and I both stood up but Kendall didn't more.

"Gustavo we have to get Logan back! The band isn't the same without Logan and last time I checked finding a new member didn't work so good last time did it?" I looked at Gustavo and Carlos with a raised eyebrow. The both cringed at the memory.

"Your right…"

"You know you guys never apologized for trying to replace me."

"But it doesn't matter because Logan didn't leave by choice unlike someone." When Gustavo glared at me I looked away awkwardly. The silence was suddenly broken when Kendall stood up and left Gustavo's office slamming the door behind him. Carlos and I looked at each other before running out of the office after him.

"Kendall!" He didn't stop when we called for him but luckily we were still able to catch up. I grabbed him by his shoulder and turned him around. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to fix this."

"How?" Kendall pulled out of my grasp and looked at me with a determination that I have never seen.

"I'll find a way."

* * *

After two weeks my grandmother was tired of me staying in my room 24/7. The bruise that my grandfather had left was already fading so I guess she figured it was about time to force me out of the house. I didn't want to leave but I guess this was another one of those things that I couldn't control.

As soon as we had gotten outside of the house I knew it was going to be a rough day. Our neighbors watched me curiously as I walked the suddenly long distance from the front door to the car.

"We're just going to go to the store and pick up a few things." I nodded my head but didn't turn to look at her. I stared out the window at all the familiar sights but when we reached the store I truly realized how painful this experience was. All the memories I've ever made with Kendall, James, and Carlos came flooding back and it was almost overwhelming. I missed them so much.

When we got inside I realized everyone was watching me. They were staring, whispering and all I could do was keep my head down as I pushed the shopping cart and followed my grandmother around the store. She was taking her sweet time and painfully harsh words began to float around me.

"Freak."

"Fag."

"Washed up pop star." I wasn't sure who was saying it or if anyone was actually saying it at all. Their expressions said enough though and I just wanted to get out.

When we finally made it to the checkout counter I was saying. I didn't feel safe here. I didn't feel excepted and it was obvious that I wasn't. I didn't have family I didn't have friends. After this I promised myself I would never leave the house again.

When we pulled up to the house I noticed a car sitting in front. It looked familiar but I couldn't be sure. My grandmother seemed to recognize it though because she left me to carry the bags in as she went inside.

"Where is he!" When I stepped into the house I couldn't believe it.

"Mom?" She turned in my direction and walked over. She cupped my face in her hands before pulling me into a hug.

"Logan are you ok? When I heard what happened I came straight over. I promise I'll fix this." I followed her into the kitchen and placed the bags on the counter. "Logan if you need anything go get it. You're coming with me."

"What!" My grandfather stood up from his seat at the table and glared at my mother.

"Did I stutter? This has absolutely crossed the line and I'm tired of sitting back and watching. He is my son and I'm not going to let you ruin his life anymore!" Before my grandparents could say anything my mom grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the door.

"Wait just a minute!" My grandmother grabbed my mom's shoulder and turned her around. "You can't just take him. He needs to be with us."

"He needs to be where he's loved and that's not here!"

"You're not taking him anywhere!"

"He is my son not yours! You can say all the crap you won't but you don't know shit about what he needs!"

"How dare…"

"How dare I what! Defend myself? How dare I finally stand up to you? It's about time I did because I'm sick of the way you've treated Logan and me. I hope you're happy with yourselves because I doubt you'll ever see us again!" She pulled me out of the house and I was surprised my grandparents didn't stop us. When we got in the car my mom quickly drove off.

I sat back in my seat and let out a breath. Everything was just sinking in and I couldn't believe it. I was finally away from them. I was finally with someone who cared about me. Someone finally stood up for me.

"How…" My mom smiled and as she glanced at me. I could tell the shock was still covering my face.

"Your Knight in shining armor." I let out a sigh of relief and leaned against the car window. I could already see the airport in the distance and I couldn't help the smile that came to my face.

"Kendall."

**A/N: Done! yey! Logan's going back to LA! WOOHOO! Lol. I was actually going to add when Logan got back in this chapter but I figured that could wait until the next chapter. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this**

**There is more to come.**


	28. its good to be back

It seemed like forever before the plane was landing at the LA airport. I didn't know why but I was feeling so nervous. I haven't seen Kendall in a few weeks and a part of me was wondering how he was. I was beginning to wonder if anything had changed. I also was beyond excited. I couldn't wait to see Kendall again. I couldn't wait to be in his warm embrace or feel his soft lips against mine.

"Logan?" I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to my mother who was sitting next to me. She placed her hand on my arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You ok sweetie?"

"Yea just nervous I guess. Does anyone know I'm back?"

"No I didn't get a chance to call. The last time I spoke to any of them was when Kendall called me earlier this week." I nodded and shot up as soon as we were able to leave the plane. Neither of us had any bags to get so we got a taxi as soon as we could.

It felt like forever before we could see the Palm Woods. I sunk into my seat slightly and swallowed past the lump in my throat. I didn't know why I was so nervous but it was really starting to get to me. What if Kendall didn't want me anymore? What if Kendall and Jo reconnected while I was gone? I shook the thoughts from my head. I was being ridiculous. Kendall wouldn't have worked so hard to get me back if he didn't love me anymore. But then again maybe he just wanted me back because we were best friends.

When the taxi pulled up in front of the Palm Woods I let out a breath and climbed out. I turned around expecting my mother to climb out as well but she simply slid over so she could stick her head out the window.

"Logan I'm going to check into a hotel. I'll come by later to make sure you're ok. Call me if you need anything." I nodded and leaned forward when she cupped my face to kiss me on the forehead.

"Ok mom. I'll see you later."

"I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too." I waited for the taxi to pull away before walking inside. I looked around the lobby and couldn't help but notice everyone glancing at me every now and then. It wasn't the obvious staring that I was afraid of but it was still annoying.

When I spotted Kendall sitting across the lounge I smiled but stopped myself from going over when I realized he was sitting with Jo. I didn't know what they were saying but Jo's hand was touching his knee. She was flippin touching his knee! And Kendall wasn't doing anything about it. What if my fears were right? What if Kendall was reconnecting with Jo; who was already starting to show by the way.

I felt the sting of tears but I shook the thoughts away.

"_Trust Kendall Logan. Trust him."_ I took in another breath and walked over. Kendall and Jo weren't looking in my direction so they didn't notice me walking over.

"K-Kendall." Kendall's head shot up; his eyes wide. He stared at me for a moment before jumping up and pulling me into a tight hug. I couldn't help but let out a squeak as he swung me around. When he finally pulled away he had a huge smile on his face.

"Logie! You're here!" Kendall cupped my face with one hand and held onto my arm tightly with the other. "You're really here." Any doubt I had disappeared when I looked into Kendall's eyes. They were brighter than ever and they contained so much love and adoration.

"Thanks to you." Kendall chuckled and pulled me into another hug.

"It was nothing."

"Kendall..." We both looked towards the couch were Jo was sitting awkwardly. I never did get to see her reaction to mine and Kendall's relationship and I could tell by the look on her face that she wanted him back. "We have to finish talking about what we're doing for the next few months."

"Jo we can talk later ok." Before she could say anything Kendall took my hand and dragged me towards the elevators. I glanced back at Jo who was watching us with a deep frown.

"_Ha suck it bitch."_ As soon as we were in the elevator Kendall pulled me into a deep passionate kiss. It caught me by surprise but after a few seconds I melted into Kendall's soft touch. My arms wrapped around Kendall's neck as his hands went everywhere else. I had trouble keeping up and at one point I found myself wondering where his hand went. Until they were viciously grabbing my ass that is. I let out a yelp and blushed as Kendall squeezed my cheeks. He moved his hands to the back of my thighs and pulled me forward allowing our crotches to rub together. I held on tightly to him as he lifted me up on my toes with each thrust forward.

When the elevator opened on our floor Kendall gave one more deep thrust making me moan before he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the apartment. I wasn't thinking about anything other than Kendall at this moment and I was tired of holding off. I wanted him more than ever. As soon as we were back in the apartment Kendall pulled me into another kiss. We would have continued but a few gasps interrupted us.

"LOGAN!" I found myself being ripped out of Kendall's grasp and pulled into a bone crushing bear hug. My arms were trapped at my sides as Carlos lifted me up off the ground and squeezed like his life depended on it.

"It's nice to see you too…. C-Carlos."

"I missed you so much Logie! Don't you ever leave us again!"

"Ok as long… a-as you don't k-kill me." Carlos immediately released me and blushed. He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed.

"Sorry about that Logie." I smiled at Carlos and was pulled into another hug. It wasn't bone crushing like Carlos but James held on to me tighter and longer than any other hug. When he pulled back he smiled and ruffled my hair.

"I am SO glad you're here Logan. It's not the same with just three of us. We missed you buddy."

"I missed you too James."

"Logan?" I glanced past James and found Mrs. Knight watching us from the kitchen. I waved at her and she immediately stopped what she was doing and ran over to me. She pulled me into one of her famous mom hugs that was both sweet and embarrassing. When she pulled away she kissed my forehead and gave me a bright smile.

"Logan I'm so good to see you! Are you here for good?" When I nodded Mrs. Knight's smile grew. She wrapped her arms around me and dragged me to the couch.

"Ok, I need to know what happened. How are you here? Where's your mom? You didn't run away did you?" Kendall sat on the other side of me and Carlos and James sat at the opposite side of the couch. They were all watching me expectantly so I let out a sigh and began to speak.

"Well my mom came to get me when Kendall called her and told her what was going on. She yelled at my grandparents and told them they couldn't take me from LA for no reason. My grandparents fought with her but she didn't back down and when we left she said it was most likely the last time we would ever see them again." I should be sad that I wasn't going to see my grandparents anymore but I really wasn't. I had friends and family in LA and they were much better to me. My grandparents were never nice to me and I didn't think I would ever miss them. Mrs. Knight nodded and rubbed my cheek. I noticed after a moment her smile faltered for a moment and she was poking my cheek.

"Logan… what's wrong with your cheek." She continued to poke my cheek and turned my head towards her to examine it. My face didn't hurt anymore but it was still a little tough and swollen.

"It's nothing Mrs. Knight." I let out a sigh at her skeptical look. She wasn't going to drop it.

"Logie?" I turned to Kendall and noticed that now he was concerned. When Mrs. Knight let go of my face Kendall took that opportunity to poke my cheek.

"Will everyone stop poking me!" I slapped Kendall's hand away and looked down at my lap. "I just bruised my cheek last week… it's not important."

"How did you do that?" Now James was asking questions and I could tell by Carlos' expression that he was wondering the very same thing.

"Logan…" Kendall's voice was sterner now. He wasn't going to let this go.

"Ok… remember when I called you?" Kendall nodded his head still confused. "Well my grandparents caught me. That's why I hung up on you suddenly. My grandfather and I started arguing and he kept saying really bad things about you so I told him to shut up and… he hit me."

"What!" Kendall looked at me with complete disbelief and horror.

"It's nothing Kendall. It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters Logie! He can't hit you!"

"Well it's not like there's much we can do about it. It's in the past and I'd rather forget about it." I could tell he didn't want to drop the subject but he knew I was right. He would let it go for me even if he did want to find my grandfather and chew him out.

"Well, we're so glad your back Logan. I'll start getting dinner ready so you boys go have fun." We all nodded at Mrs. Knight as she walked to the kitchen. Carlos stood up and walked over to our game station and turned it on.

"Anyone up for so battle blast three?" James and Kendall nodded but I stood up deciding against it.

"I'll play in a minute I just want to check out my stuff and organize it. It's been a while since I've cleaned my room." They nodded but I could tell they wanted to spend time with me. I walked into mine and Kendall's room and took in a breath. Everything was how I left it but the gathering dust proved that it had been a while. I looked threw my stuff and brushed off some dust as I went over everything. It all seemed to be in place but it wasn't like I expected anyone to touch anything. When I heard the door shut I turned to find Kendall just closing and locking the door. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Why don't we finish what we started?"

"What about James and Carlos?"

"They can wait." I smiled and leaned forward pulling Kendall into a soft kiss. He led me to the bed and laid me down before lying on top of me. The kiss became more desperate as Kendall pushed his tongue into my mouth. I let out a moan and moved my hands to the hem of his shirt. When I gave a strong tug Kendall pulled away from me with a smirk and pulled his shirt off. Before he could lay on me again I sat up on my knees and kissed Kendall quickly. I peppered kisses around his jaw and cheek before I moved down to his neck. He let out a moan and laced his fingers through my hair as I sucked and nipped at his neck. I pulled off my own shirt as I moved to his chest.

I moaned when Kendall moved his hands over my chest and stomach. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close so our growing erections would rub together again. We both let out moans as we thrust and grinded against each other. After one powerful thrust Kendall wrapped my arms around his waist and pushed me down against the bed. He immediately attacked my neck as he quickly fumbled with my pants. When they were open he wasted no time in pulling them off my legs along with my boxers.

This wasn't the first time we ever had sex but it was the first time we were having sex as a couple. When he pulled away and looked down at me it was the first time that I knew for a fact he was looking at me. His eyes shamelessly moved over my body and I couldn't help but feel a little self conscious. I could feel my face heating up and I couldn't help but cover myself. Kendall immediately moved my arms away from my middle and parted my legs as far as they could go.

"I want to see you. You're beautiful." I felt my blush grow and a smile come to my face. The next thing I knew Kendall was trailing kisses down my chest. The farther down he went the more excited I got. My breath was picking up and when he was finally hovering above my aching erection I was a wreck.

"Kendall please…" He smirked up at me before he took me into his mouth. I threw my head back and let out a loud moan as he took more of me into his mouth. Remembering that there were other people in the house I covered my mouth to muffle my sinful moans. After a few more powerful sucks Kendall pulled off and climbed up my body. He kissed me before he leaned back and pulled off his own pants. Kendall placed his fingers at my mouth and moaned when I began to suck on them. When they were wet enough he pulled his fingers away and moved them down to my entrance.

When he pushed in the first finger it burned. I didn't even consider it might hurt but considering how long it had been I wasn't surprised. This in so many ways was our first time. Kendall must have noticed because he waited a few minutes before he pushed in farther. He twisted his finger and pushed in and out slowly trying to loosen me. When I was ready he added a second finger and I couldn't help but whimper slightly.

"You ok baby?"

"Yea…" Kendall started moving his fingers around and I just wanted to hit that one spot so bad. "Uh Kendall…" I arched my back and moaned when he finally found my prostate. He continued to thrust is fingers into me and leaned forward to kiss me. I winced slightly when he added a third finger but by now it was a lot easier to get used to. I could feel myself getting close. I broke the kiss and let out a long moan as I fucked myself on Kendall's fingers. I laced my fingers through his hair and tugged as I tumbled over the edge. As my orgasm washed over me I could hear Kendall let out a growl. As soon as it was over Kendall pulled out his fingers and thrust into me.

"Oh Logan…" I wrapped my arms around Kendall's neck and buried my face in his shoulder. One thing that I always wanted was to hear Kendall moan mine name instead of Jo's. Right now in this moment that was happening and it was the most amazing thing ever. I let out a whine when Kendall thrust deep and hit my prostate. I could hear him panting as he sped up his thrusts to amazing speeds.

"H-harder Kendall." Kendall let out a long moan and picked up his thrusts. I could hear the bed moving below us and the headboard hitting the wall but right now I didn't care. The only thing that mattered was the blonde boy above me. The one who was rapidly thrusting into me and giving me the most unimaginable pleasure; the one who was groaning and grunting my name.

I could feel a tightness forming and I knew I was close. I shut my eyes tightly and arched my back when my orgasm hit. My legs locked around Kendall's waist and couldn't help but leave marks in his back as I held on for dear life. My stomach was covered with cum as Kendall continued to thrust into me at a rapid pace. When I finally came down from my orgasm I fell back against the bed and whined as Kendall continued to thrust into me. I was sensitive so his thrusts were a weird strange sensation.

He didn't stop though and I couldn't believe it. The next thing I knew I was painfully hard again and Kendall was grunting from the effort. He moved his hands up and down my arms before pinning my wrists to the bed. He leaned back to get a better angle and began hammering into me. My mouth opened wide in a silent scream and my eyes were open wide as Kendall pounded into me.

"Logan… I'm gunna cum." Kendall's thrusts became erratic and I knew I was close to. I met everyone one of Kendall's thrust with the desperate need to come again.

"So close… please Kendall…" Kendall gave a few more hard thrust before he emptied inside of me. The feel of his cum filling me to the brim threw me over the edge. My back arched and my toes curled as I came hard. Our hips stuttered against each other before Kendall fell forward.

The room was silent except for or heavy breathing. Kendall leaned his forehead against mine and opened his eyes to stare into mine. We were both covered in sweat and our hair was a total mess. When we finally caught our breath Kendall gave me a sweet kiss and leaned his forehead against mine again.

"I love you Kendall." Kendall Wrapped his arms around and held me close like I was his favorite teddy bear. He took in a deep breath and let out a content sigh.

"I love you too Logie." Before anything else could be said there was a knock at the door.

"If you two are done! Your mom's here Logan." I let out a squeak and could feel my face heating up.

"_Oh god I hope she just got here."_ Kendall chuckled and lifted himself up and pulled out. As soon as we were dressed and cleaned up we left our room and walked into the living room. James and Carlos were sitting on the couch snickering while Mrs. Knight and my mom were staring at us with raised eyebrows.

"Hi mom… when did you get… here?"

"Early enough to hear you two rabbits."

"Mom!" I covered my face with my hands and let out a grown. When I heard snickering a turned to James and Carlos and glared at them.

"Don't be ashamed boys you haven't seen each other for a while. It's normal."

"Ok thank you mother that's enough." Mrs. Knight and my mom both chuckled and shook their heads. I pulled Kendall over to the couch and plopped down next to James. I leaned my head against Kendall's shoulder and closed my eyes. I could feel him running my fingers through my hair and I couldn't help but smile. It felt so good to be with Kendall again. I felt so safe knowing he was here for me.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen from here. I still haven't really seen our fans reactions to Kendall's confession and frankly it scared me. Also, Kendall still had to deal with the fact that Jo was pregnant and I knew for a fact now that Jo was trying to get Kendall back. I wasn't going to give him up though. I worked hard to get Kendall and I'm not going to let Jo get in the way. I may sound like a jealous boyfriend… heck I am and that bitch better watch herself!

Even with all these things hanging over my head I knew Kendall and I would get through it. He loves me and I love him and that's all that matters.

**A/N: Done! I hope you guys enjoyed this. I have a bunch of stuff to do so I probably won't be able to update for a few days. Once I get everything done I'm going to try and update everything and I have a new two shot I'm working on. It's another Kogan (duh!) and it's probably going to be just as long as I'm Coming Home.**

**I'm not sure what it's going to be called but I'm leaning towards Before the Dawn. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come. **


	29. ellen

"Kids Jane and I are going to the store. We'll be back in a few hours." James, Carlos, Kendall, Katie and I let out their own versions of recognition as we continued what we were doing. Katie was sitting on a love seat playing her hand held video game while James, Carlos, and Kendall were playing a racing game.

Kendall was starting to get annoyed that James and Carlos were beating him but he absolutely refused to move. He was leaning against the arm of the couch while I lied between his legs with my head resting on Kendall's shoulder. Kendall's arms were wrapped around my torso holding the game controller as he furiously pressed the buttons. The position made it hard for him to hold the controller but I could tell he liked being so closed to me. I loved it too. Considering I went so long without any physical loving contact the warmth coming from Kendall and the feel of his arms wrapped around me were so comforting.

I decided against playing the game so I could use my laptop. I hadn't been able to go on the internet at all when he was back in Minnesota so I was starting to feel internet withdrawal. I had my laptop lying on my lap and my arms leaning against Kendall's forearms. That probably didn't help Kendall play video games either but he didn't complain. I checked my twitter to see what had been going on with everyone then checked my facebook. Kendall left a sweet love note for me that made my heart flutter. I turned my head and kissed his neck before hovering over his ear.

"Thanks for the note babe." Kendall smiled and gave me a quick kiss on my temple before returning his attention to the game. When I finished checking all my favorite sites I finally checked my email. It was a real shock when I realized I had over 100 emails. When I deleted the usual twitter and facebook notifications, messages from the medical daily newsletter (I planned to look at that later), and useless spam I was still left with a good number of emails and none of them were from people I knew.

Curious, I opened the newest email. I couldn't help but notice I had received it the night before.

_You shouldn't have come back fag._

The message left me shocked. I knew that there would be people out there who would have a problem with me and Kendall but I didn't expect it like this. I didn't expect to get a message on my private email that said such a hateful thing. I thought I knew all of my friends better than that. I quickly realized the message wasn't from one of my friends. It was from an unknown email. There wasn't a name or subject or any explanation for what they sent this. It was just there. I quickly deleted the email and swallowed as I stared at the rest of my inbox. I wasn't sure if I wanted to read more of that. In fact I knew I didn't want to read more of that but I never deleted a message without reading it. There could be a chance it was important.

I took in a breath and decided to check the rest of the emails.

_I never would have thought you were a fag. I thought you were better than that._

_Thanks for turning Kendall gay._

_Big Time Rush was one of the only good things in this world. Thanks for ruining everything._

_How can James and Carlos be friends with fags! Are they gay too?_

_Go back where you came from._

_LA doesn't need another homo singer._

The emails went on and on and on and I couldn't take it anymore. I slammed my laptop closed and went to mine and Kendall's room without saying a word. I would have thrown the dumb thing against the wall if it didn't cost me so much.

I placed my laptop on my desk and plopped down on with my head burred into the pillow. I didn't know who those people were or how they managed to get my email but every word felt like a punch in the face. I couldn't help but think I was better off with no outside contact.

"Logie?" I didn't bother to turn over as Kendall entered the room. I felt the bed dip when Kendall sat down and I felt him place his hand on my back but I still didn't turn over. "What's wrong baby?" I pointed in the general direction of the desk and dropped my arm back on my bed when I felt Kendall leave my side. I could hear him sit at my desk and the familiar sound of my laptop turning back on. After a few minutes of silence I heard my laptop being shut again and Kendall let out a long angry sigh.

"How could they say those things?" My voice was muffled because of the pillow but I knew Kendall understood me. He sat back down on my bed and began to rub my back soothingly.

"I don't know Logie. I don't know why people would say something like that. You can't let them get to you. They're just jealous because we're happy." I turned my head so I could look up at Kendall. There was just something I needed to know.

"You're happy with me?" Kendall furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Of course I'm happy. I love you Logan." When Kendall laid next to me I moved over to give him room.

"I love you too Kendall." He smiled at me and gave me a soft kiss.

"Are you going to be ok?" I nodded and laid my head against his chest.

"I think so it's just… I know I shouldn't care what people think about me but I can't help but care." Kendall kissed the top of my head and let out a sigh.

"I know Logie but I'm here for you. We'll get through this together." I sat up and pressed my lips to Kendall's. When I pulled away Kendall was smiling up at me.

"Thank you."

"Kendall! Logan!" We both turned towards the door when Carlos poked his head in. "Hey Kelly called Gustavo wants us at the studio." We both nodded and climbed out of bed. I still hadn't been back to the recording studio since I got back to LA and I couldn't even imagine how bad Gustavo wanted to get back to work. Kendall told me how Gustavo considered replacing me. I'm just glad he didn't go through with it.

When we got down to the lobby Kelly was waiting for us. She gave me a big smile as soon as she saw me and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm so glad you're back Logan. Big Time Rush really needs you." I smiled at Kelly and could feel my face heating up.

"Thanks Kelly." She gave me another smile and led us to the limo. It was one of those pleasant rides I missed so much. Some fighting, some wrestling, some kissing, Carlos and James teasing Kendall and I; It made me feel like my life was getting back to normal even though some things were starting to go wrong.

When we got into Rocque records Gustavo was in his office waiting for us. That didn't mean he wasn't doing anything though. His phone was ringing off the hook and I could only imagine what was leaving him so busy. When Gustavo hung up the phone for the fourth time since we've been there he finally turned to us.

"Boys not that the band is complete again we have work to do." Gustavo hung up the phone when it rang again. "I've been getting calls everyday ever since Kendall and Logan came out and now that Logan is back its getting worse." Kendall and I looked at each other before turning back to Gustavo.

"Calls about what?" Kelly walked around us and stood next to Gustavo so we could see her.

"Logan we've gotten calls from Pop Tiger, Ellen, George Lopez, Conan, Oprah, and even more people who want to talk to you. The first interview isn't enough anymore. People want to know more." We all turn to Gustavo when he stood up from his chair.

"That's why Big Time Rush is doing another interview." James and Carlos perked up at the thought of going on TV and to be honest I was a little excited too. Everyone knew already its not like I had to be nervous about coming out anymore.

"Who's going to interview us?" I could tell by the look on James' face who he wanted. He had a secret crush on Ellen that he made us swear not to tell anyone about.

"Well if we go on the Oprah show the interview would be next week. If we go with George Lopez the interview would be tomorrow and if we went with Ellen the interview would be in an hour." My jaw dropped.

"An hour. That's it?" Both Gustavo and Kelly nodded.

"And if we want to make it we'd have to leave in ten minutes." I gave Kelly a look that said she was crazy. How could they honestly expect us to be ready to go on Ellen in an hour? Before I could protest Kendall spoke up.

"I think we should do it."

"_huh!"_

I wasn't sure what the hell Kendall was on but I wanted him off of it. How could he think it was a good idea? We needed time to prepare. I needed time to figure out what to expect. I just got home and I'm already stressed out beyond belief. What if they ask me why I left! I don't want to tell people that!

I could feel myself freaking out more and more. I could tell by the look Kendall was giving me he knew. He took my hand in his and gave it a strong squeeze. I don't know why but it calmed me down. It was like there was a secret button and Kendall knew to push it.

"I-I don't know…"

"It would be better to get it over with Logie. I know you don't want to have it hanging over your head." I let out a sigh and found myself nodding. Like usual Kendall was right. If we didn't do this now I would be thinking about it every day until the interview. If that happened I would have more time to panic and in the end I would probably be more of a mess then I am right now.

James jumped up and cheered making us look at him. He chuckled nervously then tried to play off his excitement.

"What… Ellen is a good show… nice lady." Kendall, Carlos, and I laughed at James as Kelly dragged us out of Gustavo's office. She sent us straight to wardrobe before we were shoved in the limo so we could get to the interview.

On the way there Kelly filled us in on what she was most likely to ask. Most of them were just what I expect. Kendall would have to talk about Jo and what their plans are for the baby. We would have to talk about our relationship and how it was going. I wasn't sure how Kendall and I were going to tell them when we started dating. It would probably be best to lie about the whole sneaking around thing.

When we finally got to where the interview was going to be I could feel my heart quicken. I was beyond nervous and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it.

"_I hope I don't cry or something. Let's not make a fool out of ourselves Logan."_

I took Kendall's hand in mine as we walked inside. The place looked so huge compared to other studios we've been to and people were running around all over the place.

"There you are!" A red headed woman ran over to us and herded us toward the backstage area.

"Big Time Rush goes on in five minutes." I gulped and looked up at Kendall who gave me a reassuring smile. This was going to be absolutely crazy. I could feel it.

The five minutes were up in no time and I could hear people clapping and cheering as each of our names were called. As I walked out from backstage and gave my best smile I was just relieved no one was booing. Which each gave Ellen a quick hug except for James of course. I thought we were going to have to rip him off of her but luckily James didn't embarrass himself.

"So Big Time Rush!" Ellen paused for a moment. "You guys are hot." The crowd eructed in laughter and all four of us couldn't help but laugh. I was still nervous but Ellen definitely lightened the mood with that.

"Thanks." James gave Ellen his best smile and leaned forward a little. "That means so much coming from you." Everyone laughed again and Kendall, Carlos, and I couldn't help but roll our eyes at James. I don't remember how many times I've had to remind him that she was gay.

When the laughter died down Ellen got back to business.

"So you guys are part of the band Big Time Rush or BTR. Your album is out, which is doing amazingly and you have more fans than ever." We all nodded before Kendall spoke up.

"We're completely amazed with how we're doing and we're so glad people like our music so much." Ellen nodded and kept her attention on Kendall.

"Yes… so now that you boys are in the public eye so much I can imagine things can get difficult. From what I understand there's been a lot of controversy surrounding you boys." Kendall nodded and I could tell by the way his Adams apple bobbed that he swallowed.

"Yes well… a few months back I found out my girlfriend… currently ex-girlfriend was pregnant." Ellen nodded in understanding.

"Was that the reason for the break up?"

"No I broke up with her before I found out about the pregnancy. I was actually interested in someone else."

"And from what I understand from the previous interview you did you are dating your band mate Logan." When Ellen looked towards me I nodded. I could feel Kendall's hand grip mine making me relax again. "How has the reaction been with your relationship?"

"It's been mixed." Ellen looked towards me with furrowed eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… our friends support us. My mom and Kendall's family have been very supportive." Ellen nodded.

"What about the fans. How has the feedback been with them?" The first thought that came to my mind was to lie. I didn't want to say anything about the emails. I didn't want anyone to know about them and honestly it wouldn't help anything if I said anything about them.

"We haven't really seen a fan reaction yet. We'll just have to wait and see." I looked up at Kendall who looked down at me. I could tell by the look in his eye that he was thinking about the emails too. We both turned back to Ellen who was leaning back in her seat.

"Now Logan, you just got back to LA if I'm correct." I took in a breath and nodded.

"Where did you go?"

"I went back home for a little while."

"Any particular reason." I hesitated for a moment not sure how to answer. After a few seconds went by I realized there was nothing I could say but the truth.

"My grandparents wanted me back home. They weren't exactly thrilled about me coming out." Ellen furrowed her eyebrows and I could hear whispering from the crowd.

"What do you mean?"

"Honestly, they didn't like that I was gay so they forced me to go back home. After a few weeks Kendall called my mom and she brought me back to LA."

"Well I'm sorry to hear about that." I nodded.

"Things have been better though." Ellen nodded and gave us a smile. When the background music started playing she stood up and faced the crowd.

"Well that's the end of the show so let's thank Big Time Rush for coming." The crowd clapped for us as we each gave Ellen another hug and walked off the stage. As soon as it was over I let out a sigh of relief. That had been easier than I thought.

"I am so ready to go home." Before I could get to the doors Carlos stopped me.

"That might be harder than you think." I looked outside and saw a mass of people. I could tell by the looks on their faces that they were not fans.

"Wonderful. Don't these people have lives?" Kelly walked up next to me and gave me a sympathetic look.

"Don't worry about them Logan. We have police on hand they won't hurt you." I nodded and waited for Kendall before I quickly walked outside. They people started screaming things at us but honestly I couldn't understand what any of them were saying. I held on to Kendall's hand tightly as we made our way towards the limo.

When we were about halfway there I noticed from the corner of my eye some guy broke through the police and went for Kendall. To my horror he managed to land a hard punch on his nose knocking him back.

"Kendall!" Before I could even process what I was doing I swung my fist back and punched the guy right in the jaw. As he fell back Police swarmed around us and a few pulled me towards the limo as Carlos and James helped Kendall up.

When we got inside I immediately turned to Kendall and cupped his face.

"Kendall are you ok?" I kept turning his head back and forth before he grabbed my wrists stopping me.

"I'm fine." I let out a sigh of relief but still took a second to look at his nose. A large bruise was forming quickly but there wasn't any blood or any indication that it was broken. When I was finally satisfied I softly kissed him making sure to avoid his nose. I sat back and leaned against Kendall as he wrapped his arm around my waist.

I could feel my hand throbbing and it only reminded me of what I just did. I just hoped nothing else could go wrong.

**A/N: Done! So I have a shit load of stuff to do this week so I probably won't be able to upload at all. The good news is my spring break starts on Friday so after this week I have plenty of free time. I'm not going on vacation or anything so I should be able to update.**

**I'm still working on the two shot and I have another one shot I'm working on. **

**I also put a one shot up with this so it should be up its called ****Is It a Good Thing. **** You guys should really check it out but let me warn you… it's kind of… let me just put it this way. If there was a rating worse than "M" I would give that story the rating. Logan is a super slut in that story so if you're looking for a lot of hot hot sex then read it! lol**

**Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter**

**There is more to come.**


	30. could it get any worse

"What the hell happened to you two?" Mrs. Knight ran around the counter and looked between Kendall and me. I was holding my hand to my chest while Kendall pinched the tip of his nose and held a tissue to stop the bleeding. Carlos let out a sigh and gestured to Kendall and me with his hands.

"Some jackass punched Kendall when we were leaving so Logan punched him."

"What!" I cringed when my mom walked over to me and took my hand. She examined for a second before letting out a sigh. "You know you shouldn't be doing things like that Logan it's not right." When she finished she leaned forward to whisper. "Nice job."

My mom pat my shoulder lightly before dragging me into the kitchen. I could hear Kendall let out a grown when Mrs. Knight dragged him into the kitchen as well.

"I'm ok mom really. Kendall's more hurt then me." She ignored my and began cleaning the small cuts on my knuckles.

"Mrs. Knight can handle Kendall." I glanced over and smirked. Kendall was sitting in a stool fidgeting and whining as Mrs. Knight cleaned and poked at his nose. I always found it amusing when Kendall acted like such a little kid. I hissed and flinched with surprise when my mom held and ice pack to my hand. She had wrapped it in a towel so the cold touch wouldn't be too much but it was still a lot to take.

She then wrapped a rather large rubber band around my hand and the ice pack to keep it in place. As the ice pack became less rock hard I could feel it forming to my hand.

"Keep the ice pack on and go sit down. Mrs. Knight and I will have dinner ready soon."

"Ok." I walked toward the orange couch and plopped down. I swung my legs up onto the couch and sunk into the soft material with a sigh.

"Ow mom!" I looked upward to see upside down Kendall walking towards me with Mrs. Knight right behind him. She was holding a rather large first aid kit in one hand and a wash cloth in the other. I couldn't really laugh at how ridiculous the first aid kit was though because it was mine.

"Kendall get back her I'm not finished cleaning your nose!"

"It stopped bleeding you can leave it alone now!" Kendall crawled onto the couch and tried to hide himself between me and the back of the couch. He couldn't fit so well so he moved me to spoon with him and hid his face in my back. Mrs. Knight shook her head and placed her hands on her hips.

"Kendall stop hiding." When Kendall responded by wrapping his arms around me tighter Mrs. Knight huffed. I really didn't want to be caught in the middle of this and that glare Mrs. Knight was sending an oblivious Kendall was a little frightening.

Also the position we were in was a little embarrassing. I didn't really mind cuddling a little in front of the others but spooning like this in front of my mom was a little weird.

"Come one Kendall get up." I unwrapped his arms from around me and sat up. When I looked down at him he was pouting. "You're such a baby." Kendall stuck his tongue out before sitting up. He let out a sigh and tilted his head upward so his Mrs. Knight could finish. She leaned in close and ran the washcloth over his nose a few times making Kendall flinch. When she was satisfied she handed him and ice pack.

"Keep that on." He nodded and sat back. When he rested his arm on the back of the couch I leaned back and laid my head on his shoulder.

"Today was rough." Kendall kissed my temple and rubbed my arm.

"I doubt that was the worst of it though."

"What are you going to do?" James sat down and leaned back and Carlos sat down next to him.

"I don't know but I'll think of something. I'm sure Gustavo and the record company already has a plan." We all nodded and fell into a short silence.

Never being one to like silence Carlos grabbed the remote and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a clip of Kendall getting punched.

"How did they get that so soon?" James and Kendall shushed Carlos and focused intently on the screen. To my surprise the clip ended when Kendall fell to the ground. I could faintly hear my voice screaming Kendall's name in the background but my punch wasn't shown.

_This clip was submitted to us just moments ago."_ The slim brunette spoke with animated movements. _"From what we understand Kendall Knight, Logan Mitchell, James Diamond, and Carlos Garcia were leaving their interview with Ellen when a man from the crowd outside broke through and attacked Kendall. Before the police could apprehend the assailant the usually level headed Logan Mitchell punched the assailant back before leaving with his band mates._

"Wonderful."

"Well they didn't say you attacked him." I turned to James and gave him a questioning look. "They said that guy attacked Kendall and they said you punched him. Attacked makes it sound like he hit Kendall multiple times while you only hit that guy once. It may not seem like it but there on our side."

"That was pretty insightful James." James smirked and flipped his hair.

"I have my moments."

"_The four boys have had it rough lately but it's not surprising. With Kendall and Logan coming out and Kendall's ex-girlfriends pregnancy these boys seem to have a lot on their plate. It seems like only a matter of time before something else happens."_

I swallowed hard and cuddled closer to Kendall. She was right. This was far from over. I may think that things are hard now but we haven't even seen the worst of it. Those emails and that guy who hit Kendall was just the start of the hate. Not to mention Kendall was going to be a father.

I was starting to wonder how we were going to handle all this. I could barely hang on before and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to handle it. How was I going to handle looking over my shoulder everywhere I went? How was I going to handle the staring and the guilt that the band was falling apart because of me? What would I do if Kendall decided he couldn't handle the hate I caused and decided to break up with me?

That thought always haunted me. In my mind there was still a chance that Kendall would decide being with me was too much work. It made perfect sense that he wouldn't want to deal with all of this. It made perfect sense that he wouldn't want this. It made perfect sense that he wouldn't think I was worth it.

"Logie why are you crying?" I snapped out of my thoughts and realized I was crying. I quickly wiped the tears away and kept my eyes fixed downward to avoid seeing the undeserved concern on Kendall's face.

"It's nothing my hand just hurts." I could hear Kendall's skepticism when he let out a long sigh. When I glanced up at him he was he was staring at me intently. I looked back down then glanced at James and Carlos who had their eyes fixed on the TV screen. I could tell they were trying to give us our privacy while still intently listening.

"What is it Logan?"

"Why do you love me?" I spoke as quietly as I could in order to keep our conversation between Kendall and me.

"What?" When I didn't Look up Kendall took my chin in his hand and forced me to look at him.

"Why do you love me?" Kendall set his lips in a line and stared at me intently for a long time. Without warning he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into a passionate kiss. He forcefully parted my lips and ran his tongue over the roof of my mouth before finding mine. I couldn't help but let out a quiet moan as Kendall moved his tongue against mine. Kendall nibbled on my bottom lip and pulled on it with his teeth. When he pulled away I leaned forward wanting more but he stopped me.

"I love you because you're the most amazing person I have ever met. I love the gentleness of your gaze and your tentative and soft touches. I love that you're caring and smart. And I love that you're the most beautiful person inside and out. I love that under your shy and passive demeanor is a determined and strong person. I love how your eyes sparkle when you see me. I love that you're responsible but that you also like to have fun. I love the way you move and the way you talk. I love all your little habits and kinks. And I love that you love me."

"Kendall…" I buried my face in Kendall's neck and melted into him when he wrapped his arms around me. The ice pack he was once pressing to his nose was lying on the couch forgotten.

"I don't know what's going on in your head but don't you think for a second that you're not worth my love or that I don't love you. I'm lucky to have you." I wrapped my arms around Kendall's torso and buried my face in his neck.

"Thank you." Kendall kissed my head and left it at that. He didn't need to say anymore and I wasn't questioning him anymore. I guess I could say that I never really questioned him but I always question myself. To hear him say all those things though really did make me feel loved.

"Boys, Katie dinner!" We all jumped off the couch and ran to the table. I don't think I've ever been so hungry in my life. Kendall sat on one side of me while my mom sat on the other. Carlos and James sat on the other side of the table and Mrs. Knight and Katie sat on the ends. The large plate of spaghetti that was sitting in front of me was calling to me. It was just begging me to eat it so I didn't wait for anyone else and just dug in.

Kendall took my hand in his so I looked towards him. He was smirking at me with a raised eyebrow making me blush.

"What, I'm hungry." Kendall shrugged his shoulder and turned to his own plate. I looked down at our hands and squeezed tightly happy that he didn't separate them. We looked up at each other again and I was surprised when Kendall leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss. I could feel my face heating up and when James and Carlos made kissy faces at me I threw my roll at them (missing).

"Enough boys." Mrs. Knight spoke sternly but she couldn't hide the smile on her face. We all went back to eating and when none of us could eat anymore I helped my mom and Mrs. Knight clean the dishes while the others went to do their own thing. James and Carlos were playing videos, Katie left to hang out with Tyler, and Kendall went back to our room.

I was a little hesitant to go up there considering the look Kendall gave me before going up the swirly slide. It was definitely a "come to bed" look and I wasn't so keen on having sex with my mom around again.

"Ok boys Mrs. Knight and I are going out for a little while"

"_Score!"_

"Ok bye Mrs. Knight bye mom." I probably sounded a little too eager and my mom might have caught on but she didn't show it. As soon as the front door closed I casually walked toward the bedroom.

"Have fun Logan!"

"Will raise the volume on the TV just for you!"

"Shut up!" I could hear James and Carlos laughing as I left the living room. When I got to mine and Kendall's room he was sitting on the bed. As soon as he saw me he smirked and patted the spot next to him.

I closed the door behind me and locked it. When I climbed onto the bed Kendall grabbed me by my neck and pulled me into a kiss. I moaned and climbed onto his lap straddling him. I broke apart from his lips and began kissing his jaw and down his neck. He let out a groaned when I bit down on his pulse point and sucked on the skin.

I couldn't help but smirk when I saw the purple bruise forming on his skin. He was mine and everyone especially Jo was going to except that. I leaned up and slowly began lifting my shirt. He waited until the material was blocking my vision to reach a hand up and caress my stomach. His hands were a little cool at first but the feel of his hands moving over me made my skin twitch with excitement.

When my shirt was off I threw it to the side and pulled Kendall up by his shirt so I could take his off as well. As soon as he fell back against the bed he grabbed my hips and thrust upwards making me moan. I placed my hands on his chest for support and moved my hips against his.

I could feel his muscles flexing under my fingers and his length hardening against mine. My eyes fluttered closed and I arched against him. The things he could do had me withering in pleasure.

"Ngh Kendall." When I couldn't take anymore teasing I stilled my hips and grabbed at his belt. My hands were shaking too much with anticipation so he had to reach down to get it fully off. As he flung his belt somewhere in the room I unzipped his pants and forced my hand inside. He groaned and bucked his hips into my touch as I moved my hand teasingly over his length.

When he began to tug off my jeans I stood up and pushed them off while he did the same. I then climbed back on the bed and pushed on his shoulders until he was sitting up with his back against the headboard. I could see his eyes darken at the thought of me ridding him. We've never done this before and I could tell he was looking forward to the experience.

I took his hand and wrapped my lips around his fingers. He stared at me with half lidded eyes before I took his fingers out of my mouth and brought his hand down between us. It didn't take long for him to take over. I sat up and leaned forward to give him room as he circled his middle finger around my entrance. When he pushed it in knuckle deep I buried my face in his neck and arched against him. It was a little uncomfortable at first but as he moved his finger around the pleasure I had been expecting came. I tightened my hold on his shoulders and thrusts against his finger as he brushed against my prostate. When he added a second finger I pulled back and kissed him passionately.

I moaned against his lips as he scissored his fingers.

"I'm ready." Kendall kissed me as I groaned when he removed his fingers. I placed my hands on his shoulders and lifted myself up before lowing myself down on his member. I allowed my head to lull back as he stretched and filled me in all the right ways. As soon as I was seated fully against him he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to lean fully against his chest. He moved his lips to my neck and sucked on my pulse point making a shiver go down my spine.

When I was finally ready I leaned back and lifted my hips up before slowly moving back down.

"oh Logan you're so beautiful." I could feel Kendall sucking on my collar bone but I just couldn't keep my eyes open. Every time I tried I would be hit with a new wave of pleasure making my eyes flutter closed. My brow was knitted in concentration and I couldn't help but bite my lip. I knew Kendall wanted to hear me moan but I didn't want to give James and Carlos another reason to make fun of me.

I tightened my hold on Kendall's shoulders and sped up my pace. I was bouncing furiously in Kendall's lap while every now and then swiveling my hips frantically. It wasn't enough though I needed me. I forced my eyes open and cupped Kendall's face as I moved my hips in a circular motion.

"Kendall please more." He nodded and held onto my hips tightly as he thrust up hard. My body jolted and I gasped as he hit my prostate. He always hit my spot just right. As he began thrusting frantically I let him take over and just sat in his lap moving my hips with his taking the pounding.

I could feel that familiar flutter in my lower stomach and I knew I was going to come. I arched my back and let out a long moan as I came hard. Kendall groaned and wrapped his arms around my tightly and buried his face in my neck as he thrust once more and released into me.

The force of his orgasm increased the intensity of mine as we bucked and thrust against each other. When we finally came down from our orgasms we fell back against the head board. I wrapped my arms tightly around Kendall's neck as he kept his arms around my torso with his face buried in my neck.

I could feel him panting against my neck and I'm sure he could feel every time his hair moved out of place when I breathed out.

When we were breathing normally again Kendall began to unwrap his arms from around me but I reached back and put them back in place. I could hear him laugh against me but I ignored it. I didn't want to move yet. Lying so close to him felt so right. I didn't want it to end.

Kendall began to move his nails up and down my back lightly. It was relaxing but it also left my skin tingling. Eventually I knew we had to move so I slowly got up whimpering slightly as he pulled out of me.

"I'm going to take a shower." Kendall smirked and climbed off the bed with me. He stretched his muscles before looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Wants some company?" I chuckled and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"Maybe later." I went into the bathroom and left Kendall to change by himself. I couldn't help but lean against the door and let out a content sigh thinking about Kendall. As soon as I pushed off the wall I turned on the water for the shower and waited for it to be the right temperature before I stepped in. My skin had been so sweaty and sticky the water felt so nice as it washed away all the dirt.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes allowing the water to better wet my hair. I ran my fingers through it before I decided it was wet enough for me to add shampoo. I poured a small amount in my hand then lathered it into my hair. I kept my eyes closed having learned a long time ago it's not fun to get shampoo in your eyes.

Once I washed that out I ran my fingers through my hair again before conditioning my hair. It made my hair silky smooth. I may not have cared about my hair as much as James but its not like I wanted it to feel like straw.

Last, I washed the rest of my body with body wash before stepping out of the shower and drying off. I wrapped the towel around my waist and wiped the steam off the mirror so I could look at myself. I turned my head from side to side and ran my fingers over my face. It was a little prickly so I quickly took out a razor and shaving cream and shaved.

When I was completely done in the bathroom I walked into mine and Kendall's room noticing he wasn't in there. I went to my dresser and pulled out a pair of black jeans and a button down shirt before I went to the closet and pulled out a dark blue v-neck sweater vest. After fully dressing I pulled on my favorite boots and left the bedroom.

"This is ridiculous! You have no right!" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and slowed down as I walked out to the living room. Kendall sounded upset. I didn't know who he was talking to but his voice was escalating.

"Kendall calm down I'm sure we can figure this out." Mrs. Knight was obviously back.

"You're not taking my son anywhere. It was self defense!" I walked out to the living room still completely confused.

"Mom?" Everyone turned to look at me and I couldn't help but feel uneasy when I noticed there were to police officers at the door. I always found it ironic that cops were supposed to protect people but I always found myself feeling uneasy around them.(1) The only cop I ever trusted was Carlos' dad and that's only because I knew him.

My mom ran over to my side and took my hands in her's.

"Everything's going to be ok honey we'll take care of you."

"Mom what's going on?" My voice shook and I swallowed when I saw the two cops walk in. Kendall was immediately at my side. He pulled me into a tight hug but it wasn't calming me down. "Kendall?"

"That guy you punched pressed charges." I looked up at Kendall wide eyed.

"What? But he punched you first."

"I know babe I'll fix this. We'll call Kelly and Gustavo and we'll press charges. He wont get away with this." I felt someone roughly grab my arm and I felt panic.

"_I don't want to go to jail! Slender pretty nerds don't do well in jail!"_

They led me out of the apartment and I was not looking forward to walking through the lobby like this. At least they didn't bother cuffing me. That made it a little less humiliating.

My mom and the others followed us all the way down to the police car. They were reassuring me the whole way that I was going to be fine and that they would get me home soon. As soon as I was sitting in the back of the cop car Kendall came out to the window and put his hand against it.

"I love you Logan."

"I love you too." Kendall stepped back away from the car when we started driving away. When the Palm Woods disappeared farther and farther into the distance I felt more and more nauseous. I didn't know what to expect and I wasn't looking forward to it. I just hope I would be able to go home soon.

* * *

I flinched when the cell door closed behind me. It wasn't the jail I was dreading with hundreds of serial killers and rapists. It looked more like a mall Jail. There was only one cell and there weren't a lot of people in it. Only about seven or eight. I the problem was they are looked like they belonged in a gang while I looked like I belonged in the chest club.

"Well looky here fresh meat." I kept my back against the wall as a tall muscular man made his way over to me. His head was buzzed and he was covered in tattoos. Another muscular man with a mustache and pony tail walked up behind the other.

"You're in the wrong side of town pretty boy." I squeaked when the bald one held onto my chin painfully hard. He turned my head from side to side examining me before forcing me to look directly into his cold cruel eyes.

"It's not too often that we get someone as pretty as you in here." He smiled making me tremble. He moved his hand down my jaw before caressing my neck. I shuttered at the feel of his disgusting hands. Every part of me was telling me to fight back or scream but the space was too confined and I didn't think I could have the nerve to say anything.

I noticed from the corner of my eye another one of them walking over. I gulped when I realized he was the biggest of everyone in here. His hair was black and slicked back giving him an Antonio Banderas feel. When he reached us he placed a large hand on the bald guys shoulder and forced him a few steps away from me.

"Leave the kid be." The shorter man glared for a moment before he went back over to the benches. I let out a sigh of relief but froze when I noticed his eyes on me.

"T-thank you." My voice was so small I wasn't sure if he heard me. I also wasn't sure if it was right to thank him just yet. For all I knew he could come back with _"You won't thank me when I'm done with you."_

"No problem. Its Logan right?" I nodded my head slowly.

"Y-yea."

"My daughters love you." He smirked and pulled reached into his back pocket pulling out a family photo. Was it wrong that for a second I thought it was going to be a gun?

I looked at the picture and smiled when I realized the three girls were standing in front of a BTR poster. When he put the picture away I looked back up at him.

"You know you've got guts kid. Not many people could do what you do. I don't know what you did to get in here but I'm sure you'll be out in no time."

"Thanks I… uh… I punched a guy for punching Kendall." The man chuckled and gave me a pat on the shoulder.

"You're a good kid." He went back to the bench and sat down. I wasn't comfortable enough to go sit down next to him but it was nice to know that I had a friend here. It was nice to know that no matter what someone looked like they were a good person deep down.

I sat down on the floor in the corner and wrapped my arms around my legs. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next but I could only hope for the best.

"Lopez! You're free to go." Everyone looked up at the sound of the cell door opening. I was hoping it would be that pervert but to my horror it was the man who helped me. He stood up and glanced in my direction before leaving the ceil. I could see the sympathy in his eyes.

If he didn't have a family to get back to I could tell he would stay for me. As soon as the cell door was closed and the police officer was gone I held my breath waiting for someone to make a move.

When no one did I allowed myself to relax slightly but not completely. He may have lost interest but there was a chance he might do something.

As the minutes ticked by the number of people in the cell dwindled down to four including myself. I wasn't sure how late it was but I could tell it had to be night already. The others were already sleeping in random areas of the cell so I took a chance and stood up.

I must have been sitting for hours because my legs ached. I sat down on the cot in one side of the room and laid back. I didn't plan to go to sleep but I was suddenly so tired and could stop myself.

* * *

I woke up to someone grabbing me by the hair painfully hard and yanking me off the bed. I let out a scream and grabbed at their wrist as they dragged me across the floor. I continued to struggle until the released me and left me lying on the floor.

It was the pervert from before. He towered over me and knelt down on one knee so he could get closer to my face. I turned my head to the side and shut my eyes tightly.

"Nobody sleeps in my spot." He got up and walked over to the cot and sat down. I quickly crawled over to the corner of the ceil and held my legs close to my chest. I could feel my eyes stinging with tears and my body shake with fear.

"_I wanna go home…"_

**A/N: Done! Now if you read my profile I promised this like three days ago. Sorry… I haven't gotten that much sleep lately and have been making it up by going to bed early. Not to mention I've been doing school stuff. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	31. serenade me

**A/N: you know I made a system so I would never forget to do this but of course I forgot! Anyway this is for the last chapter…**

**(1) Idk if it's just me but I'm never comfortable when I cop is around. It may just be my experience with them because the cops in my town are douche bags but whatever.**

James POV:

"What do you mean he won't drop the charges?" Kendall, Carlos and I were standing in front of Gustavo's desk. He had just gotten off the phone with one of his lawyers.

"I'm sorry boys but the charges we placed on him didn't scare him enough."

"Then we have to pay Logan's bail. He can't stay there." Gustavo let out a sigh and sat back in his chair.

"Griffin will slaughter me if I use the company's money like that. We all know how he feels about wasting money." Kendall made a grimace and threw his hands up.

"It's not wasting money! This is Logan." When Gustavo didn't answer Kendall huffed and pulled out his phone. "Well while you sit here doing nothing I'm going to call Logan and make sure he's ok." Carlos and I glanced at each other as Kendall walked out of the room slamming the door behind him. We turned back to Gustavo who was pinching the bridge of his fingers in frustration.

"You know Kendall's right Gustavo. We have to do something." Gustavo didn't look up at me but I noticed his head nod slightly. He wanted to do something just as much as the rest of us but it was always difficult for him to go against what Griffin wants.

Before anything else could be said Kendall walked back into the room. He walked over to Gustavo's desk with his phone in his hand.

"You need to hear this." Kendall pressed speaking on his phone and the first thing we heard was sniffing and stuttering breath.

"_K-Kendall I wanna go h-home."_ I could see Kendall's eyebrows furrow in worry as he held the phone close to his face.

"I know Logie…" Kendall looked up at Gustavo with that determined look he always gets. "I'm coming for you now." When Gustavo nodded Carlos and I sighed with relief and Kendall nodded in thanks. He turned off the speaker and walked out of the room. I could vaguely hear him talking sweetly to Logan on the phone.

It was funny that not too long ago I thought Kendall was horrible for Logan. I was sure he was going to break Logan's heart when they started dating but now it seemed like Kendall was the best thing that Logan could ever have.

I would always be a friend to Logan and make sure that he was ok but Kendall could be there for Logan in ways that I don't think I ever could. I never really realized it or even thought about it before but I could see them having a long and happy life together. And with all the shit that Logan is going through right now he definitely deserved a happy life.

Right now we need to focus on getting him out of that hell hole. I just hope he's ok.

* * *

"Mitchell phone for you." I stood up from the corner of the cell as the police office stepped towards the door of the cell. He held his arm through the middle of the bars and handed me a cordless phone. I nodded in thanks and waited for the officer to walk away before I held the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"_Logie are you ok?"_ I felt my eyes sting with tears as soon as I heard Kendall's voice. I gripped the phone tightly in my hand and leaned my head against the bars.

"N-no…" I bit my lip trying to stay quiet. "When can I g-go ho-me?" I heard movement on the other line but I ignored it. "K-Kendall I wanna go h-home."

"_I know Logie I coming for you now." _I let out a stuttering breath and slightly smiled.

"Stay on the phone with me… please?"

"_Of course baby. You know I love you right?"_ I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and let out a small breath.

"Yea. I love you too."

"_When we get you home how bout we watch a movie. Whatever you want. Maybe I'll even serenade you."_ I shook my head and let out another laugh.

"You're so stupid." When Kendall laughed I felt a large smile come to my face. It was amazing how easy it was for him to make me feel better again.

"_You know you love it."_

"I do." Before I could let out another laugh I felt someone grab my waist. I dropped the phone in surprise and let out a gasp. I was pushed hard into the cell door and there was suddenly another body pressed against me. I let out a whimper and tried to get out of their grip.

"Who you talking to huh?" It was the guy from before. I shuddered as his breath moved over my neck.

"N-none of your business." I didn't know why I said that but I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. He growled in my ear and forcefully turned me around.

"Wrong answer." He held me against the cell as he pulled at my clothes. I started struggling and fighting not caring anymore if he hit me back.

"Get of me! Let me go!" I continued to scream until footsteps could be heard two police officers came over and banged on the cell door to make us aware of their presence.

"Hey break it up in there!" He immediately released me and stepped back a few feet. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were dark. His eyes continued to stare into mine until the police officer yelled at him again. As soon as he broke eye contact I fell to the floor. I felt like I was going to start freaking out again.

"Logan?" I looked up just in time to see Kendall run around the corner. I jumped up and ran to the bars. I stuck my arms through and fisted the front of his shirt. He stuck his arms through and cupped my face as I began to cry.

"I wanna go home Kendall. I wanna go home."

"Sh… I know, I know. Gustavo's paying the bail now." I nodded and allowed myself to relax. Unfortunately it didn't last long.

"Hey this you boyfriend." I tensed and grabbed at Kendall's shirt. Kendall stared at me for a second before his eyes darkened. "I asked you a question." I shut my eyes tightly expecting the worst but I suddenly felt Kendall reach his arm past my head and then I heard a loud thump. When I opened my eyes and turned around the man was lying on the floor holding his hand to his head.

"If you're smart you'll stay down." Kendall huffed and nodded once. Just then a police officer walked over and let me out.

"Kendall." I wrapped my arms around Kendall as soon as I was out. He kissed my temple and held me tight.

"You ok?" I sniffed and laid my head against his chest.

"Just take me home."

"Ok." Kendall nodded and pulled me toward the exit. Gustavo, Kelly, James, Carlos, Mrs. Knight and my mom were waiting for us by the police officers desk. As soon as they saw us Kelly and Gustavo seemed to let out sighs of relief while James, Carlos, Mrs. Knight and my mom ran over.

"Are you ok honey?" My mom held onto my shoulders and looked me up and down. "You're not hurt are you? Did someone touch you? I swear if anyone hurt my baby I'll rip off their di…"

"Mom!" she laughed and pet my head.

"Sorry. Are you ok?" I leaned closer to Kendall and nodded. She smiled at me and kissed my forehead before she turned to leave. Kendall and I went slower than the others.

"You sure you're ok?" I looked up at Kendall with furrowed eyebrows.

"Yea why."

"You really scared me Logie. I could hear you screaming through the phone." I bit my lip and looked away from him. Kendall squeezed my waist to get my attention. "Did he touch you… did he…?" I shook my head and looked up at Kendall.

"No he… tried but I didn't let him and one of the police officers heard me yelling and broke it up right before you came." Kendall nodded and leaned his head against mine. When we were finally in the car I let out a content sigh and shut my eyes. I could feel Kendall grip my hand so I opened my eyes and smiled at him. I was so happy I was going home.

* * *

Kendall placed a bowl of popcorn and two sodas on the table before he plopped down on the couch.

"So, what movie are we watching?" I turned away from the movie case with a shy smile on my face. I held up the proposal below my chin.

"Please…" Kendall chuckled and nodded.

"Of course I said we'd watch whatever you wanted."

"Yey." I scurried over to the DVD player ignoring Kendall who was laughing at me. As soon as the movie was in I shut off the lights and ran over to the couch. Kendall was lying on the couch with his head propped up on a pillow. I crawled between his legs and laid on my side. I let out a content sigh when he wrapped his arms around me.

When I looked up at him he immediately leaned down to kiss me. Normally I would have thought the previews were to long but they seemed to end right when Kendall and I were getting into a heated make out session. I didn't want to miss any of the movie because I loved it so much (plus Ryan Reynolds is sexy as hell (1)) so I reluctantly pulled away and laid back against Kendall's chest.

We were silent through the whole movie only breaking that silence for a random comment or laughter. When it got close to the end I could feel my eyes drooping but I refused to go to sleep. I wanted to watch the whole thing.

"Logie wanna go to bed?" I forced my eyes open but they drooped again.

"mmm no I wanna watch the movie." Kendall chuckled and I could feel his fingers moving through my hair.

"How can you watch the movie if your eyes are closed?"

"Shut up." Kendall laughed again and I could help but smile at the fact that I moved with his bouncing chest.

"How about we finish it tomorrow."

"Ok." I sat up allowing Kendall to get up. As soon as he was standing I held my arms out. "Carry me." Kendall chuckled and picked me up bridal style. I normally would have been embarrassed by this but I was far too tired and I missed being held by Kendall too much to care. When we got into our room Kendall pushed back my blankets with his foot and laid me down. When he went to move away I grabbed his arm. "You're not going to stay with me?"

"Don't worry I am I'm just going to the bathroom." I nodded and laid against the bed. When Kendall returned a few minutes later I moved over and held the blanket up for him. When he laid down I attached myself to his side.

"Goodnight. I love you." Kendall kissed my head and laid back against the bed.

"Goodnight. I love you too." Even though I was completely exhausted I waited for Kendall to fall asleep before I did. I listened to his heart and closed my eyes enjoying the rhythm of his chest lifting my head up and down. It was my own personal lullaby that made everything else disappear. I didn't just get home from jail and I wasn't worried about everyone who hated me. I also wasn't worried about Jo and what her and Kendall's baby would do to my relationship with Kendall.

I wasn't worried because he was with me. He was breathing with me and his heart was beating with mine. His warmth was around me and he was protecting me. I was right where I wanted to be.

* * *

I groaned and shifted in my bed when I woke up to a continuous noise. I thought it was my alarm at first but I quickly realized not only did I not set my alarm the night before but this sounded way to soothing to be an alarm. When I opened my eyes Kendall was sitting by my hip with his guitar on his lap. He smiled as soon as he realized I was awake.

"Kendall what…" Kendall held his finger to his lip to silence me and began playing his guitar again.

**If you were falling, then I would catch you.  
You need a light, I'd find a match.**

**Cuz I love the way you say good morning.  
And you take me the way I am.**

I smiled as soon as I recognized the chorus. Kendall was staring at me intently as he sang and I couldn't help but blush. I laid back against the pillow and brought the blanket up to my nose to hide my burning cheeks and cheesy grin.

**If you are chilly, here take my sweater.  
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.**

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.  
And you take me the way I am.

**I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair. **

Kendall could only see my eyes but he could still tell I made a face at him. He couldn't help but chuckle before continuing the next line.**  
Sew on patches to all you tear.  
**  
**Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.  
And you take me the way I am.  
You take me the way I am.  
You take me the way I am.**

As soon as Kendall stopped playing I sat up and leaned over the guitar to kiss him. It was supposed to be a soft peck but Kendall threaded his fingers through my hair on the back of my head and held me in place.

I moaned into the kiss and nipped at his lip. He growled and moved the guitar so he could push me back against the bed. I wrapped my arms around his neck and moaned into the kiss when he pushed his tongue into my mouth. I was sure we were going to get into another round of "Welcome home sex" but his phone interrupted us.

Kendall groaned in frustration and sat up. When he looked at the caller ID he rolled his eyes in annoyance and texted back whoever it was.

"Who's that?" Kendall hesitated for a moment before looking up at me.

"Jo."

"What does she want?" I tried to hide my jealousy but I couldn't keep the hatred out of my voice when I spoke. Kendall gave me a sympathetic look and leaned forward to kiss me on the lips.

"She's been texting me all morning." Kendall sighed heavily.

"I'm going to have to go talk to her." I nodded and swallowed.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Kendall smiled at me and kissed me again.

"No that's ok. I'll see you later ok Logie." I nodded and whispered a meek ok as he climbed out of bed. He glanced at me one last time before he walked out of the room.

When he was gone I let out a sigh and plopped back down. The day had started off perfectly but Jo just had to ruin it. I turned on my side and shut my eyes tightly as I let out another sigh.

"She always ruins everything."

**A/N: Done! Now I tried to update this as soon as I could but I had like five essays due this week so I had to finish those first. Anyway I have finals coming up and it is imperative that I do well so depending on how much time I have this may be on the back burner for a little while. I'm officially done with school on May 11****th**** so if I don't update before then I will definitely update on the 12****th****. **

**On another note when I was on the farm at my school today I was listening to my iPod and it just happened to play The Way I Am by Ingrid Michelson. The first thing I thought was "Hey that's the same name as my story." So of course I had to put it in here. **

**And if you're wondering why I would be on a farm; maybe in the beginning of this story or the end of one of my other ones I mentioned I was raising a pig (her name is Matilda). So yep I'm doing that. The only bad thing is once school is over all the pigs go to market =[**

**I'm never going to eat bacon again because all I can think about is "this might be Matilda on my plate" =[**

**Anyway, I'm finally going to get into Jo and her pregnancy. I realize that it's kind of been at the back of the story for a long time and it's about time I start focusing on that. I have been planning something for that for a long, LONG time so in a few chapters you'll find out more about that. I hope you enjoyed this.**

**There is more to come.**

**(1)Ryan Reynolds is so fiiiinnnneee! Omg love him!**


	32. busy busy

**A/N: so I want to pose a question for you guys to see what you think. With the mother's day special of BTR it made me wonder if they were going to do a father's day special as well. It would make sense right? And if so does that mean we will find out the real reason there is no Mr. Knight? Let me know what you think. **

**PS: Challen Cates who plays Mrs. Knight said they have been talking about Mr. Knight and how to bring him into the show. She said there is definitely a Mr. Knight they just don't know his story yet.**

When I woke up again I was saddened by the fact that Kendall wasn't back yet. If I had the time right from when I went back to sleep it was clear that Kendall had been with Jo for a few hours. My whole being was worried that Jo was using this time to try and convince Kendall to get back together with her but another part of me was trying to convince myself otherwise. Jo was already almost 6 months pregnant. They only had a few months to get everything together.

They needed to figure out what the baby needed, who the baby was going to be with when, what part Kendall was going to play in the baby's life, and most importantly how they were going to pay for everything. Tough decisions like the ones they were making took time and the fact that Kendall had been focusing the last few months on me and ignoring Jo meant they haven't really had time to discuss anything. All in all it made sense that Kendall was going to have to spend so much time with Jo… right?

Sometimes I kind of felt bad that I was taking all of Kendall's time. Not just because I knew Kendall needed his own space and I didn't want to smother him but even though I hated Jo she was going to have Kendall's child so she needed some of his time too. It must be scary knowing you are about to bring another person into the world and she needs all the reassurance and support she can get.

I looked up at the clock and let out a sigh. It was already past 1:30. I thought about making Kendall something for when he got back but I didn't want to face the idea that he may have already gone out to eat with Jo.

I plopped down on the couch with a sigh and placed the cup of tea I had made for myself on the table. After I turned the TV on and dropped the remote on the couch cushion next to me I ran my hands over my face and let out a sigh.

I couldn't believe that Jo was 6 months pregnant. It seemed like time was just flying by. What was more important to me though was that also meant that Kendall and my sixth month anniversary was coming up.

I always thought it was stupid when ever couples celebrated every month or every week of their relationship. This meaning that Kendall and I have been together six months and neither of us has even acknowledged that fact. When our six month together finally comes I want to make it special.

When it was getting close to two Kendall finally came home. I could feel a smile come to my face when I saw him but he didn't seem to notice me right away. He looked exhausted.

"Kendall are you alright." Kendall sighed and walked past me so he could sit down on the couch. He leaned back with another sigh and shut his eyes.

"Yea today was just exhausting." I walked behind the couch and placed my hands on his shoulders. He let out an appreciative moan as I massaged his shoulders.

"What did Jo make you do?"

"We talked. She had me talk with her parents, which was a nightmare." I cringed at the thought.

"Were they hard on you?" Kendall looked up at me with a hint of a smile on his face.

"You can say that." I leaned down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. When I pulled back he was smirking at me.

"What?"

"I never thought I would get a Spiderman kiss." I smirked and felt a blush coming to my face.

"Well in that case…" I leaned down and connected our lips again. It was a little awkward kissing Kendall upside down like this but I quickly got used to it. Are lips still fit together perfectly and the feeling of his lips moving against mine sent shivers down my spine.

When I started moving my hands over Kendall's chest he grabbed me and pulled me over the back of the couch into his lap. I was shocked for a moment but Kendall didn't give me and opportunity to recover. He grabbed the back of my neck and connected our lips again in a teeth clashing passionate kiss.

I shifted in his lap so I was straddling his waist without breaking the kiss. I ran my fingers through Kendall's hair and moaned into his mouth when he ran his tongue over mine. He grabbed my hips and pulled me closer.

The only noises were our moans and the sounds of our lips moving together until Kendall's phone began to ring. I didn't want it to end though. When he pulled away I pulled him back into the kiss.

"Don't stop."

"mmm Logan. I. Have to. Answer. It." I pulled away in order to speak.

"It's probably Jo." When I tried to lean forward again Kendall placed his hand on my chest to stop me.

"That's why I need to answer it."

"But you were just with her almost all day. What else do you need to do?"

"A lot." I couldn't help the hurt I felt when Kendall pushed me off of him.

"Fine just go." I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away from him. I heard him let out a sigh and I thought he would say something but I was surprised to hear the front door open and close. When I turned around I was alone again. I let out a sigh and sat back against the couch.

"I didn't actually want you to leave."

"Didn't want who to leave." I jumped slightly not realizing that anyone else was home. Katie made her way over to the couch and sat down next to me. She looked at me expectantly but I didn't know what to tell her. Sure she was mature for her age but she was still only ten. Plus Kendall is her brother. I can't complain about Kendall to Katie.

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it Katie." Katie let out a sigh and gave me a look.

"Logan, just because Kendall is my brother doesn't mean I can't give you advice. No one knows how much of a block head he is better than me." I let out a quiet laugh and shook my head.

"I don't know. I shouldn't be complaining. The last think I need is to be controlling or clingy." I looked away from her. "I just hate whenever Kendall is with Jo and now she wants even more of his time." I looked up at Katie when she let out a sigh. It was hard to get a read on her emotions based on her expression but I could still tell she must be thinking 'boys are stupid.'

"Logan, you don't have to feel bad. Jo and Kendall are having a baby and anyone can see that Jo is using this as an excuse to try and get Kendall back. Only Kendall would be dense enough to miss that."

"Then what am I supposed to do?"

"There's really nothing you can do." Katie stood and gave me a sympathetic look. "Just try and hide you're jealously. The last thing you want to do is push him away." I looked down and nodded. Before Katie left she placed her hand on my shoulder making me look up at her.

She gave me a reassuring smile.

"You shouldn't worry too much about Kendall though. I know him better than anyone and there is no way he would leave you for her."

"You really think so?"

"I know so." Katie gave one last smile before she left the apartment. She really gave me a lot to think about and it was a relief to know that Katie had so much confidence in Kendall.

I stood quickly determined to find Kendall and fix everything. I couldn't wait for him to get home because I had no idea how long he was going to be gone for. Plus I couldn't stand the thought of him being mad at me anymore.

I got dressed quickly and went down to the lobby. Jo and Kendall were sitting out by the pool talking. Their laughing definitely indicated that they weren't having a serious conversation and it pissed me off to see Jo all over Kendall.

She was sitting right next to him with her shoulder pressed up against Kendall's. Every time she laughed she would cover her mouth with her hand and lean into him more. I regret every feeling sorry for that bitch.

I took in a breath and walked past the pool and over to the table. Kendall looked up at soon as I walked over. His expression was unreadable. Jo was obvious though. That glare told me exactly what she thought of me.

"Kendall… can we talk for a minute." He seemed to hesitate but then nodded. He looked at Jo for a minute before standing and walking over to a secluded area. As soon as we were alone I turned to face him.

"Kendall, I'm sorry."  
"Logan, I'm sorry."

We both laughed at interrupting each other. We were silent for a moment until Kendall gave me a nod to continue.

"I'm so sorry Kendall. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I was over reacting and I was jealous. I know you need to spend time with Jo because of the baby it just… hurts to see her flirting. I don't want to loss you."

"Logan…" Kendall let out a sigh before he grabbed me from around the waist and pulled me close. Everything in me was telling me to look away but I couldn't. He was drawing me in.

Kendall leaned forward and connected are lips in a soft kiss. When he pulled back he was smiling at me.

"I'm sorry to Logan. I know how you feel about Jo and I should understand that better. But I do need to spend time with her more." I looked down at the ground and let out a sigh. I kept thinking of what Katie said. To not let jealously get the better of me but it was difficult.

"I know. Spend all the time you need with her. Just… leave next Saturday open ok." I bit my lip as I looked up at him. "You know what that is right?" Kendall smiled and kissed me again.

"Our six month anniversary. I could never forget." I let out a sigh of relief and felt a big smile come to my face. It was amazing how happy the smallest things could make me feel.

"Good." I pulled Kendall in for a last kiss before I took his hand and walked back toward Jo. She was glaring at me again but I could care less. The only thing I wanted to focus on was Kendall as he sat down and reluctantly pulled his fingers from mine.

When I walked away he was still watching me. Even when I turned away from him I could still feel his eyes on me. I had to fight the urge to turn back around to see the look on Jo's face. She was probably trying to get Kendall's attention while he was to busy watching me.

It would seem that every time I felt I was losing against her I would win everything back. Katie was right I wasn't going to loss Kendall to Jo. Not any time soon.

* * *

"Faster! You must dance faster!" I quickly wiped the sweat from my face as I ran back into formation with the others. We were practicing the dance for our song Big Night, which normally wouldn't be that hardly unless you do it over and over and over again.

Not only that, Mr. X wanted the moves faster and more precise. The more tired I got the harder it was to get the moves right.

When the song finally ended we all seemed to let out sighs of relief and collapsed to the ground.

"Can we take a break now?" Mr. X rolled his eyes at Carlos before waving us away and nodding. Carlos seemed to find a new found energy as he cheered and ran out of the dance studio.

"Slow down man its not a race." Carlos stopped at the end of the hallway when he heard James and impatiently waited.

"Come on I'm hungry!" I glanced to the side when Kendall wrapped his arm around me and leaned close.

"When is he not hungry?" I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle and when Carlos gave Kendall and I a questioning look we both shrugged our shoulders and acted innocent. Carlos gave James a look before they both shrugged and walked toward the break room.

"So… how has things been with Jo? You've been with her a lot this week." I was getting better at keeping my jealously controlled. Kendall had been with Jo a lot lately and even though I hated it I didn't fight about it with Kendall anymore.

Plus Kendall was more active in reassuring our relationship. My favorite example is when he came home from being out all day with flowers and two tickets to see the late night showing of the movie Thor.

It wasn't a romantic night but not every date has to be romantic. I was just glad we got to spend time together.

Kendall let out a sigh and remained quiet for a while.

"It's been… difficult. She just wants more and more of my time but she never has me do anything. She doesn't want me at the doctor appointments and she doesn't want me to by any baby clothes. I honestly don't know what she wants from me anymore." I let out a sigh.

"She's just trying to get you back." Kendall pinched the bridge of his nose and let out an annoyed sigh.

"Logan…" I put my hands up in front of me and gave him and innocent look.

"I didn't say anything I'm just stating the facts." Kendall remained quiet for a long time before he turned to me again.

"So are you going to tell me what you have planned for tomorrow?" I ignored the fact that he was changing the subject and shook my head.

"It wouldn't be a surprise that way." Kendall crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. I shook my head at him and laughed. "Don't even try I'm not going to tell you." Before Kendall could complain anymore a marshmallow went flying past my head. We both jumped and I turned towards the source to glare.

"Hey are you two going to stand in the hallway forever or are you going to get in here."

"Carlos!"

"What? Did I ruin a moment?"

* * *

When I woke the next morning Kendall was already gone. I would have thought he would have been able to get away from Jo for the whole day but I guess him being gone for the morning was ok. It made it easier to set up for tonight anyway.

I jumped out of bed and went out to the kitchen to get some breakfast. According to the note Mrs. Knight signed Katie and her were already gone but James and Carlos were still in the apartment.

I ignored them for now and went through the cabinets to get a bowl and a box of raisin brand cereal. I sat on a stool and ate quietly while I listened to James and Carlos shouting and playing video games in the living room.

"Isn't it a little early for pie?" When I turned in the chair James was staring at me like I had five heads.

"What? It's never early for pie."

"For someone who freaks out about working out you eat a lot of crap." James stared down at the pie for a moment before taking a big bit out of it.

"Hey I work hard I can eat what I want." I chuckled and shook my head at James.

"Ok, ok… anyway, what would I have to do to get you two out of here for today and tonight?" James and Carlos had smirks on their faces as they looked at each other. I knew exactly what they were thinking and I couldn't help but blush a little. I didn't want them gone for that! That didn't mean Kendall and I were going to do it that just wasn't the main reason I wanted them gone.

"Well there is this new video game I've had my eye on…"

"And I'm running out of Cuda massive hold…" I jumped down from the stool and held out my fist to them.

"You got yourself a deal." After James and Carlos gave me a fist pound they grabbed their pool gear and left the apartment. I looked around to get an idea of what I was going to do for tonight before I headed back to mine and Kendall's room to get ready. I told Kendall the other day to be ready by five so I had plenty of time to get ready.

I hoped into the shower and made sure I was extra clean. I wanted to look perfect. After I washed my hair and finished cleaning myself I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and stood in front of the mirror so I could get a good look at myself. I turned my head left then right to look for any imperfections. Once I was satisfied I grabbed my hair gel and perfectly styled my hair then brushed my teeth.

When I walked into my room I went straight to the closet in order to find an outfit. I grabbed a white button down shirt, dark blue jeans black boots and a black belt. It was simple but it worked perfectly.

Now that I was dressed I set to work to getting the apartment ready. I didn't want anything extravagant. I just wanted a simple restaurant setting with the usual; candles, white table cloth, two chairs on opposite sides of a small round table. Maybe some sparkling apple cider too. Yea, nothing fancy.

I pulled over a round table that I had Katie… borrow from the pool and threw a white table cloth over it. I set a vase with the flowers Kendall had gotten me the other day in the middle of the table with candles on either side. I placed the plates, napkins and utensils down last then went to the living room to set that up. I moved the couch back for more room and set a blanket down with some pillows. I put a scary movie on the table so it would be ready for us to watch later.

I wasn't a particular fan of scary movies but I was willing to suffer if it meant I could cuddle up to Kendall.

When everything was finally set up I went to the kitchen to start cooking. Sticking with the simple theme I decided to make bow tie pasta. I'm just glad James was here to tell me how stupid the shape was.

When the water was bowling the pasta ingredients were ready the front door opened. I was afraid Kendall was home early until…

"What's all this?"

"Mom!" As soon as she saw me she placed her hand on her chest and made a face at me.

"Aw Logie are you and Kendall planning a date?"

"Yes now will you please leave? I have to finish getting everything ready!"

"But I have to stay to take pictures of you two."

"Mom!" When I started pushing her back out the door she laughed.

"Ok, ok I'm going but can't I give you some advice about…"

"Don't need it! Bye mom, love you, bye!" I felt I little bad about kicking mom out of the apartment but that only lasted about a second.

I went back to the kitchen and by the time I was finished it was about time for Kendall to come home. I shot him a text and put the pasta on the table.

I couldn't wait to get this date started.

**A/N: Done! Sorry it's been so long. I haven't been busy but I just really needed a break. I hope you enjoyed this chapter**

**There is more to come.**

**PS: I was too lazy to do more than skim this when I edited it so please excuse any major mistakes. **


	33. done

I hummed to myself as I used a lighter to light the candles on the table. The dinner was out and ready along with two glasses of apple cider. I didn't want anything to get cold so I covered the dishes so they would be nice and warm when Kendall came home.

"Perfect." I placed my hands on my hips and took a good look around. Everything seemed to be in order so I ran over to the light switch and dimmed all the lights. I went back to the table to sit down but scrambled to my feet when I realized I'd forgotten to put a CD in. I ran over to the stereo and plugged in my IPod. I bit my lip as I went through the songs because I wasn't sure which song I should play but when The Way I Am came across the screen I smiled and immediately started playing it on repeat. I wanted it to be playing when Kendall walked in.

When I was finally sure everything was ready I sat down in one of the chairs and took in a breath. I checked my phone for the time once again to see that Kendall should be home any minute.

* * *

James POV:

"What would I have to do to get you two out of here for today and tonight?" I could help but smirk as I looked to Carlos. Logan wanted to be_ alone_ with Kendall huh? I think I could milk this for all its worth. Carlos must have had the same idea.

"Well there is this new video game I've had my eye on…"

"And I'm running out of Cuda massive hold…" Logan rolled his eyes at us as he jumped off the stool he was sitting on. He held out his fist and gave us one of his famous half smiles. Though, it lost its affect with the giant blush still on his face.

"You've got yourself a deal." Carlos and I stood up and each gave Logan a fist pound. I couldn't help but laugh as Logan watched us as we grabbed our stuff and left.

"I can't believe they've been together so long." Carlos gave me a questioning look as we stepped into the elevator.

"What? Did you think they would break up by now?"

"No, course not. It just feels like it hasn't been that long." I paused before continuing. "I kind of feel like they'll never break up. They're kind of the perfect couple." Carlos nodded as we stepped into the lobby.

"Yea they are perfect… it's sickening." Carlos turned to me with a serious expression. "We have got to find girlfriends." I scoffed and nodded wide eyed. I was supposed to be the lady's man but so far I was the only one who hasn't had a girlfriend in LA. Even Carlos has had a girlfriend. Even if it only lasted a few hours.

"That means its girl time." I ran to the first group of girls I saw while Carlos looked around frantically. As soon as he saw the Jennifers he turned on his heels to follow them but they each held up a hand in rejection. I rolled my eyes and grabbed Carlos by his arm. He was really pathetic sometimes.

"Hello Ladies." When the girls looked up at us with arched eyebrows I hit Carlos and glared at him.

"Let me handle this." I turned back to the girls with my award winning smile. "Hello Ladies. I'm James and this is Carlos. We're in a band." The girl's expression changed to smiles and they moved to make room for Carlos and I. Yep, I've still got it.

"So, what's your names?" The three girls looked at each other before the slender blonde spoke.

"My names Amanda." An average size brunette spoke next."

"Megan." The last girl was also brunette but was slightly smaller than her other friend.

"I'm Jean." I smiled at the girls and leaned forward.

"So, you girls single."

"Amanda has a boyfriend," Megan leaned forward with a flirty smile. "But I'm free."

"Megan!"

"What it's true." Amanda huffed and sat back in her chair with a pout." I took a second to chuckle at the girl before turning back to Megan.

"Well if you're free would you like to go see a movie?" She smiled and took my hand as I held it out for her.

"Sure." I smiled at her before turning back to Carlos.

"You coming dude." Carlos turned away from Jean and looked up at us. He turned back to Jean and swallowed.

"Do you wanna go to the movies?" She nodded and stood up. I laughed when Carlos waited for her to turn away to throw his fist in the air.

"Alright let's go." I wrapped my arm around my date and followed Carlos and Jean out towards the parking lot. As we walked through the lobby I glanced towards the elevator wondering what Logan was up to. He was probably still running around trying to set everything up.

I smiled at the thought of my nerdy friend. He really went above and beyond for Kendall. I hope Kendall appreciates it.

* * *

Logan POV:

I let out a sigh and sat back in the chair. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at the clock. It was just past 5:30 and I could feel my heart clench every time the clock ticked. I picked up my phone and let out another disappointed sigh when I realized there were no new messages.

I quickly shot Kendall another text and placed my phone back on the table. It had only been a half hour there was probably a perfectly good reason why Kendall wasn't here yet. I texted him ten minutes before five and he probably wasn't at the Palm Woods and he was driving back.

Yea, that's why. Kendall is on his way right now. He's coming… I know it.

* * *

James POV:

"You really think this movie is a good idea James?" I rolled my eyes at Carlos and shook my head. He is so inexperienced when it comes to dating.

"Yes Carlos. It's a scary movie. Do you know what girls do when they watch a scary movie?" Carlos looked from me to the poster a few times before a smile broke out across his face and he faced me.

"They run away." I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes at Carlos.

"No Carlos. They get scared and grab on to their date." I stood close to Carlos and held my hands up as I looked towards the sky. "Just imagine it. The perky teen girl is hiding from the killer when BAM he jumps out of nowhere scaring the innocent Jean into grabbing onto you." I grabbed Carlos' arm and spoke in a high pitched girly voice. "Oh it's so scary! Hold me Carlos!"

"Oh I get it now." I smiled at Carlos and gave him a pat on the back. We stepped away from the poster and walked over to buy the tickets. When we were done we walked back over to the two girls who were standing off to the side.

As soon as they saw us they smiled and walked over. I handed my date my ticket and followed her into the theater. We sat down towards the back with the two girls sitting in the middle of Carlos and I. As soon as we were sitting down Megan lifted the arm rest and leaned against me.

"_Yea I still got it." _I smiled to myself as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. I could hear Carlos whispering to his date but I didn't really pay much attention to him once the lights dimmed down.

The previews looked amazing; Cowboys vs. Aliens, X-men first class, Thor. I glanced at Carlos every time one of these movies came up. It became our "we are totally going to see that when it comes out" signal.

When the movie finally started it got into the tension right away. Megan latched on to me and I smiled. This was going to be awesome.

* * *

Logan POV:

I've said before that I've felt what it's like to have your heart ripped out and stomped on but I've never felt like this. I was sure that if I looked down I would see my heart lying on the floor in shattered pieces. I've never felt so… disappointed.

I kept telling myself that he was just running late but when thirty minutes turned into an hour, then two hours, then three I knew he wasn't coming. That was an hour ago. It was nine now and I just couldn't get myself to move. The dinner was cold, the candles had burned out and the CD was skipping but I couldn't get myself to care.

I even recognized what line in the song it was. It was the line "Love the way you call me baby," but it kept skipping morphing it to say "mean" over and over again. At least it wasn't saying kill yourself or something.

I finally stood not caring when my hip hit the table and knocked over the vase. I took the two plates of food and put them on the counter before I started cleaning everything. I stuffed the candles back in the cupboard and I poured the apple cider into the sink. I had the urge to throw the bottle against the wall but I shook the thought out of my head and threw it in the recycling.

After I pushed the table away and put the couch back where it belonged I went to move back to the kitchen but tripped over the blanket I forgot to pick up. In anger I kicked it out of the way before sitting down on the couch and covered my face with my hands.

Today was supposed to be perfect. But of course nothing ever went perfect. Not my relationship, not my life, not anything. Even worse I felt humiliated. What was I going to tell the others when they got home? How was I going to face the fact that Kendall stood me up for Jo? Kendall wasn't some random person I was going on a date with. He was my boyfriend and my best friend. He wasn't supposed to do this to me.

* * *

James POV:

When we finally got back to the Palm woods it was almost nine. We said goodnight to the girls then decided to sit in the lounge for a little while before going back up to the apartment. I wasn't sure what Logan and Kendall were up to and I definitely didn't want to walk in on anything.

"That had to be the best date ever."

"That was your only date ever." Carlos turned to me and glared before punching me in the shoulder.

"Shut up! Not everyone can be like you." I looked up at the ceiling and smiled.

"It's true." We both laughed before we fell into a comfortable silence. I let out a sigh and sat back into the chair. I couldn't get that date out of my head. Megan wasn't the perfect but she was nice and pretty and that was good enough for me. And I definitely enjoyed going to the movies. I don't really know what happened about halfway through but that's ok I rather make out. After a while I turned back to Carlos and found him staring off into space like I had just been doing. I shook my head and laughed to myself before I kicked his leg softly to get his attention.

"What?"

"What do you thing Kendall and Logan are doing right now?" Carlos sat back and shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. Eating, cuddling doing the nasty probably what most couples do on their…" Carlos trailed off and glanced behind me. His smile fell as he lifted his hand to point. "Well maybe they aren't doing anything." I turned around my jaw dropping.

Kendall was walking into the lobby with Jo right next to him. They stopped by the elevators and were talking.

"Oh no, no, no Kendall you didn't." I shot off the couch and ran over to them. "Kendall!" Kendall and Jo turned to me with confused expressions.

"James…"

"What the hell are you doing?" Jo looked from Kendall and me and stepped forward slightly.

"We just got back from the mall. I was really stressed so Kendall and I hung out all day."

"Oh my god." I hit my forehead with my hand and let out an annoyed grown. Kendall still looked as confused as ever so he obviously wasn't getting it. I looked at Carlos who had been standing next to me quietly before we turned back to Kendall and shouted at the same time.

"YOU FORGOT YOUR DATE WITH LOGAN!"

"Oh no." Kendall didn't say anything before he ran for the stairs. Carlos and I were right behind him and when we reached the apartment we arrived at the same time. Everything looked ok. The apartment looked like it would on any other day, which in this case was a bad thing. We heard the water running in the kitchen so we followed Kendall over. Logan was facing away from us while he washed dishes in the sink.

There was a container half full with pasta with another plate full on the counter. Kendall looked back at me pleadingly but I stepped back and held my hands up. He got himself into this he had to get himself out.

"Logie I…"

"James, Carlos if you want any of this food you can have it. You just need to heat it up first." Logan's voice was shaky as he spoke. Carlos looked at me with uncertainty before he spoke.

"Sure Logan but didn't you make that special." When Logan took the plate off the counter and turned around I let out a sigh. His eyes were red and puffy and his eyes were dimmer. I was going to kill Kendall later if Logan didn't.

"Don't worry about it." Logan dropped the plate in front of us allowing some of the sauce to splatter. "It's not special anymore." Logan was looking at Kendall as he said that. There was so much hurt in his eye I didn't know how Kendall could stand it.

When Logan walked past us Kendall ran after him. He just made it into their room before the door shut.

"This is not going to be good." I nodded just before the screaming started.

"One night! I just asked for one night after you spent the whole week with Jo and you couldn't even give me that!"

"Logan I'm sorry I lost track of time!"

"It's almost ten Kendall! You were supposed to be here at five! And I must have texted you a dozen times! Don't I mean anything to you?"

"You mean everything to me you know that!"

"If that were true you would have been here for me!" I stood next to Carlos and placed my hand on his shoulder. He hated whenever any of us fought.

"Logie please I'm sorry it's just Jo…"

"Of course you were with Jo! You're always with Jo! If you want to get back together with her just do it!"

"I don't want to be with her and you know why I was with her!"

"Don't even try that excuse Kendall! You were with her every day this week and I didn't say a damn thing! I just asked you to spend one day with me and you couldn't even do that! Today was important to me and you don't even care!"

"I do care! Logan let me make it up to you."

"It's too late Kendall the night is over… and so are we!" Carlos and I looked at each other wide eyed.

"Logan what are you saying?"

"We are done!"

**A/N: What! And after all they've been through. Well I guess you're just going to have to wait until the next chapter to find out what happens. Maybe I'll wait a few weeks to update…. Just kidding! Now that I'm out of school I'll try to update a lot more. Maybe daily or every couple of days. It depends on how busy I am. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	34. back where we started

**A/N: I just have one thing to say… James in a dress AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

James POV:

"We are done!" I looked at Carlos before stepping away from him.

"I think it's time we intervened." He nodded and followed me as we headed towards Kendall and Logan's room. We got there just in enough time to see Logan slam the door in Kendall's face after kicking him out of their room.

"Kendall…" Kendall ignored Carlos and continued to stare at the closed door. He didn't look angry but confused and sad.

"He broke up with me." I stepped toward Kendall glancing at the door when I started to hear quiet sobs.

"You know he didn't mean it Kendall. Don't walk out on him now." When Kendall looked at me he looked uncertain. There was a part of him that didn't believe me but he had to. I knew Logan. He didn't go through all this crap just to end it now. I also knew he loved Kendall too much. Kendall made a stupid mistake but that didn't mean he couldn't fix it.

Kendall stayed quiet for a long time before he moved to walk past me. I looked between their room and Kendall's retreating figure before I ran after him.

"Kendall where are you going?" When he didn't answer and went to leave I followed him. I turned to Carlos before leaving. "Stay with Logan and try and get him out of his room." Carlos nodded and walked back towards Logan's room. I followed Kendall out of the apartment and caught him in the elevator.

"What do you want James?"

"I want to know what you think you're doing." Kendall sighed and leaned back against the wall.

"Don't worry about me James."

"I'm not worried about you. You have to fix this with Logan."

"I know." I stared at Kendall not bothering to follow him as the doors opened to the lobby. If he knew why wasn't he doing anything? When the doors closed again I let out a sigh and punched the button for the second floor. I headed back to 2J to find that nothing had changed. Carlos was standing in front of the closed bedroom door banging on it but Logan wouldn't open the door.

"Come on Logan talk to me."

"Go aw-ay!" Carlos let out a sigh as he turned his back towards the door and leaned against it. When I walked over he looked at me with a sad expression.

"Where did Kendall go?" I shrugged my shoulders with a sigh.

"I don't know. I really wish I could understand what he was thinking sometimes." Carlos nodded and went back to knocking on Logan's door. Again nothing happened.

I was really getting concerned. I didn't want Logan to do anything… drastic and I couldn't be sure he wasn't unless he opened the door. I kind of had an idea where he was in the room because I could hear him crying but that didn't make me feel any better.

When I heard the front door open I ran over hoping it was Kendall but of course it wasn't. Ms. Mitchell and Mrs. Knight walked in. Their smiles showed that they weren't aware of anything yet.

"Hey James. Where's Logan I want to know how the date went."

"Uh…" Ms. Mitchell immediately noticed my demeanor. She frowned as she furrowed her brow in concentration. I could tell when she picked up on Logan's distress when her eyes widened.

"What happened?"

"Long story short Kendall skipped the date and Logan broke up with him." Mrs. Knight gasped.

"Where's Kendall?"

"I don't know he…" I paused when the door opened again. Kendall walked through the door glancing away from us when he saw all of his watching him.

"Kendall."

"I know mom." When Kendall walked past us I noticed the bouquet of flowers in his hands. I'm no expert on love… well actually I am but besides that flowers aren't going to make everything better. What was Kendall thinking?

I followed Kendall and watched as he knocked on the door. Logan was still crying in there but he didn't answer. Kendall sighed and leaned against the wall. He slid down until his butt hit the floor and leaned his head back allowing it to bang against the wall.

Carlos and I decided to leave him there. It was getting late anyway and I figured he had something in mind. I followed Carlos into our room and collapsed on my bed as soon as I was in front of it. Because we were next to Kendall and Logan's room I could still hear him crying.

I let out a sigh and covered my head with my pillow. I never thought I would miss their moaning so much.

* * *

James POV:

"Where is the fourth dog?" I groaned and rolled my eyes tired of Gustavo's yelling. I knew this was going to happen when we showed up a member short but that didn't mean I wanted to get yelled at.

"It's a long story." Carlos rubbed the back of his neck and laughed awkwardly. Kelly and Gustavo looked at each other before looking back at us expectantly. Before Carlos or I could say anything Kendall spoke.

"It's my fault. I really messed up with Logan so he kind of broke up with me and now he doesn't want to be anywhere near me." That was an understatement. The bags under Kendall's eyes didn't mean he spent the night talking and making up with Logan. As far as I know he didn't move from his spot in the hallway. Logan had come out of his room in the morning but as soon as he saw Kendall sitting waiting for him in the hallway he slammed the door and refused to come out again. We tried to get him out of his room but he just refused.

Logan wouldn't even talk to his mom. She tried to get him out and she was still trying. Kendall wanted to stay behind for Logan but his mom promised us that she would talk to him so we went to Rocque Records.

Gustavo shook his head not really wanting to deal with this. He ordered us in the sound booth to start rehearsing. We would have to deal with what was going on with Logan later.

* * *

James POV:

Gustavo let us out two hours early and it wasn't because he was being nice. Carlos and I were doing pretty well, which is expected from me but Kendall on the other hand was doing horribly. His voice was off the entire time to the point that Gustavo would have pulled his hair out if he had any left.

When we finally moved to dance practice which had always proved simple for Kendall and I Kendall just couldn't focus. He tripped over his feet and bumped into me countless times, which I have to say started to get on my nerves after a while.

My emotions right now were a little mixed and I felt like my friendship with Kendall was becoming strained. I honestly couldn't feel any sympathy for him. He did this to himself. He should have worked harder for Logan considering that Logan did so much for him and considering Logan went through so much because of him.

Logan wasn't the only one who saw what Jo was trying to do but she couldn't be fully blamed for what was going on. I definitely considered her a home-wrecker now but its Kendall's fault for forgetting and its Kendall's fault for getting Jo pregnant. He's been messing up lately and I'm not sure if I can really respect him if he doesn't get his act together soon.

When we returned to 2J Logan was sitting in the living room with his mom. I was surprised she was able to get him out but I guess moms just knew best.

Unfortunately as soon as Logan saw Kendall he went to leave but Ms. Mitchell stopped him. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I could see from Logan's expression that he was majorly upset.

"Go talk to him." I pushed Kendall towards the living room and left to go back down to the pool.

* * *

Logan POV:

"Logan open the door!"

"Go away!" I covered my head with my pillow as the banging on the door refused to stop.

"Come on Logan you have to be at the recording studio."

"I don't care!" When the banging stopped I thought my mom had given up. I let out a sigh and took my pillow off my head. As far as I knew Kendall left with James and Carlos already but I still didn't want to leave my room yet. I didn't want to do much of anything.

I just couldn't face anyone yet. I couldn't handle them telling me that I made a mistake or telling me that everything was going to be ok. I was so confused already they would just confuse me more.

I just didn't know what to do. I don't want to deal with all this anymore but I miss him so much. I didn't get any sleep last night. It didn't feel right not have Kendall with me. I couldn't get comfortable and no matter how well I was covered I couldn't get warm. It just wasn't the same when he wasn't lying right next to me. I felt lest secure.

Another Knock came to my door so I let out a groan and rolled over to face the wall.

"Oh my god go away!"

"Logan I know you're upset but do not talk to me like that. I'm still your mother so I want you to open this door!" I clenched my teeth and stood up. I was so sick of this. I walked over to the door and threw it open.

"What!" My mom gave me a look that made me recoil slightly.

"Logan talk to me."

"I think it's pretty obvious I don't want to talk to anyone." She sighed and grabbed my arm.

"At least come out of your room. You can't stay in here forever." I fought the urge to groan in annoyance and allowed her to drag me to the living room. I sat as far away from her as I could and turned my back to her. "Logan…"

"What?" I heard her sigh.

"Is this what you're going to do now? You're just going to ignore everyone?"

"Please just leave me alone." I felt her hand on my back.

"You know I can't do that." I turned my head to look at her.

"Why not?" She gave me a sympathetic smile and turned me completely so I was facing her.

"Because I'm your mother and it's my job to take care of you. Just tell me what's going on." I covered my face with my hands when I felt my eyes begin to burn.

"I don't know what to do. I know I want to be with him but I can't take this. I just… I love him so much." When she wrapped her arms around me I buried my face in her neck.

"I know baby. I know." She pulled away from me and wiped my eyes when a few tears fell.

"What am I supposed to do?" I searched her face for answers but I couldn't find anything. She lifted her hand to cup my face and let out a sigh.

"I don't know sweetie. You have to do what's right for you. To be honest, Kendall is a good boy. He makes mistakes, face it no one is perfect, but I think he's good for you." Before we could talk anymore the front door opened. As soon as Kendall's eyes locked with mine I moved to stand up only to be pulled back down by my mom.

"What are you doing?"

"Just talk to him."

"I c-can't. She gave me a look before standing up to make room for Kendall. He didn't sit down though and I looked anywhere but at him. I watched my mom disappear to the hallway and I watched James and Carlos disappear out of the apartment. When everyone was gone Kendall finally sat down.

"Hi."

"_Hi. That's all he can say?"_ I shook my head and turned away from him.

"Logie please." When I felt Kendall touch me I jerked away from him.

"Don't touch me." My glared faulted when I locked eyes with Kendall. He looked so depressed and I knew then and there that he was suffering just as much as I was.

It didn't matter though. He did this. He can only blame himself.

"Logan please talk to me. Let me fix this."

"And then what Kendall? This is just going to happen again!"

"No it won't! I promise. I love you too much to hurt you again." I looked up at the ceiling before standing up.

"If you loved me you wouldn't have hurt me the first time." Before I could think about it I walked away. I could hear Kendall calling my name and running after me so I picked up my pace.

"Logie wait!"

"Just leave me alone!" I slammed the bedroom door and locked it before Kendall could get inside. He knocked a few times but he quickly gave up. When the apartment fell silent I leaned my back against the door and slide down to the floor. I felt my eyes burn with tears and I didn't bother to stop them.

I wanted Kendall so bad but I just couldn't get myself to forgive him. Now, because of that, I'm right where we started. I'm locked in my room alone.

**A/N: ok, I just have to bring up big time prom again. OMG James in that dress. It killed me! I was laughing so hard I'm surprised my mom didn't walk in wondering what was going on. And then when James and Logan won prom king and queen. The fanfiction writer in me is already sensing all of the naughty fanfics to go with that. Lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**There is more to come.**

**PS: ok this probably isn't true because wiki isn't a good source but I go on to check when BTR episodes go on and I was checking for the next episode, which by the way states that Jo and Logan kiss and Kendall punches Logan so Logan quits BTR and goes back to Minnesota! Can't wait for that! But anyway I was looking at some of the descriptions for episodes and the last episode listed was called big time clips and the description said may be last episode of the series! *gasp!* **

**When I checked again later that description had been deleted but the moment I saw it I think I almost cried! Lol how lame is that. They have to be picked up for a third season. They've even said on twitter they were done with filming for now. **

**But OMG if they are not picked up I think I'll have to cut a bitch…**


	35. things can get better

**A/N: So I know many of you have assured me there is in fact a 3****rd**** season but I think I just need to state that I finally saw an interview where they actually said there is a 3****rd**** season yey! They aren't going to start filming until January but we still have plenty of episodes left of the second season and considering how they space them out the time from when the second season ends and when the third season starts probably won't be that long.**

**Speaking of the episodes for the next one coming up I'm actually not sure how I feel about Logan and Camille getting back together. I know they still like each other but I was getting comfortable with the fact that they weren't together. It's probably also because I'm really getting tired of Jo. Am I the only one? I mean its Kendall and Jo and Kendall and Jo and Kendall and Jo like EVER episode. It's starting to get on my nerves. **

**I mean hello Kendall the world doesn't revolve around your girlfriend. Spend time with your friends or your family. Carlos and James spend more time with Katie then Kendall does! I guess I just don't want to start hating Camille if she's around more often. I actually like Camille. I used to like Jo but seriously we need a LONG break from her.**

**Also, I heard this episode might come on TV the same day as the Victorious and iCarly crossover, which is June 11****th****. That's so far from now!**

**Oh! And did you guys see the performance in Boston? Poor Carlos fell on stage! I saw the clip but I felt bad about watching it. I hope Carlos knows we still love him! **

**Not only that but there are a bunch of clips of them singing their song worldwide and OMG! I die every time. They invite a fan on stage and sing to them! WHY CAN'T THAT BE ME! I would die if they ever picked me (On the inside. I wouldn't want to look like a fool in front of them.)**

**And for all of you missing Kogan on the show like me I found a fake not really but almost looking like it Kogan moment. In Big time moms when Katie walks in everyone looks at her weirdly. When it cuts to Kendall, Logan, Carlos, Kelly and Gustavo I couldn't help but notice the position Logan and Kendall are in. Kendall is right behind Logan and Logan has his arms held in front of him. Because it cuts to them so quickly the first time I saw it, it looked like Kendall had his arms wrapped around Logan. **

**It's not a real kogan moment but it makes me laugh when I see it and even though I know it's not Kendall's arms around Logan it looks like it is every time. **

**Ok this is the last thing I promise. One of their songs leaked and I'm in love with it. It's called Blow Your Speakers Out and I have to say I haven't stopped listening to it. I don't know how it got leaked but it is amazing. Don't go on YouTube to listen to it though. Someone in the comments said if the song got a lot of views it probably won't go on their second album and it has to because I love this song! **

**There is a tumblr for BTR and it has tones of stuff including the clip of Carlos falling, rare pictures, and the new song. You'll have to search the pages a little but it's about the 24****th**** page and its right above the SEXIEST picture of James and a little below the picture of Carlos and Logan "popping bottles" lol. **

**http:/ hornyteenagegirl. tumblr. com (remove the spaces). I don't know if this will happen to you but when I checked to make sure the link works it didn't go to the site right away. After clicking enter for some reason this: %20 shows up in the link. Just delete that and press enter again and it will go to the site.**

**Wow this must be the longest authors not in history! Sorry lol I just really needed to get all this out. I used to be able to talk to my friends about anything BTR related but I don't think there really into it as much anymore so I shared this all with you! Anyway, on to the chapter.**

Logan POV:

Kendall was with Jo again. I don't know why I'm so upset about it considering I'm the one ignoring him but still I hate when they are together. We haven't talked since our last argument, which was a few days ago. I keep thinking that it was hardly an argument though considering I was the one doing most of the yelling.

I'm starting to think that I'm being too hard on Kendall but it's not like he's really trying all that much. He's out of the apartment at all times and he is either with Jo or doing something that I'm still in the dark about.

There will be days that he won't tell anyone where he is and if James or Carlos ask when he gets back he'll just say he was just hanging around. It was obvious he was spending all his time with Jo. He just didn't want anyone to know about it.

That was reason I continued to avoid Kendall even if everything in me wanted to be with him. Every time I would feel like talking to him he would be with Jo or there would be a note saying he was out with Jo. All these setbacks were starting to make me think our relationship would never get better even if I wanted to fix it.

"Hey Logan, James and I are going down to the pool you in?" I looked up from my spot on the couch to stare at Carlos. I thought about it for a moment but then grimaced and shook my head.

"No thanks I'm fine here." I was honestly too lazy to go. I'd have to get up then actually walk to the pool then interact with people. That just took too much energy. Carlos didn't seem to understand this though. He rolled his eyes then walked over to the couch to stand in front of me.

"Come on Logan you can't spend all your time here."

"I just don't feel like going. You and James go without me."

* * *

James POV:

"You and James go without me."

"Carlos and I go where without you?" Carlos and Logan turned to me when I walked into the living room. Logan let out a sigh and leaned back against the couch.

"I don't feel like going to the pool. You guys just go." I held in a sigh so Logan wouldn't know how annoyed I was with him. He's been sulking all week and it was starting to get on my nerves. I was going to get him out of this slump even if I had to force him out of it.

"I don't care Logan you are going to the pool with us."

"What are you going to…?"

"Carlos." As soon as Carlos heard me say his name he nodded and lifted Logan off the couch. Logan squeaked when Carlos through him over his shoulder then began to protest as Carlos carried him to his room.

I waited by the door listening to Logan as he yelled at Carlos.

"Carlos! What the hell are you… hey! Knock it off!" When they came back a few minutes later Carlos placed Logan back on the ground in front of me. He was still wearing the same shirt but was now sporting swim trunks instead of jeans. Logan scrunched up his face and adjusted his shorts.

"I feel so violated."

"Calm down its nothing I haven't seen." I laughed as Logan grumbled to himself as we dragged him out of the apartment. As soon as we were at the pool in our usual chairs I could tell Logan was happier about being dragged down to the pool. It was a nice day which also meant it was prime sun tanning time.

I leaned back in the chair with a content sigh and bent my arms behind my head. Carlos jumped into the pool and hung out with the other Palm Woods residence while Logan and I relaxed. When I glanced at Logan I noticed he was looking around the pool. I let out a sigh before speaking.

"He's not here." Logan jumped and looked at me wide eyed.

"W-what?"

"Kendall isn't here. He left the Palm Woods." Logan looked away from me and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I wasn't looking for him. I don't care where Kendall is." I rolled my eyes and huffed. Logan was being so stubborn.

"You're a horrible liar Logan." Logan turned to glare at me but I didn't back down. Eventually he turned away and let out a sigh.

"What do you want me to do James?"

"I want you to stop pretending and get back together with Kendall. Your just hurting yourself by doing this."

"I know ok!" Logan relaxed again when I raised an eyebrow at him. "I just… its more complicated than that."

"What's so complicated about it?" Logan groaned and rolled over so he was no longer facing me.

"Just drop it James ok?" I sighed and nodded.

"Ok." After a while I noticed Logan's body relax. He must have fallen asleep. I could tell he really needed sleep so I didn't bother him. Logan and Kendall still slept in the same room. I didn't have to be in there to know that Logan laid in bed for hours wondering if he should say anything. The bags under Kendall's eyes showed that he did the same.

I tried to talk to Kendall about this but he was being rather… vague. He kept telling me not to worry about it and that he would take care of it but he wasn't doing anything. He wasn't talking to Logan like we all wanted him to. He just kept leaving early everyday and then coming back late. Sometimes I saw him with Jo other times he wasn't. Frankly Logan and Kendall were starting to get on my nerves.

When I was just starting to feel a tan coming on my cell phone beeped indicating I had a text message. I reached toward the small table next to the chair and blindly searched for my phone. When I finally grabbed it I held it above my head so the sun wouldn't leave a glair on the screen.

I was surprised to see that I had a message from Kendall. I opened the message and read it to myself.

"_Hey, I need a favor."_

_-Kendall_

* * *

Logan POV:

I groaned when I felt someone shaping me. I swatted at the hand and readjusted in the lounge chair.

"Go away James." When I heard a feminine giggle I opened my eyes to find Camille staring down at me. "Camille?"

"Hey Logan." When I sat up in the chair Camille sat down by my legs.

"Hey, what's up?" She smiled.

"Not much I was just practicing for an audition." Camille's smile faulted and she looked at me with worry. "Is everything ok?" I sighed. Were my problems that obvious? Even when I was asleep.

"It's… Kendall." She nodded in understanding.

"Yea I heard what happened. It's not really over between you two is it?" I glanced down and played with the hem of my shirt.

"I don't think so. I mean I don't want it to be I just… I can't get myself to talk to him." Camille gave me a sympathetic smile.

"I understand. Before you guys went out it was hard for you to see Kendall with Jo. Being together makes it harder." Camille placed her hand on top of mine. "You have to realize though that no matter what connection Kendall and Jo have Kendall loves you." I let out a sigh and nodded. A part of me knew it but it was always over shadowed by jealously and uncertainty. If I didn't remind myself that Kendall had feelings for me it was hard to believe it.

I looked around for the first time and noticed that James and Carlos were gone. Camille noticed my searching and spoke up.

"Who are you looking for?"

"James and Carlos. Where did they go?"

"They left a few hours ago. I guess they thought you needed sleep." I was surprised that I was a sleep so long. I glanced at my phone realizing that it was after six. When I looked towards the sky it was getting dark.

"Wow I didn't realize it was so late. I better get back to the apartment." Camille nodded and patted my hand before she stood up. Before she walked away she looked back at me.

"Take care of yourself Logan." I nodded.

"You too." I stood as soon as Camille started walking away. I was a few feet behind her as I walked towards the lobby and when I walked towards the elevators I noticed Camille walking towards Jo who was sitting by herself.

That must mean Kendall was home. It gave me a chance to talk to him if I was really ready to. As I entered the elevator I started to feel nervous. What if Kendall didn't want me back? It didn't occur to me until just now but what if I took too long?

I was taken out of my thoughts when my phone beeped. It was a text from Carlos.

"_Hey where are you?"_

_-Carlos_

I texted him back as I walked out of the elevator.

"_Be at the apartment in a sec."_

_-Logan_

I shoved my phone back in my apartment and walked towards 2J. Just before I was going to walk into the apartment James and Carlos stepped out. They quickly closed the door behind them and smiled at me.

"Hey buddy." Ok, something was up.

"Alright what's going on?" They both looked at each other and scoffed.

"What makes you think something's going on?" I rolled my eyes and pushed past them before they could protest.

"Did you destroy the apartment again? I swear I'm not cleaning…" I trailed off as soon as I walked in. The lights were off but that didn't matter. There were Christmas lights hanging from the ceiling like something straight out of the movie Avatar.

When I walked in further I spotted a table set up just like I had done with a few changes. The table cloth was white with a shorter red table cloth over that one. There was a single candle in a round jar in the middle of the table covered plates on either side.

Everything was so beautiful.

"He did pretty well huh?" I looked back at James and Carlos who were smirking at me. I was still a little to shocked to say anything so I simply nodded.

"K-Kendall." I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and found myself staring into Kendall's eyes. He remained silent and held out a bouquet of flowers in front of me. They were mostly red and yellow tulips with a large red rose in the middle.

I smiled and felt my face heating up as I took the flowers from him. I ran my fingers over the soft petals as Kendall spoke.

"Red and yellow tulips are supposed to mean declaration of love and hopelessly in love while the red rose means passionate love." Kendall chuckled nervously and looked down. "I looked that up online." I looked down at the flowers again then looked around the apartment.

He did this all for me? It was amazing I really didn't know what to say.

"Logie?" I looked towards Kendall again. He was watching me nervously not sure if he was forgiven or not. Before he could suffer anymore I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight embrace. I buried my face in his neck as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I could feel my eyes sting with tears but for once it wasn't from sadness.

"I love you Kendall." I felt Kendall's arm tighten around me and I felt him kiss my head. When I pulled away to look at him he was smiling. When he noticed my tears his smile fell and he lifted his hand to wipe my tears away.

"Oh Logie I didn't want to make you cry." I laughed and placed my hand over Kendall's.

"It's ok. I'm happy. Everything's perfect."

"I'm so sorry Logan… about everything."

"I know."

"Can you… forgive me?" I had been so uncertain before but now I knew. I nodded my head before I pulled Kendall into a passionate kiss. When he pushed his tongue into my mouth I moaned and pulled him closer.

Finally having him close again was the best feeling in the world. My body was tingling and my stomach did flips whenever he tightened his arms around me I'd missed this so much but now it felt even better than before.

When we pulled apart we were both panting. I took in a deep breath and smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too… no one else."

"Awwww" We turned towards the door and I realized James and Carlos were still there. When they noticed our glares they laughed awkwardly.

"We ruined the moment."

"Go away." Carlos and James laughed as they went to their room. Once they were Gone Kendall took the flowers from me and put them in a vase. When he came back over he took my hand. Before we could walk over to the table I stopped and looked down at myself. Kendall was wearing black jeans and a purple button down shirt while I'm standing here in swim trunks.

"What's wrong Logie?"

"I'm still in my swim trunks." Kendall laughed.

"Right. Hold on." He ran out of the room and came back a minute later with clothes in his hand. As soon as he gave it to me I ran into the kitchen bathroom and changed. It was the outfit I wore the last time. I quickly threw it on then took a look at myself in the mirror. My hair was a little messy so I ran my fingers through my hair.

When I finally felt like I looked presentable I left the bathroom and found Kendall standing in the kitchen waiting for me. I smiled at him and as he interlocked our fingers. When we walked over to the table I could help but blushed as he pulled the chair out for me then pushed it in. When he sat down across from me he immediately took my hand.

"I tried to make what you made last time." I looked down at the covered plate in front of me and took off the lid. It was bow tie pasta that I had to admit looked rather good. "It's probably not as good as what you made…"

"It's perfect." I leaned over the table and gave Kendall a quick kiss. I couldn't help but laugh at the goofy smile on his face.

Kendall uncovered his food and we both started eating. He watched me when I took my first bite obviously nervous to see if it tasted good.

"Our mom's helped me a little… after I almost started a fire." I raised my eyebrows at him then we both started laughing.

"How did you manage that?"

"I burned the pasta." I shook my head as I continued to eat. If we weren't talking Kendall would squeeze my hand or he would rub his thumb over my knuckles.

He was being so perfect. The dinner was perfect. The apartment looked perfect. Everything was perfect. It made me wonder why I ever doubted him. I mean, I did have every right to be mad but I don't think I had to take it so far. My mom was right when she said people made mistakes and I really do think Kendall is good for me.

When we finished eating Kendall stood up and pulled out my chair for me. I could still feel myself blushing but I didn't care. We walked over to the couch and sat next to each other. There was a movie on the table ready to be put in but before that Kendall turned to me and took my hands.

"Logan I really care about you. I know I messed up big time and I promise I won't ever mess up like that again. I can't say I'll be perfect but I don't want to hurt you like that Logie. I love you. I just hope you'll take me back?" The fact that after he did all this and he thought I might not take him back was a little disheartening.

"Of course Kendall. I love you too. I want to be with you." Kendall smiled before he pulled me into a deep kiss. It was innocent at first but quickly grew in passion and intensity. I parted my lips and let out a moan as Kendall ran his tongue over mine. I thread my finger through his hair and gave a soft tug. When he growled into the kiss the sensation went right to my groin.

I separated from the kiss and climbed into his lap. As soon as I was seated I attached my lips to his and ground my hips into his. He broke apart from me with a moan to reveal Kendall's lustful eyes.

"Bedroom." Kendall swallowed trying to get a hold of himself.

"But the movie." I pulled Kendall's head back by his hair and attacked his neck. I moved to his ear and nibbled on his ear lobe.

"I don't care take me now." Kendall let out a moan before he stood up quickly. I wrapped my legs around his waist tightly as he carried me to our room. The whole way there I made it harder for him by biting at his neck and moving my hips against him.

When we were finally in our room Kendall turned away from the bed and fell back. I sat up panting as I continued to rut against him. I quickly grew tired of not being able to touch his skin so I worked quickly to get his shirt off.

I had to fight against the urge to just rip the buttons apart but it was worth it when I was able to pull his shirt open. Kendall sat up to take off his shirt and as soon as he laid back down I ran my fingers over his chest. I squeezed his pecks then leaned down and bit his peck. Kendall unconsciously thrust up into me and moaned loudly. When I felt him pulling at my shirt I sat back up and helped him with the buttons. When it was fully off Kendall flipped us over so he was on top.

Kendall attached his lips to my neck as he worked to get my pants open. When he suddenly stuck his hand into my pants I arched my back and let out a moaned.

"Hurry Kendall." Kendall chuckled then leaned up to look down at me.

"I don't know where this side of you came from but I like it."

"Shut up." Kendall laughed again but our lust quickly returned when he pulled my pants and boxers off. He stood off the bed to get the rest of his clothes off moaning when I opened my legs wide.

Kendall climbed back on the bed and attached our lips when he was on top of me. He pulled away for a second to suck on his fingers but re attached our lips when he began to poke at my entrance.

I gasped and grabbed his shoulders when he pushed his finger in. It didn't hurt but instead felt so right. Kendall pushed his finger in and out a few times before adding a second finger. He quickly found my prostate sending a jolt of pleasure throughout my body.

"Kendall please." Kendall pulled out his fingers making me whine at the emptiness. When I felt his member poking at my entrance I moaned and opened my legs wider. When he finally began to push in I threw my head back and ran my nails down his back. He let out a moan of pain but he didn't seem to care.

When he was seated fully inside me he waited for me to adjust before pulling back and thrusting in. The very first thrust hit my spot perfectly. I moaned his name and thread my fingers through his hair as he gradually picked up his thrusts.

"oh god Logan." Kendall buried his face in my neck as he began thrusting with force. I pulled on his hair with one particular hard thrust making him thrust even harder. When his thrusting became frantic I knew he was close.

"Kendall I'm gunna…" I screamed out when Kendall picked up an erratic pace. With a few more thrusts I was coming hard. My legs locked around Kendall's waist as I rode out my orgasm. Kendall let out a long groan before he thrust hard and released inside of me. Feeling him filling me was a pleasure in its self.

We continued to move against each other as we rode out our orgasms. When it was over Kendall collapsed on top of me with his face buried in my chest. He let out a content moan before leaning up on his elbows to look down at me.

"You're amazing." I smiled at him and pulled him into a lazy kiss.

"I could say the same for you." Kendall smiled then slowly pulled out of me. When he laid back against the bed I curled into him and laid my head on his chest.

"I love you Logie. I always will."

"I love you too and I'll never stop."

* * *

Camille POV:

When Logan went back up to his apartment I went to sit with Jo. A part of me was starting to hate her because of what she was doing to Logan but another part reminded me that she was my friend and she was suffering too.

"Hey how are you feeling?" Jo smiled at me and placed her script on the table.

"I'm doing great." We both fell into the usual pointless conversation. I wanted to bring up Logan and Kendall. Everything in me was telling me that I should. But I didn't want to upset her especially in her condition.

"How has the pregnancy been?"

"Good." We both fell into an unusually awkward silence before Jo stood up. "I'll be right back I just need to use the bathroom." I nodded and watched her walk away. I let out a sigh and shook my head. I just couldn't understand what was going on in her head. I understood why she was hurting. It hurt me too when my relationship with Logan ended. Being a friend a friend to Logan when he needed a friend most was more important. She needed to understand that sometimes things happened that you couldn't control.

After a while of Jo being gone I started to worry. I thought that something might have happened so I went to the bathroom to check on her. When I walked inside she was standing in front of the sink and she was…

"Jo?"

**A/N: ooh cliff hanger. I wonder what will happen next! I hope you enjoyed this chapter**

**There is more to come.**


	36. better or worse

**A/N: So sometimes I really hate my life… want to know why?**

**You: not really…**

**Well I'm going to tell you anyway! BTR are always doing shows by me but I can NEVER GO! I swear the only way I'll ever get to see them again is if they showed up at my house! They are going to be in NYC this Saturday but I can't afford to go. The tickets for the fair they are singing at are like 500 bucks. And you want to know how much the meet and great and a picture with them is? It's ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS! Like I have that kind of money. Not only that but they are going to be in upstate NY Sept. 1****st****. Right by my friends house. But OF COURSE I'll be back at school by then. UGH! Come on BTR do a concert when I can actually go! I want to see them again so bad! The last time I saw them was their first concert it time square, which was the best day of my life by the way.**

**I always enjoy watching the music video for Famous because I can find myself in it. Oh the memories. =]**

**On a different note… am I the only one who has trouble finding the expiration date on food? I swear it's like searching for the Holy Grail! It takes me like ten minutes and when I finally find it I realize the food has been expired for like a year. Thank god I have the patients to look. Anyway, on to the chapter. **

Logan POV:

When I woke up the next morning the first thing I noticed was Kendall's arm around my waist. I smiled to myself and slowly turned over so I was facing him. He looked completely peaceful and it made me smile that he was mine again.

I moved forward and buried my face in his chest. When his arms tightened around me I looked up to find him staring down at me.

"Morning beautiful." My heart fluttered at his words. I smiled as I leaned towards him and attached our lips. It was more of a lazy kiss but I honestly didn't care. I was far too tired from lack of sleep. When we pulled apart I pushed Kendall onto his back then laid my head against his chest.

"Morning later sleep now." Kendall laughed and I couldn't help but laugh as I bounced with his chest. He must have glanced over at the clock because he was shaking me awake.

"It's already noon we should get up." I slapped Kendall's hand away and completely relaxed against him. He seemed to give up but just as I was about to fall back asleep Kendall was shaking me again.

"Kendaaaallll!"

"Logaaaaan!" When I looked up to glare at him he was smiling back at me.

"Stop being annoying."

"I can't we have to get up."

"I hate you."

"You love me." I let out a sigh and rolled my eyes. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I unwillingly got out of bed.

"I know just don't get a big head… it's big enough." Kendall gave me a playful smirk as he climbed out of bed as well.

"Hey big head big…"

"Kendall!"

"What? I was going to say big… hat." I snorted and shook my head at him.

"Sure you were." I left it at that and began picking up our clothes. I didn't remember throwing them all over the place but apparently we did. I had to take my boxers off of the desk lamp. Kendall seemed amused by that.

I threw our clothes in the hamper then went into the dresser to get more clothes. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants only to be hit in the face with Kendall's sweatshirt.

"Hey!" Kendall laughed before gesturing to the sweatshirt.

"Put that on." I stared at the sweatshirt then back at him. The thought that he was playing a joke on me flashed through my mind as I slowly pulled it on.

"You didn't stick a bug in here or something did you?" Kendall laughed and shook his head. I could faintly see a blush as he walked over and zipped up the front for me. I couldn't help but be even more confused.

"I just… wanted to see what you looked like… ya know… in my clothes." I smirked at him.

"Does seeing me in your clothes make you hot and bothered?"

"Shut up." I laughed as Kendall finished getting dressed. As I followed Kendall out of our room I adjusted the sweatshirt on my body. It was a little big but the made sense considering Kendall was taller than me. This meant longer arms and a longer upper body.

It was a plaid sweatshirt that was fuzzy on the inside making it oh so soft and warm. There was more to it than that though. It felt warmer than any other sweatshirt I've ever worn. Almost like Kendall had just been wearing it. It felt like him and I was comforted by that fact.

I held on to the collar of the sweatshirt and lifted it to my nose. My eyes closed and a smile came to my face as I took in a deep breath. It smelled like him. When I heard laughing I opened my eyes to find Kendall watching me. I must have looked like an addict sniffing paint.

"Does sniffing my clothes make you hot and bothered?" Kendall spoke in a teasing tone that made me blush. I lowered the sweatshirt quickly and glared at him.

"Shut up." When we walked out to the kitchen everyone was there. My mom and Mrs. Knight were chatting away as they made lunch for James, Carlos and Katie who were talking amongst themselves. The apartment wasn't decorated anymore so I imagine our mom's most have cleaned it up.

You know I never realized how weird that was until now. The fact that Kendall and I are dating and my mom and Kendall's mom spend so much time together can only mean they spend a lot of time talking about us. Dear god I hope we don't have to sit through another talk. Mrs. Knight was bad adding my mom will make it ten times worse!

As soon as they realized Kendall and I were in the room they all fell silent. They were waiting for us to tell them how last night went but before I could say anything Kendall laced my fingers with his and held our hands up.

Kendall seemed to believe that was a clear indication of our relationship status and I couldn't help but think so too. I squeezed his hand and smiled at him when he looked at me. Holding his hand just felt so right and I was amazed with what a simple touch could do. I felt safer knowing he was right next to me. I felt more confident with myself knowing I could feel him there without having to see him.

Kendall just made me feel better and sometimes I wasn't sure if he really understood how in love with him I actually was.

"You're back together?" The smile on my mother's face was embarrassingly big. I nodded and managed my own awkward smile.

"Yea."

"Thank god." When we all gave Katie weird looks she rolled her eyes. "What? I'm just tired of it being so tense and depressing in here." When Kendall and I sat down Kendall turned my face towards him for a quick kiss.

"So am I." I felt my face heat up from that PDA. My mom was giving me a look that made me blush even more.

"So anyway! Do we need to go to the studio today?" James nodded.

"Yep, Gustavo says he has some news for us." I nodded and smiled when my mom put a plate of food in front of me. As we fell silent and focused on eating I started thinking about what Gustavo could want from us. There was a good chance that it had to do with the charges against me.

I really hoped that it could be settled out of court but it wasn't looking that easy. I just didn't want to go to jail again.

"Logie." I looked up and realized Carlos, Kendall, and James were already up and ready. "We better get going." I nodded at Kendall and grabbed the car keys as I followed them out of the apartment. Kendall was holding my hand as we walked through the lobby causing everyone to look at us.

I avoided really looking at their faces. I didn't want to know what they were thinking of Kendall and I being back together. I didn't even know how many people knew about the break up. Camille knew but I'm sure James or Carlos told her. Jo probably knew as well because of Kendall.

Considering how things spread around here everyone probably knew.

"Something wrong Logan?" When I looked up at Kendall he was looking at me with concern. I gave him a reassuring smile and shook my head.

"It's nothing serious I was just thinking." Kendall nodded but I could see the hesitation. He was always the curious type so I knew this was probably going to come up again soon.

When we reached the car we piled in quickly so we wouldn't be late getting to Rocque Records. We had no idea what kind of mood Gustavo was in so we didn't want to make him angry by showing up late.

* * *

"Dogs! Good news!"

"_Oh thank god." _Gustavo stopped in front of and glared. Even when in a good mood he still looked like he wanted to kill somebody.

"When that annoying idiot you punched tried to sue us for 2 million dollars we decided to do the same. It didn't look like he was going to back down until we mentioned we could afford to pay the two million but he could not."

"So he dropped the charges?" When Gustavo nodded at us we each cheered and Kendall pulled me to lean against him. Things just seemed to be falling back into place and were getting better and better. I wasn't sure if I should be happy that good things were beginning to happen or scared that everything will be taken away again.

I didn't want to worry about that right now though. Right now everything was good so I shouldn't wait around for something bad to happen.

"That doesn't mean we are out of the woods yet." I let out a sigh and turned my attention back to Gustavo. Was everything good going to be taken away already? "We still don't really know how the fans are reacting to everything so you guys will be doing more appearances and concerts to get you guys back out there."

We all nodded and looked at each other with approval. We were taking care of everything one thing at a time so it was only a matter of time before everything was normal again. Although, I was nervous about seeing our fans again. I didn't want it to be like last time.

"Well while you're here let's get to work. In the booth now!"

* * *

When I pulled into a parking space at the Palm Woods I let out a sigh. It was good to be home after a long day at the studio.

"Tired?" Kendall walked around the car and waited for me to climb out. I nodded and leaned against him as we walked inside.

"Yea. I feel like he worked us harder than ever." Kendall let out a chuckle and nodded. I leaned my head against his shoulder and smiled when I felt him kiss my temple.

When we entered the lobby I noticed Jo sitting with Camille across the lobby. I had a knack for spotting her now. Probably because I never wanted to see her.

Camille stood as soon as she spotted us and walked over. Her expression was serious and it made me nervous.

"Hey guys… can we talk?" Kendall looked at me silently asking if I was ok with this. Talking to Camille didn't bother me it was Jo I had a problem with. It wasn't like I had a choice though so I nodded. Kendall nodded as well then told James and Carlos to go up to the apartment without us. They were hesitant but knew this was something they couldn't be a part of.

Kendall and I followed Camille over to Jo then sat down across from them. When no one spoke Camille let out a sigh.

"Jo has something she needs to tell you Kendall." Camille nudged Jo with her arm then gave her a look that urged her to speak. She bit her lip and looked down before speaking.

"I lied… short of." Kendall and I stared at each other with confusion. I had an idea what she was talking about. In fact I think I absolutely knew what she was talking about.

"What do you mean?" Jo glanced up at Kendall quickly.

"I'm not pregnant." Kendall immediately stood.

"What! You lied to me?" Jo stood as well and I finally noticed the large baby bump was magically gone.

"No! Well not completely! I was pregnant but… after the first month I had a miscarriage." Kendall seemed to calm down but there was something in his eyes I couldn't read.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jo glanced at me and I could tell by Kendall's face he saw it. Kendall let out a sigh.

"Jo, what we had is over. I would like to be your friend but I can't do that if you're going to act like this. You shouldn't have lied to me and you shouldn't have put me through this whole charade." Jo looked down.

I'm sorry." The expression on Jo's face was so familiar. She is in the exact same situation I was. I could understand why she wanted Kendall back so much and I could understand how much it hurt seeing him with me. I guess this is the part when I find similarities with the enemy and find out she isn't so bad.

I stood up and placed my hand on Kendall's arm stopping him from saying anything more.

"It's ok Jo." She gave me a confused expression. "I'm sure Kendall can forgive you. Why don't you guys talk more tomorrow?" I looked towards Kendall for approval. He nodded and turned to Jo.

"I'll talk to you later Jo." She nodded and Camille led her away from us. When they were gone Kendall turned to me. "What was that?"

"What?"

"You hate when I'm with her and now that we find out she isn't pregnant you want me to spend time with her?"

"Well… let's just say I understand why she lied. I know what it feels like to see someone you care about with someone else." Kendall gave me a sympathetic smile then pulled me into a kiss. When we pulled apart I looked at him with concern. "What about you?"

Kendall raised his eyebrow at me.

"What about me?"

"Are you ok… with this?" Kendall let out a sigh and sat back down. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his legs.

"Shouldn't I be happy?" I sat down next to Kendall and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"She's not pregnant anymore. I should be relieved. There was no way I was ready to be a father but…" Kendall looked up and blinked. His voice was shaky as he spoke. "I lost my baby and I can't help but feel pain because of it."

"Oh Kendall…" I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a hug. He buried his face in my neck and held on to me tightly. I knew he was crying. I could feel him shaking against me.

I had no idea what to do or say to help him or bring him comfort. Kendall was so strong it was weird to see him broken like this. Things seemed to be getting better for me but for Kendall I couldn't really say.

**A/N: DONE! This isn't as good as I wanted it to be but whatever. And sorry it took so long to get out I've been really busy… and by busy I mean lazy… lol. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**

**PS: next BTR is rumored to come out June 18****th****. It's the same day that the music video for worldwide comes out. **


	37. who IM's anymore

**A/N: sorry it took so long for me to put this up. I actually started it a few days ago but I have family over so I haven't had a chance to finish. It's been pretty crazy in my apartment.**

**Me, my mom and my three cats are already here. Now my sister, brother in law and my niece are staying over and their two dogs. AND my mom is fostering a fourth cat that we just got last week. It's like we're running a hotel. Lol**

**PS: I saw a picture of the BTR guys… in Speedos. And omg not many people can pull those things off but BTR can... oh they can… I just… Logan in that Speedo… I just… I can't even… *dies***

**PPS: so I'm a little disappointed with the next episode. I really like the whole idea of Logan kissing Jo then Kendall punching Logan then Logan going home. It was so angsty! But of course the episode is really about Jo and Kendall. It's always about Jo and Kendall. The only good thing is if Jo leaves that means the Kendall/Jo angst is done for a long time. Maybe the BTR writers heard me complaining. lol**

**Anyway, on to the chapter!**

When Kendall let out a sigh I looked up at him expecting him to say something but he didn't. The initial shock he felt when he found out Jo wasn't actually pregnant died down after a few days. He didn't talk much about it now and things between him and Jo were still a little awkward but he seemed like he was getting better.

There was still a part of him that was sad about it though. I guess once he accepted that he was going to be a father and started really thinking about it a part of him wanted to be. He may have not been ready but bringing life into the world is a wonderful thing.

We were lying on Kendall's bed, clearing our heads as Kendall put it. He had a lot on his mind lately so I guess he needed to take the time to think things over. My head was rested on his chest as I let his breathing and heart beat lull me into a state of peace. I thought I was going to fall asleep. In fact, I already thought he was asleep until I felt his fingers softly moving over the contours of my face.

When I opened my eyes and stared into his he was watching me intently. I lifted myself up into a sitting position so I could look down at him.

"Talk to me Kendall."

"Do you think I would have been a good dad?" I watched him for a moment before speaking. I gave him a soft smile then reached my hand out to cup his face.

"You would have been perfect. You take care of all of us. When it's finally time for you to have children you'll be the best father in the world." Kendall continued to stare at me with a blank expression before he let out a short breathy laugh and smiled. I wasn't sure what he was thinking but before I could even give it another thought he was sitting up with his lips pressed against mine.

I let out a gasp then quickly melted into the kiss. He parted my lips with his tongue then forced it into my mouth. Kendall's tongue moved over the roof of my mouth before colliding with my tongue. I let out a moan and moved closer to him. Kendall went to pull away from the kiss but I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled him back into the kiss.

I climbed into his lap and began kissing him with passion. I could feel his hands move up my thighs then wrap around to grab my ass. I moaned and pushed my ass back against his hand as he needed the skin.

I eventually parted from his lips and moved to his neck. I ground my hips down as I bit down on his neck making him moan.

"Logan." I thought he was moaning my name so I continued moving my hips slowly against him. When he held on to my hips to stop me I pulled away from his neck to look at him.

"What?" His eyes were dark with lust they were quickly clearing.

"We shouldn't do this now. The others will be looking for us soon." I went to protest but as if on cue there was furious knocking on the door. I groaned and Kendall chuckled. I climbed off his lap and fixed my clothes as Kendall opened the door. Carlos smiled at us completely oblivious to what he was just interrupting.

"Mama Knight wanted me to tell you that dinner is ready." Kendall nodded and looked back at me with a big smile. He seemed to be in a better mood then he was a few minutes ago. I wasn't sure if he was completely over everything but at least he was excepting it. He was finally happier so I knew I didn't want to bother him with any more of my problems.

I frowned at the thought and glanced at my computer quickly as I followed Kendall out of our room. I thought that my problems had ended a few days ago but this morning I was presented with another one.

It wasn't a big deal… at least I didn't think so.

Earlier that morning:

I lifted my arms above my head and arched my back as a stretched my muscles. I had been sitting at my desk working on my homework for almost two hours and my body was starting to protest the lack of movement.

I continued to ignore it though. I just had to finish one more assignment and then I would have all my work done for the month. It defiantly would be a welcomed relief; especially since Kendall hated when I ignored him to do my homework.

I put my worksheets away and turned on my laptop. As I waited for it to load I checked my phone for the time or any missed calls. When my profile came up I typed in my password and waited for my desk top to load.

My background was a picture of Kendall, Carlos, James, and I back when we lived in Minnesota. It brought a smile to my face every time I saw it but it also reminded me how different we all are. We look so grown up compared to how we looked back then.

I opened my essay quickly so I could finish editing it. It was already written I just had to double check for over looked mistakes. I wanted it to be perfect.

When I was about half way through a new window popped up on the screen.

_Anonymous would like to chat with you._

_accept deny_

It was an IM. I hadn't gotten an IM in forever. I only ever used it to talk to James, Kendall, or Carlos but now that I'm living with them and now that I'm texting I short of forgot it existed.

I planned on ignoring it at first but I thought it might have been one of my old friends so I clicked accept. Before I could even type a hello they sent another message.

"_You'll regret the day you met me fag."_

I stared at the message in confusion before impulsively writing back.

"_Who is this?"_

"_Your worst nightmare"_

Their next message sent a chill down my spine.

"_Sleep with one eye open."_

_Anonymous has signed off…_

I quickly closed my laptop no longer having the urge to finish my homework. I couldn't even imagine who that could have been and it scared me to think that someone I see on a daily basis could have some sort of vendetta against me.

I guess the peace really was short lived.

Present:

I haven't been on my computer since then; half because I had been with Kendall and half because I was just too afraid to. I could just block them of log of but if they could find my IM they could find my email or even my phone number.

I decided right there I wasn't going to answer to any numbers I didn't know.

"Hurry and eat boys I made dirty rice (1)." I smiled at Mrs. Knight and sat down next to Kendall. When she placed a plate in front of me I thanked her and began eating. You could tell everyone thought the meal was amazing because it was basically silent among all of us.

The atmosphere in the apartment seemed to be less heavy. It wasn't as tense and that was probably because things have been calming down and problems have been solving themselves. It was just another reason why I didn't want to say anything about the messages I got earlier today.

"Logie?" I jumped not expecting Kendall to grab my hand. Kendall gave me a concerned look so I smiled at him reassuringly.

"Yes?"

"You were spacing out… are you ok?" I blushed now that everyone's attention was on me and quickly nodded. I gave his hand a squeeze and smiled.

"I was just thinking… its nothing." Kendall nodded and went back to eating. He glanced at me a few times so I knew he still thought something was up. It was a clear sign that I was going to have to tell him what was going on but hopefully I could stall him for a while.

Mrs. Knight cleared her throat to get our attention.

"Jane, Katie and I are going to go back to Minnesota for the weekend. We are going to pick up the stuff that Jane left behind when she came to LA." She gave us all looks before continuing. "You boys can take care of yourselves right?"

"Yep." Mrs. Knight smiled and nodded once. She and my mom stood up and took our plates when we finished.

Just like I should have expected Kendall grabbed my hand and dragged me towards our room. Once he closed the door he turned to me with his arms crossed.

"Something's bothering you." I let out a sigh and sat down on my bed.

"There's nothing you need to worry about. You have your own stuff to deal with." Kendall rolled his eyes and pulled me up so I was standing in front of him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close so we were standing chest to chest. The close proximately made me want to kiss him but I knew he wouldn't let me do anything until I confessed.

"I don't care if I'm lying on a hospital bed with every bone in my body broken you can tell me anything." I let out a sigh and looked away from him. I avoided thinking about what happened for most of the day and that was easy considering that I've been worried about Kendall. But now he seemed better. It was like all of a sudden he wasn't bothered by anything anymore. It was crazy how he didn't let things affect him. I let everything affect me.

"It's stupid."

"If it's stupid you wouldn't have this much of a problem telling me." I let out another sigh and looked up at him.

"Well when I was on the computer this morning…" I didn't even get to finish. Kendall was at my desk in seconds turning on my laptop.

"Did you get more emails? I swear I'll kill anyone who says anything bad to you."

"It wasn't an email. Someone IM'd me." When my desk top opened the IM was already open. Kendall scrolled through before clicking out of it.

"Logan…" Kendall stood up and turned to me. He was clearly pissed and I wasn't sure if it was directed at me or someone else. "Why didn't you tell me? Someone threatened you! This is serious."

"I'm sorry." Kendall let out a sigh and pulled me into a hug. He kissed me softly before leaning our foreheads together.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm pissed that someone is threatening you and I'm upset that you thought you couldn't tell me."

"Well you were upset about Jo so I didn't want to bother you…"

"You never bother me ok." Kendall paused. "Ok…?" I let out a sigh and nodded. He gave me another kiss but looked away when my computer beeped. The anonymous person sent another message.

_Enjoy your life while it lasts. You'll be dead soon fag." _

I bit my lip and tightened my hold on Kendall. I wasn't sure if I should be worried before but now I was getting nervous. I quickly slammed the computer shut before burying my face in Kendall's chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed the top of my head.

"Don't worry Logan I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise." I nodded and looked up at him.

"We should tell your mom." Kendall nodded.

"Let's wait until tomorrow." I nodded and let out a yawn as I quickly changed my clothes. When Kendall pulled back the covers of his bed I crawled into bed with him and curled up against his side.

"Goodnight. I love you." Kendall kissed my head then relaxed into his bed.

"I love you too. Sleep well." I smiled to myself then closed my eyes. As the room became silent I couldn't help but become alarmed at ever squeak and sound. I was so worried about those messages I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to sleep.

Kendall seemed to read my mind. He turned on to his side so he was facing me then tightened his hold around me.

"You're safe with me. Go to sleep." I nodded and closed my eyes. Instead of focusing on every little sound I focused on Kendall holding me. I focused on his protective warmth surrounding me. My worries dissipated and I felt at peace. Those messages were still at the back of my mind but I knew Kendall would always be there for me. He would always protect me.

**A/N: Finally updated! It's not that long but it's something. I'm not so sure where I'm going with this but I'll figure something out. Lol**

**On a side note… I can't stop thinking about Logan in that Speedo! Omg the V of his hips and those abs oh man! He is a god! I'll be dreaming of his sexy body for a LONG time lol. XD**

**If you want to see it, it's on the same tumblr page that I've mentioned before. **

**God… no man will ever satisfy me now. lol**

**(1): dirty rice is rice with beef and other stuff like peppers and onions I think. It's wonderful.**


	38. flash drive

**A/N: idk about u but I've watched the worldwide video about 100 times. Lol. I love it and Logan looks so damn sexy as usual. **

**I don't know if you do this but I often look back at my stories and read through them (this is usually how I find obvious mistakes I've missed) but anyway, I noticed something shocking. I forgot to write "there is more to come" at the end of the last chapter!**

***gasp!***

**How would you have known if there was more to come! Don't worry its ok! You'll survive I'm still here. Lol**

When I woke up in the morning I reached out my hand to touch Kendall but I was met with empty sheets. I opened my eyes and found that he was not only out of bed he wasn't even in our room. I couldn't help but think of the events of the previous day as I crawled out of bed. The idea that someone hated me so much that they wanted to hurt me was horrifying. Even worse it was for a dumb reason.

I don't understand why people have to judge me for being gay. There is nothing wrong with it. I'm just being who I am. And even if someone doesn't like it why do they feel they need to let me know about it. Its stuff like this that makes people hurt themselves. People die all the time because of bullying and threats; it just kills me (1).

"Well I can't go back to Minnesota now." When I walked towards the kitchen I could here talking. The first voice I heard was definitely my mother's and from the contents of the conversation I could tell Kendall had told them about the messages I had been getting. I was still worried about those but I didn't want to ruin everyone's plans. I didn't want to become a burden.

"You can still go." Mrs. Knight, my mom, and Kendall turned to me when I walked into the kitchen area. The shock not realizing I was listening quickly went away and her expression was replaced with concern. She walked over to my quickly and stood next to me as she placed her hands on my shoulders. She lead me over to where Kendall and Mrs. Knight where.

"Logie why didn't you tell me someone was threatening you?" I shrugged my shoulders and kept my eyes on the counter top.

"I don't know. I only started getting them yesterday and I guess I didn't want to bother you." She let out a sigh and ran her fingers through my hair soothingly.

"You could never bother me."

"But I am." I looked up at her. "If you stay you can't get your stuff from Minnesota. You even said you need the rest of your clothes, shoes, and your car."

"I can always wait to get that stuff. I don't need it now." I scoffed and gave her a look.

"If you didn't need more clothes you wouldn't be borrowing Mrs. Knights." She looked down at her blouse then back up at me with a questioning look.

"How did you know?"

"Let's just say I've been in her closet too. It's a long story." Mrs. Knight and Kendall laughed and I couldn't help but glare at them. When they were done we all became serious again.

"Why don't I go for you Jane? You can tell me what you need." Mrs. Knight seemed to have a good idea but my mom still let out a sigh.

"That would be great but I'm not exactly sure what I need. Plus we were going to drive back and I drive stick." Mrs. Knight nodded her head then waved her hand when she thought of something else.

"Plus neither of us should be driving that far alone." My mom nodded as she and Mrs. Knight fell silent trying to think of a plan. I really hated that they had to plan everything around me now. I was getting in the way.

"You can still both go." We all looked at Kendall who had remained quiet this entire time. "I'll call Gustavo he and Kelly will take care of us." Mrs. Knight and my mom looked skeptical. A part of them told them that we would be fine in Gustavo's hands but there was another part of them that didn't like the idea.

"I guess you boys will be fine." Mrs. Knight pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. "I'll call Kelly and tell her what's going on." Mrs. Knight walked into her bedroom with my mom right behind her. When the door closed I let out a sigh and moved around the counter so I could stand next to Kendall. I let out a sigh and leaned my head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me.

"This is going to be a long week." I thought for a moment about what Kendall meant then let out a groan. We had a concert at the end of the week. I had completely forgotten about it.

This couldn't have happened at a worse time. How was I supposed to focus on the concert when death threats were on the back of my mind? The clear answer is that I can't, which means I'll mess up during the concert and ruin it for everyone. Wonderful.

"We better get going." I nodded and grabbed the car keys while Kendall went to get James and Carlos. I waited by the door for them only turning to leave when they were right behind me. I silently lead the way towards the elevator only turning to acknowledge anyone when Kendall came up beside me and wrapped his arm around my waist.

I leaned heavily against him as we waited for the elevator to get down to the lobby. No matter how many times I had to get up early to go to the recording studio or school I still absolutely hated it. I was never a morning person.

We made it the rest of the way to the car quickly considering we were running a little late. As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot James leaned between the two front seats and turned to radio on. When the familiar tone filled the car I glanced to the side and into the rear view mirror to see that Kendall, James, and Carlos were smiling as well. Without a second I started singing the others following.

_You wanna be famous. (famous)  
You wanna be the one who's living the life.  
You wanna be famous. (famous)  
You wanna be the one who's__taking_ _a free ride_

When the song ended we all started laughing. I quickly pulled into a parking spot and followed the others into Rocque Records. Surprisingly Gustavo wasn't waiting for us. In fact he wasn't anywhere in sight.

Mr. X however was waiting for us. Before we could ask any questions he did a spin to the stereo and turned it on.

"Get into position X quick." I was still curious about where Gustavo was but I decided to keep that to myself for now. Mrs. Knight had still been on the phone when we left so there is a chance he is still talking to her. No offence to mama Knight but she can talk a lot.

We were going to be singing a new song at the concert so that meant learning a new dance. When we first started my coordination was a little below average but I can happily say that I have definitely improved since then. I needed to do the moves a couple of times to get them at the level Mr. X wanted but I was still keeping up with the others.

I focused on dancing only and made sure I didn't focus on anything else. Because whenever I thought about any of my problems that's when I messed up.

"Excellent job boys. That's enough for now." I let out a sigh and wiped the sweat off my four head. I walked to the lounge outside of the dance studio and joined the others. Kendall was sitting in one of the arm chairs so I jumped over the arm rest and into his lap. He was surprised at first but didn't protest. When he wrapped his arms around my waist I leaned my head against his chest.

"What are you thinking?" I looked up at Kendall who was looking down at me with concern.

"Nothing surprisingly." Kendall was silent for a moment before responding.

"You sure?" I shrugged my shoulders and relaxed more against him.

"I've been thinking about the messages occasionally but I force myself not to. I have other things to think about. Like the concert; I have to focus on practicing so I don't mess up." Kendall tightened his grip on me making me look up at him. He brought up one of his hands to cup my face as he leaned forward to connect our lips. When he pulled away he smiled at me.

"Don't worry yourself to much. You'll do fine at the concert, just like you always do." I smiled at Kendall and gave him another quick kiss."

Thanks."

"No problem Logie."

"Dogs!" I practically jumped out of Kendall's lap at the sound of Gustavo's booming voice. He slowly made his way into the room with Kelly right behind him. "Mr. X tells me you've been doing well today." We all looked at each other with smiles until he spoke again. "Of course good is not good enough!"

"Come one Gustavo can't you go easy on us for once?" Gustavo stared at Kendall for a moment before letting out a laugh.

"Of course not!" We all let out groans only becoming silent when Gustavo glared at us. "Moving on…! Logan!" I jumped slightly and let out an awkward laugh.

"Yea…?"

"I talked to Mrs. Knight about those messages." He paused when Kelly stepped forward to hand me a flash drive.

"This has a program on it that we want you to download on your computer. It should track the address of whoever is threatening you." I nodded and stuck the flash drive in my pocket.

"How did you get this?" Kelly and Gustavo glanced at each other before she spoke.

"Let's just say we know some guys in our company's video game division." I stared at them for a moment but decided I didn't want to know.

"Is there isn't anything else I need to do?" Gustavo shook his head.

"I don't think we need to go as far as getting you a body guard yet but if you keep getting these messages we will take that step." I nodded and looked towards the others who seemed to be satisfied with that. Kelly stepped forward again.

"When Mrs. Knight and Ms. Mitchell leave tomorrow I want you boys to stay in contact with us when you aren't here. Don't leave the Palm Woods unless you have to and stay together. Logan may be the one getting the threats but that doesn't mean he is the only one in danger." Kendall, James, and Carlos nodded. I thought they would be upset about being on lock down but they seemed to be completely fine with it.

When we were done at Rocque Records we left and went straight back to the Palm Woods. We passed Camille and Jo when we walked through the lobby. Camille smiled and waved at us but Jo seemed a little apprehensive. When I waved at her she hesitantly waved back. She was probably still a little shocked that I was suddenly so nice to her. I was pretty shocked too.

When we got back into the apartment I went straight to my computer to download the program before I forgot. I was a little nervous I would get another message so I dragged Kendall with me. He sat in my desk chair while I sat in his lap. I could feel him rubbing my sides relaxing me as I waited for my computer to load.

When my desk top popped up I plugged in the flash drive.

"How is this supposed to work?" I thought about it for a moment before responding.

"Well whenever you send a message you leave a trail that gives your location. I guess the program follows the trail then sends back a location."

"So it can tell us where this guy lives?"

"Maybe… it depends on where he sends the messages from. For all we know he doesn't own a computer and uses a public one at like a library or something." Kendall nodded and we both fell silent when the program finished downloading. I unplugged the flash drive and closed the window. I leaned against Kendall with a sigh.

"Now what?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Wait for him to send a message…" Before I could finish my computer made a beeping noise.

_Anonymous has sent you a message…_

**A/N: Done! I wasn't sure where I was going with this but I finally have an idea! Yey! **

**So I recently looked in my documents folder and I realized I have A LOT of unfinished stories. Not counting the chapter of abduction I'm working on I have four unfinished one shots and that one two shots I promised like a billion years ago. **

**I'm going to try and get them done this week and have them all up soon. I just hate having all these unfinished stories and it's not even like I don't like the ideas anymore. I still want to do them. It will be nice to have those done. **

**I'm thinking that for June 10****th**** I might do two to three more chapters of that and be done. For this story I'm not so sure but I think after this part of the story I might begin wrapping up all the loss ends. How long that takes depends on how many loose ends there are.**

**After this story I already have another one in mind and I've decided that I might do another series of one shots. So I still have a lot planned. I haven't hit a mental block yet. Well except for abduction. But I promise I will finish that soon too. **

**That story is becoming my personal hell. But I will get through it!**

**On another note I can't wait for the BTR episode. I'm getting used to the story line and I can't wait to see Jo go. I think it's obvious from the worldwide video she is gone. **

**I'll be waving happily as she walks away. Kind of like when my sister finally moved out… lol**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter**

**There is more to come**

**(1): A few months ago Rutgers the school I attend was in the news because Tyler Clementi killed himself over his roommate finding out he was gay. I didn't know him personally but a lot of my friends knew him and it kills me that he lost his life because of some jerk. **


	39. not much happening

**A/N: So I just finished watching Big Time Brake Up and it was a great episode! I wish it had been longer and I was surprised I wasn't as happy to see Jo leave as I thought I would be. Probably because Kendall was so sad. Poor Kendall =[**

**But I loved the promo for the next episode! I love the episodes when the four of them hang out together.**

**Now I'm going to type this while I wait to watch the episode again at 11. Thank you Fios for having the second nickelodeon channel on California time.**

**PS: This is IMPORTANT well to me anyway… but I figure that a lot of people on fanfiction read this and someones got to be able to answer my question. Anyway, I want to go to see BTR on September 3****rd**** when they are at 6 flags. This dying urge to see them probably happened when they preformed where I live and I didn't know about it. (I'm serious it was a five minute drive from my house. I never got over that…) anyway the six flags site says I not only need park tickets I need concert tickets for the actually arena in the park. The presale for the tickets is sold out so I want to know if I went on the day if I could buy tickets. If anyone else here is going or plans on going please help me out. My friend and I are dying to go and since I'll be at school by then I need to plan my whole weekend ahead of time so I can get back to school without missing class. **

_Anonymous has sent you a message…_

Kendall and I looked at each other before I clicked except. My heart was racing as I waited for the message to pop up. The only think keeping me semi calm was the feel of Kendall's thumb rubbing against my side.

_Hey Logie! Its Camille!_

Kendall and I both let out mixes of annoyed groans and sighs of relief. I mumbled to myself as I leaned forward to talk to Camille. I can't believe she had me convinced it was the guy threatening me. I wanted to kill her.

_Camille! You scared me why the heck are you on as Anonymous!_

_Sorry Logan, I couldn't log on to my account so I had to log on as a guest. What's going on?_

I let out a sigh and shook my head. The universe was having such a great time toying with me.

_Someone has been sending me threatening messages and they have been using an Anonymous screen name._

Camille took a few moments to reply.

_What have they been saying? Do you really think you're in danger?_

_I don't know… I hope not._

_Me to… take care of yourself Logan._

_Don't worry I will._

I went to close the conversation but then remembered something.

_Camille, try not to log on as anonymous. We're trying to figure out who is sending the messages and I don't want you to get in trouble._

_KK bye Logie!_

When Camille signed off I turned in Kendall's lap so I could look at him easier. He reached his hand up and cupped my face before sliding his hand down to my neck.

"Well that didn't go as expected." I let out a chuckle and nodded.

"Yep. I guess its not going to be as easy as we thought. I'll just leave my computer on so there is more chances for them to message me something." Kendall nodded and we both fell silent. After a few seconds he let out a sigh.

"Now what do we do?" I shrugged my shoulders then looked down at him with a smirk.

"Make out?" Kendall smirked then stood up picking me up with him.

"That works." Kendall walked us over to the bed then softly lowered me down. As soon as I was settled Kendall climbed on top of me. He settled between my legs and connected our lips in a deep fiery kiss. My hands were immediately all over him; smoothing over his back, running over his arms, and stopping at his head to tangle in his hair.

When Kendall forced his tongue into my mouth I moaned and tugged his hair lightly. When I tugged his hair harder a second time Kendall let out a growl and bit my lip. The sensation made shivers go down my spine and forced my hips to thrust upward rubbing our growing arousals together. Kendall broke away from the kiss allowing us both to moan loudly.

He reattached his lips to my neck and bit down on my pulse point causing my hips to thrust again. When Kendall began to suck on my neck and roll his hips into mine I fisted his shirt and bit my lip. Kendall eventually pulled away he reached for the hem of my shirt and started to pull it off. I sat up and to help him get my shirt completely off then helped him pull his own shirt off.

I laid back against the bed panting harshly as I stared up at Kendall with half lidded eyes. He gave me a quick smirk before leaning back down to bit at my neck again. His hands were rubbing my stomach and sides as he peppered kisses down my neck. When he reached my chest he began to suck on my nipple sending waves of pleasure straight to my member.

I wrapped my legs around his waist in an attempt to bring him closer. The pulsing pleasure he was giving me was giving me the urge to find any form of friction and I needed it bad. When I let out a pitiful whine Kendall laughed and pulled back again. He undid his own pants first the stood up to pull them down.

I quickly lost patience with him and went to undo my own pants with shaking hands. When I started pulling them down Kendall grabbed my wrists stopping me. I pulled my hands away and lifted my hips so he could pull them off himself. Once he threw them aside Kendall started kissing my chest again then made his way downward. I parted my legs wider in anticipation and bit my lip when his chest continued to rub against my pulsing member.

When he reached my hips he kissed around the area making me whine and moan for more. When he bypassed my member completely I went to let out a whine of annoyance but it turned into a long moan when he started licking and probing at my entrance.

"Jesus Christ." I was at a complete loss for what to do so I reached down with both hands to fist Kendall's hair. I convulsed and thrashed against the bed as Kendall pushed his tongue inside my entrance. When he found my prostate I had to cover my mouth to muffle my loud moans. I arched my back when he began furiously licking at my inner walls giving me the most amazing pleasure.

I tightened my grip in his head and began moving my hips against his movements. At this moment I didn't care about anything else I just didn't want him to stop.

When a knock came to our door I wanted to scream in frustration. Kendall pulled away and composed himself quickly.

"What?"

"Dinner is ready." It was Carlos and I was going to kill him later. Kendall looked up at me.

"Dinner's ready." I grabbed his head and to stop him from going anywhere.

"Don't care. Don't stop." I faintly saw him smirk before he quickly leaned back down. I was surprised that I would be capable of cuming this way but I definitely could feel myself falling over the edge. I pushed Kendall's face deeper and arched my back as I felt myself fall over the edge. My vision went white and my legs locked around Kendall's head. He rubbed my thighs and continued to work me through my orgasm until it was over.

I relaxed against the bed and lazily watched him as he crawled back up my body and licked the cum off my stomach. When he was eye level with me he kissed my deeply.

When I finally recovered from my orgasm I pushed Kendall to lay back. I knew we didn't have much time so I didn't hesitate and went straight into it. Kendall let out a deep moan as I brought him into my mouth and began sucking and bobbing my head. I felt his hands thread through my hair as he began thrusting lightly. I didn't stop him and allowed him to thrust into my mouth as I moved my tongue over the underside of his dick. When I began sucking on the head I fisted the base of his member and squeezed.

Kendall let out another moan signaling that he was close so I took all of him in again as he came into my mouth. His orgasm caused him to thrust and I couldn't help but gag a little. I swallowed all I could then pull away when he was done.

Like he did I climbed up his body and pulled him into a deep kiss. After taking a few minutes to recollect himself. We both climbed off the bed and quickly got dressed.

When we left our room everyone was just starting to eat.

"There you two are." My mom raised her eyebrow at us. "What took you two so long?"

"I was downloading that program Gustavo gave me."

"I helped." When I sat down I noticed the looks James and Carlos were sending each other. Since Carlos was the closest I smacked him in order to get him to cut it out. They both looked away from each other but I could still see smirks as they snickered to themselves.

"So…" I looked up at Mrs. Knight when she spoke. "Gustavo talked to you?" I nodded my head.

"Yea, he told us we had to be careful and that we shouldn't leave the Palm Woods."

"Kelly also told us to call her when we aren't with them." James added. Mrs. Knight nodded and we fell into meaningless talk. Mrs. Knight, Katie, and my mother spent the day together. They told us how someone thought my mom was Katie's older sister. Or in other worlds they thought Mrs. Knight was my mom's mom. Mrs. Knight didn't think it was amusing.

I didn't find it funny either. If that were true that would make Kendall my uncle.

I don't want to have sex with my uncle.

When we were finished James, Carlos, Kendall and I went into the living room to play some video games. It was going to be our last night to relax considering the Concert was in a few days. I felt like we could be ready but there was always that doubt in the back of my mind. Added with the fear I've been feeling who knows what could happen.

Kendall, James, and Carlos didn't seem too bothered by anything so I decided to try and relax. Kendall would only worry if he knew he had to so if he wasn't worried I wouldn't worry. Or at least I would try not to worry.

The concert was going to be great and we were going to catch whoever was sending me threats. At least that's what I was hoping for.

**A/N: done. This chapter was on the short side but I'm ok with that it's just filler. The concert chapter is two chapters away and hint, hint that's where the fun begins. **

**There is more to come.**


	40. concert

**A/N: I know it's been a while but it's not like I wasn't doing anything right?**

"Remember to brush your teeth and don't forget to floss either and take a shower every day…"

"Mom we'll be fine." Mrs. Knight let out a sigh and nodded. She gave Kendall, James, and Carlos a hug before she made her way to me. When she pulled me close to her she whispered into my ear.

"Take care of yourself Logan… the others too. When she gave me a kiss on the head I felt my face heat up slightly. When she pulled away I nodded and gave her a reassuring smile. She knew everything would be taken care of; it was just in her nature to worry. When she stepped a few feet away I was pulled into another tighter hug. I felt my face heat up even more.

"Mom you're squeezing me." She pulled away and kissed my head.

"Remember everything Kelly told you don't do anything dangerous." I sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time and nodded.

"I get it. You guys don't have to worry." She gave me a smile and held her hand up to my face for a quick second before she turned towards the door and followed Mrs. Knight and Katie out. James, Carlos, Kendall, and I carried their bags down for them rolling our eyes every time they told us to be carefully. They were like broken records it was almost a relief to see them drive away.

"Freedom at last." Carlos threw his arms up in the air and cheered as he jumped up and down. James and Kendall rolled their eyes before turning their attention to me. They knew I was going to have to burst his bubble. I couldn't help it, I was the logical one.

"Not really Carlos." He turned to me with a sad questioning look. "We're on lock down while their gone. And even if we weren't we'll be at the recording studio all day preparing for the concert tomorrow."

"That's no fun…" Kendall gave Carlos a sympathetic look as he draped his arm over Carlos' shoulder.

"Yea but the concert will be awesome right?" A smile immediately came to Carlos' face. He nodded his head quickly then ran back inside with James to finish getting ready. Kendall wrapped his arm around my waist as we followed behind them at a slower pace.

"I don't get it." Kendall gave me a questioning look. He tightened his arm around me as a signal for me to continue.

"What?"

"That guy messaged me almost every day but when we finally find the means to catch him he just suddenly stops? I just… I don't know."

"Do you think he somehow knew?" I shook my head and thought for a moment. It didn't make sense that he knew. How could he have known? I don't remember anyone else being around when Gustavo gave us the flash drive but I figured there could be another why they could have known.

"Maybe they hacked my laptop?" Kendall stopped halfway towards the apartment making me stop as well.

"You really think so?" I let out a sigh and shook my head.

"Not really. Something would have happened by now if they were hacking my computer." Kendall nodded and we started walking again. When we got inside we could hear James and Carlos' loud voices. I shook my head and sighed choosing to ignore their argument right now. I had more important things on my mind at the moment.

Even though we practiced and trained as much as we could I still didn't know if I was ready for the concert. It's been a while and even worse we still didn't know how people we going to treat us. It feels like Kendall and I came out so long ago but to all of our fans or ex-fans it's still fresh in their minds. They still want more from us and I'm afraid of what they'll say or what they'll think.

I don't want a repeat of what happened during that interview and I definitely don't want anything worse. It just seems like almost anything could go wrong and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.

As soon as I was done getting ready I stood by the door to wait for the others. Carlos and James had resolved their problem a while ago and were both running around the apartment to get a few last things done. Carlos was trying to eat and get dressed at the same time while James was trying to do his hair and eat at the same time.

I shook my head and chuckled to myself as they ran around like idiots. I always told them to use their time more wisely but they never listened.

"Let's go guys if we don't leave now we'll be late." Kendall came out of our room throwing on a plaid shirt as he walked towards the front door. James and Carlos were right behind him mumbling about how they didn't like to be rushed. I rolled my eyes and decided not to comment. I knew once again they wouldn't have to rush if they got up earlier but I also knew that would never happen.

Kelly was outside waiting for us when we finally exited the Palm Woods. She gave us all a smile then waited for us to climb into the limo before climbing in herself.

"Ok, we're just going to go over the set today a few times. Nothing major we need you to have plenty of energy for tomorrow." I nodded and let out a relieved sigh. Gustavo has been working us so hard it was nice to know today would be a more relaxed day.

When we arrived at the studio we walked inside quickly not wanting to make Gustavo wait any longer. He stood in the middle of the dance studio with Mr. X and the styling team behind him. His arms were crossed and he continued to glare at us as we filed into the room. When Kelly walked across the room to stand behind him Gustavo began to speak.

"Dogs, today is the last day before the concert so I better not here any complaining from any of you. Do what I say so we can get everything done. Got it?" We all nodded Carlos and Kendall throwing in groans of acknowledgement. When Gustavo was satisfied he pointed towards Mr. X then pointed at us. Kelly and the Styling team followed Gustavo out of the room as Mr. X stayed behind.

He did a few turns in front of us until he was standing in front of the stereo. He placed his finger on the power button then stared at us intently.

"Ready... begin!" Mr. X turned on the stereo and the first song we were going to perform began playing. We were going to do a set of five songs, which included. Big Night, Till I forget about you, Worldwide, If I ruled the World, and Halfway there in that order. It should be simple. They were all songs that we've done plenty of times before excluding If I ruled the World, which was new.

We've still practiced singing the songs and dancing to the songs long enough to know everything by heart. It wasn't a surprise that we were done quickly almost not having to stop at all. Mr. X seemed pleased with us so we moved to picking what we were going to wear tomorrow.

That of course involved a lot of fighting with the styling team because no matter what they always seemed to pick the most outrageous outfits. James didn't help though because he thought he looked good in everything. When they finally relented we were each left with a simple outfit that showed our own unique styles.

Next, Gustavo wanted us to practice harmonies. Gustavo was a little harder to please then Mr. X and he had us doing the songs over and over again for hours. I thought he would never be satisfied but after another half hour he let out a sigh and gestured for us to get out of the booth.

"That's all I need from you today. The concert is tomorrow afternoon so be ready at 10 for sound check." We nodded and started to make out way out. Gustavo held his hand up stopping us.

"What now Gustavo?" I gave Kendall a look telling him to be nice. Gustavo had barely yelled at us all day and I wasn't going to let Kendall start a fight now. Gustavo glared at Kendall for a moment before rolling his eyes and choosing to ignore him. He stood up from his chair his body relaxing slightly.

"The performance isn't all you need to be ready for. I don't want to hear about one of you punching someone out again so keep you're cool." When Gustavo looked towards me I blushed and lowered my gaze to the floor. I could hear snickering next to me so I reached over and pinched Kendall's arm. When he let out a pained noise I grinned to myself and looked back up. Kendall was staring at me with a pout on his face.

Before I could say anything Gustavo cleared his throat. When he raised an eyebrow at us Kendall let out a sigh.

"We won't do anything, promise." Gustavo nodded then waved us out. I grabbed Kendall's hand and walked out as quickly as I could. I wasn't going to give Kendall a chance to make some side comment or remark that would get him in trouble with Gustavo.

As soon as we were in the limo I sat close to Kendall and laid my head on his shoulder. I let out a content sigh and couldn't help but smile to myself when Kendall wrapped his arm around me. We remained silent for more than half of the trip. Even James and Carlos seemed to be lost in their own thoughts at the moment. I could tell from the smile on James' face he was thinking about tomorrow's concert. He was so excited for it so I really hoped it would go perfectly. I didn't want to see what James would look like if it didn't.

When we returned to the Palm Woods we all went up to the apartment knowing we would need all the rest we could get. James retreated to his own room while Carlos stayed out in the living room.

"Logie you want to play against me?" Carlos held up a controller with his free hand as he used his other to turn on the console. I nodded looking towards my room quickly.

"Just give me a minute." When Carlos nodded I walked into mine and Kendall's room and went straight to my laptop. As soon as it was on I stared at the desktop waiting for something to happen. When nothing popped up on the screen I let out a sigh and sat back in my chair.

It really didn't make any sense. I wanted to think that someone was just trying to scare me and eventually got bored but it seemed like it was more than that. It wasn't someone I knew, which meant they had to go through an awful lot of trouble to find my screen name. They wouldn't have gone through the trouble if they weren't serious.

I thought back to the messages remembering how they said I would regret meeting them. That obviously meant they wanted to do something. I didn't know what that meant I just hoped it wasn't going to be any time soon.

I stood with a sigh as I closed my laptop. I didn't want to think about it anymore. Nothing was happening right now and I just wanted to focus on that. I didn't want to worry if there was nothing for me to worry about. The only thing I wanted to focus on right now was getting plenty of rest so I could perform well tomorrow.

* * *

When my alarm started going off I groaned and rolled over in bed to turn it off. I lifted myself up to reach across the nightstand but Kendall's arms around my waist prevented me from getting close enough. I let out a sigh and removed Kendall's arms from my waist. I ignored his moan of protest and slammed my hand on the off button. Before I could get out of bed Kendall was wrapping his arms around me again and pulling me so my back was against his chest.

"Kendall we have to get up Gustavo will kill us if we're not ready on time."

"Five more minutes." I chuckled and turned so I was facing him. His eyes were closed and as more time passed his breathing began to even out again. When it seemed like he was just falling asleep I started shaking him.

"Kendall wake up." Kendall groaned and rolled away from me. I let out a huff as I sat up. I stared down at Kendall for a moment then smiled to myself. I knew how to get him up.

I pushed Kendall onto his back then threw my leg over him. I waited a second to gauge his reaction before placing my full wait on his waist. He tried not to react but I could still see the smile forming.

"Wake up Kendall." I ran my fingers up his chest stopping at his pecks. I felt him shift under me already feeling his hardness pressing against my backside. I leaned down so my chest was flush against his. I let my breath brush against his ear for a second before I whispered in his ear seductively. "If you get up now we'll have just enough time to take a shower together.

The next thing I knew Kendall was pushing me off him. I frowned thinking he was rejecting me but the next thing I knew Kendall was holding my wrist tightly and dragging me towards the bathroom. I smiled to myself as we entered the room. I knew that would get him up.

* * *

I looked myself over in the mirror one finally time before exiting the bathroom. A simple purple t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans seemed perfect for a summer concert. When I walked into the living room James, Carlos, and Kendall were standing around waiting for 9 o'clock to roll around. Kelly was going to pick us up in front of the Palm Woods then drive us over to the venue. Sound check was at ten then the concert started at noon.

When there was a knock on the door. Carlos ran over and opened it. Kelly was standing on the other side typing away at her phone.

"Come on boys it's time to go." We all ran out of the apartment Carlos leading the way. When we got down to the lobby many of our friends were down there; each of them telling us they couldn't wait for the concert.

"Do you think there will be a lot of people at the concert?" James flipped his hair after he sat down in the limo then looked to the rest of us expectantly. Carlos spoke as soon as he sat down.

"There always seems to be more and more people each time we have a concert I bet there will be thousands of people there!"

"Yea but will they all be there because they like us?" When the others fell silent to stare at me I realized what I had said. I felt my face heat up in embarrassment as I dropped gaze to my lap. I wasn't sure why I felt the need to say that. It actually should have been something I should have kept to myself. I didn't want to damper the mood with my pessimism but it seemed I did it without even thinking. When I felt a hand on my shoulder I looked up to find Carlos giving me a bright smile.

"Don't worry about haters Logan just have fun!" I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face as I stared at Carlos. He was filled with so much excitement I couldn't help but absorb some of it.

"Thanks Carlos." Carlos sat back against the set and smiled to himself. We sat in silence for a few more minutes before we were pulling up to the venue. My very first step out of the limo was met with screaming fans. There were dividers on either side that went all the way to the front door of the building. Just behind the dividers were screaming fans that were holding up signs and shouting our names.

As we walked down the path I made sure to stop and sign autographs and hug the fans who were waiting. It was my way of thanking them for staying loyal to us. When Kelly called out to us to hurry up I decided to hug one more fan before going in. I walked over to a girl who looked about my age. She had long curly hair and a bigger build. When I pulled her into a hug she whispered in my ear.

"We love you for being yourself." When I pulled away I gave her a smile that made her eyes sparkle. I gave her a quick thank you before running inside to be with the others.

"You get lost out there?" I punched Kendall in the arm and gave him a playful glare. He looked at me for a second a smile forming on his face.

"You look better…" I let out a little chuckle and rubbed the back of my neck.

"One of the fans said… they loved me for being myself." Kendall smiled and wrapped his arm around me. He kissed my temple and started leading me farther inside.

"See, nothing to worry about." I nodded and leaned my head against Kendall's shoulder. We walked into a lounge area that was filled with different snacks and drinks. James sitting on a couch with his head leaned back. His eyes were closed as he hummed to himself.

Carlos was, of course at the snack table. He had a snickers in one hand, a corndog in the other, and a Reese's buttercup was hanging out of his mouth. As soon as Kelly saw him she huffed.

"Carlos don't eat yourself sick. He nodded and went back to stuffing his face. I laughed to myself as I sat down on the couch. When Kendall sat down next to me Gustavo walked into the room.

"Your sound check starts in a few minutes. You'll be doing Oh Yeah so they won't hear the same song more than once. Be ready in five minutes." We nodded and watched Gustavo as he left. I stood up from the couch and began stretching my muscles. When I bent forward to stretch my legs I noticed Kendall was staring at me.

"Maybe you should stretch too perv." Kendall quickly stood almost like he was shocked out of his trance. I couldn't help but smile at the small blush forming on his face.

By the time I finished stretching Gustavo was walking back in. He lead us to the stage area where we were handed our microphones. We waited for the band to start playing before we ran on to the stage. The screaming was so loud I could hardly hear myself. I looked out into the large crowd noticing the various signs that said our names. I couldn't help but notice the various Kendall plus Logan signs. It definitely brought a smile to my face.

I quickly got into form with the others as it became time for us to sing. James stepped forward and started us off. Carlos, Kendall, and I stood behind him pulling off the dance moves as the fans cheered even louder.

We went through the rest of the song quickly running off the stage as soon as it was over. The energy of the crowd was amazing and that was only a sound check.

"That was amazing!" James and Carlos jumped up in excitement nodding their heads.

"I know! I can't wait to get back out there!" Before James could say anything else Kelly walked over to us.

"Well you guys still have a while so go back and rest a little." We nodded and made our way back to the lounge room. I let out a sigh as I plopped down on the couch. The concert hadn't started yet and I already felt like things were going well. I thought that it would be worse coming out but it seemed like our fans loved us the same. It was nice knowing people could still remain so loyal no matter what.

"All right guys its time." We all jumped to our feet and ran back over to the stage. I was bouncing where I stood completely confident that everything was going to go well. I gave Kendall a quick smile before I was running back on the stage again.

The fans seemed to be cheering even louder than before and there was even more people than before. As soon as we got into place the band began playing the music. The fans cheered even louder as soon as they recognized the song.

_Oh, it's gonna be a big night  
We're gonna have a good time  
It's gonna be a big, big, big, big, big, big night_

I could already here people singing along as we sang. I glanced towards the others and noticed the big smiles on their faces. I could see Carlos prepare himself as he got ready to sing.

_1, 2, 3, all my boys and girls  
We gonna party like it's the end of the world  
Let's get it started, started, started, whoa, oh_

Carlos took a breath before continuing.

_Waitin' on weekends it's Friday night  
We gonna get dressed up  
For the time of our lives  
Let's get it started, started, started_

Carlos gave me a high five as he ran past me. I took in a breath before it came to my part.

_'Cause I've been feelin' down, down, down  
I need a pick me up, round, round, round  
I wanna spin it up loud, loud, loud  
DJ take me away_

I couldn't help but notice the cheering pick up right before the chorus. I looked over the crowd noticing a man standing still towards the front. It must have been a parent so I ignored it and got into place.

_Oh  
It's gonna be a big night  
We're gonna have a good time  
It's gonna be a big, big, big, big, big, big night_

I ran towards the edge of the stage to shake some of the fans hands before I had to get into dance formation again. When I turned away from the crowd and faced the others I noticed Kendall look past me as his eyes grew wide. The next thing I knew I was being pushed to the ground as I began to here a loud bang followed by screams of horror.

**A/N: Done! Sorry it took so long for this to come out. I wanted to finish other stuff before I continued this. I'm not sure I liked the end to much. I wanted that cliff hanger but I couldn't find a way to convey it right. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**PS: I noticed when I was reading through this there were a lot more mistakes and miss used words than usual. There are probably more that I missed so sorry about that.**

**There is more to come.**


	41. shooting

**A/N: So… the last few reviews on this story left me a little upset, annoyed, then confused. I'm not sure if this person thinks it's funny of if their last review is some sort of joke but I hope that maybe they actually are sorry because there is a difference between constructive criticism and cyber bullying. If it is just some big joke and you plan on insulting me even more consider this: people kill themselves because of cyber bullying and the next time you think its "funny" to flame someone you may be the one who sends them over the edge. That's being a little dramatic but it's the truth.**

**Anyway on to the chapter.**

When I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was Kendall. He was leaning over me staring into the crowd as I laid flat on my back. I couldn't hear any more shots being fired but I could still hear people scream as they scattered, each trying to find safety and shelter. I turned on my side underneath Kendall to look out into the crowd as well but before I could even think about looking for the shooter I was being pulled to my feet.

"Let's go, let's go!" One of our security guards had me by the arm as they dragged us off the stage. Carlos and James were being escorted right in front of us through the crowd. Our fans didn't care about the fact that we were running right next to them. We were literally right in their reach but it was almost like we weren't even there. When there was more gun fire the hysteria only became worse. Carlos and James seemed to disappear and when I looked back Kendall did as well.

"Kendall!" I was pulled to a kneeling position before I could look over the crowd. The security guard tightened his hold on my arm to the point of causing pain.

"Don't worry about him just move!"

"_Don't worry?"_ That was impossible. Kendall was my life how could I not worry. The knowledge that he could be in just as much danger as I was or even more scared me to death. And what about James and Carlos? What happened to them? They disappeared so fast it was like they never existed. I was alone when I needed my friends more than ever. Not just to protect my slowly slipping sanity but to make sure that they were ok.

I tripped over something and fell to the ground hard. When I glanced down at my legs I felt sick to my stomach. I tripped over a person, a body. I wasn't sure if they had been caught in the cross fire or trampled to death but it didn't really seem to matter they were still dead. The security guard wrapped his arms around my waist and hoisted me up again. We must have walked a few feet before more shots were over powering all the other noises. I covered my ears and couldn't help but shut my eyes. The sound was closer now.

"We're almost there!" I nodded not even caring were we were going. I just wanted to get out of here. Another few feet and more gun fire went off. There was more screaming and I was suddenly on the ground again. I thought the security guard was trying to cover me like Kendall had done but there was one main difference he didn't move. I pushed myself onto my hands and knees and crawled out from under him. When I turned him onto his back he was still breathing but it was short and shallow. The front of his shirt was already beginning to soak through with blood.

I looked around at a loss for what to do. All my medical knowledge seemed to disappear as if I didn't know a thing. I watched the few people still running by but none of them stopped to help. I reached down with shaking hands and used all my strength to push him into a sitting position. He groaned in pain but I ignored it. I removed his yellow jacket from his body then laid him back down. I placed it over the wound and applied pressure. I still knew I had to try and stop the bleeding but my mind went blank for anything else.

I briefly thought I should try and pull us to safety but there was no way I could carry him. I thought I could yell for help but the thought of gaining the shooter's attention sent a shiver down my spine. I was at a loss for what to do and I was scared. I was too overwhelmed before but everything I was feeling suddenly hit me all at once. I was crying before I could even think about it and my rapid heartbeat seemed loud enough to drown out any other noises.

There was one though that I heard loud and clear. It was almost none existent compared to the screaming that suddenly quieted. A distinctive click from a few feet behind me had my blood run cold. I slowly turned around my mind seeming to blank even more when I was met with the barrel of a gun.

* * *

James POV:

I didn't see it. It didn't even register in my mind that someone had been shooting at us. I thought the concert had been going well but I was suddenly being pulled off the stage right behind Carlos. I was angry at first and ready to protest but when I heard more shots being fired it finally registered in my mind what was going on.

I crouched down glancing around as I was lead through the crowd. I was on edge so when Carlos grasped my arm I nearly jumped out of my skin. When Carlos looked at me the fear on his face was clear. He held onto my arm tightly as we were lead to safety. It seemed like the limo had been miles away but when I was finally pushed inside I felt some relief. I could still hear more screaming and gun fire in the distance but I felt better about my own well being.

When Carlos let out a whimper next to me I wrapped an arm around his shoulder. The action made me wonder where Logan and Kendall were. Were they ok? I didn't get a chance to see what happened to them so I had no idea where they were.

"Where are the others?" Carlos stared up at me with wide eyes. I bit my lip and shook my head not saying a word. I didn't know what I was supposed to say or do. Kendall was the one who handled these situations well. I on the other hand couldn't stop shaking.

When the limo door opened again Carlos and I both jumped. He was practically in my lap as we watched Kendall being pushed inside. He looked at both of us wide eyed as he breathed heavily.

"Where's Logan?" Carlos and I both shook our heads. Kendall bit his lip and turned to look out the window. His body was trembling; he was just as scared as the rest of us. "He was in front of me but I lost him in the crowd." I swallowed past a lump in my throat as I tried to find some words of comfort. This seemed like the type of situation where you would say _I'm sure he's ok_ or _He'll be here in a minute_ but I wasn't feeling that optimistic.

We sat silently for another few minutes. Kendall kept looking outside waiting for Logan to show up. He was waiting for some sign that Logan was ok. They longer we went not knowing where Logan was the harder it was for any of us to stay calm. When the door opened again and Kendall moved aside I felt some relief thinking Logan was about to jump in the car and we would speed away. This would just become a horrible memory I would get over eventually.

Unfortunately the world doesn't work that perfectly. The three security guards that brought Kendall, Carlos, and I jumped in and to my shock we started to drive away.

"Wait! What are you doing we have to wait for Logan!" One of the security guards held up a hand in defense when it looked like Kendall was about to jump down his throat.

"We can't wait anymore. He's not alone we have to get you three out of here and come back."

"No way! I'm not leaving without him!" Kendall went to jump over them to literally jump out of the limo but they pulled him back. He tried to fight them more as he shouted and protested and I wasn't sure what I should do. I wanted to find Logan. I probably wasn't as desperate as Kendall right now but Logan was my best friend and I never wanted anything bad to happen to him. The think keeping me back was fear. I was too afraid to do anything. My mind screamed for me to move or do something but my body felt numb. I just watched as Kendall continued to try and fail to get out of the limo.

When we finally came to a stop Kendall was the first one out. When I looked around we were blocks away from where the concert was. I didn't know why we stopped here but I didn't really care. Kendall was still fighting with the security guards so I finally took action and pulled him to the side.

"James! What the hell? I need to go back for Logan!"

"I know but just think for a minute. You have to go with a level head." When I fell silent Kendall stared at me. He rolled his eyes then threw his hands up.

"Well what do we do James?"

"I don't know I'm not the smart one!" Kendall gripped at his hair and began pacing. I let out a sigh and shook my head at the ridiculousness of all of this. Everything was fine a few hours ago but then it all suddenly changed.

I looked away from Kendall to Carlos who was watching everything awkwardly. He was at a loss for what to do just like me and maybe even a little more so. I placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder then looked towards the security guards. They were huddled together a few feet away one of them was holding a walkie talkie. When I remembered Logan had been with one of them I realized they were trying to find him.

"Did you find Logan?" They looked over to me suddenly falling quiet. When they didn't respond I felt my worry growing. I glanced to my side when I felt someone's shoulder touch mine. Kendall was staring at the security guards intensely some hope in his eyes.

"Well?" They looked at each other before the largest of the three men stepped forward.

"You're friend was supposed to be with his security guard…. Johnson but he isn't answering."

"Then where is Logan?" He gave Kendall a sympathetic look before letting out a sigh.

"We don't know."

* * *

Logan POV:

"On your feet kid." I heard him but my body wouldn't move. I continued to stare at the gun inches from my face so paralyzed with fear I wasn't sure if I was actually breathing. I noticed slightly that the gun was shaking in the man's hands but I figured it was from anger rather than fear. "I said on your feet!"

"O-Ok." I stood slowly while holding my hands up in a defensive manor. I finally looked away from the gun to look at his face and I realized I recognized him. "D-do I…"

"Know me?" I swallowed when he hardened his glare.

"Maybe you would remember better if you gave me another punch in the face!"

"Y-you're that guy who tried to sue us." I averted my gaze looking anywhere but at him. "You sent those m-messages too… I'm assuming." When I felt the gun being pressed against my chest I gasped and let out a whimper. I shut my eyes tightly and bit my lip as I felt my eyes begin to water.

"Yes and you deserve this."

"B-but I didn't do anything…" He pushed the gun harder against me causing me to let out a small sob.

"Shut up!" I bit my lip in order to prevent any more sound from escaping. I opened my eyes for a second only to close my eyes tightly again when I saw the gun pressed against my chest. For the first time I realized I probably wasn't going to live through this. I wouldn't see my friends again, I wouldn't see my family again, I wouldn't be able to grow up and live my life happily. For all I knew that happy life could have been with Kendall but it seemed I would never know now. When the gun was suddenly gone I furrowed my eyebrows and opened my eyes. I couldn't help but let out a whimper when I found it right in front of my face.

"Please don't I didn't do anything."

"Didn't do anything? You're tainting the gene pool just by existing! By getting rid of you I'll send a message that the world doesn't want fags like you."

"B-but…" When he pushed the gun so it was pressed against my forehead I shut my mouth quickly; half to shut myself up and half to keep myself from throwing up. I shut my eyes again and found it harder and harder to prevent myself from letting out small whimpers as I cried. It seemed like this was it and I just wished I could see my friends and family again.

When I heard coughing behind me I couldn't help but turn and open my eyes to look. I almost forgot the security guard was there. I wasn't sure how injured he was but he didn't look good. He let out a few short breaths before he opened his mouth in an attempt to speak.

"You're so stupid." I widened my eyes and looked back at the gunman in front of me. If he was trying to help my case he wasn't doing so great. The guy looked mad as hell. He suddenly stepped forward and pushed me to the ground. He held the gun so it was pointing at me but his attention was on the man on the ground.

"That's pretty big words for a dying man." He hissed out. His tone though didn't even seem to faze the security guard. I wasn't sure if it was because his body was beginning to grow numb or he figured he was going to die anyway but he glanced towards the shooter and smiled.

"If you think the world will be on your side you are seriously mistaken." He closed his eyes for a second before opening them slowly again. "Killing a gay kid… that's low. He'll be a hero and you'll always be known as the dirt bag that started firing on a group of kids." As I continued to watch on I couldn't help but notice the gunman faltered for a second. It seemed like he was actually taking what he was hearing into consideration.

The only thing that I was wondering now was would he actually listen. The shooter continued to stare at the security guard intensely until he was suddenly turning the gun on him.

"Just shut up." I let out a scream when he pulled the trigger again. If I thought the sound was loud from a distance it was like an explosion in my ear close up. I covered my ears and shut my eyes tightly. There was no way this was going to end well for me.

* * *

James POV:

They made us wait. Continuously refusing to let any of us go anywhere. Eventually I gave up even trying. Kendall however looked like some sort of caged animal. He paced around the edge of the room anxiously. It was clear that the only thing on his mind was Logan. Where was he? Was he ok? Was he even alive? I doubted Kendall would even let himself think that but as time went on I was beginning to wonder.

I didn't want to think it but what else was there to think? It had already been an hour since Logan disappeared and no one could figure out where he was. I could feel myself becoming more numb as I started believing this. How could I even think about handling the fact that one of my best friends was gone?

I may sometimes under appreciate Logan but just like Kendall or Carlos I needed him. He was just the perfect friend. He gave good advice and kept me grounded. It just wouldn't be the same without him around.

"That's it." Kendall went over to the door and began pulling on the handle again. He banged on it a few times then landed a nice kick before turning to lean against it. Before I could even think to say anything the door was opening and Kendall was tumbling to the floor. Carlos and I stood as quickly as we could and ran over. Gustavo stared at Kendall on the ground for a moment before looking to Carlos and me.

"The police know where Logan is let's go."

**A/N: Done. I'm not so sure about this chapter. I felt like it was starting off well but the ending might be a little weak. I also kind of felt like this all came out of nowhere. This was planned better in my head I swear. The messages where leading up to this but Idk. It might just feel like that because of the huge update gap between chapter 39 and 40. Anyway I hope you enjoyed it. I tried to make it better so I hope you liked it. **

**I'm working on Abduction but idk when I'll have that up. I decided to finish the last few chapters all at once then I'll upload them once a day. While I'm doing that I'm going to work on the last two chapters of June 10****th****. I might actually have those up soon.**

**When that's all done I'm going to start a series of one-shots. Keep an eye out for that because it's going to be the first time I take requests for stories.**

**There is more to come.**


	42. end it

**A/N: I forgot to mention this and this is actually really late but I have officially been a part of the BTR community for one year! Yey! I still remember the first day I decided to upload a story and I was really anxious to do it but I'm glad I did I've had fun. It's funny because the only reason why I even started was so I would have something to do while I waited for my favorite story to be updated. Unfortunately that story was discontinued. anyway, on to the chapter. **

I opened my eyes and uncovered my ears slowly. The shooter still had his gun pointed at the unmoving security guard. He huffed and puffed his body shaking and his eyes wide. His stare was so concentrated I could almost believe that he forgot I was there; rather, I was more hopeful of that. When he turned his attention back to me my body tensed.

"I-it's not worth it." He turned the gun back on me making me gasp.

"Shut up! You don't know anything!" When I heard that familiar click again I shut my shut my eyes tightly. I hoped that if I didn't see it coming I wouldn't feel the pain. This isn't the way I would ever expect to go or that I would ever want to. This made me think back to the time that I tried to end it all. I was so stupid.

Think back to that now I couldn't be happier that Kendall saved me that day. My heart ached that I would never see him or any of my other friends and family again.

"_I love you Kendall."_

* * *

Carlos POV:

Kendall ran past Gustavo almost knocking him over. I hesitated for a moment staring at James for a moment. I knew I should be happy that they knew where Logan was but I was afraid of what we would find. Logan was one of my best friends. I wanted him to be ok.

"Carlos lets go." I swallowed and nodded as I followed James out of the building. We climbed into a black van leaving the limo behind. We were all a little squished together with Kelly and Gustavo in the car alongside James, Kendall, and I but Kelly told us the van would get us there faster.

I just accepted it and tried to relax as we drove. It was extremely tense and quiet. I always tried to get rid of tension because I didn't like it. I always preferred when everything was light and fun and I didn't feel afraid. The tension in the air right now brought out my fear even more. To the point that I was shaking. I was afraid of what had happened, what could have happened, and what was still happening. The only comfort I could get was when James draped his arm over my shoulder. I jumped at first not expecting it but immediately calmed. Just knowing he was there and feeling the same fear as me was good enough.

When the car came to a stop I sat up straight to look out the window. Before I could say anything Kendall spoke up.

"Why are we stopping?" Kelly paused for a moment before speaking.

"The police have to make sure it's safe first before we go in."

"What does that mean? Where is Logan?"

"They believe he's with… the shooter."

"What!" Kelly held up her hands in defense when we shouted at her.

"Calm down. Leave it to the police they will get him out of there."

* * *

Logan POV:

A few agonizing minutes passed and nothing was happening. Against my better judgment I slowly opened my eyes. He was still glaring at me with the gun pointed at my head but he wasn't doing anything. He was… hesitating? I opened my mouth to consider questioning him but stopped myself realizing that was a bad idea. I didn't want him to shoot me. Asking him why he wasn't would probably encourage him to do it.

My vision flickered behind him when I noticed movement. I almost cried in relief when I saw the distinctive blue color. A few moments we were being converged on to on all sides by police officers. They held their guns up aimed at the shooter as they shouted at him to drop his weapon.

I watched him as he looked around frantically trying to figure out what he wanted to do. I was starting to get the impression that he wasn't crazy enough to get himself killed just to kill me but considering all he did already I couldn't be too sure.

In his mind he wasn't doing this for himself it seemed but for everyone else. I just hoped what my security guard had said to him earlier was actually starting to sink in. I hoped he was deciding that this wasn't the way to go.

"Sir, I'm not going to ask you again put the gun down!" Minutes went by and he still didn't do what they said. He suddenly stepped towards me making my body go rigid. He looked down at me with hatred but there was something else in his eyes as well. Disappointment?

"You deserve to die." He shook his head and let out an angry sigh. "You'll get yours… but I guess it won't be from me." When he dropped the gun on the ground and put his hands up my body almost went limp. As the officers grabbed him I crawled backwards to get away. When my mind started working correctly again I stood up.

"Logan!" I turned in enough time to see Carlos grab me and pull me into a hug. I took a second to absorb that I was safe again then held him just as tightly as he was holding me. "I'm so glad you're ok! Kendall was going crazy."

_Kendall…_

"Where is Kendall?" Before Carlos could say anything I glanced behind him and saw Kendall and James running over. I pulled away from him and was pulled into a hug by James.

"Jesus Logan you scared us." He pulled away but kept his hands on my shoulders. "You ok?" I nodded my head looking towards Kendall when Logan stepped to the side. We stared at each other for a long time before Kendall let out a breath letting his body relax.

"Hey." I let out a little chuckle and shook my head.

"Hey. I almost get shot and all you can say is hey?" Saying it made it all the more real. I bit my lip as my eyes once again began to water. Kendall must have noticed this because he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into a tight hug. I buried my face in his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck. Tears slowly slide down my face wetting his shirt because my face was pressed against it. He rubbed soothing circles in my back and whispered softly to me. He told me that I was safe and that everything would be ok. I cried even more; because it was the truth.

I was so grateful to be alive and so happy I was standing here in Kendall's arms while James and Carlos stood beside us. I could tell by their reactions to seeing me that they were afraid to. That was another reason why I was happy things didn't end badly. I didn't want to think what my death would do to my friends and family. Carlos has said it once before and its still true. Its not the same with just the three of us.

"You ok? You're not hurt right?" Kendall pulled away and brought one of his hands up to wipe my tears away. I shook my head and gave him a small smile.

"I'm fine." He nodded and let out a calming breath as he smiled as well. When he turned his attention to just behind me I turned around. Gustavo and Kelly walked over to us with a police officer beside them. Kelly walked over and pulled me into a quick hug.

"You ok?" When I nodded she gave me a small smile. "Why don't we take you guys home? Gustavo and I will take care of everything with the police." I nodded thanking her as Kendall led me over to a van that was parked around the corner. James and Carlos jumped in before us then Kendall and I climbed in after. When we were seated and on our way back to the Palm Woods I laid my head against Kendall's chest and closed my eyes. It felt amazing to be in his arms again.

He wrapped his arm tightly around me and kissed my temple. No one said anything the whole ride to the Palm Woods. Just seeming to be in each other's presences seemed to be enough. It was enough for me at least.

When we pulled up to the Palm Woods I slowly climbed out of the car feeling more tired than ever. I leaned against Kendall's side as we made our way to apartment 2J. Once inside Carlos ran over to the couch and threw himself on top of it. James chuckled and sat down on the free space at Carlos' feet.

"So what do we do now?"

"Sleep." Kendall chuckled then began to drag me towards our bedroom. I felt my eyes begin to droop at the prospect of lying in my bed and taking a nice long nap. When we got into our room Kendall brought me over to my bed then pushed back the covers before helping me lay down. I let out a sigh and relaxed against the bed as Kendall pulled the covers back up and over my body.

"Thanks." Kendall smiled and leaned down to give me a quick kiss.

"Sleep. I'll come get you later for dinner." I nodded and closed my eyes. After a moment I opened them and sat up as I raised an eyebrow at Kendall.

"You're not going to try and cook are you?" Kendall rolled his eyes.

"No, for your information I was going to order a pizza." I chuckled and plopped back against the bed.

"I can sleep easy then." Kendall playfully glared at me but didn't say anything and left the room. I smiled to myself as I let my eyes close. It only took a few moments before I was drifting off to sleep.

* * *

_I held my breath as a pistol moved out of the darkness and ended up right before me. My eyes widened as a hand came forward and grasped onto it. _

"_You deserve to die." They tightened their hold and pulled the…_

I woke with a start tumbling out of bed and falling to the ground with a thud. I groaned in pain as I slowly sat up with my hand rubbing the side of my head.

"Logie you ok?" I chuckled and stood before Kendall could reach me. He looked me over for a moment as a frown formed on his face. "Something's wrong…" I sighed and shook my head.

"It was just a bad dream it's no big deal." Kendall hesitated for a moment before nodding.

"Ok… we can talk later if you want. Right now let's eat." I nodded and stretched my arms above my head as I walked with Kendall towards the kitchen. There was a pizza three pizza boxes on the counter. When I looked inside the first one it was already empty and the second one was half empty. I raised my eyebrow and looked to Kendall.

"You guys ate fourteen slices already?" Kendall scoffed glancing towards Carlos and James who were sitting on the couch.

"I had three."

"I only had two!" James took another bit of his pizza. "And a half." I shook my head and sighed. Carlos stared at all of us for a moment before shrugging and taking another bite. I grabbed two slices and joined the others on the couch. We talked and joked and went through the usual light fun we always get ourselves into. After we finished eating we broke out the controls and played our favorite video game. Carlos beat the rest of us five to three.

It was a relaxing few hours that were nice to have after a crazy day. The whole time though that dream was at the back of my mind. It was something I should expect considering such an experience only happened a few hours ago. That didn't mean I was going to brush it off as nothing and wait for it to turn into something worse. I didn't want anything else in my life to go bad. The man who had been threatening was finally caught. I didn't have anything that I was really worried about and I didn't want this to turn into another problem. When the time was right I would talk to Kendall or my mother or James or Carlos. They would make me feel better.

I looked at the clock after losing another game to Carlos. While he jumped up and down victoriously I realized it was well past midnight.

"We better get some sleep guys." Carlos world around and gave me an incredulous look.

"What? It's only like midnight."

"That's late enough for me." Carlos rolled his eyes then sat back down to continue playing.

"Ok goodnight old man." I scoffed then took a pillow and threw it at his head. Before he could retaliate I ran out of the room. Barely hearing he would get me for that later.

"Logie wait." I stopped just before my bedroom and waited for Kendall. He wrapped his arm around my waist as soon as he caught up with me. "You're not really going to sleep are you?" When Kendall gave me a suggestive look I looked away from him and pretended like I was thinking about it. He tightened his hold on my waist and placed with the hem of my shirt.

"I don't know I should get some sleep."

"You took a two hour nap." Kendall leaned forward and began sucking on my neck. "And I want to pay you back for making fun of me." I bit my lip to suppress a moan as he sucked on my ear.

"I-is that so." Kendall nodded then reached his hands down to roughly grab my ass.

"My mom, you're mom and Katie aren't here. That means I can make you scream." I licked my lips a smirk forming on my face. I pulled away from him causing a pout to form on Kendall's face.

"I'll make you a deal." I pointed back towards the end of the hallway. "Go stand over there." Kendall raised an eyebrow but still did what I said. Once he was there I smirked at him. I started stepping backwards as I spoke. "Get to our room before I lock the door!" I turned around and ran the last few feet towards our room hearing Kendall sprinting behind me. I managed to get the door closed but it suddenly flew open making me squeak. Kendall pushed himself in shut and locked the door. He suddenly lifted me off my feet letting out a growl as he threw me on the bed.

**A/N: Done! I keep losing and gaining internet access so I didn't think I would get to post this right after I finished it. Irene didn't do that much damage for me but a lot of people by me are losing power. **

**I'm going back to school on Wednesday so I'll try to get a few updates in before then. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update once I start school again. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**There is more to come.**


	43. r and r

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. School has been taking a lot of my time but I was also doing a lot of thinking this past week. Kind of re-evaluating myself and questioning who I am as a person. It wasn't a big deal though and I'm good now so it's really not worth talking about. **

**So on to the chapter.**

James POV:

"Yes victory is mine!" Carlos stood up suddenly and slammed his control on the couch. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"Calm down that was only the first race." I turned towards the TV and narrowed my eyes as a held on to the controller tightly. "You may have won the battle but I will win the war!"

"Oh you're on!" Carlos quickly grabbed the control and sat down next to me. As we waited for the game to load we sat tensely and unblinking as we stared straight at the screen. When the race track finally came up with our cars at the starting line I held my breath as the game counted down. As soon as the word "GO" appeared on the screen I pressed the X as hard as I could. We were even at first so I slammed into Carlos making him spin out of control. I heard him curse next to me as I glanced at him and let out a victorious laugh.

We were both silent as we continued to race against each other. I was focused on not messing up and losing the lead while Carlos was focused on catching up. I was just finishing the third lap when I began to hear a sound behind me. I continued to focus on the game but tilted my head so I was somewhat turned towards Carlos. I listened closer as I heard what appeared to be a light banging sound.

"Hey do you hear that?" When I glanced at Carlos he didn't even acknowledge me.

"Yea right you're just trying to trick me." When the banging continued I paused the game and ignored Carlos' protests.

"No really. Listen." We both looked at each other with confused faces as the banging got louder and more frequent. When I glanced at the far wall I noticed the pictures shaking a swaying.

"Oh god it's an earthquake!" Carlos jumped under the table with his legs sticking out. I glanced under at him then looked back up when I heard a shout. When two and two clicked my mouth fell open and I mouthed the words "Oh my god."

"Carlos get up it's not an earthquake." He quickly crawled out and gave me a confused look.

"Then what is it?" I bit my lip to prevent myself from laughing.

"Kendall and Logan."

"Kendall and Logan…?" I rolled my eyes and threw up my hands. He couldn't really be that naïve.

"Carlos, their f-"

* * *

"Fucking tight." Kendall tightened his hold on my hips to the point of causing pain then thrust in powerfully. I quickly placed my hand on the headboard in front of me and let out a chocked scream as Kendall continued to thrust frantically. I knew I was going to be hurting later considering Kendall was bulldozing forward thrusting as deep and as hard as he possible could. I didn't care though. He was hitting my prostate perfectly setting my body on fire with pleasure. I found myself begging for him to go faster and harder even if I already knew that couldn't be possible.

Amazingly he started thrusting harder anyway. I arched my back and let out a pathetic moan; the force of his thrusts pushing my hips against the bed. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I couldn't keep myself up any longer. I fell flat against the bed my hips arching as Kendall slowed down his thrusts suddenly. My eyes rolled slowly as he thrust in slowly then pulled back out repeating the same motion. He was trying to tease me now and it was working. Kendall leaned forward so his body was completely over mine as bit my ear.

"Want more Logie?" He suddenly thrust hard making me gasp and moan. I nodded my head frantically and attempted to thrust against him. Kendall had his full wait on top of me though so I was unable to move much. I let out a whine and reached back to grab at Kendall's hip.

"Kendall uhhh…" He thrust in slowly and kept his hips pressed firmly against mine. I let out a moan as the head of his dick pressed firmly against my prostate.

That seemed to do it for Kendall. His weight was suddenly gone and he was flipping me over. I let out a whimper and instinctively spread my legs wide as he ran his hands up my stomach and pushed back in. I gripped on to the comforter tightly and let out a gasp. As Kendall started thrusting at a steady pace I laid my head back against the bed my eyes fluttered and my mouth fell open. As he grabbed my hips and picked up his pace I tightened my hold on the sheets below us and began panting and moaning louder and more rapidly.

"Kendall. Shit Kendall." Kendall groaned as his grip tightened making me wince. That disappeared from my mind when Kendall delivered a hard thrust. He continued at a fast pace until we were both moaning and groaning and frantically thrusting against each other. I wrapped my arms around Kendall's neck and pulled him closer as I felt myself getting close. I fisted my fingers in Kendall's hair as he buried his face in my neck and thrust erratically.

When my orgasm finally hit my eyes fluttered open and my body tensed. I moaned and grunted as our stomachs were painted white. Kendall continued to thrust into me erratically helping me through my orgasm. I could feel my entrance pulsating around him making my legs twitch with the sensation. A few more thrusts after I came Kendall let out a grunt and came as well. I whimpered my eyes fluttering as Kendall filled my body with his seed. We were both panting heavily as we came down from our highs. My eyes were closed but I could feel Kendall planting soft kisses on my face. His hands lightly moved over my sides, hips and thighs. I let out a content sigh as my hands moved lightly over his back. When I opened my eyes Kendall smiled down at me then lightly kissed my forehead.

"Now that…" I let out a content sigh." Was amazing." Kendall chuckled as he placed another kiss to my head.

"I wasn't too rough was I?" I giggled as I reached up to push back Kendall's sweaty hair.

"Ask me again in the morning." Kendall laughed before leaning up and slowly pulling out. I couldn't help but grimace as he pulled his soft member out of my overly abused entrance. I was already starting to feel sore. When Kendall noticed he gave me a guilty look but I smiled and quickly kissed him. "Don't worry I'm fine." Kendall nodded then stood.

"Wait here." I nodded and watched as he quickly walked to the bathroom and disappeared inside. I heard the sound of shuffling and the sink being turned on for a moment then off again before Kendall walked back into the room. He was holding two wash clothes. He was using one to wipe the cum off his stomach as he walked over. When he reached the bed I went to take the other from him but he ignored me and began cleaning me off himself. I blushed as he wiped my stomach clean then cleaned between my legs.

"I told you I was fine." Kendall laughed as he threw the wash clothes into the hamper by the bed.

"I know I just didn't want to hurt you." I rolled my eyes and sat up. I kissed him again before standing up. I tried not to wince when I felt pain in my backside but Kendall still noticed.

"Oh Logie…"

"Kendall stop. That was the best sex we've ever had and the pain is totally worth it." When Kendall gave a cocky smirk I looked away and blushed.

"I was really that god huh?" I wanted to make a sarcastic remark but instead I let out a sigh and just went with it. I rather he have an inflated ego then feel guilty.

"Incredible." Kendall smirked as he turned to walk over to his dresser.

"You're welcome." I rolled my eyes and slowly walked to my own dresser. I pulled on a t-shirt and sweatpants the idea of crawling into bed and going to sleep making him tired. When I turned around and walked back to my bed Logan was already there waiting for me. When he lifted the blanket I crawled under then clung to him. I let out a sigh as I relaxed against the bed and closed my eyes. Kendall tightened his hold around me and kissed the top of my head.

"Goodnight Kendall I love you." I felt Kendall kiss my head again.

"Goodnight Logan I love you too."

* * *

I was jolted awake to a door being slammed. I quickly sat up only to regret it a moment later when pain shot up my spine. I whimpered in pain and shifted so I wasn't sitting on my aching backside. I looked down at Kendall who was still sleeping peacefully. I smiled and was ready to lay back down when are bedroom door opened scaring the crap out of me. I let out a scream without thinking causing Kendall to be jolted away. He somehow jumped over me to land face first on the floor. I didn't even have time to see if he was ok because I was being lifted off the bed and pulled into a tight hug.

"Logan my baby are you ok?" I let out an annoyed sound and tried to pull away from my mom who only tightened her arms around me.

"Mom!" She pulled away and cupped my face.

"Are you ok? We heard what happened and came home as soon as we could!"

"Mom I'm ok. I swear. Everything's taken care of." She looked at me for a moment before letting out a sigh and nodding.

"Ok." When we heard a groan we looked down at Kendall who was still lying on the floor. My mom raised her eyebrows then quickly turned to leave the room. I shook my head and laughed a little as I slowly bent down to help Kendall off the floor.

"You ok Kendall?" When he sat up he rubbed the back of his head.

"Yea my face broke my fall." I gave him a sympathetic smile then kissed his cheek. After another moment we both stood. When I felt pain again I couldn't help but whimper. "Man I really did a number on you."

"Is that guilt or are you gloating."

"Little of both." I rolled my eyes and slapped Kendall's chest. I took Kendall's hand and lead him out of our bedroom. James and Carlos were already up and were sitting at the table eating breakfast with Katie, Mrs. Knight, and my mom. As soon as Mrs. Knight saw us she stood and made a plate of pancakes and bacon for us.

"I'm glad you boys are ok." Mrs. Knight ran her fingers through Kendall's hair and kissed the top of his head as she placed a plate in front of him. "We were so worried about you boys." Kendall gave his mom a reassuring smile after he stuffed some pancake into his mouth.

"We're fine mom." Mrs. Knight stared at Kendall for a moment just like my mom had done. She eventually sighed and sat back down to continue eating breakfast with the rest of us. Now that their worries had been put behind them Mrs. Knight and my mom told us about their trip back to Minnesota. They had seen so many of our old friends who constantly asked about us. They also managed to have enough time to spend time with Carlos and James parents. Carlos and James were very happy to hear that their parents sent messages back with Mrs. Knight, Katie, and my mom about how much they missed and loved them.

When we were done Carlos, James, Kendall and I decided to get dressed and head down to the pool. It had been a while since we all lounged around in our favorite chairs and considering all that we've gone through it would be nice to just relax for a day. When we got down to the lobby everyone seemed more quiet and hesitant. Those who had been to the concert were still in shock about what happened and those who hadn't been there were standing together talking amongst themselves about what had gone on. A few people asked how we were holding up and of course we each said we were fine.

"How long do you think it will take before everyone is talking about something else?" James laid back on the lounge chair and folded his arms behind his head.

"I give it a week." Carlos nodded doing the same as him. I went to sit in my usual chair but Kendall pulled me down to sit on the same one with him. Of course I sat down wrong and let out a little yelp. As Kendall apologized profusely Carlos and James gave me a questioning look.

"What?" James narrowed his eyes in though before a sudden smirk formed on his face.

"Oh I see. Can't say I'm surprised. I hope you know the picture in the hallway fell over because of you two." James began to snicker as I quickly turned away from him feeling my face heat up. When I heard Kendall let out a laugh of his own I glared at him. He put up his hands in defense then kissed me in apology.

We laid silently for a long time only talking when someone came by and struck up a conversation with us. At some point Carlos left to chase after the Jennifers but ended up coming back a few minutes later with a hand mark on his face. When Rachael walked back a few minutes later James followed after her. He didn't return for thirty minutes and the smirk on his face was a clear indication that he had been more successful then Carlos had been. Carlos let out an annoyed sigh and slumped back against the chair.

"You make everything look so easy." James smirked and shrugged his shoulders.

"What can I say it's a gift." I laughed and shook my head my smile only falling when I noticed someone walking towards us. My body must have shown my discomfort because Kendall was opening his eyes and looking in the same direction I was within seconds.

"Jo?" She stood at the end of the lounge chair awkwardly. She offered a small wave and gave us a smile.

"Hey Kendall… can we talk?" He looked at me to see if it was ok. I let out a sigh and nodded even if I didn't really want him talking to her. I may have forgiven Jo and I may have more of an understanding of what was going through her head the idea of Kendall doing anything with Jo just really bothers me. I couldn't help it.

Kendall slowly stood glancing at me a couple of times before he disappeared into the lobby with Jo. I tried to see where they went but they disappeared around the corner. I let out a sigh and crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't want to admit it but I hated the idea of Kendall being anywhere near Jo. It made me feel horrible and I questioned what her motives where and what Kendall might end of doing because of her. I knew I could trust Kendall but I still couldn't help it.

"You ok Logan?" I glanced at Carlos and nodded. He stared at me for a moment before sitting up with a sigh.

"You have no reason to be…"

"I'm not jealous." When Carlos gave me a look I sighed.

"Ok … maybe a little."

"You have no reason too." Before I could say anything James piped in from his spot behind Carlos.

"Yea, just remember Kendall goes to your bed at night not her's."

"James!" He sat up and gave me a confused look.

"What?"

"You didn't have to make that kind of reference."

"I wasn't. You're the one with the dirty mind who thought I was referring to your sex life. If you want to think about that then yes Kendall fucks you not Jo so you have no reason to be jealous."

"Damn it James." James and Carlos laughed. I shook my head and ignored them. Instead I focused on Kendall who was just making his way back over to us. I watched him expectantly as he laid back down on the lounge chair then wrapped his arms around my waist. "What did she want?"

"She's leaving the Palm Woods."

"Really? Why?"

"She got a three year movie deal and has to move to New Zealand." I nodded then fell silent as I thought that over. I felt bad that I was a little relieved she would be living but then again she was given a great movie deal so I didn't really feel that bad.

"Why did she tell you that?" When Kendall hesitated I sat up to look down at him. "Well?"

"She just wanted to talk… She needed closer I guess. She wanted to make sure I didn't hate her." I nodded in understanding then laid back down so my head was on Kendall's chest. I absentmindedly ran my fingers over Kendall's chest and thought about all that had gone on. It was strange that I was so ok with what we just experienced. Except for one nightmare the whole experience wasn't really at the forefront of my mind. It made moving on so much easier.

When it started getting late we decided to go back up to the apartment. Mrs. Knight and my mom had dinner already made and they were just getting ready to send Katie down to get us.

"Oh good you boys are here." Mrs. Knight set plates on the table with food on it. We all thanked them for dinner then sat down and ate. This time the conversation was more focused on what happened here. We tried to stay away from everything that would make Mrs. Knight and my mom worry to much but we couldn't avoid the concert for long. Once we were done the expressions on their faces made them look like they would never let us out of their sights again.

When dinner was done Mrs. Knight and my mom stayed in the kitchen talking while Katie disappeared into her room. James, Carlos, Kendall and I decided to end a nice day of relaxing with a movie night. Kendall and I got popcorn and soda while James and Carlos picked a movie and turned it on.

"What movie did you pick?" I sat down on the couch then cuddled with Kendall. James was stretched out next to me his head resting were the couch bent. Carlos was on the other side of the couch hanging upside down.

"We picked The Rundown." I nodded at Carlos and rested my head against Kendall's chest. Thirty minutes into the movie I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I shifted then grabbed my phone. I took a glance at the caller ID then looked at it again hard. My eyes widened as I held my phone closer to my face.

_Call from Grandma._

**A/N: I don't see this story lasting much longer. Maybe a few more chapters then I'm moving on. I'm thinking two or three. Three might be stretching it so I'll have to see. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **

**There is more to come. **


	44. happy ending

**A/N: I'm sure you all know that "2 kool 2 spell 'kool' right," Rachel, committed suicide. "BeckyBanana" and several others wrote stories dedicated to her and I think it would be a good idea to write a review for them whether you knew Rachel or not. All her friends and family could use the support. Everyone here is still feeling the shock and sadness including myself. I only spoke with Rachel a few times and she reviewed several of my stories. She was a good person and it makes me sad to think I never got a chance to get to know her better. All we can do right now is support each other. **

"_**The journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back and all turns to silver glass. And then you see it. White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise."**_

_**-Tolkien**_

**I always liked this description of heaven and I hope it's like this for everyone who journeys there.**

**Rest in peace Rachel you never deserved to suffer and I can only hope that you're looking down on all of us with a smile on your face.**

When I sat up suddenly I could feel Kendall's eyes on me. He looked over my shoulder at the caller ID his face becoming concerned when he realized who it was.

"Are you going to answer it?" I bit my lip looking from my phone to Kendall. It was going to stop ringing soon so I had to decide now. I nodded and stood to walk towards the bedroom. I took Kendall's hand and brought him with me. As soon as we were in our room I shut the door and answered the phone.

"H-hello?" There was hesitation on the other line before my grandmother spoke.

"_Hello Logan."_

"Grandma, it's… nice to hear from you." When she didn't say anything I spoke again. "May I ask why you're calling?"

"_Yes of course. Your grandfather and I heard what happened… at your concert. We wanted to make sure you were ok."_

"You did?" When Kendall gave me a questioning look I held up my hand signaling him to give me a minute. This was all a little confusing and I couldn't process the information properly if Kendall was being so annoying. My grandmother sighed on the other line before speaking.

"_Logan, I know the last time your grandfather and I spoke to you we weren't on the best of terms. But we raised you since you were a baby and you're family. It may not seem like it but we still love you, even if we don't exactly agree with your life choices." _I let out a shaky sigh and nodded.

"I… understand." I can't say that I really did. "Thanks for calling." Before I could say goodbye my grandmother spoke.

"_I'm not sure if you would agree to this but I was hoping we could regain communication with each other. Even if it's just a phone call every now and then."_ I bit my lip hesitating for a moment. I thought back to all the problems with my grandparents and just thinking of that alone made me want to say no. I realized though that they, or at least my grandmother, were trying to regain ties with me and my mom. She was trying and the fact that she even wanted to talk to me was a major improvement.

"Ok." I heard her let out a relieved sigh.

"_Ok great. Tell your mother I said hi."_

"K, bye." I hung up as soon as she said goodbye and placed my phone back in my pocket. I was silent for a moment thinking the last few minutes over before I was interrupted by a hand being placed on my shoulder. Kendall's face was full of concern as he searched my face for any hints as to what had just gone on.

"Are you ok?" I nodded as a small smile formed on my face.

"She just wanted to know if I was ok. She wants be a part of my life again." Kendall narrowed his eyes and turned his head slightly looking uncertain. I understood why; I was just as uncertain as he was.

"Are you sure that's a good idea." I shook my head.

"No, but she's trying… that's something right?" Kendall let out a sigh and nodded. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I leaned my head against his shoulder and let out a content sigh as I closed my eyes. Everything was falling back into place. Soon I think I'll actually be able to say that my life is normal again; as normal as it can be anyway. Before all this happened my form of normal was never seeing my mother, having to deal with controlling grandparents, and watching Kendall love someone else. My new form of normal was going to be seeing my mom as much as I want, hopefully forming a better relationship with my grandparents, and Kendall loving me. That was a normal I could get used to.

After a moment there was a knock on the bedroom door. I pulled away from Kendall then grabbed the handle to pull open the door. James and Carlos were standing on the other side looking rather concerned.

"You guys ok? You disappeared without saying anything." I gave Carlos a reassuring smile making him relax.

"Yea, everything is fine. Why don't we go back into the living room to watch the rest of the movie?" Carlos nodded before running back towards the living room. James seemed to hesitate as he looked over Kendall and me.

"Who called you?"

"My grandmother." James eyebrows raised suddenly in surprise then furrowed with worry and slight anger. Before he could say anything I held up my hand interrupting him. "Don't worry she wasn't trying to cause any drama. She heard what happened and she wanted to make sure I was ok." James licked his lips before setting them in a line as he nodded. Now that was put behind him he smiled his trade mark smile and lead the way back to the living room where Carlos was waiting for us impatiently.

"Come on its just getting to the good part!" Kendall, James, and I laughed as we got back into our original seats. When I leaned back to lean against Kendall I looked up at him. When our eyes locked we both smiled. So much love and emotion was in Kendall's eyes it made my heart flutter and my body tingle. I pecked him on the lips then laid my head on his chest.

* * *

"Good luck Jo." Camille and Jo hugged tightly knowing they weren't going to see each other for a long time. When Camille pulled away she had tears in her eyes. "Make sure you text me I want to know everything about New Zealand." Jo let out a laugh and nodded. When Camille stepped to the side Jo hesitated before walking over towards us. She hugged James and Carlos first who both offered their own goodbyes. When she stood in front of me it was extremely awkward. I was the one who stole Kendall from her after all.

She gave me a quick awkward hug before moving on to Kendall. I could see sadness in her eyes when she looked up at him. She still cared about him and I felt my body tense when she reached her hand out and placed it on Kendall's arm. Kendall gave her a small smile before he pulled her in for a hug. Jo wrapped her arms around Kendall's neck and laid her head on his chest like I always do. I couldn't help but feel jealous at the exchange especially since she held on to long for my liking. When they pulled apart Jo still had her hand on Kendall's arm.

"Goodbye Kendall." Kendall gave Jo a small nod.

"Bye Jo." She hesitated for a moment before stepping away from us. After walking past airport security she looked back at all of us before continuing through the airport. Camille waved bye to Jo once more before slowly turning to leave. Kendall wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed the side of my head as we followed her out. He must have sensed how tense I was at his exchange with Jo and was trying to reassure me. He didn't need to though. I know how Kendall felt about me. I could feel it every time he kissed me and every time he held me close to him.

When we got outside Mrs. Knight's van was parked outside. We all climbed into the car James closing the sliding door because he was the last one in. The ride back to the Palm Woods was silent. Camille was sitting in the front seat texting. I had heard that she and Steve were going out again. I was happy that she wasn't clinging to her relationship with me like Jo was clinging to Kendall. She was the coolest girl I knew.

"Logie." I looked up at Kendall with a questioning look. He was smiling brightly at me and I could tell he was excited about something.

"Yea?"

"You remember what next week is right?" I tilted my head to the side in thought as I racked my brain for what it was. When Kendall raised an eyebrow and his smile formed into a smirk it dawned on me.

"Our one year anniversary." Kendall nodded and chuckled.

"Good you remembered. Be prepared I am going to make it the best day ever. I really need to make up for our… last anniversary." I gave Kendall a smile.

"But you already did." Kendall shrugged.

"I guess but we need to have a good anniversary this time. And since I ruined the last one you just sit back while I set everything up." I bit my lip trying to hide my smile. I felt my stomach flutter with growing excitement.

"Ok." I kissed Kendall's cheek and leaned my head against his chest. "I love you Kendall."

"I love you too Logie."

* * *

Kendall POV:

I set my alarm to go off at six the day of our anniversary. As soon as the buzzing woke me up I shut it off so it wouldn't wake Logan. I waited a second in the silence and when Logan didn't make any movement I let out a sigh. He was lying on my chest with his hand fisting the material of my shirt. I felt a smile come to my face as I watched him sleeping peacefully. I couldn't help but lift my hand and run my finger over his face. His brow furrowed and his nose twitched before he let out a sigh and pulled himself closer to me. Why I didn't realize Logan meant so much to me sooner I understood less and less every day. Everything he did made me react in some way I wondered if he knew how crazy he drove me.

Whenever he smiled I felt my heart swell. His voice made my body tingle and the fact that his eyes sparkled more than ever brought me so much comfort and peace. He was happy. I made him happy.

I knew I couldn't waste time so I slowly and reluctantly climbed out of bed. The only thing that seemed to change with Logan's state was a frown formed on his face the moment I was gone. It was unbelievable sometimes how much he cared for me. That made me want to make today even more special.

I dressed quickly and wrote my mom a note and left the apartment. All my plans were basically done. I had a restaurant reservation ready, which I checked on almost an hourly basis. I needed everything to go perfectly and I didn't want anything to go wrong. I also had a hotel reservation, which I also checked several times. I nearly gave an arm and a leg to pay for the best room but I didn't care Logan deserved the absolute best. I was even able to check out the room on a virtual tour. It was perfect.

The rest of what needed to be done I had on a neat list I made with Logan's mom. It was extremely awkward considering I had to tell her I was taking Logan to a hotel to have sex with him but it's not like she didn't already know. When she was done helping me she had given me a serious look and told me not to hurt her son. I knew I could never do that. I absolutely refuse to hurt him anymore. I had to be the person he could trust and confide in. I loved him too much to be the person to hurt him.

When I didn't reach my destination until eight. It was the only store I could find that had exactly what I wanted at the perfect price so the long drive was well worth it. The doors were just opening when I pulled into the parking lot so when I walked into the store I was the first one there. The man working there was turning on the lights in the display case when I walked in.

"Wow, my first costumer already. What can I do for you?" I walked up to the counter as I looked inside the display case to see if the ring I wanted was there.

"Yea, I saw a particular promise ring on your website." I took a piece of paper out of my pocket and handed it to the man. He looked at it for a moment then a smiled formed on his face.

"Ah, yes I know this ring. It doesn't sell that well but I have to say it's one of the best one here." I nodded with a smile. I spent hours looking over every ring on that website. I already knew. He walked across the room to a different display case and used his key to open it. He reached inside and pulled out an open box. The ring was sitting in the middle. He handed it to me and I held it close to my face to get a better look. I smiled when I realized it looked even better then the picture.

It was a simple gold band with no bumps or ridges except for the three diamonds on the outside. When I lifted it out of the box to look at the inside there was letters engraved that read _I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine._

"I'll take it." The man nodded. I bought two rings; one for Logan and one for myself. I bought the gold one for Logan and a duplicate silver ring for myself so we wouldn't get them mixed up somehow. When I left the store I slipped the silver one on my finger and kept the gold one in its box.

The traffic getting back was a nightmare. It was around the time everyone would be driving to work so I didn't get back until after eleven. It didn't matter though I was still on schedule. I had to thank Katie for telling me to give myself a few hours just in case. When I made it to my next destination I pulled into the parking lot and as soon as I was in a spot I pulled out my phone to text Logan. He should be awake by now and was probably wondering where I was.

_Hey Logie, I left something for you in your top dresser. Start getting ready. I'm going to pick you up at five o'clock."_

_-Kendall_

I received a reply almost immediately making me laugh. He must have been staring at his phone since the minute he realized I was gone. He had been waiting with anxious anticipation for today since the minute I told him that I wanted to make it the best night ever.

_Ok. I can't wait. Love you._

_-Logan._

I sent a message back right away.

_Love you too._

_-Kendall._

I put my phone back in my pocket and hesitantly climbed out of the car. This place wasn't as easy to walk into as the ring shop. I was just happy I still managed to get here pretty early so there wasn't anyone around. As soon as I walked inside I went straight to the back keeping my head down with my hands in my pocket. I noticed the shop owner glance at me for a moment but I didn't pay attention.

I was lucky enough to walk into the ail I needed to be in so I stopped in front of the self and looked over all the different products. This store also had a website and when I found the package I was looking for I quickly grabbed it and went to the counter. As soon as I paid I left the store and placed the bag in the trunk.

It was now almost eleven thirty. I got back in the car and drove to the hotel to get everything ready. The room was on the top floor and when I walked inside it was exactly how it should have looked without anything out of place. I went straight to the bedroom and placed the package on a chair by the bed. I then placed the ring in the nightstand so I wouldn't have to worry about losing it when our clothes started to come off.

When I finished setting everything up I left the hotel and drove back to the Palm Woods. I still had one more thing to do but I could bring the car with me. There were only a few hours left. I was so ready for tonight.

* * *

Logan POV:

It was ten minutes before five when Kendall was supposed to be picking me up. I was sitting on the couch nervously as I waited for the last few minutes to tick by. I was the only one left in the apartment. My mom and Mrs. Knight had to go out somewhere, James and Carlos went down to the pool, and Katie was sick of me pacing around and distracting her.

I didn't want to be nervous but for some reason I was. I was going crazy trying to figure out what Kendall might be planning and I was worried that everything would go wrong. I hadn't gotten a text from Kendall since earlier in the day so in the back of my mind I couldn't help but worry that he wasn't going to show up. Everything else seemed to be going fie so far. When Kendall texted me saying he had something for me I ended up finding a suit in top drawer. There were even dress shoes and black socks to go with it. Kendall was obviously going all out.

At five o'clock on the dot there was a knock on the door. I wondered for a moment why Kendall would knock but then I pushed that thought away I was too excited to care. When I threw open the door Kendall was standing with a black suit on holding bouquet of roses. I bit my lip to hide my giant smile as I felt my face begin to heat up.

"Hi Kendall."

"Hi." Kendall handed me the flowers then pulled me close to give me a soft kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck a smile forming on my face. It was so good to have him close again. When Kendall pulled away I pouted. He chuckled and kissed the tip of my nose. "Save that for later. Let's go." I nodded and quickly put the flowers in a vase before leaving with Kendall. He was holding my hand as he dragged me towards the lobby and out of the building. The first thing I saw was a black town car with a driver standing next to it waiting for us. I let out a breath before looking at Kendall.

"Oh Kendall…" He didn't let me finish a simply took my hand again and brought me over to the car. The driver opened the back door for us nodding his head as we climbed in. The back seat was rather roomy with white leather seats the sunk comfortably under my weight. We were pulling away from the Palm Woods immediately and I could feel my stomach flipping with excitement. "So what are we doing?" Kendall smirked.

"Well first we are going to eat and then we're spending the weekend at a hotel." My eyes widened in surprise.

"Really? The whole weekend?" Kendall nodded.

"Yep." I couldn't help but squeal a little as I wrapped my arm around Kendall's neck and kissed him deeply.

"Thank you Kendall." Kendall laughed into the kiss pulling away only to kiss my forehead.

"You deserve it." When we got to the restaurant I thanked the driver before taking Kendall's hand as we walked inside. The restaurant was beautiful. The lights were dimmed to give a romantic feel but there was still plenty o light coming from a giant window that faced the ocean. Next to the window were two large white couches and an arm chair that formed a circle. Separating the lounge area from the dining area were strings of crystal hanging from the ceiling to the floor. They were formed around the rights so the top of the crystals shined and twinkled brightly.

When we walked over to the host she smiled brightly and sat up attentively.

"Hello may I help you." Kendall smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Yes we have a reservation under Knight." She nodded and checked the computer before standing from her chair and smiling.

"Follow me." She led us over to a table next to the window then set our menus down before leaving. Kendall reached across the table to take my hand. I grasped it tightly a large smile forming on my face.

"Thank you for everything Kendall." I looked around the restaurant a let out a breath. "This is all so wonderful." Kendall smiled.

"I'm glad you like it." I nodded.

"I do." I turned away from Kendall when the waiter walked over. He held a notepad close to his chest as he looked between us with a smile.

"Welcome to the Crystal Sunrise. Can I start you gentlemen off with some drinks?" I nodded.

"A coke please." The waiter nodded and looked towards Kendall.

"Same for me." He nodded and stepped away from the table. Once he was gone I looked down at the menu skimming through it. I couldn't help but notice everything was a little pricey so I tried to find the cheapest thing on the menu.

"Logan." I looked up at Kendall who was giving me a look.

"What?"

"If you order Mac and cheese I'll have to punish you." I bit my lip feeling a blush come to my face.

"I may do that just so you'll have to punish me." Kendall leaned forward his eyes growing dark with lust. I felt my body shiver and I shifted as I felt suddenly aroused.

"Don't tempt me Logan." He growled out. My eyes fluttered and I let out a quiet moan. As soon as I realized what I did I coughed to try and cover it up. Kendall obviously noticed though because he sat back with a smug smile on his face. Before I could say anything the waiter came back over with our drinks.

"Are you ready to order?" Kendall nodded.

"Can I have the The London burger, Grafton cheddar, and fries?"(1) He nodded then looked towards me. I went to open my mouth but when a suddenly thought occurred to me I smirked glancing at Kendall for a moment before looking at the waiter.

"Can I have the same except instead of fries can I have Mac and cheese?" The waiter raised an eyebrow but nodded." When I handed him the menu I looked at Kendall who was glaring at me playfully. I knew I would pay for that later and it sent all my nerves on fire.

Kendall didn't say anything about it though. He quickly dropped his glare and replaced it with a smile. As we waited for our food we spoke about the last week and even going farther back to times we had back in Minnesota. We made sure to stay away from anything that could be particularly painful. Neither of us wanted to ruin the night with bad memories.

When the waiter returned he set the food down and walked away. I made sure Kendall was watching me as I took my first bit of the Mac and cheese. I was going to hurt tomorrow.

When we were done Kendall paid before leading me out of the restaurant. The car was still waiting for us outside and it wasn't long before we were pulling up to the hotel. I expected Kendall to walk straight inside but first he went to the trunk and pulled out a duffle bag.

"We'll need clothes." I nodded and smiled as I waited for Kendall to pay the driver. We went inside and went straight up to the top floor. We walked down a short hall before coming to the room. Kendall opened the door then allowed me to walk in first. My mouth fell open as I took in our surroundings.

The room was spacious with an open kitchen to the right and a lounge area to the left. The couches and chairs were varieties of blues and blacks that gave the room a cool feeling. There was a door on the far side of the room that I guessed led to the bedroom. That thought made my body tingle as I turned to Kendall who was locking the door. When he turned to me his eyes were dark with lust again. I gasped when he walked over to me quickly and pulled me into a deep kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and moaned when he forced his tongue into my mouth. I could feel myself becoming aroused quickly. The anticipation for this moment had been too much for me.

"Logan I love you." I moaned when Kendall pulled away to suck on my neck. I tilted my head to the side and fisted Kendall's jacket as he nibbled on my neck.

"I love you too." I fisted the ends of Kendall's jacket and ripped it off him. He quickly did the same to me then began to unbutton my shirt. I was afraid he would get impatient and rip it but he never did. Before he could pull it off he let out a frustrated growl when he realized he forgot to loosen my tie. He took his frustration out on my neck as he bit down harder. I let out a yelp which turned into a pleasured whine. When he finally got my shirt off he reluctantly allowed his hands to leave my body so he could take off his own. While I started on toe buttons he took off his tie. When our hands met halfway he took my shaking hands in his and held them for a moment as our passionate kissing became slow and meaningful. We stood still for a moment before I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled my hands away from Kendall and ripped his shirt off.

Next to go was our pants but before I could pull off Kendall's boxers he stopped me. I couldn't help but let out a whine of protest. Kendall smiled and kissed my cheek. Before I could even think he grabbed my thighs and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck as I buried my face in his neck. He brought me straight to the bedroom before gently lying me down on white cotton sheets.

I watched him with half lidded eyes as he walked away from the bed and over to a chair by the bed. There was a basket wrapped in plastic there. Like a gift basket. I sat up and watched him as he walked back over.

"What's that?"

"Just relax." Tonight is all for you." I nodded and watched as Kendall tour open the plastic. Before I could get an idea of what was inside he kissed me then turned me over so I was on my stomach. I tried to look back but Kendall pushed me to ly on the bed while he repeatedly told me to relax. I laid my head against the bed and listened to Kendall moving things around. I heard something lip a bottle being opened before something cold and wet touched my back. I let out a gasp and tried to look back but Kendall pushed against my shoulders. When he began messaging my back I completely relaxed and let out a long moan. Kendall chuckled as he straddled my legs so he could get better access. I could feel his hands working against my shoulders, then between them, then down to my lower back. I was in complete heaven.

"How is it Logan?" I let out a little moan.

"Amaaazzzinggg." Kendall let out a laugh as he needed my lower back.

"Good." Kendall ran his hands up my arms before finishing. He used a towel to whip the massage oil off my back then turned me back over. He attached our lips together for a moment before he was rummaging in the basket again. I was so relaxed I could care less what was in there. My head was resting against the pillows as I watched him pour something on his fingers and lean down to pepper kisses on my chest. It was a moment later when I felt Kendall's finger pocking at my entrance. I let out a gasp and thread my fingers through his hair.

"Kendall." He moaned as he brought my nipple into his mouth. I could feel his tongue rolling around the bud as his fingers began moving in and out of me. When he hit my prostate I let out a moan and lulled my head to the side. My heels dug into the comforter as I moved my hips against Kendall's hand. When he suddenly pulled his fingers out a let out a whimper.

"Hold on." A moment later he was pressing against my entrance again but it wasn't his finger and it wasn't his dick. It was long and flexible but it wasn't thick enough and it didn't feel like Kendall. Before I could question him Kendall crawled back up and attached our lips together. I clenched my entrance trying to get a feel for what it was when suddenly it was moving inside me. I could hear the all too familiar hum as I gasped and moaned. I racked my fingers down Kendall's back as the vibrator rattled inside me.

"Kendall what… _ngh!_" I could feel Kendall's smirk against my face as he continued to kiss my face.

"I thought you'd like that." Kendall ran his fingers down my chest slowly and teasingly. When he suddenly took hold of my member I grabbed onto Kendall tightly as my body convulsed with pleasure. He stroked it a few times before letting go and moving down farther. He took hold of the vibrator and began moving it in and out slowly. I bit my lip and held onto Kendall even tighter then vibrator was beginning to be too much.

"K-Kendall I think I'm gunna…" The vibration suddenly became stronger than ever and I couldn't help but cry out and moan. Kendall pressed it deep inside me as he attached his lips to my neck. I was screaming his name and shaking but he didn't even seem fazed. When I finally came I slammed my head back against the pillow and arched my back. I was gasping, groaning and moaning as cum covered my stomach.

When I finally came down from my orgasm Kendall turned off the vibrator then slowly pulled it out. I relaxed against the bed panting as I watched him put it back in the basket. He crawled on top of me and kissed my lips. I kissed back lazily as I still tried to recover. Kendall didn't seem to mind. He was very content with making out for a long time.

When I finally felt like I had enough energy I wrapped my legs around Kendall's waist and brought our hips together. Kendall let out a growl and nipped on my lip. When he pulled away he smirked at me.

"I need to punish you for earlier remember." I let out a moan and nodded. I brought our hips together again trying to egg Kendall on. He pulled away from me and sat up. He grabbed the bottle of lube he got and rubbed it on his member. He grabbed onto my thighs and pulled me down so I was closer to him. I fisted the pillow above my head as I watched him position himself. He smirked at me then suddenly thrust in.

"Kendall!" I opened my mouth and let out a moan as I was filled by Kendall. He didn't wait for me to adjust and began thrusting quickly. I tightened my hold on the pillow under my head as my mouth fell open with a silent scream. Kendall moved his hands to my waist and held on tightly as he picked up the force of his thrusts. I gasped when my prostate was hit perfectly. When I reached my hand out to touch Kendall he leaned forward so I could wrap my arms around his neck. Kendall leaned his forehead against mine so we could look into each other's eyes while he suddenly slowed down his thrusts.

Kendall began thrusting hard and slow. He pulled out slowly then thrust back in hard jolting my body forward. He'd then pull out again and repeat the motion. I would gasp with every thrust and tighten my hold on Kendall's back. I was unable to control myself it was just too good!

"Fuck Kendall! Fuck, fuck Kendall!" Kendall picked up the speed of his thrusting again moaning as I clenched around him. He buried his face in my neck and held onto me tightly. I knew he was getting close and so was I. I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and met every one of Kendall's thrusts. He growled in my ear and bit on my neck making me whimper.

It was becoming too much. I knew I was on the verge of exploding and experiencing the most amazing feeling of my entire life. Kendall continued to thrust and thrust and thrust making the feeling build and build and build until I was a begging horny bitch. Kendall suddenly pulled away from my neck so he could look down at me. The uncontrollable lust in his eyes set me off. I screamed and sunk my nails into his back as I exploded. My body tensed up and my legs locked around Kendall's waist as I came. Kendall continued to thrust in and out of my entrance rapidly helping me through it. My entrance convulsed and pulsed as my stomach was covered with come.

Eventually Kendall couldn't hold out any longer. His hips stuttered and he let out a serious of grunts and groans as Kendall emptied inside of me. I let out a moan as Kendall filled me to the brim. He thrusts shallowly a few more times before collapsing on top of me. I let my legs fall to the side and dropped my arms so they were lying on the pillow next to my head. My body felt like jelly and every muscle seemed impossible to move.

Kendall and I were panting heavily as we tried to recover. It was harder to breath with all of Kendall's weight on me but I wasn't about to make him move. I wanted him to stay their as long as possible. When I finally felt like my limbs were moveable again I lifted my hand and ran it through Kendall's hair. He was covered in so much sweat it stayed plastered back as I swept my fingers through his hair. Kendall leaned up on his elbows and looked down at me with a huge smile. He leaned down and peppered kisses all over my face before attaching our lips together again. After a few minutes of lazy kissing Kendall pulled away then slowly pulled out. He laid down next to me on his side so I rolled over to face him. I laid my head against the pillow and let out a content sigh.

We just looked at each other for a long time. Kendall cupped my face and rubbed my cheek with his thumb before speaking.

"I love you. I love you so much." I smiled and leaned into his touch.

"I love you too." Kendall bit his lip seeming to hesitate before he rolled away from me. I watched him confused as he reached into the nightstand and searched for something before turning back over. When Kendall sat up I saw up as well. He took his hand in mine and squeezed it making me nervous.

"I got us something and I wanted to wait until now to give it to you." I nodded and watched him closely. "I can't imagine being with anyone but you Logan. I can't believe I ever was with anyone else." I felt my face heat up as Kendall spoke.

"I can't imagine being with anyone else either." Kendall smiled seeming to be reassured.

"Good. I don't think we're old enough to get engaged but…" Kendall pulled a small velvet box from behind his back making me gasp. He opened it to reveal a golden promise ring. "Consider this a pre-engagement ring." I felt my eyes beginning to burn as I shaking lifted my hand without saying anything. Kendall took the ring out of the box and put it on my finger. I noticed for the first time that Kendall was wearing a matching ring in silver.

"Oh Kendall." I let out let out a laugh as I felt tears roll down my face. Kendall lifted his hand to whip the tears away before pulling me into a tight embrace. I held on to him tightly not wanting to let go. I whispered to him how much I loved him and he did the same. When we finally pulled away I wiped my face and laughed making Kendall laugh as well. "Oh god Kendall I love you so much." Kendall nodded.

"I love you too." We both stood from the bed then climbed under the covers. I immediately attached myself to Kendall's side feeling like those few seconds of no contact was too long. Kendall held onto me tightly as he kissed the top of me head. I let out a content sigh as I looked at the ring on my finger. I felt my heart swell and tears come to my eyes again.

I'm not going to lie and say I never dreamed of this moment. It wasn't exactly an engagement but being here with Kendall and having a ring on my finger meant so much to me. I felt complete, I felt whole, I felt loved. I knew I loved Kendall and I knew Kendall loved me but seeing an object that represented so much spoke volumes. It finally made me truly see that everything was going to turn out just like I wanted it. Everything was perfect and it was hard to believe what this had all started from.

Over a year ago Kendall walked into our bedroom looking for something. Back then it was only physical nothing more but now I know what it really was and I don't regret anything. I would do it all over again. Maybe not all of it but most of it… as long as it led me where I needed to be; to Kendall.

* * *

Just like we had planned we stayed in the hotel the entire weekend. The day after our anniversary I woke up to Kendall stroking my face. This of course led to a session of hot, rough morning sex, which then led to breakfast in bed, which then led to hot brunch sex, which led to a shower, and rough shower sex. So it was safe to say there was plenty of sex.

I loved all of that to death but I have to say the best moments were when we watched cuddled together and watched movies, or when we somehow ended up play fighting like kids again, or when we just sat on the floor and told each other what we loved about each other or something we've never told anyone not even each other.

Kendall was the perfect gentlemen the entire time making me forget the rest of the world. No one existed outside of that hotel room so it was an adjustment when we had to leave Monday afternoon. Not only was I reminded that there were other people in the world I felt like I was a different person coming out. I felt more complete and happier.

When we got home and I got to see everyone else I felt even more complete. Everything was perfect. I had friends, family, and the love of my life by my side. Right now, I didn't need anything else.

**A/N: I guess this is the end of this story. I'm not sure if it is as good of an ending as I was hoping for but I just hope you enjoyed it because I enjoyed writing this. I'll be working on a series of one shots for the next while before I start another multi-chaptered story. **

**Again I want to extend my condolences to the friends and family of "2 kool 2 spell 'kool' right." And I dedicate this final chapter to her. **

**RIP Rachel. **

**(1): I took this from the menu of a Gordon Ramsay restaurant in LA. **

**There isn't more to come.**


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